Yesterday someone posted this clip (on our News Tab) of conservative radio host Mike Gallagher’s appearance on Fox News.
GALLAGHER: It’s time to have a Muslims check-point line in American airports and have Muslims be scrutinized. You better believe it. It’s time. [Link]
Today the House Homeland Security Chairman, U.S. Congressman Peter King (R-NY) said the following (thanks for the tip AM):
Declaring that airport screeners shouldn’t be hampered by “political correctness,” House Homeland Security Chairman Peter King has endorsed requiring people of “Middle Eastern and South Asian” descent to undergo additional security checks because of their ethnicity and religion.
Discussing the recent revelation of an alleged plot in England to blow up U.S.-bound airliners, the Seaford Republican said yesterday that, “if the threat is coming from a particular group, I can understand why it would make sense to single them out for further questioning…”Despite King’s endorsement of such a process, it is a technique that has been widely dismissed as a legitimate law enforcement tool. [Link]
This, by the way, is the same Peter King who said that supporters of Senate hopeful Ned Lamont were “bigots” and the same Peter King who is set to appear with Sen. Hillary Clinton on Sept. 11th at a “National Spirit of Unity” rally.
I have been thinking about this idea for a week now (even before King spoke out) and I fully support it. I think we should single out all arabs, middle eastern looking people, and South Asians. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing and if we play our cards right we can greatly benefit from it. The “Macaca line,” as it were, might actually move faster and more efficiently than the “American line” since brownish looking people are still a small minority in America (unless you count the Mexicans too). We could even lobby for a door to door airport shuttle that was guaranteed to be explosives free and would have dogs on board that we could pet and play with on the way to the airport (once they were done sniffing us). All of our tickets would be stamped with SSSS to ensure 4S service (“S” is like the new “Star”). We would have curbside check-in and our bags would all go through more advanced machinery (the kind airports can only afford one of). So that we wouldn’t get germs from the other passengers, our security screening area could be completely walled off. It seems that every time I travel I catch a cold, and so this would definitely be a perk. The other people would never even have to see us.
I already know what some of you are going to say to all of this (haters):
“You can’t tell a Muslim by the color of their skin or their appearance. There are black muslims, Asian muslims, and white muslims. How are we going to figure out who is Muslim so that we can give them this VIP treatment if they don’t want their identities revealed?”
Here are some concrete steps that I think all airports can take in order to make sure that no one slips by these more rigorous security checkpoints:
1) All TSA employees must be female virgins and there must be at least 50 of them at each TSA security line. Everyone knows that terrorists always wage their terror in order to be with virgins in the afterlife. This will draw them out of the general populace like flies toward warm sweet honey.
2) Every gate area should have a falafel joint. I freakin’ love gyros and falafels and so do most arabs and middle easterners. If someone orders food from one of these restaurants but hasn’t volunteered for the extra screening, then it should raise a red flag. Security can re-check all their bags.
3) Look for the desi “head shake.” When a passenger gets to the gate and asks the gate agent if the flight is on time, observe his/her reaction. Do they shake their head in response in that desi way? Even if they don’t look South Asian you know they must be.
Look, all I’m saying is that air travel is such a hassle these days. I for one welcome extra-profiling that will separate me from the commoners if it carries with it a lot of extra perks. The way I look at it, if U.S. Congressional representatives get treated in a certain way, then I don’t mind being treated in that same special way. You all know who Peter King’s colleague is on the House’s Homeland Security Commitee, right?
