Straight from your druggie aunties and uncles, here are some traditional recipes for Holi bhang. The Hindustan Times even tells you how to make pot laddoos and green halva!

Bhang, or cannabis, is freely associated with the splash of assorted Holi colours. During this season, bhang is prepared and served according to age-old traditions throughout the Himalayan foothills.

With a simple mortar and pestle, the buds and leaves of cannabis are squashed and ground into a green paste, to which milk, ghee and spices are added. This base can be mixed with the nutritious, refreshing drink, thandai… This can also be mixed with ghee and sugar to make a tasty green halvah, and into peppery, chewy little balls called [golis].

I’m cracking up just thinking of aunties hanging out around shady parks after midnight trying to score Shiva’s herb for their Holi parties. Mistress of Spices indeed. Like Bhang for Chocolate. Maybe desis’ popularity in stoner flicks is justified — I’ll never look at pista barfi the same way again.

The adult Holi is the desi Halloween, a day for masks, flirting and outrageous fun. Meanwhile, bhangra aficionados are busy denying that its name derives from bhang:

Cecil Beaton described the ‘concoction of milk of almonds, rosewater, carminum nuts and eight ingredients of which hashish, or Bhang, was the principal’. (‘One of the effects of Bhang,’ he further reported, ‘is that it makes everything appear humorous. Another is that strange things happen to one’s sense of time.’)

Brimful’s amphora runneth over as she tells a hilarious tale about an auntie, an airport and a dime bag:

… her brother-in-law, V mama, puts in his request, asks her to get him some of that stuff that goes into bhang. She puts it on the list, describes it exactly that way when she seeks it out in India.

So there she is, waiting in the customs line at Logan, carting along two rather young kids, bags filled to the point of bursting, and the customs inspector decides that her bags should be inspected…. The inspector does his thing, until he comes to a bag of dried leaves. “What’s this?” he asks.

At first, K mami doesn’t really know what to say… he asks, “Who asked you to bring this?” She just says that the bag is stuff that goes into bhang. The inspector calls over another official, and next thing you know, my mami is sitting in an interrogation room, getting ready to look at the wrong side of a jail cell. This is particularly crazy when you consider that my mami doesn’t even break 55 on the highway for fear of getting a ticket… The two kids have been escorted to their dad, M mama. Mass confusion abounds. M mama has no idea why his wife is in trouble, and his wife is similarly baffled, but neither of them can see each other.

V mama finally comes clean that maybe, just maybe that stuff that goes into bhang is an illegal substance… And then V mama says bhang has “merri-ju-wanna” in it.

Let’s just say, after that, V mama was not allowed to request anything from family members traveling to India.

Read the whole thing.

Here’s a similar hungama over kava, a traditional Fijian intoxicant:

Peni Basalusalu… served 30 days in San Mateo County Jail on a misdemeanor DUI charge after a CHP officer spotted the 41-year-old weaving between lanes and along the shoulder… Prosecutors said the Fiji-born Basalusalu had consumed three bowls of kava at a late-night gathering. When he was pulled over at 1:30 a.m., he failed roadside sobriety tests that measure reflexes and visual alertness.

So if you’re Fijian and desi, you’re spoiled for choice. And it’s all culturally approved!

Update: Shashwati says:

One Holi, I walked out in the streets of Delhi late in the afternoon. Not a soul was in sight in this densely crowded city, not a car, not a scooter. Everybody was sleeping off their marijuana binge. What a feeling, all of North India dreaming in a haze of cannabis!