The last two days there has been a bee stuck in my office. I fear nothing in this life except for bees. Everyone has a phobia. Mine can be traced to the honey suckle bushes surrounding my childhood home. The bees traumatized me. While learning martial arts in Tibet I thought of a career as a “Beeman” which would entail returning to the U.S. and fighting criminals as a vigilante dressed in a bee outfit. I would make my fear my enemy’s fear.

With the bee in my office I suffered a classic “fight or flight” response. The hairs on my neck stood up, my pupils dilated and my breathing shallowed. No joke. Coincidentally the same thing happened for an entirely different reason when I saw this obnoxious commercial last night while watching 30 Days.

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I can imagine Dairy Queen ad-executives now. “Umm, could you like…try and speak even more Indian-like.” The accents are so over the top and seemingly pointless that it makes you wonder what the hell they were thinking when they authorized this. “The bee concept is funny but do you know what would make it funnier?” In fact, I haven’t seen a caricature this bad since “Ben Jabituya’s” in the movie Short Circuit.

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