October 18, 2006
Non-essential computer useHumor
Yesterday I made the stupid mistake of forwarding this article as an internal memo to my SM bunker-mates:
Scientists at Stanford University say the United States is loaded with Internet addicts who are possibly as clinically ill as alcoholics.
The nationwide study suggests that more than one in eight adults has a hard time staying away from the Internet for more than a few days at a time. And one in 11 tries to hide his or her online habit…The survey, conducted over the phone, found that nearly 70 percent of respondents were regular Internet users and 14 percent found it hard to stay offline for several days at a time…
According to the research, the typical Internet-addicted user is a single, college-educated, white male in his 30s who spends approximately 30 hours a week on nonessential computer use. [Link]
Minutes later the thirty-something Ennis sent out an earnest email indicating that he would not be logging on to SM for the rest of the day and asked us all to look after his post. In retrospect I realize that I should have followed the example of Kim Jong Il and kept a lid on such information. Too much knowledge decreases worker productivity. 
I realize also that this article might make some readers a bit anxious and reflective. Please don’t reflect. I assure you that SM falls under the essential use category.
Thanks to a couple of tipsters I also wanted to point you all to a relatively new website. CNET has a review:
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That one raised eyebrow makes her an intimidating desi woman. I like it a lot. |
Talk about an interactive search engine. A new search site called Ms. Dewey features a sultry woman who makes wisecracks related to the keywords that are typed in. The search results appear as a long, scrolling list in a window that pops up on the upper right.
Set against a futuristic cityscape background, Ms. Dewey—with her hair pulled back—probably represents a digital-age librarian. Her name refers to the Dewey Decimal classification system used for cataloging books in libraries.
Her quips relating to keywords range from mundane and silly to provocative. For instance, during a search for “George Bush” she mentioned how easy it was to make jokes about the president. For a search for “sex” she picked up a yellow ergonomic exercise ball and said “Safety first, and make sure you get it on film…” [Link]
So what does the first article about internet addiction have to do with the sultry Ms. Dewey? Isn’t it obvious? I’ve been reading the many neuroses laid bare on that other thread and I thought I’d offer my wise perspective on dating desi. I know that in reality nothing works. Why bother? Instead, I have found comfort in the arms of Ms. Dewey. She is the strong, beautiful, witty, articulate (sometimes verbose), and smarter-than-me desi woman I’ve been searching for my whole life. If any of you fools linger too long on her site I will hurt you.
Ever since I was a kid watching Star Trek I have dreamt that my computer would talk to me in a woman’s voice. Ms. Dewey does. [NOTE: None of the questions or answers below are made up. These were real responses]
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My girl dressed up in a lab coat just for me. I will not tell you what I said to coax her into that sexy outfit. |
Abhi: “Do you like me?”Ms. Dewey: [A microscope magically appears on her desk] “Uh-huh, just what I thought. A major case of mid-life crisis.”
Abhi: Why aren’t desi girls in to me?
Ms. Dewey: “It’s not easy to find someone who will love you for you…and I do mean you specifically.”
Abhi: Let down your hair.
Ms. Dewey: Somebody needs to get a hobby, like say…something interesting.
Abhi: Would you date me?
Ms. Dewey: In the cage I’m all about submission holds, in the street…straight up brawler. You were asking about dating right?
She is assertive too, just how I like. If I went for too many seconds without typing in a search string she would say:
“Hello…type something here!”
So women, my advice to you is this. Rather than keep wondering what the problem is with desi men, spend some time with Ms. Dewey. She is what we are looking for and she had this desi boy at “hello.” For the guys, just trust me, don’t ask Ms. Dewey if she has a boyfriend. Trust me.
abhi on October 18, 2006 05:08 PM in Health and Medicine, Humor, Profiles, Science and Technology · T·r·a·c·k·b·a·c·k address · Direct link · Email post
¤ DesiPundit said: Ms Dewey
I think every brown man just found a new hobby - talking to Ms. Dewey.
one in eight adults has a hard time staying away from the Internet for more than a few days at a time.
A few days? I have trouble staying away for a few hours (when I'm not sleeping). Leave me without internet for a few days and I might go crazy.
A+, not T&A.
this is too funny. thanks for the headsup on Ms. D. I wrote on there..."slap me silly" ... she of course pulls out a cat-o'-nines...
Scientists at Stanford University say the United States is loaded with Internet addicts who are possibly as clinically ill as alcoholics.
I'm Vivek, and I have a problem.
This is awesome!! Google, you are finished!!!
Damn you Abhi! I really had some work to do this evening...
Damn, that is fun. I just wasted 15 minutes typing things in and listening to her answer back feistily at my rude questions.
Her real name is Janina Gavankar and she's Dutch-Indian!
Her real name is Janina Gavankar and she's Dutch-Indian!
What she is, my friend, is disconcertingly beautiful.
Several of you are treading in ban-worthy territory. Perhaps I was unclear as to the fact the we're together.
Wowz. I noticed after 90 minutes there were actual search results on the right of the screen.
Ban me if you like, but I lowe this woman. I lowe her. And I bet that somewhere, deep down within the recesses of her Indo-Dutch heart, she lowes me too.
abhi..this is hilarious.. thanks!
Interview with her.
JG: I dont in that respect just because I am American and Im not quote/unquote very Indian. In some respects if its an Indian part, I might not be Indian enough. (laughter) Because Im one quarter Dutch. My mothers half Dutch, so I dont look entirely Indian. I mean, I think I do. (laughs) Im brown. Ive got big brown eyes. Im Indian. So I have a little bit of a mix up in there and sometimes people dont believe me.
Abhi, I nominate you to be the male version of this, pouting and winking and being cheeky and cute for millions of female internet addicts who will lust after you ;-)
Get to the back of the queue, Kobayashi!
Holy cow!
Ms. Dewey is just fantabulous! I have already fallen in love with her.
Who is behind this search engine?
Regards,
Aninda
Even her movie sounds amazing!
Jack Fender is an ex-erotica photographer and current porn photographer. He is chosen by God to be the protector of the Holy Grail. He is a man who had lost his will to make erotic art photographs and his faith in God years ago due to the death of his wife, Tina. He must regain his faith in God and also protect the Holy Grail from evil people who want it.
A porno director chosen by GOD to protect the Holy Grail! Tell me this won't be a great movie!
dutch? loox like abhi likes a little cream in his coffee.
>>I think every brown man just found a new hobby - talking to Ms. Dewey.
I read about msdewey.com on the news tab last night and spent 4 hours last night on the site. I was memerized...the search itself was slow and doesn't work most of the time. I just kept hitting the refresh button to see her throw a fishing line at me....
...brown ppl got nothin' to live for!
Oh great thats all we need, a hot brown sista to take away the men we've been working over for so long. Fine louue her but she can't give you what you need and think of all the competition you have to put up with.
***jealous rage**
OK nevermind I take it back. I am in love with her too. Good lord!
You might want to read this article on the assumptions behind "Internet Addiction Disorder".
No wonder the search results suck - they're all from MS Live Search. Ugh. There really is no reason to look past her.
I fell in love with Janina the first time i saw her in her bit role in Barbershop (she was a reporter in the movie)
Why would anyone with internet access want to restrict their use for several days at a time? Better put: how many people in general (who already have access) go without using the internet?
I'm not addicted. I'm just efficient at procuring information.
haha, put the speakers up and try "halloween"
and "brad pitt" if you want to see ms. dewey's male assistant show up.
uncles/aunties please allow the pun..... Dewey Desi-mal system!!
sorry,1000 apologies ;^}
>>haha, put the speakers up and try "halloween"
>>and "brad pitt" if you want to see ms. dewey's male assistant show up
keep em coming, more ideas please...
I'm not addicted. I'm just efficient at procuring information.
Oneup, well said. Me, I'm just addicted to blogs (I do get useful things done now and then).
This web site could just kill the last vestiges of productivity that I desperately try to hold on to.
LOL! when I typed my name in, she took out a black fetish whip, raised her right eyebrow, and said, "like i always say, a girl's got to be prepared..." and then she cracked it on her desk! i just want to know where she bought her whip :P
in case anyone's curious, i bet it might work for other girls' names too...you know you want to see it!
Heck...I'm female and I have been searching all sorts of stuff! Good thing that I am bumming at home right now! This philandering would definitely get me fired at work!
Ms. Gavankar definitely has my attention. I too am an internet addict now.. damn it!!
hahaha try 'war on terror' or 'janina'
Sassy! Wow, she even has an answer to
"Who am I?"
You do know that I know your Social Security number, right? Heh...no, not really. Oh but, yes I do.
Several of you are treading in ban-worthy territory. Perhaps I was unclear as to the fact the we're together.
Well, that's crystal clear -- I type "Abhi" in the search box and she says, "Sorry, I can't talk about that. My hands are tied." And she swirled around to reveal that they, er, were.
But look out, Jealous Abhi -- I typed in "pied piper" and she says, "Well played -- indeed you do give good search."
The best response? When you type in "Janina Gavankar" -- clever.
I did not imagine ANYTHING in the world could displace Google as my search engine and home page..until now.
Kush (#19), thanks for posting a link to that song...what a classic! I've been looking for it for ages but could never find it on youtube, I think I was spelling it wrong.
damn it...its not working now...
Thanks, Amitabh.
Here is another one apt for the discussion on this thread, and for Taz's thread too - laila o laila
PS: I am the drummer in the video. See I am not intimidated even in the presence of........Zeenie baby
Open the pod bay doors, Janina.
Wow. Thanks, Abhi. Uh.
F*** correcting papers, I've got good, um, search, to give.
Wow.
if you fell in love with her, what would your parents say?
I'd love to see the search list of terms that people have utilized thus far. It might give the recently "released" AOL search engine results a run for its money.
MudPhuDgirl - if you don't mind me asking, what area is the PhuD in?
what did your parents say?
Her quips relating to keywords range from mundane and silly to provocative. For instance, during a search for George Bush she mentioned how easy it was to make jokes about the president. For a search for sex she picked up a yellow ergonomic exercise ball and said Safety first, and make sure you get it on film [Link]
It's actually a helmet. I'm such a loser. Such. a. loser.
She has a blog.
Seriously.
Go ahead, ask her!
Ms. Dewey is a blogger. Now we know why Abhi is really in love with her.
'kama sutra'
'New Orleans'
you have to search the same thing a couple of times to get an original response.
it's pretty funny, very addicting.
Best. Search Engine. Ever! (Aside from using up all of my CPU and the MS Live results, of course.)
keep em coming, more ideas please...
Her response to "George Allen" is quite funny. Try "I think I love you," if you want her to rip you a new one.
Anyone listen to her song? It's not bad, but I'd rather listen to belittle me for asking her stupid questions. @=)
More of her music ca be found here.
Alas, Ms. Dewey is already married...
...to Microsoft.
Be afraid Google. Be very afraid....
Rip you a new one? She'll pour you a beer!
I got her to speak in Japanese. Got some unique returns with "Bus Schedule", "Pistol Star" and "Disco"
Ritam - that was hillarious!
Ritam rocks!
I asked her for some funky dance moves and she bounced around while beat-boxxing "nn-tss-nn-tss-nn-tss" Awesome. My day is going to be 100% unproductive now.
if you search for ludarcis, she talks ghetto
awesome
She really gets me.
She completes me.
(no seriously, she gets me, check out the search results she suggests... yeah!)
ok seriously addicted to her.
If you want a show, type in "dance for me!"
booya!
Good God.
This is awesome.
Abhi, you've single handedly brought the desi GDP down by a few points. Show this to rest of your astronaut space cadets, it may prove a useful diversion and distract the competition. Just like Patton's Army waiting at Calais distracting the German Panzer divisions.
You want more?
Janina at Deviantart
Ok Ok,
i will stop I promise. But in her diary on Deviant art she gives suggestions. Type in "gun" and search it over and over again. *drool*
Abhi, you've single handedly brought the desi GDP down by a few points.I strive to provide the masses with opiate in these troubled times.
I strive to provide the masses with opiate in these troubled times.
Dear Leader, are you "rownry" ? ;)
Someone give Abhi a kiss for posting this...
When I typed 'robot', she obliged and danced it for me. Once. The next time she went all ghetto and cussed me out.
If you're lucky, she'll put on her best announcer voice to say..."And in this corner, weighing all of 145lbs - The World's Loneliest Man"
Type out whip, leather or S&M !!!
ABHI -- I am sorry to say this but....what about RICARDO?????
ABHI -- I am sorry to say this but....what about RICARDO?????
You should have read the last line of my post very very carefully. Look towards the wall of the cave only.
In my continuing attempts to prove my worth as a blogger I have uncovered for our eager readers a rather incriminating video of Ms. Gavankar (a.k.a. Ms. Dewey). It seems she has a bad-ass past as a wheel-man.
That video reminds of something they'd play during Beavis and Butthead back in the day on MTV.
In my continuing attempts to prove my worth as a blogger I have uncovered for our eager readers a rather incriminating video of Ms. Gavankar (a.k.a. Ms. Dewey). It seems she has a bad-ass past as a wheel-man.
Proving your worth as a blogger will have to involve: weekly updates about Ms. Gavankar.
I am like the tons. I am on the computer 24/7 Look its a friday night and im still on it. someone please save me,.....hahah
That dewy site doesnt seem to work. Everything I type doesnt work. I even checked for myspace things?
Looks like Omnicom, one of the largest advertising firm is behind it. Wonder what are they selling? Is this a viral marketing for some new product or just a showcase?
Darn, looks like MS. Dewey is married to Microsoft - a part of "Microsoft awareness campaign".
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The search site featuring the witty Ms. Dewey draws its search results from Windows Live Search, which isn't too surprising considering that she is part of a Microsoft awareness campaign.
...
After being revealed as Ms. Dewey's sugar daddy, a Microsoft representative passed along confirmation and the rationale for giving Ms. Dewey a virtual place to live with a great view of a city and plenty of access to Windows Live Search resources:
"This is not an advertising campaign. This really just an experiment for exploring different ways to introduce people to search and Live Search specifically. We are not promoting the site but simply putting it out on the Web for discovery."
I was trying to look up the words, but it showed zero options. Then I wanted to send or email Ms. Dewey to a friend, but it said there was a server error. Is it the browser or the ISP or what?
What she is, my friend, is disconcertingly beautiful.
She has so much make-up on, how can you tell if she is beautiful or not?
Try this link for one of the funniest response
http://www.msdewey.com/index.html?s=bling%20bling&r=EA-035
Other things to look for are
dance
gun (try a couple of times)
beer
American idol
art
hip-hop
#79 - any links to info about what omnicom is doing?
miss dewey is on the 'web pages that suck list for tody'... :) and i couldn't agree more with all of this:
Ms. Dewey's only reason for existing is to get in your way. It's a Flashturbation nightmare. The first time you go to the site, you waste a lot of time watching her move around and talk because it's a novel concept. You quickly get bored so you skip the intro. You're presented with a box where you're supposed to type your query and click the Search button. The results she presents are nearly unreadable and unusable. There's not enough contrast between the text and the background and what is incredibly stupid is that it is impossible to scroll through the listings and read them. You can't get them to scroll slowly.The second time you go back, Ms. Dewey has lost her novelty and becomes more irritating than a telemarketing call at dinner. This concept is really, really awful. Didn't anybody at Microsoft notice this? Did anybody there actually use the product or did they just sit around congratulating themselves on their cleverness. Obviously, these Microsoftians didn't see documentary "Spinal Tap" or they would have remembered the classic line, " It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever."
Microsoft went over the line. Ms. Dewey sucks.
Chick Pea,
I don't take kindly to you dissing my girl.
:). it's not just me.
saw this on Gizmodo:
http://www.valleywag.com/tech/microsoft/new-search-icon-has-softporn-past-220580.php
Ms. Dewey is a new, humanized search engine from Microsoft. An animated figure, played by actress Janina Gavankar, knocks the screen to remind the user to type a search query. "Hello-oooh, type something here," she says, impatiently. The only problem with human search engines: they're human, and they did anything to get ahead, when young. On Ms. Dewey's search engine, Janina Gavankar shows some geekbait cleavage. In b-flick Cup of My Blood, the actress showed off rather more. Photos after the jump, not safe for work.
