Desis on U.K. ‘Apprentice’

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April 5, 2005

England’s magnificent Punjabi Boy alerts us to their home-brewed edition of “The Apprentice,” which features a pair of desi contestants. If you’re among the ladies who was turned off by our American Raj, check out the U.K. alternative:

Name: Raj
Age: 30
Qualifications: LLB Law (Hons).
Career: Internet entrepreneur, founder and managing director of an estate agency.
Hobbies: “I have no hobbies or interests - my total focus in on business.”
He says: “I’m an entrepreneur, not an angel.”

To quote Punjabi Boy, he’s a “complete dork.” Since American Raj is totally awesome, we win that round. But then our Raj’s awesomeness is easily trumped by the “feisty and sexy” Saira Khan:

Name: Saira
Age: 34
Qualifications: BA in Humanities, MA in Environmental Planning.
Career: Sales manager for an online recruitment company.
Facts: She runs marathons, loves diving, and speaks four Asian languages.
She says: “I hope that as an Asian woman I will give other Asian women the inspiration to go out there and do well in business.”

Indeed, it never fails: the British version of any television show is always better.

POSTED BY apul @ 11:26 PM

14 comments

1 · Ismat on April 6, 2005 1:40 AM · Direct link

Raj Bhakta was *not* totally awesome.

2 · Karaminder on April 6, 2005 3:08 AM · Direct link

I've been watching the Apprentice UK religiously. Saira definetely looks like a very strong contender.

And yes, Raj Dhanota is bumbling and un-commanding.

Bloody wicked show, download the episodes from UKNova. Just click my name.

3 · Punjabi Boy on April 6, 2005 7:34 AM · Direct link

As the magnificent Punjabi Boy I have elected myself to keep you informed with the progress of our representatives in the contest. By the way, the pictures here dont do justice to Saira. She doesnt wear glasses all the time and when she takes them off its like one of those fantasies, you know, where its like 'Why, Saira, I didnt realise you were so beautiful without your glasses.....'

4 · DesiDancer on April 6, 2005 9:37 AM · Direct link

UK Raj seems like an even bigger tool. No hobbies?? Gee that makes you sound like you're a delight to hang out with...

I think Punjabi Boy should represent instead!

5 · Punjabi Boy on April 6, 2005 10:59 AM · Direct link

DesiDancer

I would only win a disco-dancer competition or an eating competition but i am rubbish at business it is too cut throat. Like you have to be a salesman and I feel bad if I have to take money off someone I'd rather give stuff away for free. Plus I day dream too much to be a ball breaking business lout and I fantasise about secretary's too and because of this I wouldnt be able to concentrate on being a boss and firing people and shouting down the phone at idiots.

But I have always wanted to fire someone, give them a good bollocking and then say, 'You're a disgrace, get out of my sight, you're fired, you'll never work in this town again, I hate you, you're fired, I hate you'

6 · DesiDancer on April 6, 2005 1:31 PM · Direct link

Punjabi Boy- I think we should start a dance competition programme and you can be the judge as well as dance a feature number on every episode. Then you can dance AND give people a good firing in one setting!

7 · Manish Vij on April 6, 2005 1:54 PM · Direct link

DesiDancer: On one or on two?

8 · DesiDancer on April 6, 2005 2:46 PM · Direct link

Puntastic One- you mean BBC channels? Sadly I am deprived of knowing the difference between the two, truly, as I have to bear it and be thankful for BBC America that TWC offers.

9 · Punjabi Boy on April 6, 2005 2:53 PM · Direct link

DesiDancer

I will be like the desi Simon Cowell and swear at the contestants in Punjabi for being so stupid in their dance moves, especially if they make mistakes.

10 · Punjabi Boy on April 6, 2005 3:00 PM · Direct link

I would be merciless and cruel and show no mercy to all the whack dancers.

11 · DesiDancer on April 6, 2005 3:08 PM · Direct link

Punjabi Boy-
BRILLIANT! I get to be desi Paula Abdul, though. But taller and browner

12 · Punjabi Boy on April 6, 2005 5:18 PM · Direct link

Hello Americans

You will be happy to learn that in tonightâs episode our boy and girl were on the winning team. As a prize they were flown business class to Monaco to stay at a five star hotel in the penthouse suite for two days, whilst the losers were tortured by the boss man. They went to the casino and sexy Saira lost all her money and was later pictured sipping from a glass of champagne in a dressing gown and Gucci sunglasses on the balcony of the hotel room overlooking the Mediterranean. They also showed in this sequence at the end of the programme brief ten second clips of each of the winners receiving massages in the hotel spa. Raj was heard mumbling something with his face in the pillow about really enjoying it as a moustachioed Frenchman pummelled his back. What a back it is.

Much more pleasant was the sight of Saira being oiled and massaged with only a skimpy white towel for modesty as she wallowed in the luxury she deserved. It must have been worth all the thappars she might be receiving for such besharam from her Pakistani family in Birmingham when they watched that clip tonight.

13 · S on April 8, 2005 10:12 AM · Direct link

Guys, you don't seriously fancy this obnoxious, gobby, less than attractive battleaxe who has no respect for others? Yes, she can sell, sell, sell, but I bet she couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery. Still, I must fly the flag, may she win blah blah...

14 · Kenan on April 13, 2005 2:54 PM · Direct link

It took 13 comments before i found someone who shares my loathing of that patronising, annoying, witless self-promotor Saira.
"You are a Muslim, I am a Muslim, so you must buy flowers from me..." *drags old lady offscreen*
And the next week, I think those Sikh gentlemen on the Tottenham Court Rd gave them a free digital box JUST to get her to shut up and leave their shop.
Charlie Brooker expresses my feelings perfectly in this week's Guardian Guide:

"Saira is a self-professed business supremo who endlessly babbles about her brilliant vision, drive and inter-personal intuition. By her reckoning, these are three great business skills, although she may be doing herself a disservice, because judging by her progress, she possesses four key business skills: "missing the point", "bullshitting", "hectoring" and "backstabbing". Above all, though, she's patronising. If Saira spoke to an unborn foetus through a stethoscope for five minutes, it'd come away feeling somehow demeaned by the encounter.

The Apprentice being what it is, the stage is set for an ultimate showdown between Saira and Sir Alan Sugar, who, as he reminds us in the opening titles each week, "can't stand bullshitters". It's got to happen soon - Saira's managed to cock things up more than anyone else, yet has miraculously escaped dismissal week after week. At this rate, she'll win - thereby turning the show into one long hideous parable about the inexorable rise of obstinate morons everywhere."

To be fair, I also despise that smarmy little misogynist Paul. I'm looking forward to both their firings.

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