Women’s sports in India are finding their toughest match taking place off-the-field and against an opponent that isn’t easily defeated — Helios, son of Hyperion and Theia (a.k.a. the sun).

The AFP reports that the captain of the Indian women’s cricket team says that the advancement of female sports is severely hindered by cultural aversion to dark-skinned brides.

“Most of the Indian men want to have a bride with a fair skin,” said captain Mamta Maben to the AFP. “Because of Indian men’s concept of beauty, so many talented players do not take up cricket because it is a gruelling sport and you are out in the sun for at least seven to eight hours.”

The much-maligned sun, which has been linked to everything from famine to skin cancer, replied with its usual foul-mouthed irreverence.

“I couldn‘t give a flying f**k about them Indian cricket b***hes. That’s right, I called them b***hes,” said the sun. “And once you puny humans destroy the ozone layer, you will all become my b***hes.”

What a jerk. Luckily, its comeuppance are in the works. Scientists expect the hot-tempered sun to burn out in 4-5 billion years. Then we’ll see who’s the b***h.

AFP/Yahoo!: Male desire for fair-skinned brides stumps women’s cricket in India
NASA: What keeps the sun burning?