Hey, Arundhati might have prevailed a little more if that thread hadn't been summarily axed :) (I do sort of understand why that needed to be done, though)...my big regret is that the last word we got to hear - just before Abhi- was a paranoid rant.

But not to derail this post. Hmmm, Anna, I used to be married to exactually what your parents are looking for ...tall Christian Mallu with vestern upbringing and MA degree :)...

I was 30. “Oh no! Time is running out! if I hesitate now, they'll all be gone.” So we got engaged. And then -- 450 wedding attendees, 4 toasts, one cake, one extra India reception, five years, and countless arguments and tears later -- we are divorced.

And now I’m 35. “Oh no! Time is running out....”

[thanks to anna and ak for inspiring the thought]

This seems to be morphing into the 55Divorce edition. Anyhoo, always a good thing to keep in mind while contemplatin' the loue 'n marriage thoughts...

Evil Finkie

Number Six

You're free and whole and happy, girl! Enjoy the good times while they last, time a-plenty to tie the knot later :).

They won't all be gone, with the divorce rate what it is ;) theres new possibilties being 'factured all the time...

I'd much rather discuss your musical tastes (which are spot on!) than marriage (what more can anyone say about marriage that hasn't been said before?)...any more marriage discussions and this Monkey will Not be going to Heaven (Black Francis)

Finkie -- Wait, that's only 45 words....?

-- Six

My mom cries whenever I tell her I will never get married, but its my life. Marriages fail way to often for me to think that I am one of the smart ones that will find "the one" and everything will be fine. 74% of people in America are divorced and dont think Indians are above this, because I know alot of Indians that end up divorced.

Feminism killed marriage.

45 words too many, I'm thinkin' Anna's thinkin'...that F-ing Nottle et al derailing my Friday55 like that...
Sorry :)

Love will come after marriage.

The mantra echoed in their ears.

Love will come after marriage.

Yet their parents had never experienced this themselves.

Love will come after marriage.

A game of Russian Roulette with the young couple’s hearts.

I loved and lost before marriage, thought Raj, as he put the garland around her neck.

oooh, nice, Jai.

"Feminism killed marriage"

Okay, I'll bite...Care to elaborate on the above statement though I think I know where you're going with this but think you are absolutely, patently wrong (and I'm a guy).

For the Goodness Gracious Me fans:

"He’s a good boy, good values, highly educated; his mother says he’s very attentive and dutiful. She says he sends so much money home to the family and paid for his sister’s entire wedding!" Mummy glowed as she told me.

I couldn’t help snickering as I thought, “yeah, but what about his danda?”

I couldn’t help snickering as I thought, “yeah, but what about his danda?”

OMG, that's hilarious!!!!

Thanks shawty. And here is my entry.

It’s the ultimate monument to love.
I thought that was the Taj.
*Brahminical raised eyebrow indicating disgust at banality*
No. It’s Falling Water. A perpetual motion machine. Frozen on a Postcard.
Internally unsound, outwardly preserved.
Are you going to finish your samwich?
Wot?....I’m not sure where I’m supposed to be now.
Okay, but what does this have to do with tomorrow?

He wears a blood stained apron, cleaving pieces of halal meat. My pupils dilate at his visage. I want to grab my mother’s dupata, and whisper, “Arrange my marriage to him.” But, it’s a sin to take a man as partner, when Allah has made women for me. Instead, I remind her to buy achar.

Dutty BB - that's hard to follow! But here goes...

“Did I tell you that Sajit and his wife had the baby? She’s so beautiful,” I relay to my mother. We’re sitting in a café in Soho, after an argument-less day spent shopping for things one would normally get from a bridal registry. “When are you going to give me grandchildren?” is all she asks.

Tamasha, I think the key is this line

But, it’s a sin to take a man as partner, when Allah has made women for me

Nice one DuttyBB

Marriage. Love, arranged, whatever. As long as it worked out.
But then, if only...

The partygoers hushed, eager to see what the newly arrived bride brought her husband for his birthday.

Tahir opened the card and read aloud the inscription.

“Talaaq… talaaq… talaaq.”

Jubilant faces turned to shock, stunned at Tahir’s inadvertent pronouncement of divorce – but not Ameena’s, whose emerging smirk finally revealed the ruse that was this marriage.

I meant "a hard act to follow" not "difficult to understand."

My bad.

The song was ringing in my head,
And then it hit that key line that always got me buzzing and afraid.
.
.
.
I tell myself that life wasn't meant to be prescripted, perhaps because that's the only way I can deal when it goes off the tracks. I'm just not quite ready to pick it up.

“I’ve always dreamt of the perfect pearly white wedding gown. With a long train. Haven’t you?” She said confidently, as we, SHE bargain shopped at David’s Bridal.

Hesitantly, “Not really…I’ve always thought I’d be married in a red and gold sari...”

Incredulously, “Really?!? Not white???”

“Really…” I replied whimsically, while dodging brides-to-be fighting for perfect dresses.

He sits beside her, saying nothing. Nothing needs to be said. Their solitude is complete; there are no obstacles to this moment. From now, no matter what happens, this happiness will never fully disappear. The clouds of the season share the sky with blue. In such a place, there is no more need for tears.

Cereal Killer of the people full of treppedition. One last kill and he retiring because he getting married tomorrow. Mother saying bride beautiful, so one last killing and beginning new life. Beautiful lady alone in room. He sneaking in and making effortless killing. Next morning his mother tell him, “your would-be wife is a murdered!”

marriage, not weddings, y'all.

looking back on the marriage, turning it this way and that, she found it had been short, yet had taken a huge chunk of time out of her life! A tangle of memories, happy and horrible, but mainly, now, it was over. Three weddings here and there, but just one divorce to close the matter.

Ranjha rocked back and forth, his grief overpowering him and threatening to shatter his mind. He held Heer’s body tightly in his arms, trying to will her back to life.

And yet.....one hope remained.....

Angels wept as they prepared to reunite Ranjha with his eternal bride. A widower on Earth, a husband forever in Paradise.

The TIE Fighter hovered silently in deep space.

Vader’s commitment to this yearly ritual was unwavering. The oath he had taken upon learning of his wife’s death demanded nothing less. He was a man of his word.

Lighting a single candle on top of the control panel before him, he watched the flame flickering gently.

**************************************************************************************

It cast a warm, golden glow in the darkness of the black cockpit.

The metaphor was not lost on him.

Vader finally allowed himself to feel the wrenching pain in his heart again, all too familiar to him now; normally buried, to protect his own sanity as much as to prevent any sign of weakness.

**************************************************************************************

He was alone in the craft, deliberately taken as far away as possible from the corrosive influence of Palpatine, but Vader was still grateful for the mask hiding the tears now flowing freely.

Only his uncharacteristically ragged mechanical breathing revealed anything, on this, the anniversary of the day he had felt truly alive. Their anniversary.

“When it will be your turn?”

At twenty-two, the question made her laugh. At twenty-six, it made her smile. When she turned thirty, the aunties stopped asking. Apparently, her sell-by date had come and gone.

Love happens when you least expect it, they said. She’d stopped expecting it at thirty-two and was still waiting.

It’s mildly amusing to me that the one issue which can bring this entire community together/rouse lurkers from their anonymity/stir up so much drama is marriage...

wow! holy condescending, Batman! talk about pissing all over the several dozen people who bared their collective soul across a 180 comment thread!

can you help me understand, again, the "mildly amusing" part?

wow! holy condescending, Batman! talk about pissing all over the several dozen people who bared their collective soul across a 180 comment thread!

more like, "holy overreacting, batman!" are you really going to accuse me, the only mutineer who stuck up for kaavya, of being too harsh?

A N N A -

you're probably right - i do tend to overreact, in general. my apologies. i just felt that you came across as being a bit haughty, not harsh.

you know ...walks like a duck and talks like a duck, and well ...

anna-
boy do I love getting faded with you =) hehe i love that pic!

AC,

Anna is actually right. There have been a number of marriage/relationship-related discussion topics previously on SM (several before you joined us, unless you're a long-time lurker), and they always trigger an avalanche of anecdotes and war-stories, along with giving people an opportunity to "vent".

Personally, I found Anna's comment on this matter to be amusing too, because exactly the same thought went through my own mind, especially when message after message was rapidly posted on the new thread by desis everywhere.

Also, she is a genuinely nice person so I think you may indeed have accidentally misinterpreted what she said; from what I've gathered of her personality based on her frequent posts here on SM (and her blog), I very much doubt she's the condescending/sneering type.

Anyway, I found your own story on the other thread to be highly entertaining -- you write extremely well -- and I agree with the thoughts of several other commenters in response. I've found your occasional posts detailing your own experiences to be superb reading material, along with being wryly familiar too (as they focus on situations many Indians can relate to).

You should definitely add such anecdotes to your own blog or even write a book -- hell, I'd buy it ;)

I can’t remember how I ever managed to dress myself before we got married.

We entered the mandir and I looked for the bar, Sonia joined the bridesmaids and they all reminisced about college. I looked up and saw the bride staring at me.

You never get over your first love.

It's a shame the "Arranged Marriage" thread took such an off-topic course and had to be shut down -- it was proving to be an interesting dicussion before the MoorNam/SpoorLam controversy, and there were also a couple of things I'd wanted to say to MC regarding the traumatic period she's currently experiencing. Oh well.

**********************************************************************

Anyway, here's my final 55 on the "Love and Marriage" theme:

Kapil slept soundly on his wedding night, lying next to his beautiful trophy wife. The experience had been magnificent, mind-blowing. All of his plotting, ruthlessness, and manipulation had finally paid off. A testament to his ingenuity, belying his outward humbleness.

“Vijay.....should have been you.....so sorry.....”

Kapil stared silently at the ceiling, wide-awake now.

MoorNam/SpoorLam/Saffron Afro

Whatever you call yourself. I know you are lurking somewhere in this cyberspace. Reveeeaaal thy identity.

Hi Anna,

What's going on with MC's post ? She just submitted quite a long message detailing all the hassle she's suffering (and her boyfriend's also now involved with SM's discussion on the matter), and it was almost immediately removed from this thread.

She's obviously still going through hell and needs some further feedback from the rest of us -- there must be something we can do. Maybe re-open the arranged marriage thread and ensure that it's moderated strictly enough to prevent another MoorNam/SpoorLam diversion ? Or perhaps another new (but related) discussion thread altogether ?

I don't think we should leave her hanging like this.

aww..Jai, you're really sweet...

perhaps advice on my relationship is not appropriate for sm :(

That's just it-- it was VERY long and it wasn't a 55.

If she wants to continue this dialogue, she should exchange emails with a few of you; her situation is personal enough that it merits a more respectful space for discussion than a comment thread which has been hijacked and transformed in to a chat room.

I agree SM Intern.

Thanks for ur discretion.:)

Your handle is long too. Mochalatte Chiquitita, chiki chiki chiki, coochie coochie coochie..... Seriously

Crimemaster gogo,(cg)

i appreciate the criticism (i'm not sure if you were taking a stab at me or being friendly), however if my name was antharavarnam sinthuramathurapilingam, would you tell me my name that I was given at birth was too long?

Most people just use initials if they don't want to write the name...
and its the name I chose coz it came to mind...a mochalatte is brown, and i'm a girl so chiquitita...to each their own right? Or is there some rule on SM i don't know about being new that our names should be short...Ur name is just as long (my name is 20 letters and urs is 15 letters long..not much shorter)...and if you have troubles with mine, you don't have to use my name.

however if my name was antharavarnam sinthuramathurapilingam, would you tell me my name that I was given at birth was too long?

Thats an awesome name. I wish I had that name, but unfortunately my parents Mogambo and Daku Hasina named me Crimemaster Gogo.

Mochalatte Chiquitita,

In the interests of not wishing to hijack this thread I will try to keep the following as brief as possible. Hopefully the SM moderators will bear with me on this occasion and will let me post this as a one-off, considering what’s at stake in your life.

1. Don’t take the decision to “cut and run” lightly – not just because you will be back to square one in the relationship stakes, but because of the scale of what you will lose if you go through with it. Don't understimate the impact this would have on both of you -- with regards to your personalities and the future course of your lives.
2. If you are absolutely convinced that this guy is “the one”, without any shadow of doubt, then you have got to hold onto this and you have got to fight to make it work.
3. Debating the issue with other parties (eg. People on SM) is fine for a “third-party” objective viewpoint. However, hypothetically musing the possibility of breaking up with him and actually doing it (and having to endure the consequences for the rest of your life) are two very different things. You may not realise this while he’s still an intimate presence in your life, but the sledgehammer impact of the reality of life without him will hit you once he’s no longer around. All you’ll be left with is memories of the time you spent with him, desperate attempts to hold onto the feelings you had in your heart for him for as long as possible, and continuous “what if” preoccupation in the back of your mind regarding “what might have been” for years and possibly decades afterwards. It’s not a pleasant experience to undergo, and ideally we want to ensure that you don’t have to face this particular nightmare. God knows there are already enough Indians out there who have gone through this.
4. Again, talking to other people about your fears, concerns etc is fine in order to gain some clarity, but beyond a certain point it begins to interfere with the emotional intimacy between you and the other person. He's the one you should really be discussing all your concerns with, first and foremost.
5. So, you have got to be completely honest with him. You also have to ensure that he knows you want to be in this for the long haul and that you’re with him 100% and will support him completely, throughout the trauma he will experience at the hands of his parents when it becomes crystal clear that he’s not prepared to break up with you – you’ve got to be a “rock” of strength for him.
6. However, in return he has to be prepared to stand by you, he has to make it absolutely clear to his parents that he’s deadly serious about you and wants to be with no-one else on earth. He’s also got to be able to be totally honest with you about everything that happens in his house regarding you and all of his own fears & ideas for achieving a positive outcome. This is very important, not only to “keep you in the loop”, but also so that no-one is making any unilateral decisions – you’ve got to be completely united in this and make all the decisions together, as a couple. There cannot be any “gaps in communication”. I can’t emphasise this enough.
7. Personally, I also think you should refrain from “ultimatums”, because threats are never a good way to go about things -- at least if you’re convinced the guy isn’t messing you around in any way and really is “the one”.
8. You’re both extremely lucky that at least one of the sets of parents concerned doesn’t disapprove of the relationship. You should be very, very grateful for this – some desi parents would immediately have been scared off (and would have withdrawn their own support) if their counterparts objected to the situation.
9. If you do eventually manage to change his parents’ minds (and maybe your own parents should consider talking to them directly ?), that would be fantastic. However, you should also consider the possibility of marrying each other anyway if absolutely everything else fails and you’re both convinced you cannot live without each other. It’ll be a very difficult decision to make – possibly one of the toughest choices you’ll be faced with in your entire life – but it’ll be worth it (again, assuming that what’s between you and your boyfriend really is “the real thing”), and it’ll be his parents’ fault for essentially forcing you to have to take such a drastic step.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts, so I hope it’s been helpful to you. In the end, it’s your life, so it’s up to you to decide what to do and, hopefully, make the right decision.

I wish you the very best of luck and hope everything works out for you and your boyfriend.

Warm regards,
Jai

Anna, SM Intern etc – Apologies for the diversion. Back to the 55s.....

Jai Now you have to do panch phifty phives on this thread to make up for this...

Come on, get down to it :)!

Ms Fink Nottle,

I already think I usually post a disproportionate number of 55s as it is, but if there is enough public demand I'll think up a few more ;)

sorry I've been absent from these 55-fests...here are mine:

The Key
The perfect couple they were. Thirty years, three happily married, well adjusted children, and numerous grandchildren attested to the fact that they never fought, not really anyway, were always together, traveling the world, and were still quite in love.

When asked the secret to her marriage, she smiled and said, “We make good travel companions.”

Jealousy
Rumor has it that she had a sway to her hips, a lilt to her voice, a presence about her. She clung to corners of the mind, invoking visions of nirvana to be found within her that made her near impossible to forget.

I just wish my wife would leave her memory behind for me.

(second one a repeat, but I lowe it so I reposted...)

Jai, you're just massively lucky that ANNA has a soft spot for you the size of Punjab (nb: she had it before you stood up for her on this very thread). No one else would've gotten avay vith it. ;)

On Fidelity
My dating life read like a who’s who of the world’s most eligible bachelors. They weren’t famous, but they were all sweet, smart, sexy. Some were also caring, compassionate, passionate, and some had even more. People thought I was too picky, but when I found a man I could not cheat on, I married him.

My dating life read like a who’s who of the world’s most eligible bachelors. They weren’t famous, but they were all sweet, smart, sexy. Some were also caring, compassionate, passionate, and some had even more. People thought I was too picky, but when I found a man I could not cheat on, I married him.

Dear Jai, Anna and SM Intern:

Anna and SM Intern:

You both rock for keeping Jai's message...I promise this will be the last non 55f from me and i'll try not to hijack anymore conversations :)...thanks

Jai:

Its clear that all readers here have a soft spot for you...and I know why...thank you for caring enough to risk disapproval from your SM Friends:) and posting a message to me...i really appreciate it...I wish I could have just sent you a personal note. I will share this with my fiance...and I know him enough to know he'll take to your advice well...i believe in love deep down inside and i really want this to work too...eventually I know i'll support him through anything because that's what best friends do...i just hope sharing my crazy story helped people as much as it helped me... ok...i'm done with my mushy cheesy bit.

Thanks again SM and Mutineers.

A few days late...

“I’m a financial consultant.”
“Really?” Eyes glaze.
Sigh.
“Hmmm, I love working with senior finance executives.”
“Sure.” Eyes roam the bar, latch on another.
A few minutes later. A different tack.
“I’m a teacher”.
“That’s so great. What do you teach? Which grade? Do you like it?”
I left the bar, career intact, heart broken.

regarding the above fitty-five, no offense meant to any teachers out there! that story was just inspired by recent events in my life, and i couldn't resist.

Anna & SM Intern,

Thank you very much for making an exception for me, very kind of you. Considering the gravity of the situation MC is facing, I'm sure it's okay to bend the usual rules on this occasion ;)

Mochalatte Chiquitita,

No problem at all about my previous message, you're very welcome. As I said before, I just hope everything works out for you. Try not to worry too much (yes I know that's much easier said than done !), stay strong, stay focused, and stay positive.

Kenyandesi,

I absolutely loved your "Jealousy" 55 -- the woman you described sounds a lot like someone I used to know ;)

In the same vein.....Here are some 55s I originally posted on SM a long time ago. I can't think of a more appropriate thread than this one for these short stories, considering the romantic theme, which is why I'd like to re-post them here; I've also noticed that there are a lot of newbies here on SM these days, so this will be new material for them anyway, along with the veterans who may vaguely remember them from the first time around.

**************************************************************************************************************************************

Her gaze was unwavering; gentle, calm, heartfelt, her eyes large and the colour of black coffee, skin porcelain, long black hair framing her lovely face, head resting on her right hand.

Kabir listened, drowning in the experience, one light in two bodies.

“If there is a paradise on Earth, it is here, it is here.....”

********************************************************************

I can’t stop glancing at her.

The lights of the city illuminate her, smiling, pretending not to notice; long legs stretched under the dashboard.

Beside her, the world is a shadow; our passion, an oasis of idealism.

My religion commands “Bow to no-one”;

Yet I willingly kneel before her, defenceless, a sacrifice to her love.

(especially since I just watched Anakin's heart die a few nights ago)

Jai = swoon

Anna, since my Vader 55s seem to be causing you to pass out again (or "get the vapors", as genteel Victorian ladies would say), there's actually a novel out which is a sequel to ROTS and details exactly what happened to Vader immediately afterwards -- how he copes with recent events and his new identity etc. I haven't read it yet but it looks very interesting. I've flicked through the novelisation of ROTS too and it's very poetically written -- very poignant and "epic" in its depiction of the tragedy.

By the way, in case my post #37 needed clarification for anyone, it's actually Kapil's new wife who's mumbling another guy's name in her sleep. Kapil isn't gay and daydreaming about some dude called Vijay (not that, er, there's anything wrong with that if, er, your naan's buttered on that side).

MC,

Jai's points are so on the money (seriously dude write a book!)....I couldn't agree more. especially the part about honesty and 100% support...relationships are the most delicate things and great ones are incredibly rare...if you have one. Please hold on to it as long as you can as long as you BOTH have the will.

Darth Vader also has a blog: http://darthside.blogspot.com/

It changed my whole perception on him before I watched the third prequel.

Thekingsingh -- Thanks for that link, bro. Looks like someone else has also been thinking along the same lines as myself. Very well written.

Indianmarriages.com. You contacted me; I thought your handle sounded like the Pixies.

“I’m going to this lounge, off Van Ness, with my friends...”

I was shaking as I walked in, looking for a you I only knew via photographs. You tapped my shoulder. Before I turned, I thought, “This could be the one”.

You weren’t.

Three years have passed since I tentatively accepted your invitation to meet at that crowded bar in San Francisco. Since then, every one of my friends has had a wedding, half are now mothers. I, like you, have dated around but am still alone.

Sometimes, I wonder if I was wrong about you, about us.

On the way to brunch, I sat by you, watching you navigate sleepy city streets. Once there, I remained by your side, gazing at you affectionately, playing “house”. Was I holding out for a myth? Maybe “first marriage, then comes love” was true?

No. My life had never been that simple.

And you…you remained oblivious.

Well my grandfather always said I would make a good writer :)
This one is a little gloomy but it is kind of rainy outside.

“I could look at you all night.”
Later, J. and I laughed…did he really think that would work?
“I feel so close to you, you understand me.”
J. thought he might be serious and I gave him the chance.
“Will you marry me?”
I held back the tears,smiled big.
He wasn’t talking to me

Jai: you're welcome man, and you're right, it is very well written.

“Did you read that story about that woman who married that snake, back in India?” he called out to her, as he sat on the sofa browsing the internet.

“Is that right?” she replied, arms immersed in dishwashing.

“Yeah, but the snake didn’t show up to the wedding!”

“Read about it? Please, I’m living it.”

I

She had loved him for five years; he had loved her too, in his non-committal way. Finally, tired of waiting for him, she had said ‘yes’ to another suitor.

As she mailed him her engagement photographs, she said to herself: “He will see these photographs and realize his loss. Maybe, it still isn’t too late.”

II

He saw her engagement photographs in his mailbox and thought: “She is the most beautiful woman I have ever been with. I will never meet someone like her again.”

He picked up the phone and called her, but hung up, when her father answered on the other side.

“It’s too late anyway,” he told himself.

III

Years after her marriage, they found themselves sitting next to each other on a London-Mumbai flight. They sat together in stunned silence and remembered the five years, in another life, when they were in love.

Next morning, she woke up in his bed and called her husband to tell him that she had reached safely.

He won’t come home at night. There must be something wrong with me. Am I not a good wife? Am I not subservient enough? He doesn’t take interest in my body. Perhaps I should lose some weight, but his mother likes my hips. They’ll bear me grandchildren, she says. Yes, maybe then he’ll love me.