The people have spoken! And they want more Brazilian hotties World Cup coverage. Armed with this unambiguous mandate, I offer you the Sepia Mutiny update on the World Cup, now that one-third of the first round is over and we have seen every team in action at least once.
First, the Desi Angle (TM): your Great Brown Hope, the Mauritian-Indian French midfielder Vikash Dhorasoo, came on for the final ten minutes of an insipid and stultifying France-Switzerland match that produced the two teams’ third draw in their last three confrontations. Brought on to give France some much-needed energy, Dhorasoo did well in the short time he had, and nearly scored with a searing shot from range that just missed the far post. Watching amid a thin, pessimistic French crowd on the otherwise lovely rear patio of Brooklyn restaurant Jolie, Mr Kobayashi and I nearly choked on our merguez sandwiches as we watched the potential First Desi Goal in World Cup History skim barely wide. It was not to be, but with the French first-stringers not showing much verve, the Hope may well see more playing time in the next two matches against South Korea and Togo.
Via that brother at Ultrabrown, here is a YouTube video of Dhorasoo’s entrance and shot. I couldn’t find a still photo — if anyone out there has found one, holla at me.
And that concludes the Desi Angle (TM). Now for the true heads, here’s an appreciation of the tournament so far, with a Daljit Dhaliwal tie-in for those who read all the way to the end.
It’s been a good one! And it’s wide open, with about a dozen of the field of 32 plausible contenders to win the whole thing. Together with Kobayashi and some other addicts brave souls, I’ve watched at least some of each game, and all of most, many of them at ethnically appropriate venues around New York City. Here’s my note on each, in (current) predicted order of finish.
Group A
Germany - Came out in unusual fashion with mad attacking flair and porous central defense in their 4-2 opener against Costa Rica. Reverted to tedious form in their 1-0 squeaker over Poland. But they’re the home team, and besides, if you’ve watched any football in the past 30 years you know to Never Rule Out The Kraut. (Sorry. It rhymes. I actually like these guys.)
Ecuador - The rap against Ecuador is that they only play well at high altitude. Well, they beat low-lying Poland in low-lying Germany by a clear 2-0, so so much for that theory. Not the most organized side, but great energy and attackers who can turn it on. I watched with a bunch of Ecuadorans, not one of whom was as dark-skinned as the average complexion on the team.
Costa Rica - A bunch of chickens with their heads cut off, plus a damn fine attacker called Wanchope, who sliced through the German defense with strength, style and grace. “GOOOOLLLLLLLLL,” cried the Univision announcer. “GOOOOLLLLLL DEL CHOPE! CHOPE, CHOPE, CHOPE!”
Poland - A sad early exit is almost guaranteed after they ripped defeat from the jaws of an honorable goalless tie with the hosts. A shame, but after losing to Ecuador they weren’t going anywhere. The Polish hoolies can stay around and cause trouble, or go home and beat up the team.
Group B
England - I guess. Though they’ve done little to earn it. A sorry display against even sorrier Paraguay, and in a few hours they face Trinidad and Tobago, for whom the dream will soon enough die. They’ve rubbed some magic ointment on Wayne Rooney’s foot (probably the substance the East German doctors used back in the good old days of the cold war), but nobody’s fooled, nor ever will be by a Sven-Goran Eriksson-coached team. They should have gotten rid of this clown a long time ago. For the World Cup, there’s always 2010.
Sweden - Someone buried a chicken under the Trinidad and Tobago goal line, creating a force field that caused Sweden’s numerous — dozens? hundreds? — of clear goal opportunities to fizzle, many in spectacular fashion. Props too to Trini goalkeeper Shaka Hislop, but most of all to that chicken. Sweden’s next opponents won’t have mystical protection, and this stylish, organized side should continue into the second round, maybe more.
Trinidad and Tobago - The Official Underdog of the competition, and they can play. (No desis on the team, but this is football not cricket.) The chicken did its job, but against England they’re going to need a goat, or maybe a nubile virgin.
Group C
Argentina - Okay, it’s proper form to hate on Argentina (thuggish, racist, arrogant, etc), but damn, this is a good side. They looked complete in their hard-earned 2-1 victory over an excellent Ivory Coast side. I’ll still hate on them, but they look like winners.
Ivory Coast - I’m going out on a limb here, since out of Ivory Coast, Argentina and Holland, one isn’t going through, and right now Holland has points and the Elephants don’t. But I got a feeling. The best African team in the field, and in any group but this one and Group E, they’d be sure to move on.
Holland - See above. In the meantime, do not miss Holland - Ivory Coast on Friday. A real cup-final, plus both sets of fans wear orange, so the stadium should look like a big bowl of Tropicana.
Serbia and Montenegro - They must be depressed that they represent a country that is now officially two different countries. Apparently there’s only one Montenegrine brother on the team in the first place — why don’t they just kick him off? Your basic Slavic side - dour, reasonably effective, but no imagination.
Group D
Mexico - It took them a while to turn it on against Iran, but they eventually did and won by a handy 3-1. A fast, organized squad with a real charismatic leader in Rafa Marquez. I see El Tri as a darkhorse to make it to the semis, maybe more. Si se puede!
Portugal - Okay, so they beat Angola. But can they beat Mexico? I don’t see it. But if you’re in the NYC area, do yourself a favor and go watch a Portugal game at the Portuguese Social Club, 55 Prospect Street, in Newark. It’s just a five-minute walk from the Amtrak and PATH station. Gorgeous old hall, huge screen, family atmosphere, outsiders welcome. Amazing.
Angola - Will defeat Iran, then go home.
Iran - Will lose to Angola, then go home.
Group E
Italy - Call me blinded by the light, but still, Italy looked dazzling in their 2-0 defeat of a good Ghana side. With a real striker in Luca Toni (right), and a wealth of riches at every position, I can see the Azzurri going all the way. Women and appropriately-oriented men may be assured they’ll have plenty more occasions to ogle this team of certified hotties. (In their fetching uniforms.)
Czech Republic - Man, I really want Ghana in this spot but I just don’t see it. It’s not just that the Czechs swept away those other guys — where were they from already? — but they’re just a legit side all around, with not one but two midfield maestros, Rosicki and Nedved, on duty.
Ghana - They played Italy tight and had plenty of chances to tie, but lost their spirit after a dumb defensive mistake by, of all people, the veteran Bayern Munich defender Kuffour, gifted Italy with a 2-0 lead. Watching this fine challenge fizzle down, the boisterous crowd at the Ghanaian spot in Harlem quickly turned on their team. “What is wrong with these Ghanaians?” “My uncle could play better!” Still, a good time was had.
United States - Really, what is there to say?
Group F
Brazil - The glass half empty says they win; the glass half full says they float to victory on an unstoppable tide of collective insight and individual artistry. Either way, they win, as they did over Croatia 1-0. But man, is that Ronaldo overweight! Take that brother out of the line-up. We watched the match with about seven hundred Brazilians in Astoria. How tedious! You missed nothing, really.
Australia - I actually didn’t see Australia beat Japan. I had work to do, believe it or not. But Kobayashi tells me they’ll finish second.
Japan - Kobayashi tell me they’ll finish third. He’s not Japanese, by the way, despite the name. Perhaps if he were he’d be more optimistic.
Croatia - Those uniforms are way too ugly to merit advancing.
Group G
France - I guess, still. But only because the Swiss don’t have the spark. Shit, maybe Korea will take this thing. But I still think France, if coach Raymond Domenech extracts his head from his arse. He won’t do it on his own, but it’s not too far from Paris to Germany for the gendarmerie to turn up with a giant pair of pliers.
South Korea - I will own one of those exquisite pink shirts before this thing is over.
Switzerland - They’re OK. But no spark.
Togo - They almost got a point off South Korea, and they could yet off one of the others. But they’ll still finish last.
Group H
Spain - That loud sound you hear is the Spain bandwagon clanging into motion after the 4-0 ridiculing of Ukraine. Coach Aragones (he of the racist comments about Thierry Henry) showed some wisdom in making aging-golden-boy Raul, who’s always been a bad omen for the team, a substitute. Raul’s scored a lot of goals, but his most famous ones are the ones he’s flubbed, like the missed penalty kick against France in the smis of Euro 2000. So long as Raul doesn’t start, Spain can advance. The moment he starts against a legitimate opponent, they’ll lose. But the extremely clement draw ensures Spain won’t meet a legit opponent until the quarter-finals.
Tunisia - Maybe. This group should only advance Spain if there were any justice.
Ukraine - Ditto.
Saudi Arabia - Ditto. But they sure got some black dudes on the Saudi team — in fact, a whole range of characters. Makes you wonder what would happen if they got rid of the royal family and put the ordinary folks in charge. Might even turn out to be a pleasant place.
And that’s the view from here. Comment, flame, analyze, opine, and contribute away. And I’ll be rapping World Cup and New York stuff this evening with the lovely and talented Daljit Dhaliwal, when she hosts WNYC’s “The Conversation.” The show airs at 8 pm on WNYC’s AM feed, AM 820. Tune in live or catch it online later!
