Hench-desi #1

Kiran Shah, who’s 4’1” tall, plays Ginarrbrik the White Witch’s dwarf henchman in The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch and the Wardobe. And it’s a pretty big role. He gets to gasp theatrically when he’s eventually nailed with an arrow. The moment drew big laughs.

It’s interesting seeing a henchman with an obviously desi accent, though not new. Shah also played scale double for all four hobbits in Lord of the Rings.

[Born] 28 September 1956 [in] Nairobi, Kenya… Because of his size, versatility, and willingness, Shah is much in high demand as a perspective stunt-double for long-shots in action scenes. Auditioned for the part of R2-D2 in Star Wars (1977), narrowly losing out to Kenny Baker. Worked as a tailor’s apprentice for six months before seriously starting his acting/stunt career. [Link]

You know how you can tell in the first 10 minutes that a movie is going to deeply suck, and all you can do is sigh and settle in? That’s Narnia, and its 76% favorable rating on Rotten Tomatoes is a joke. I can only assume reviewers are paying deference to the excellent novels and don’t want to get caught on the wrong side of another mega-franchise. The script has all the anachronistic smarminess of 1939’s The Wizard of Oz. Its fundamental problem is you’re stuck watching bad child actors for nearly three hours. The movie is slow, the editing slack, the lines cheesy.

And it’s fundamentally The Passion of the Simba. The movie, paid for in part by a wealthy Christian religious activist, is awash in Biblical allegory. Its climax is a lame, in-your-face re-enactment of Jesus’ resurrection that had my Jewish theater mates groaning. The New York audience laughed openly at all the unintentional camp. There’s also some jarringly bad CGI (mismatched lighting against a green screen, an obvious transition from glowing graphical fur to fakey, inert stuffed animal). After the movie, I overheard much griping outside the theater, in the bathroom line and on the subway.

This movie is worse than Harry Potters 1 and 2, which I though were kiddie and a snooze.

Lokum

They should hire a decent director for the inevitable sequels — it saved the Potter franchise and gave us the excellent HP 3 and 4. The flick did have a few redeeming qualities: satyr haunches; talking beavers with a GSOH; a fun battle scene inspired by Star Wars and Lord of the Rings; and the White Witch turning a key character with nothing more than lokum. But it’s also derivative. How many times must a fantasy flick end with a coronation scene?

Hench-desi #2

Here’s a production still of Kal Penn as henchman Stanfurd in Superman Returns (via Turbanhead):


Kevin Spacey plays Lex Luthor, Kate Bosworth is Lois Lane. Newcomer Brandon Routh plays the jheri curl of steel. My favorite Lois Lane of all time is still Teri Hatcher on the small screen.