“Hell-o!” she trills, happily.
“Ma! What! Im busy watching ‘Moses’!”
(laughter)
“Sure you are. Listen, I need to ask you something.”
“You’re stopping me from being more Christian! Bad mummy!”
“Oh, please kochu. The church will collapse when you next walk in. Anyway, are you still in touch with your cousin Susan I…….?”
“Yeah, mos def. Why?”
“Her father is trying to reach me at home…”
“We’ve had the same phone number for 22 years—”
“Edi blonde, would you be quiet if you’re not going to think before talking?”
“Moses! I’m missing Moses! It’s a miniseries and you’re interrupting part one, yo.”
“I need her daddy’s number— he has called twice and I cannot find it anywhere here…that move! Ever since the move! And then— when I thought it was in my phone, I realized that it was in my old phone. Hes going to think Im avoiding him.”
“Ohhhhh. Sure, no worries. Ill email her tonight.”
“Not his cell phone, I want his home phone number.”
“Um, okay.”
“I don’t want to call his cell phone. Its no emergency.”
“One, you funny lady. Two, MOSES! Moooooses! Let my people go! He’s about to say it and I dont want to miss it. Damn, Ma…”
“Since WHEN do YOU want to watch ‘the ten commandments’?”
“Since Naveen Andrews is Moses’ adopted brother— he might be Mallu according to The Website, I cant remember what we hashed out in the comments. And this Tamil model named Padma Lakshmi is a TERRIBLE Princess Bithia-“
“You’re watching an Indian version of ‘Moses’??”
“It would seem so, but no. Those are the only two in the cast…but they’re south Indian. Wacky, right? And those are two huuuuuge parts in terms of importance.”
“So you’re watching ‘Moses’ to lust after some actor, NOW it makes sense…”
“Not SOME actor, THE actor…he’s on this show called ‘Lost’, it’s mad popular, Ma.”
“Never heard of it.”
“Stop watching the Disney channel and go watch their useless ABC network. Actually, dont. Even I dont watch it.”
(split-second of silence)
“MOM. Guess who hit on me? A doctor! Hell is going to freeze over!”
(snap. crackle. pop?)
“Mom? MA. Hello?”
(redial)
“MOM. Aiyo, ninde paringyeh poothieh veety!”
“Is he good looking-oh no. Mone, I have to go, uh company is here!”
(Faintly, in the background, heavily accented mallu voice of Orthodox priest: “Vat did your daughter just SAY??”)
“Moooooooses!”
“Let your mother go. Good-BYE.”
:+:
Part two airs tonight at 9pm in most markets (the Snoopy Easter special is at 8!)— check your local listings. ;)
