March 08, 2006
Nessie? DesiHumor
My fofatminions, I’ve been hearing back-chatter about the mystery of me.
Rrrreeeally? I’m so flattered, though gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, they kiss and post.
But as I am a gentle and one-track uncle, let’s talk about how Everything Comes From Desiland. A study just published in a British science journal pushes the idea that the “Loch Ness monster” was actually an Indian elephant on its way to performing in a circus:
Neil Clark, curator of paleontology at the Hunterian Museum in Glasgow, sees striking similarities between descriptions of Nessie and what an Indian elephant looks like while swimming. And perhaps not coincidentally, a traveling circus featuring elephants passed by the misty lake in the 1930s at the height of the monster sightings.
“It is quite possible that people not used to seeing a swimming elephant — the vast bulk of the animal is submerged, with only a thick trunk and a couple of humps visible,” thought they saw a monster, Clark said in an interview Tuesday…
But he said the vast majority of sightings occurred not long after 1933, the first year of the A82, a road that runs alongside the lake. Around that time, Mills’s traveling circus was visiting nearby Inverness and “would have stopped on the banks of Loch Ness to allow their animals to rest.”
You can judge for yourself whether Nessie is desi. Take a long, sensitive look…
Convincing, na? One shadowy mystery solved, one to go.
Only fools in pools see lumps and trunks as things that go plunk in the night. That dark summer night, in your jacuzzi, that was me. My humps, your aquifer, please excuse. I was on my way to performing in a circus.
fofatlal on March 8, 2006 07:06 PM in Humor · T·r·a·c·k·b·a·c·k address · Direct link · Email post
wow! It seems entirely possible
is the background in nessie picture scotland ?
If so where did an elephant show up there.
if the fellow went to india chances are the entire roll will be full of indian pictures.....
Then I guess "Nessie" should be pronounced "nay-she"?
Hmmm if that was really a desi elephant cavorting in the water, then the guy who clicked the 30's picture must have had really powerful lenses. I did see a Discovery Channel feature on Loch Ness and there was no way that the picture could have been taken without a state of the art lens, i.e., if that was really a desi pachyderm. Oh ya, I am a total cynic!
My humps, your aquifer, please excuse.
This now deserves to be dropped into casual conversation at will folks. Get crackin'!
Fofatlal, you always make me smile.
I think the water is way to deep, that would have to be one big elephant!
*sheepishly runs and hides under his security blanket after failing to see the ingredients for a good laugh
i agree with brownfrown, you're fun...keep it up. and you know, that dark summer night, everything was sooo sketchy, and so hardm to se. thanks for clearing it up!
I think the water is way to deep, that would have to be one big elephant!
don't know about whether nessie was in fact an elephant, but elephants can swim underwater with just their trunks showing.
No no. Neil Clark has no idea what he's talking about. Look at the shape of "Nessie's" trunk: definitely an African elephant. Sorry fofatlal, Nessie not Desi.
The famous photograph of "Nessie" was a hoax perpetuated by a doctor in the 1930s. It's some part of a toy submarine. The Nessie legend, which had been told long before the photo, is a story perpetuated by drunk monks who thought they saw something in the fog when they were walking back to their monastary from the pub late at night. Loch Ness and the Highlands around Inverness are beautiful and well-worth visiting regardless of Nessie.
You are only allowed to swim in Loch Ness if you go skinny dipping. There has been speculation that sightings of the Loch Ness Monster similar to the photo above was actually just misidentification of a drunken and excited naked Scotsman doing the backstroke one evening.
To the commenter in post #14:
Are you the original, much-missed "Punjabi Boy" who was a regular feature here on SM until late last autumn, or are you a young pretender to the throne ?
Am I really much missed? How wonderful! Did you think my joke about the excited Scotsman doing the backstroke = Nessie was funny?
Alleged PB:
That depends on whether it's really you, mundea ;)
Okay, let's test this. Last time we spoke here on SM, you said you had a spoof in mind regarding Monita Rajpal (and possibly Zain Virdee) from CNN. What was it ?
Also, your now-defunct blog had a short story regarding you, Bipasha, and Angelina. What happened at the very end of the story ? (I know the answer, but consider this a test to verify your authenticity. Sort of like a CIA retina-scan, but with less technology and more badmaashi).
ah, good to see that Jai Singh is already frisking the alleged Return of Punjabi Boy.
I'm sure Patti Kaur wants pictures.
DD,
I think it requires what Patti Kaur ji euphemistically describes as "face fuzz" on the part of both parties in order to really launch her rocket. Maybe Ennis should do the frisking honours instead.
On the other hand, perhaps my own sharp-featured, glinting-eyed, somewhat-chiselled North Indian features with razor-sharp cheekbones would suffice. Stubble can be provided upon request if Patti really needs a bit of facial hair to get her going -- I normally have what some of my former colleagues once described as "lunchtime shadow" anyway (as opposed to 5 o'clock shadow) ;)
I wonder what the penalty should be for commenters impersonating legendary figures from the SM Hall of Heroes, like Punjabi Boy ? I reckon they should be dipped in a vat of peanut butter, hung upside down in the nearest forest, and left for all the hungry squirrels there to finish off. Nibbled to death by a horde of angry squirrels. What a way to go.
C.I.D Jai:
Last time we spoke here on SM, you said you had a spoof in mind regarding Monita Rajpal (and possibly Zain Virdee) from CNN. What was it ?
Punjabi Boy:
It was a saucy and humouorus project to superimpose speech bubbles over their pictures in which they declare their desire for the authentic Punjabi Boy.
C.I.D Jai :
Also, your now-defunct blog had a short story regarding you, Bipasha, and Angelina. What happened at the very end of the story?
Punjabi Boy:
I don't remember but it involved water melons and fried chicken and their desire to be the special friends of Punjabi Boy.
I havent been interrogated and frisked like this since Bangkok airport.
There are loads of Punjabis from England that go on guided whisky tours of distilleries in the Highlands. I am surprised they havent reported any sightings of nessie, after a few too many free samples.
Alleged PB,
Hmm, you're right about the Monita speech bubbles malarkey, but then doing a quick 'search' here on SM would make that easy to find out.
However, you say you can't remember the Bipasha/Angelina/PB fantasy ? Something to do with "weighing things" ?
Go on, you've almost convinced me (especially as you mentioned Bangkok -- the real PB was going travelling around the Far East), although the jury's still out. Final test -- don't worry, you're nearly at the finishing line -- what was the "slogan" beneath your name on your own blog, on the main header ?
You'd better get this one right, otherwise it's squirrel-time for you, dude.
By the way, I've been cyber-canoodling your girlfriend DD behind your back. "Mwaahaahahh", as DD would say. Okay, I can't quite pull off the evil cackle, so that's the first and last time I ever do that.
perhaps a quiz should be written and Alleged Punjabi Boy should have to pass it to prove his identity. But it will have to be things which a search of SM won't easily turn over.
"Which animal would Punjabi Boy like to see fight an alligator?" is too easy.
DesiDancer,
You're right, although the question about the slogan on the header of his now-defunct blog might be a good test of his authenticity. Simply going to his old homepage won't reveal the answer because the URL's now useless (try it: http://www.punjabiboy.blogspot.com/)
In the meantime, the SM crew had better get that vat of peanut butter ready in case we need to dunk Alleged Punjabi Boy in it head-first. And don't cream any of it off for those dodgy sandwiches you like, 'cos I know you're tempted ;)
ah, good to see that Jai Singh is already frisking the alleged Return of Punjabi Boy.
I'm sure Patti(e) Kaur wants pictures.
DD,
I think it requires what Patti(e) Kaur ji euphemistically describes as "face fuzz" on the part of both parties in order to really launch her rocket. Maybe Ennis should do the frisking honours instead.
On the other hand, perhaps my own sharp-featured, glinting-eyed, somewhat-chiselled North Indian features with razor-sharp cheekbones would suffice. Stubble can be provided upon request if Patti(e) really needs a bit of facial hair to get her going -- I normally have what some of my former colleagues once described as "lunchtime shadow" anyway (as opposed to 5 o'clock shadow) ;)
wow, the e in my name keeps dropping like the face fuzz! anyhooo....YES! OF COURSE I WANT PICS! however, ennis with frisking honours would make for some finer pics, though i do admit there are few bare faces i enjoy too, yes i admit it....(aneesh raman you listening???) however, pictorial evidence is needed for further investigation.
For those of us who believe Nessie lives and would like to catch a glimpse of the real thing, there is Nessie Cam :-)
Patti(e) Kaur,
We're dropping the "e" from your name because we're using the traditional Indian spelling. Patti is an ancient and much-respected north Indian name, which roughly translates from Sanskrit into English as "frisky married sardarni with roving eye". No, it really does. Don't argue with us.
I'm not supplying any pics because then I'd be responsible for various women here on SM spending sleepless nights regretting being with the dude snoring away next to them, blurting out my name at inappropriate moments, and imagining my face when the only person they should be focusing on being with is their husband. Or Angelina Jolie. Especially Angelina Jolie.
Anyway, if sardar-on-sardar groping action really does float your boat then I think that's a little too much detail for our family show here on SM, even though I hear Ennis might be willing to pose for the relevant shots in return for a small fee and a year's supply of saag paneer.
jai, umm....ok....but seriously, this patts is joking...i would never leave my sardar under any circumstances. anyhoo...but it's nice you think of me from time to time.
i'm not so sure angeline is really female. she's not sure she' really female....you're better off with audrey tatou (sp). lol.
Anyway, if sardar-on-sardar groping action really does float your boat then I think that's a little too much detail for our family show here on SM, even though I hear Ennis might be willing to pose for the relevant shots in return for a small fee and a year's supply of saag paneer.
tempting as it sounds, it don't quite float me boat enough. but for a year's supply of saag paneer, ennis has a job.
Awwww, man. Don't be spreading rumors like that, you'll depress my love life even more and then I'll spend all my time blogging ...
Ladies, pay no attention to this badmash. I am straight and single! It is spring time here in the Northern hemisphere! w00t!
Ladies, pay no attention to this badmash. I am straight and single! It is spring time here in the Northern hemisphere! w00t!
I have kheer and will make lassis!
Just inviting lassies will be sufficient ;)
Just inviting lassies will be sufficient ;)
i'll see how manie collies i can round up for you. i even make sure they're flea-less. i'm soooo sweet!
i'll see how many collies i can round up for you. i even make sure they're flea-less. i'm soooo sweet!
though you look more a cat man to me.
Please don't, Ennis prefers his bitches mangy. What? That's what she-dogs are called :)
She dogs are called mangy?
Please don't, Ennis prefers his bitches mangy. What? That's what she-dogs are called :)
i simply cannot allow the sardar to have mangy bitches. sorry! i'll hook him up with the cat that's been walking around our neighbourhood. ;)
btw......apparently i'm a few other things...patti, patti, and in tamil i'm a bandage...Teen Patti, meaning three cards in Hindi, Patti is a long verse in which each letter of an alphabet is represented by a stanza, and leaf. so i'm quite busy! i like these representations. maybe i will drop the e! :)
in tamil, ur also grandmother. LOL
in tamil, ur also grandmother. LOL
i forgot that! thanks! better let my family know....someone knows something i don't!
did anyone know patti means DOG in malayalam, never spell malayalam backwards it brings bad luck, and i dont hv the Totem Pole fwd to cure u.
bah !
a mahatma @ bangkok
This is very disturbing. I'm very scared at the implications! No, not the elephant connection to Nessie, but Rishi Kapoor in that suit!! Ah, my eyes!!