A question for readers of Post Secret. Are these picture postcards (as opposed to the actual comment) made by site bloggers or are they made by those who posted the secret?

My secret:
I always put on a brave face but I am scared to go into the basement alone, especially when it is dark and the monkeys are grumpy.

Abhi - the postcards are made by those posting the secret. Postsecret.com doesn't have bloggers - just one guy, Frank, who puts up the postcards he receives. The visuals are all original creations made by people sending in secrets.

Since its inception on January 1, 2005, PostSecret has collected and displayed upwards of 10,000 original pieces of art from people across the United States and some parts of the world (international readers have also been known to send in postcards). The idea of the project is simple: completely anonymous people decorate a postcard and portray a secret that they have never before revealed. There is no restriction on what the content of the secret must be, only that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before. Entries range from admissions of sexual misconduct and criminal activity to confessions of secret desires, embarrassing habits, and hopes and dreams. [wiki]

I've never heard of PostSecret but I can't say I relate much to the sentiment in the image, although I see how one could relate. First, who says it would be easier to be white? Yes, white skin probably affords certain privileges, but if one were to compare individual to individual, we all deal with a lot of the same problems (office politics, family squabbles, relationships, illness, loss of loved ones, etc., etc., etc.) regardless of race. Besides, if I was born white, who's to say I would be born under similar circumstances? I was raised in comfortable circumstances by a close-knit family that happened to be brown. Would I trade that in to be born into a poor coal-mining family in Appalachia? Probably not. I guess my basic point is, as the post card states, that this person thinks it would be easier. One can't know if it will be easier, so we should stop wasting those brain cells that are asking "what if?" and instead use them to figure out how to best play the cards we are dealt by asking "what now?".

My community was born out of love, Sikhs, and have withstood every trial and tribulation. My peeps will give their head before their virsa. Of course, this is not something expected on a personal level, but the values behind it are deep. Khoob khoob sadaa roop!

No grief for this person though, my respects to them!

sriram, i think you make a very good point. one implicit assumption of course is ceteris paribus. another point is that i think in a generation cosmetic surgery and what not might allow people to become whatever race their want (e.g., much more effective and less damanging skin lighteners).

I was raised in comfortable circumstances by a close-knit family that happened to be brown. Would I trade that in to be born into a poor coal-mining family in Appalachia?

Well sais, but I think the question is, would you be better off if you had been born into all the same circumstances you were born into EXCEPT for being white?

"Yes, white skin probably affords certain privileges"

What are you talking about? Dont you know, after MLK stood in Washington DC and said "I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. That's exactly what happened! MLK couldn't even get to the end of his speech, the little boys and girls joined hands and ran around so much.

Don't pollute the brown-waves with insinuations that previously existing differences continue to persist today in different ways.

I can't diss someone for feeling that way. Must be some circumstances that lead the person to feel that way. Perhaps maturity and experience might fix it. I myself secretly wish I was a man everyday!

I can't diss someone for feeling that way.

that reminds me-- on the random-assed chance that the artist who created this confessional collage reads this blog, i want to make it clear that i was not dissing them. at all.

Perhaps maturity and experience might fix it.

...and a friendly, supportive ear. Sometimes it can be really hard to be the one that stands out in a sea of white faces, no matter how old/experienced you are. Who knows what their day-to-day circumstances are or what kind of support network they may (not) have access to? Hope that person is able to find the encouragement that they deserve.

Umm...the person who created this card could have been white/black/cobblinasian/octoroon etc. I suspect there's no verification process. Even if that is the case, this is not to say there isnt/aren't brown(s) who wouldn't share this sentiment.

My secret is that I am going to take a 2 hour lunch cuz I need to check out a new Argentinian joint in Queens.

I can honestly say that when I was a teenager I shared the sentiment of the person who submitted the postcard. Now I can say I'm proud of being Indian without any question. It took me a little while to get here during the rough years of adolescence when circumstances allowed white friends certain freedoms that I couldn't possibly attain. Now I realize that I had many freedoms as well, I just didn't know they existed. There are many seemingly social "norms" for "Western" society that even as an adult I have not experienced or will not experience out of respect and/or fear of my parents. When faced with decisions that may cause a culture clash in my head, I can be proud of being Indian and have sudden envy of "what could be" had I been a different culture. These moments hurt but can be overcome-- it takes time and understanding.

To envy the group that possesses social privelege is a normal and easy feeling-- but to learn to love what you have and who you are can be very difficult.

All of that aside, what would life be without yogurt, rice, and mango pickle to end dinner????

would you be better off if you had been born into all the same circumstances you were born into EXCEPT for being white?

My answer is specific to my personal experience. I have absolutely nothing to complain about with my lot in life, so aside from superficial things like salary and people's perception of me, the answer is no. I do not think I would be better off.

JOAT also raises a very good point. In my experience, society's insults towards me as a desi man pale in comparison to society's insults towards my sisters, regardless of their race.

I have peeked at their website a few times since it first put it's face out in the publicity machine and have always come away with the feeling that a fair portion of the cards on the site are completely faked.

Maybe by the person who runs the site or most probably by the people who send in the cards.

JayV

glad you posted about this anna... i wrote something about this postcard in my own blog this morning... this Indian gal wishes she was white....because it would be easier...and to be quite honest..I think I agree...that it would've been easier to be white while growing up.. however, at this moment and after growing up and getting past most of the 'growing pain's'..i'm ultimately glad & thankful to have my culture, upbringing, values, and other untangible things that being 'brown' has provided me..

Have you ever wanted to be of a different race, color, sex, creed? I think 99.9% of people have wanted to be in others shoes at some point in their lives... every race has it's own difficulties... the grass only seems greener... although at times you are sure the grass is truly greener on the other side... I found this postcard to be thought provoking..

"offers at least one confession which gives me chills; on September 30, a few of you shivered, too."...

And this is the one that gave you chills? What about the one confessing MURDER right on the same page???

In my experience, society's insults towards me as a desi man pale in comparison to society's insults towards my sisters, regardless of their race.

agreed. most of my female friends have privately sometimes wondered aloud what it would be like to be male. i don't see a symmetric sentiment (publically or privately).

And this is the one that gave you chills? What about the one confessing MURDER right on the same page???

It shouldn't be surprising that I chose the Sepia postcard vs. the sensational.

And this is the one that gave you chills? What about the one confessing MURDER right on the same page???

Exaggerate much? I know this is off-topic, but if you're referring to the postcard I'm thinking of, I believe we're more likely talking about assisted suicide or something. I guess I feel its a fine line for some people, but chill out.

I think the idea of that PostSecret site is pretty cool, even if some of the submissions are faked. I'm glad you turned me on to it. It reminds me of the catharsis that comes from institutional constructions like the South African "Truth & Reconciliation Commission." It's somehow useful to be reminded of the kind of secrets, guilts, and regrets everyone around us is carrying with them all the time, that we don't even know about.

Exaggerate much?

It's probably not even that. I had to go back and reread them to see which one I'd missed. Much more charitable likely interpreation--loved one going into surgery, writer says, "don't worry, you won't feel much pain," loved one doesn't make it out of surgery. No sense of closure, no way of knowing what it was like, guilt at possibly false reassurances, all wrapped up in general grief. That's all.

I thought how true it was when I read it first time. When I was a kid and even now sometimes I think along the lines of 'I wish I had brains bigger', 'I wish my parents were richer', etc., etc. But then immediately I think I have to deal with the cards that are dealt to me. I am sure not insignificant of people feel the same at times.

I love PostSecret and read it often. This is possibly the first postcard I'd seen from someone explicitly desi. Yes, there is no verification process, and some of them may be faked. I do think most postcards are sincere, and that even the faked ones -- though fake to the creator of the card -- reflect sincere sentiments.

When I was a kid and even now sometimes I think along the lines of 'I wish I had brains bigger', 'I wish my parents were richer', etc., etc.

i wonder what % of people around these parts would roll the die if they had to be transformed into the random white person :) i wouldn't take that risk, i'd prolly be stupider :) (and not as good looking :) i think most feel the same. just because we don't have 'white skin privilege' doesn't mean we don't have privilege.

First, who says it would be easier to be white?

every race has it's own difficulties... the grass only seems greener.

On a tangential note, this is one of the reasons I'm against affirmative action. I don't think being black, brown, gay or whatever is overall a worse lot in life than being white.

most of my female friends have privately sometimes wondered aloud what it would be like to be male.

I myself secretly wish I was a man everyday!

I've occassionally asked myself what it would be like to be female, and while I personally shudder at the thought, I don't think it's so bad to be a girl. Statistically speaking, women are more likely to suffer from self-esteem issues and men from narcissism. This might explain why women are more likely to wish they were men than vice versa. Because, honestly, I think women are just as good as men ;)

I love PostSecret. And I'm so glad the PostSecret site doesn't allow discussion of the entries; there's no room for immature judgement like I'm seeing here. Come on, people.

"Perhaps maturity and experience might fix it."

I totally disagree Jane. I consider myself a mature mid-20s working woman who has a great relationship with my family. However, when things come down to me dating and my parents refusing to acknowledge my relationship with a white guy who is NOT a doctor and me wishing that things would be easier if I was white, is an issue of frustration and cultural gap, not maturity and experience on my part. There are plenty of reasons this person might feel this way, many of which that could extend to miscommunication and misunderstanding between the parent and child. I don't think it's fair to look at this person as someone who's an ABCD or "immature" by any means. There are plenty of American born Indians out there that struggle with these cultural issues because that gap between parent and child is never closed or lessened. Or because there is a lack of compromise on either side. It's often frustrating to hear from well-rooted American born Indians that kids should just accept their culture and be proud of it...but when you're exposure has been so limited or when your family and you are not willing to compromise on certain issue and bridge the gap with genuine understanding and love, I can see how some people can get caught up in the never-ending circle of denial and confusion.

Someone should write a PostSecret card about educated SM readers who refuse to use the subjunctive.

brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown. [Link]

I am curious to know, if there is a similar sentiment that religious-minorities in India feel? Does a middle-class Muslim/Sikh/Christian teen feel that life in India would've been better if he/she was a Hindu?

Someone mentioned a coal-mining white-family from Appalachia in a previous comment. I went to Virginia Tech for my undergrad. VT is almost in the heart of coal-mining country near the border of West Virginia. I went there from Qatar, where I had grown up, and in essence it was almost thru the Indians of American origin that I met at VT that I encountered the most obvious discrimination. The majority of white people that I encountered there were in general accepting of who I was. However, the people of Indian-origin were in a sense almost embarrassed to be seen with me. I looked like them, but, was very different. The clothes I wore, the way I spoke, what I knew about America was all very different. Maybe my case was an exception, but, I feel like the way those people treated me was in a way an extension of the sentiment on the post-card. They wanted to be seen as (White) Americans and one way of showing that was probably to show that they had nothing in common with me inspite of the shared racial/cultural heritage.

It's often frustrating to hear from well-rooted American born Indians that kids should just accept their culture and be proud of it...but when you're exposure has been so limited or when your family and you are not willing to compromise on certain issue and bridge the gap with genuine understanding and love, I can see how some people can get caught up in the never-ending circle of denial and confusion.

my personal way is to be me, and then define the world around me... by definition, those around me are those who CHOOSE to be with me.

anyhow this is a philosophical discussion - another time.

"i think most feel the same. just because we don't have 'white skin privilege' doesn't mean we don't have privilege."

You're 100% right. (no sarcasm here) There is class privelage, able-bodied privelage, and all kinds of other privelage in addition to white privelage. But I think the implication in the post card is, [all other things the same] it would be easier. And it works in that direction, because for every rich powerful "brown" guy there's usually a white equivalent, taking the USA as geographical context. Don't get me wrong though, I think wishing you were white, as a way to make things "easier" for yourself is psychologically damaging, but it's a logically sound thought process.

But many whites say the same thing too, "it's so easy for minorities, etc, they get all these special handouts, if I was black it'd be so easy...", and they too have the same implication, that is, with all other things the same, but given the socially stratified history of the country, all things can never be the same. A white one-legged busboy still gets through airport security quicker than a billionaire of muslim descent. A white person doesn't go through their entire life being reminded of his skin color.

A white person doesn't go through their entire life being reminded of his skin color.

that's not true thanks to people like you :) or, to be precise, a non-college educated white person.

It Wasn't Me!

In India, in most cases and most times it doesn't matter what faith you belong to but how much money you have in comparison to the people around you. As long you have money, you have power. With these two things you can get away with anything even if you belong to minorities (There are quite a few such examples if you troll through recent news). So I would say poor people are the ones that get oppressed in India.

what's with some of the meanness, y'all?
I think it's totally human to wish, at some point in your life, for something that you're not. Whether for straight/curly hair, lighter/darker skin, more/less money, fatter/thinner, more/less excitement, taller/shorter, whatever... to be a different race or a different gender, because it may be perceived as easier, is within the same lines. Besides, the point of Post Secret is to air all the little things that people think or feel, yet realize that verbalizing them and having such statements attributed to themselves is probably not socially accepted.

I wish I was 5'1" so I could become a gymnast, walk on my hands, and join the circus.

"that's not true thanks to people like you :) or, to be precise, a non-college educated white person."

Funny, you actually prove my point with your smiley face. If my opinions or "camp" as you like to call it, had nearly the effect that you claim it to have, why joke about it? But the white world view can dismiss me as a "reverse" racist, whatever the hell that means, and call the viewpoint "leftist gibberish." MLK, Malcolm, Medgar Evers, Stokely Carmichael, all these folks constantly "reminded" white people about their skin color - but were dismissed as quickly as they came (three of the four were dismissed by a bullet)

HMF, let's declare a ceasefire until we hit 200 comments on this thread.

I wish I was an immigrant to an imaginary homeland so I could construct my world to my ideals.

Oh.

there's no room for immature judgement like I'm seeing here. Come on, people.

Where do you see immature judgement?? Every person is discussing it with compassion.

I totally disagree Jane. I consider myself a mature mid-20s working woman who has a great relationship with my family. However, when things come down to me dating and my parents refusing to acknowledge my relationship with a white guy who is NOT a doctor and me wishing that things would be easier if I was white, is an issue of frustration and cultural gap, not maturity and experience on my part.

Maturity and experience allows you to manage the cards that are dealt with you rather than experience deep frustration. As we grow up and lose the luxury of throwing our hands up in the air we learn to deal with what and who we are and find creative ways around it. Maturity and experience will eventually allow a person to deal with the frustration and manage the cultural gap. No one says life is a peach. Maturity and experience allows you to shape the world around you rather than define yourself according to the world around you.

coudlnt this be fake "postsecret"?

Guys,
I just posted my first secret. I hope I did it right. Don't judge me.

". Maturity and experience will eventually allow a person to deal with the frustration and manage the cultural gap. No one says life is a peach. Maturity and experience allows you to shape the world around you rather than define yourself according to the world around you."

Jane, this is true. But another question worth asking is, is firefly's "wish to be white to ease things" and the fact that she's in a relationship with a white male entirely uncorrelated throught processes?. Surely one doesn't necessarily imply the other, but it's not clear to me they are completely independent.

If I had my choice I would prefer to be truly brown(er).
Some part of my preference for dark skin is simply aesthetic, but I'm sure it also involves a desire to be more connected to "real" desis... to a community and culture that at times still seems out of reach.
Of course I probably don't truly appreciate what I'd be losing by being darker. Having lived my entire life being able to pass as white, I'm like the stereotypical spoiled rich kid who grew up never understanding the value of money...

I just posted my first secret. I hope I did it right. Don't judge me.

You keep claiming how you have no free time. Yet, somehow, I just don't beleive you.

bd, tanning salons. i know of one biracial woman (light skinned black father, white mother) who tried this out to feel 'more black.'

I know from past summers spent outdoors that I can get remarkably dark with enough sun.
I've never tried the tanning salon thing. That seems creepy somehow... not to mention the fact that too much UV is not good for your skin long term...

I just posted my first secret. I hope I did it right. Don't judge me.

ROFLMAO OMG you kill me...

But another question worth asking is, is firefly's "wish to be white to ease things" and the fact that she's in a relationship with a white male entirely uncorrelated throught processes?

I didn't even think about this. Good question.

This is all very interesting.

I've never wished I was white, although I have wished for other things. As has been said before, I don't think there is anything better about being white. I have had so much luck in life (knock on wood) that I wouldn't trade it for something that I *think* might be better.

If anything, I've wished I was more Indian so I would be better accepted by my desi peers or relatives.

I reread the comments on this post about 6 times before I decided to comment myself. IT WAS ME. that postcard isn't fake and I made it about a week ago after a judge spent 30 minutes of a one hour clerkship interview asking me if i would ever move back to india--indicating his automatic assumption that i was born there and whether i was going to have an arranged marriage. i was there to be interviewed just like any other potential candidate and instead... it just devolved into a discussion about my heritage and not about the law. which frustrated me and drove me to get something off my mind.

i'm the one who combed magazines trying to find the perfect image to indicate my thoughts and then painstakingly pasted my words onto my card.

i appreciate your thoughts of compassion, but in all honesty... its just something i think about everyday. i'm so very proud of my desi identity but there is at least one moment everyday where i wonder if it would be easier to be white. would i be able to go through an interview without being questioned about my heritage? could i possibly have a rational discussion with my parents about my love life? what would it be like to be blonde or a brunette? would i have an easier time putting on makeup? would band-aids actually match my skin tone? would i actually WANT to get tan when i go to the beach?

its all just small things i wonder about... it was just a postcard. it was my secret that i'd been dying to get off my chest... i never anticipated it would create quite the discussion it has. and for that... i truly am sorry if its got you all thinking there's some desi girl self-hating everytime she looks in the mirror... b/c that's not the case.

i don't know how you all are going to respond to this post... perhaps chickpea will email me a note of sympathy? or i'll trigger rounds of "that's such b.s." or "she's making this up." But i don't care. i wanted my secret out and in the open so i sent in a postcard. i hope you don't all make me a pariah for what i've done or the fact that i'm being honest and telling you it was me.

i love this blog and i don't want to have to leave it...

and anna? don't weep for me and don't get chills up your spine... i was just saying what i thought was the truth... doesn't mean i'm not proud to be brown b/c i am.

Damn, that's a ballsy move by you.

i hope you don't all make me a pariah for what i've done or the fact that i'm being honest and telling you it was me.

i love this blog and i don't want to have to leave it...

And why exactly would any (sane) person who reads this blog ask you to leave it or make you a pariah? The whole purpose of the blog is to generate discussion, and you did just that.

that's awful AMU.

though i may have sounded flippant in my earlier comments (also as eponymous_D) it's only because i am not as brave as you as to open up like you have.

my secret: sometimes i wish i didnt have to take it on the chin all the time.

i love this blog and i don't want to have to leave it...

And why exactly would any (sane) person who reads this blog ask you to leave it or make you a pariah? The whole purpose of the blog is to generate discussion, and you did just that.

agreed... that the purpose is to generate discussion but i think i was afraid that people were going to jump on me for feeling the way i do.

agreed... that the purpose is to generate discussion but i think i was afraid that people were going to jump on me for feeling the way i do.

If anything this is one place where if 2 jump on you 20 more will jump on those two. If you read up the vast majority of people understand the sentiment, have felt it at some point or the other and tried to decipher it. You got people thinking and talking. No one is going to attack you for being honest.

And if they do I will personally kick their arse!

Come on! Chin up and just like Sriram said, who would ask you to leave for saying that.

Even I, being born and bred in India, was often found saying to my friends that "Whites have a fair advantage (pun intended) all over the world". I dont say that now because I dont feel that way anymore. It was during my 'American-formative' years that I said those words, only till I found peace walking in my brown shoes.

agreed... that the purpose is to generate discussion but i think i was afraid that people were going to jump on me for feeling the way i do.

Everyone has secrets, and every minority in this country has most likely wondered at some point (and to varying degrees) how much easier life would be as someone white. It is brave of you to out yourself though. Kudos!

i was afraid that people were going to jump on me for feeling the way i do.

I think most of us (ok ok not tryin' to speak for you all) have feelings similar to yours, although they may manifest themselves differently. As I said before I never wished I was white, but I desperately wanted my name to be Sylvia.

Seriously.

P.S. Totally dig the collage.

I still feel ceterus paribus, that wh!tes have it easier. ive thought this a lot. ive just never told anyone...

...never know who will drop in :)

I think most of us (ok ok not tryin' to speak for you all) have feelings similar to yours, although they may manifest themselves differently.

I've always wanted to be The MAN (who is white). That's why I try so hard to use this site in order to be his brown version.

If anything this is one place where if 2 jump on you 20 more will jump on those two.

AMU,

That is so cool. Takes courage to lay claim to a postcard that you thought was anonymous in a community forum (albeit still anonymous.)I have note book pages of postcards I wanted to make and submit, just never got the courage.

"I still feel ceterus paribus, that wh!tes have it easier. ive thought this a lot.."

Not to sound too "lefty" but how exactly is this a point of contention? Eliminating a native population, rebranding the elimination as "settling" or "discovery", and building an economy and infrastructure on forced labor is liable to give one's community relative advantages!

"but I desperately wanted my name to be Sylvia"

This is something I thought of doing a while back, releasing a list of "American-compliant" Indian/South Asian names. And by "white compliant" I mean easy to pronounce. Of course, Indian Christians have a leg up when it comes to the name department, right A n n a?

And by "white compliant" I mean easy to pronounce

there are two issues

1) pronounciability for english speakers
2) familiarity with the name

my name is #1, but, they often it initially cuz they aren't familiar with the name. psychologically when you hear a name like 'john' or 'alex' you don't break it down phonetically, you 'recognize' it and so recall and rememberance is easy. if you have phonetically memorize a name, even if it is easy, people often scramble things. e.g., razib -> rabiz, razid, rasheed, raheem, etc. (when the movie 'juice' was out, 'raheem' was very common).

I think this is a much ado about nothing. Whoa is me for I am not white. If it is a real post, it's probably some insecure teenager who has way too much time on her hands. Nice collage though. Very creative.
How could indian people not love their browness? Our beautiful natural tans that all the white folk wish they could have.

My secret: I can't stand this annoying blog, but I visit anyway.

Interesting view point (again no sarcasm here)

But, I would say names like John and Alex *are* broken down phonetically, even when little white boys and girls are learning it. They just learn them earlier then they learn names like razib. Therefore, your points 1 and 2 are pretty much the same thing. The only thing is, if an unfamiliar name falls into category 1 (that is, the phonemes used in the foreign name exist in the english phonetic alphabet) it becomes easier for it to eventually fall into category 2.

Another issue of familiarity is syllabic emphasis, which is purely taught and remembered, as it's nowhere contained in the actual letters used, so I'm sure you get:

RA-zib
ra-ZEEB

every now and then?

When I say "easy to pronounce" I basically mean sharing phonemes that exist in the English phonetic alphabet, and having vowels with unambiguous phonetic counterparts, such as "A","I",and "U", (E and O can go multiple ways)

Therefore, your points 1 and 2 are pretty much the same thing.

most people know me can say my name really easily after a few tries. this is not true for all brown people from what i have gathered. there is also a contrast between japanese names and chinese names. the former are eventually masterable (although english speakers add emphases where there should be flatness), but the latter are often never mastered (e.g., compare two grad students and their relationship to the white native PI).

Another issue of familiarity is syllabic emphasis, which is purely taught and remembered, as it's nowhere contained in the actual letters used, so I'm sure you get

i don't think this is true actually. 99% of people say ra-ZEEB when they read it aloud for the first time (e.g., doctor's office). when they shorten 99% of the time it is 'zeeb' (i've commented on this as acquaintances/friends do this no matter the social group). it might be a hard-wired bias, or it might be due to the way english emphasizes syllables, but the manglings and pronounciations are not random (they always get 'ra' correct, but tend to mistake 'zib' and replace it with something else).

my dear all mixed up...

i smiled when i saw this:

perhaps chickpea will email me a note of sympathy?

i got my note of kindness yesterday after a rough weekend....

and you know i'm always here for you..my dear..and i'm proud of you and really happy that you let it out.... i understand where you come from...as i mention in my blog... i thought those same things...the grass always seems greener...

sometimes when i was a child... and was frustrated with my fantastic parents (mmom-spicy falafel and dad-baba ganoush), i imagined what life would be like if i was amitabh bachan and parveen babi's kid... (yeah.. jaya badhuri was out!)... i know...brown hindi filmi dream..

Hey!

I saw this postcard and saved it, it really startled me because I love PostSecret and this is the first time a racial/cultural one has been about/by an Indian...

Freaky because it was on the same day that there was a show about Indian girls competing in beauty pageants not allowed to go further because it wasn't felt they would represent NZ accurately...

Even if it was some teenager's melodramatic wish I think there is a grain of 'truth' in there that makes you look again. Sometimes a roughly made postcard can say more than a million essays and books on postcolonial identity.

i loved it, AMU, because it spoke to me too.

i completely understand how you feel!!

On the name issue:

Just to clarify, Sylvia has nothing in common with my real name, it was just something I liked when I was 5.

I'm always intrigued by people who "westernize" their names, whether by choice, or because others have done it for them. Often it's a natural nickname (Sanjay=Jay), but I had to laugh (sorry if you do this) when I heard my cousin Anupama's best friend refer to her as Pam at her wedding. I was like, "Who the F is Pam?"

I emphatically refuse when people who have just met me ask if I have a nickname. I have several, but they're terms of endearment from loved ones, not shortened versions for lazy strangers.

Call it a chip on my shoulder if you must, I've come to terms with that.

HMF,

Asides

:This is something I thought of doing a while back, releasing a list of "American-compliant" Indian/South Asian names. And by "white compliant" I mean easy to pronounce. Of course, Indian Christians have a leg up when it comes to the name department, right A n n a?

Not a sentiment shared by Padikekuddy Shaji Kurilose and Vazhakattan Markoseachhan. ( some Purathana Sooriyani Christhiyanis..)
Here is what Vivek Cherian uses : "We Wake Cherry Ann"
Totally funny!

And big props AMU for saying it was you :)

It's so brave because seeing your postcard posted up on PostSecret would already make you feel exposed, but exposing yourself to the possibility of the trolls that sometimes plague this site is even braver!

I didn't weep for you, maybe had more of a bittersweet smile because that's what it evoked for me.

An inner pride conflicted by outer hesitance because of what the world tells you...

Made me a bit scared of my summer clerkship interviews... I had a similar experience last week when I won some funding for a non-profit business idea I had for helping indigenous and Polynesian kids through drama and writing. Most of the (old white) people who asked me about my idea didn't ask about it at all, just about how long I'd been in the country, how I could speak so well etc.

Very brave to admit your secret alongside your brown pride though :)

..and when I mention my given Christian name, some insist on the existence of "orignal" Indian one.

"Padikekuddy Shaji Kurilose and Vazhakattan Markoseachhan"

huh? Are you saying they're Christian? Most Indian Christians I've met in the US have Christian names, wow, learn something new every day.

"I'm always intrigued by people who "westernize" their names, whether by choice, or because others have done it for them. Often it's a natural nickname (Sanjay=Jay), but I had to laugh (sorry if you do this) when I heard my cousin Anupama's best friend refer to her as Pam at her wedding. I was like, "Who the F is Pam?""

This practice kind of confuses me too. I won't go as far to say that is similar to when black men conked their hair, but it's definitely in that direction.

I won't go as far to say that is similar to when black men conked their hair, but it's definitely in that direction.

Well, I for one am glad that you didn't go quite that far.

I think this is a much ado about nothing. Whoa is me for I am not white. If it is a real post, it's probably some insecure teenager who has way too much time on her hands. Nice collage though. Very creative. How could indian people not love their browness? Our beautiful natural tans that all the white folk wish they could have.

what i wouldn't give to be an angsty teenager again... but alas... i'm not... i'm a grad student. sorry to disappoint...

and thanks for the props on my creativity... give me a can of rubber cement and a couple magazines and i'll be happy for hours.

AMU, ignore the haters. alas, love is silent, but rancor speaks :-)

amu:
just out of curiousity's sake.. how did you find out that your postcard was online on the blog? or was it just by chance you saw it on SM... just wanted to know how you felt about it when you saw it over the internet...

see ya soon in la biblioteca my dear... :)..

chickpea,

how did you find out that your postcard was online on the blog?

i read postsecret every week.

AMU - I haven't experienced your feelings since I was about thirteen, but your honesty in declaring them is very impressive.

A side issue in relation to the interview questions you got: In Canada there are laws against asking inappropriate questions during interviews about race, nationality, gender, sexual orientation etc. Rights to equal treatment are entrenched in the Charter, and employers like this boneheaded judge would be dragged in front of the Human Right Commission. Can someone please explain to me WHAT IS FRIGGING GOING ON in the States?

amu, been there sister!

during my med school interview to ucla, the physician (a psychiatrist i might add!!!) spent a significant amount of time questioning me on whether i would be subject to an arranged marriage and how this would play out on my professional pursuits. what ever happened to "why do you want to be a doctor?"

i most certainly wished i was someone else that day.

On the main issue, All Mixed Up, I feel for you and I wonder if you had more support if you would not feel like that. I think it can be awful lonely to be in situations where you feel, alone, and maybe you think if you were not desi you would not be alone?

side issue,

I've occassionally asked myself what it would be like to be female, and while I personally shudder at the thought, I don't think it's so bad to be a girl.

Well, I wouldn't want to actually change genders, but it'd be cool to communicate emotions and make emotional connections like many women are able. And also it would be nice to not have to prove yourself in the way dudes are expected to have to all the time. Sometimes it'd be cool to just admit I can't do XYZ thing and ask for help. As a dude, not as possible.

-chuckle-

Sahej, are you internalizing this though you do say it better.

..and when you got to put your name down at a noisy restaurant what's the name you randomly choose :-) ?

Dharma Queen,

There are such laws in the US too. But what are you going to do if they do ask such questions in the Interview and you really want the job? You will have to answer to that person's satisfaction or they will not "feel comfortable with you" when writing up your interview report.

Amanda,

You answer the questions, then quietly file a report with whatever regulatory/legal bodies take care of these issues down South. Or you sue the pants off them, whether you get the job or not (isn't sueing the pants off people a national sport down there?) If you get the job and do any of the above - yes, you're going to feel the heat. Better that, though, than going home and wishing you weren't Indian. That's the truly sorry state of affairs.

Im a white guy who married a Desi girl two years ago. During my trip to India several months ago I was reminded of my skin color on an almost hourly basis during trips downtown or to various temples and monuments. It may not have been my skin color necessarily but the juxtaposition of my incredible pale hue was next to my wife's rather dark brown skin tone. Needless to say I was given a window into how my wife feels as one of a few brown people when she accompanies me to church or other functions where the majority of people are white. There were different types of stares during my trip to India: stares of curiosity from strangers, stares of amazement and happiness from children, and rude, angry stares from disapproving locals. It's hard to blame someone for not understanding another person's perspective or point of view if he or she has never been exposed to the same experiences. As Addicus remarked to Scout in To Kill A Mockingbird, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it. "

The Post Secret is thought provoking and promotes a sensible discussion. In the end people are always facinated with the qualities that they do not possess. White people want to have a rich dark tan, so we sit underneath ultraviolet lights to achieve this goal. Indian matrimonial proposals constantly tout the "Fair-skinned" characteristics of the future bride and fairness cream is sold in cosmetic stores to help women achieve the effect of lightening their skin. As someone mentioned before the grass only seems greener on the other side. There is beauty within all of us and it is only waiting for us to find it. Be yourself.

As someone mentioned before the grass only seems greener on the other side. There is beauty within all of us and it is only waiting for us to find it. Be yourself.

Sorry, Christopher, but my understanding of this postcard is not wishful thinking that life could be better for a desi as someone white; rather that life would be easier. Specifically, that if she had been a white candidate, AMU wouldn't have inappropriately been asked about arranged marriages during an interview. The point is that she couldn't "be herself", because she had already been stereotyped by another.

Comparing this to a white person getting UV treatments to "have a rich dark tan" for aesthetic reasons isn't at all similar. The contexts and power dynamics for thse two identity fantasies are vastly different. More analogous would have been escaping the "rude, angry stares from disapproving locals" that you and your wife received while in India if you had been desi.

What, no shout out to Maisnon?!

i wonder what % of people around these parts would roll the die if they had to be transformed into the random white person :) i wouldn't take that risk, i'd prolly be stupider :) (and not as good looking :) i think most feel the same. just because we don't have 'white skin privilege' doesn't mean we don't have privilege.

Not me, man. The devil you know...is...well...me. :-)

BrooklynBrown - Fair enough, but the postcard is going to evoke different responses and stir up different topics for different people. In my humble opinion there is not necessarily one correct interpretation of that postcard although the author may have intended there to be only one.

Stereotypes are a fact of life. There's nothing we can do about their existence. We can combat them with interaction, knowledge and understanding. I grew up in a suburban college town in Texas and went to a small tree lined liberal arts college in New Jersey. Everyone in Texas assumed I went to a gritty urban school off the Turnpike next to a nuclear power plant, while people in New Jersey assumed I lived on a ranch, rode and horse, and asked where my cowboy boots were. As an American, I am automatically labeled as loud, brash, ignorant, arrogant, and imperialistic by the majority of the world based on the actions of the US government or US citizens that often occurred prior to my existence on this planet. There's nothing I can do about this initial perception, but hopefully people come to the understanding that not all Americans are George Bush or Donald Rumesfeld.

Ignorance abounds and there are idiots everywhere who will say and do stupid things either out of mere ignorance or through a deliberate effort to cause harm. To quote the great physican Sir William Osler, "One of the first essentialls in securing a a good-natured equanimity is not to expect too much of the people amongst whom you dwell. " - Aequanimitas.

that reminds me-- on the random-assed chance that the artist who created this confessional collage reads this blog, i want to make it clear that i was not dissing them. at all.

I reread the comments on this post about 6 times before I decided to comment myself. IT WAS ME.

what are the odds of this ?!

Great post, Christopher. I can't speak for every desi who lives in the West, but I can honestly say that the postcard sentiment is spot on. When you hear about racial abuse in the news and nationalist political parties saying we don't belong here, then you think that we wouldn't have to
put up with this crap if we were white. But I rationalized this sentiment last year after the 7/11 bombings: it was somewhat painful to travel the tube (subway) or buses for the first couple of months, as people would stare at you either scared or angry.

Having said that, I have not felt that doors were closed in my life because I was Indian, much the opposite.

Christopher,

I think the analogy to India is the more appropriate one versus the idea of having a tan. While it might be nice to be browns-skinned from an aethetic point of view, the unfortunate fact is, our color here also marks is negative ways. If only it was a neutral phenotype. Although I think in the generation behind me, things are vastly different, and skin color is almost down to something thats just a superficial difference.

But I think if you were in India, it would be hard for you, depending on the circumstances. I can see how it would give you a window into how your wife might feel here.

Hairy,

I think you're right, probably very similiar sentiment!

and anna? don't weep for me and don't get chills up your spine... i was just saying what i thought was the truth... doesn't mean i'm not proud to be brown b/c i am.

...and please don't tell me how to feel. you created art and i had a reaction to it. i have the right to express myself, just as you do.

i think it's great you came forward and revealed that it was your postcard because it inspired a lot of supportive mutineers to reach out to you, but i can't say that i understand the last part of what i quoted from you. like you, i am proud to be brown, but unlike you, that is EXACTLY why i don't wish that i were white. it's one thing to ponder an easier life, it's quite another to wish for it on a daily basis. still, i'm sorry for your interview experience. many of us have been there and it's awful. i wish it had been easier.

but i can't say that i understand the last part of what i quoted from you.

maybe AMU just means that she does not want to be pitied ... though there is a lot of empathy for the emotions she expresses in the secret, there is also a lot of pity doled out as well

You answer the questions, then quietly file a report with whatever regulatory/legal bodies take care of these issues down South. Or you sue the pants off them, whether you get the job or not (isn't sueing the pants off people a national sport down there?) If you get the job and do any of the above - yes, you're going to feel the heat. Better that, though, than going home and wishing you weren't Indian. That's the truly sorry state of affairs.

So the sue crazy American culture has permeated up north as well. Do you really believe this? A curiosity tangent discussion, albeit inappropriate in nature and despite making the person being interviewed terribly uncomfortable is worthy of suing someone? You don't think for a minute that it's just highly overreacting? And you recommend it even if the person gets the job? Would that really be the right way to start off in a new job?

Being in adverse situations prepares us with the appropriate defenses the next time. One can ignore it and wish s/he were white but if it happens again and again and the person would naturally develop a defense to deal with the issue. At some point something internal kicks in and you stop hating yourself and begin loving yourself. This is what I meant earlier when I said maturity and experience in life eventually makes these insensitive situations better manageable.

AMU are you doing something about how you feel? How do you cope with it once you are past the "well I'm not white" issue?

maybe AMU just means that she does not want to be pitied ... though there is a lot of empathy for the emotions she expresses in the secret, there is also a lot of pity doled out as well

OK, its hard to know what her state of mind might be given the relatively lack of amount of information, which is reasonable. But, we all know this topic cuts a lot of us to the quick. We've _all_ gotten to points where its hard for us for no other reason than we are desi/brown, ect. We've all had those moments when we "look in the mirror". I applaud AMU for bringing this out. Is there pity? Is it directed at her, or it is directed at the choice we're all faced with? No thinking desi has never thought to themselves, wtf is going on when something not cool happens. I remember a friend laughing at me when some ijiot told me I was the color of, you know. This was my best friend, we were in Junior High, and I was never able to be the same around him. My reaction at the time was not to internalize though. Because parrellel to any thing I may have encountered from others, I was brought up to know my history as a desi, and, it was a natural output that I became very proud. Some ijiot calls me something and I go home and remember my mom telling me about Bhagat Singh with tears in her eyes? No contest man.

So I think, there might be some pity in there. Maybe its misplaced. I sure hope its misplaced and that AMU has her sources of strength. To the extent an emphermeral thing can give support, keep your head up AMU.

Peace, Love, and Strength

AMU,
I appreciate your postcard. It reflects a very simple, and very old truth about assimilation. Actually, such expression is probably one of the healthiest ways to express the disquiet someone might feel when placed in a parallel position to the one described.

ANNA

it's one thing to ponder an easier life, it's quite another to wish for it on a daily basis.

AMU are you doing something about how you feel? How do you cope with it once you are past the "well I'm not white" issue?

i don't think i expressed myself fully. i'm PROUD to be desi. i love my identity and what it makes me and who it allows me to be. but sometimes... i wonder what it's like to be not me. it's not about coping... i am who i am. and i'm proud to be who i am. i'm not white, i'll never be white, and that's okay.

Amanda:

There are such laws in the US too. But what are you going to do if they do ask such questions in the Interview and you really want the job? You will have to answer to that person's satisfaction or they will not "feel comfortable with you" when writing up your interview report.

I don't know if there are regulations barring it, but corporations are definitely instituing policies in their HR departments prohibiting such questions being asked. At the last company I worked for, interviewers were prohibited from even asking what ethnicity a candidate was. Their interview had to be based on their own specific skills, work experience, etc. Realistic hindrances to being a successful candidate were discussed, but you couldn't make conversation in the interview and say, "hey, so where are you *originally* from"? You really shouldn't be made to answer such questions.

But there are ways to handle it with tact nonetheless. If they ask you questions about how an arranged marriage would affect your employment you could just say that regardless of the circumstances surrounding your marriage, it would affect your in the same way any employee getting married would, and in any case, it wouldn't affect your job performance. You've answered their question, and still kept your business to yourself. :)

Do you really believe this? A curiosity tangent discussion, albeit inappropriate in nature and despite making the person being interviewed terribly uncomfortable is worthy of suing someone? You don't think for a minute that it's just highly overreacting?

An interview is not the place for the interviewer to satisfy his/her curiosity. You are there to determine if the applicant has the skills necessary for the job. Questions about race, religion, sexuality are bordering on the illegal. Hence, the "overreacting".

Umm...the person who created this card could have been white/black/cobblinasian/octoroon etc. I suspect there's no verification process. Even if that is the case, this is not to say there isnt/aren't brown(s) who wouldn't share this sentiment.

Not to discount that there may be brown people who share this sentiment, but I wondered the same thing when I saw this, having encountered 'educated white progressives' who veiled their own prejudices and insecurities in a pity party for minorities. I knew some who would do their best to convince me that I couldn't get a job, buy a home in a 'good neighborhood' or even walk down the street as easily because of so much societal prejudice against my name and color. In fact, it seemed to really upset them when I said "You know, it's really not THAT bad."

"Christopher,

I think the analogy to India is the more appropriate one versus the idea of having a tan. While it might be nice to be browns-skinned from an aethetic point of view, the unfortunate fact is, our color here also marks is negative ways."

Exactly, this is the same argument I've heard many whites use like, "When I'm on the basketball court in venice beach, they assume I can't play just cuz Im white...." or something thereabouts. Just how important is playing basketball or "having a great tan" when compared to more intrinsic human qualities such as, honesty, integrity, vigilance, etc.. all of which are accorded to white people more disproportionately, a priori

But I think if you were in India, it would be hard for you, depending on the circumstances. I can see how it would give you a window into how your wife might feel here."

I'd say a foggy window at best. The US has a irrefutable, undeniable history of negative treatment against minorities.

I don't see how having a different skin color would be easier per se considering most of the brown teenagers I know act white anyway. It might be easier to be white if the person was constantly stopped in the airport by the color of their skin or got strange looks when mentioning their religion so I think adults would be more likely to have this feeling (and by adults I mean like middle aged). Most adolescents don't even stress they are Indian so maybe this girl shouldn't stress it so much if it bothers her to say the truth. She doesn't have to make a big deal out of it unless her culture plays a huge part in her life.

HMF -

Are black Americans any more clued into desiness than white Americans?

Is it easier for black Americans to pronounce the name Priyamvada Subrahmanian than it is for white Americans?

Do black Americans understand and accept the concept of arranged marriages more than white Americans, and hence, are they less likely to inquire from above mentioned Priyamvada in the cube next to their's at work if she had an arranged marriage?

Why is it white Americans that are by default accused of these things? Is it because the commenters here have very little, if any, exchange with black Americans?

That would be my assumption, because my experience with black Americans is that they are NOT more clued in or even neccessarily more respectful than white Americans of desis/desi cultures.

Anyway, I'm just really wondering about this after reading so many comments about whites in vis.a.vis desis on this site.

JOAT,

Yes I believe this. I am thirty four years old and have had jobs since I was fourteen - and I've never once been subjected to the types of appalling questions people on this board have. I'm convinced this must be because of the equality provisions in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. If you have no Human Rights Commissions, or their equivalent, down there, then some other legal action MUST be taken. To sit and weep is cowardly. Speaking out and protesting have ways of severely curtailing this sort of behaviour. After all, why should you suffer to get a job you are qualified for? Why should you be subjected to distressing and unfair questioning to obtain what you deserve? Even if you get the job, why should you have had to pay a steeper price for it? A lawsuit - in the absence of other legal alternatives - is to my mind EXACTLY what such situations call for.

"But I think if you were in India, it would be hard for you, depending on the circumstances. I can see how it would give you a window into how your wife might feel here."

.........."I'd say a foggy window at best. The US has a irrefutable, undeniable history of negative treatment against minorities"...........

Um, in many small towns and villages of India, shop-keepers and street-roamers openly yell out "lal bandar", pink moneky, to white people. If it's not that then it's "firangi", "angrez", "videsi", "moti", "putli", whatever.

Where does this happen on such a scale in USA to minorities? Shit! You'd be slapped with a law suit!

And it's not limited to the white firangs either. Plenty of my African friends reported being called out "kalu" to in the streets of India, real loud!

They obviously think we don't know any Hindi.

DesiDancer,
"Whether for straight/curly hair, lighter/darker skin, more/less money, fatter/thinner, more/less excitement, taller/shorter, whatever..."
With your long list of bodily attributes, it almost read as if you wrote "more/less excrement".

senaX,
"what are the odds of this" -- I'm still an unconvinced skeptic. Sorry, AMU, nothing personal, I just don't believe you. Don't feel bad, I don't believe in most things.