Pennsylvania Congressional candidate Raj Peter Bhakta is desi, so you figure he has an affinity for elephants. And he’s a Republican, so you figure he has an extra-special affinity for elephants. So it only makes sense that the brother would turn to some pachyderms to assist in his campaign.
Which brings us to… Brownsville, Texas, not exactly part of the suburban Philadelphia congressional district Raj hopes to represent, but the frontline in his topmost issue, the one that occupies front and center of his campaign website: Illegal immigration. On Tuesday, folks near Brownsville were surprised to see these three elephants in the Rio Grande, prompting, according to the breaking-news item in the Brownsville Herald, “reports that someone was crossing into the United States from Mexico on an elephant.”
Well, upon further investigation, it wasn’t quite Hannibal crossing the Alps, but instead a stunt occasioned by an epiphany:
He was in Brownsville to raise funds with friends and decided to get a first-hand look at border security while he was here, he said.
In Brownsville, he witnessed half a dozen men swim under one of the international bridges with complete immunity which in turn prompted him to take the immigration issue to the next level.
Bhakta decided to see if he could get an elephant accompanied by a six-piece mariachi band across the river.
The elephants splashed, the mariachi band played, the cameras rolled for the inevitable campaign commercial. Bhakta was shocked, shocked:
He said he was staggered by what happened on Tuesday and was planning on sharing the story with his potential constituents.
If I can get an elephant led by a mariachi band into this country, I think Osama bin Laden could get across with all the weapons of mass destruction he could get into this country, Bhakta said.
Well, Bud Kennedy of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram has a different take. In a classic “don’t mess with Texas” column, he eviscerates Raj in many different ways. For one thing, he found out that the elephant supplier was kept in the dark and unhappy how his pachyderms were put to use:
Circus producer James Plunkett of rural Van Zandt County near Dallas said he thought he was renting out three elephants for a private party at a ranch east of Brownsville near Boca Chica beach and the mouth of the Rio Grande. He didn’t know until I called him Wednesday that the guy riding one elephant was not a birthday boy, or that the camera crew was not shooting a family video.
“These animals are treasures,” he said. “To put them in jeopardy or use them that way — that’s not something we would be party to.”
Moreover, Kennedy points out,
… any Texan knows that we can go down and fish or wade freely from parks and private ranches along the Rio Grande, with or without an elephant.
We want most of the river kept that way, although a few crossings could use better Border Patrol roads or a mile or two of fence.
A few miles from the border, though, somebody always stops you and asks who you are, your citizenship status and other pertinent questions.
Such as, “Where did you get the elephant?”
That’s what happened the moment Plunkett and his trailer hit the Border Patrol checkpoint, five miles from the ranch. If Bhakta wanted to prove how easy it is to sneak an elephant into the country, he wound up proving that the Border Patrol is on the job.
“It was amazing to me how many officers showed up when we hit the checkpoint,” Plunkett said. “They had two guys, then four guys, then 50 guys in a matter of minutes. They gave us a thorough workover. I came away very impressed with the Border Patrol.”
Even Bhakta’s host, a Republican on whose ranch he filmed, disagreed with the implications:
“They told me this guy wanted to come out and shoot a commercial,” Lerma said. “I figured it was a good way for him to learn something about the border. I live 20 yards from the water. I think the border’s pretty secure. I want all these people who want a big fence to tell me: Where do you want the fence? Right by my house? Where do I water my cattle?”
Kennedy’s pithy response: “Ask the guy from Philly.”
