In case there’s any confusion, adopting a child from India is nothing like buying an end table from Target — you do not get to return the former if he or she does not work out in your home.

Shockingly enough, there are otherwise intelligent and reasonable adults who do not grasp this distinction. On a recent episode of “Dr. Phil,” the underlying point needed to be drilled home to Melissa and Bobby, a married couple that adopted a child from India named AJ:

When they brought AJ home, things were not what they expected. “He did not want to be held by us. He would cry and kick and scream whenever we tried to hold him,” Melissa explains. “We’re kind of like, ‘What happened? Where did things go wrong?’ I do not love AJ and I wonder if I ever will.”

Melissa and Bobby also learned that AJ has special needs. “I feel resentful. I didn’t bargain for that,” says Melissa. “I’ve told him, ‘I wish we never adopted you,’ and I call him stupid. I thought I would grow to love him, but I feel like I’m forcing myself to love him.”

There are two things in this world that you just don’t f--k with:
1. Wu-Tang Clan (obviously)
2. Dr. Phil

The imposing Texan laid the smackdown on Melissa, and made hapless Bobby watch, ’cause that’s how Dr. Phil rolls:

“Do you have the right to be frustrated, scared, worried, doubtful, wondering? Absolutely you do, and that’s what the two of you can talk about. But as to this child, he didn’t choose to be with you, he didn’t choose to have this disease, he didn’t choose to have a scowl on his face, he didn’t choose to be afraid and not be able to connect with you — he didn’t choose any of that. He just is here. He’s just trying to survive and make it through. So the first thing we have to do is eliminate the negatives. You’ve got to stop the criticism, stop the discipline, stop the expression of frustration because children are so sensitive they pick that up. What he needs to know is, ‘I’m accepted,’ ‘I’m loved,’ ‘I belong,’ whether he’s earning it or not. He needs to feel unconditional love.”

If AJ’s not giving them the feedback they want, then they need to give it to each other. “It’s not his job to love you, it’s your job to love him,” Dr. Phil points out. “I promise you if you will do this and keep doing it, it will be fine.” He also notes that AJ’s behavior is situation specific because he does bond with other people. “So he’s picking up something from you that’s causing him to say, ‘I’m not safe here.’ And if you stop the negatives and introduce these positives with the idea that you do it until, this young man will begin to receive and respond and love.”

Luckily for Melissa and Bobby, they took Dr. Phil’s advice to heart, thus preventing the large-footed mammal from inserting his hoof into their collective asses:

“Most of the things Dr. Phil told us were really hard to hear,” admits Melissa. “I was feeling pretty angry at Dr. Phil, but the truth of the matter is, he told it the way it was and we needed to hear the truth from him. Since the show, we have changed our parenting style ... Recently AJ has told me that he loves me. He wants me to be happy. I never think about sending AJ back to India anymore.”

“The show was definitely a wake-up call,” says Bobby, who has seen a change in their son. “Now AJ has been initiating a lot of conversations. I’m very happy that AJ is my son.”

Despite the happy ending (for now), I feel this still underscores one absolutely fundamental truth — some jackasses just shouldn’t be allowed to raise children...or procreate...or drive on the 405 when it rains (sorry, that last one was totally personal).