37% single young men have had a homosexual experience, compared to 31% in 2004”

That seems pretty high too.

49% young men have had sex with sex workers. In Ludhiana, it as high as 63%

I guess that's the "butter chicken" Ludhiana's famous for. Yowzers.

i am not at all surprised at the results, actually expected much higher percentages... with the rates of HIV increasing, it's just horrifying to think that safe sex is still not on much of a forefront as it needs to be.. ... and the incest numbers are just disturbing, period.

I wonder if the incest numbers include having sex with cousins which is not that uncommon in the Muslim community in India. Its of course not considered incest in the Muslim community though.

safe sex is still not on much of a forefront as it needs to be..

Here, Here!!!

in terms of incest, the family members do not necessarily have to be females who are being forced into sex -- it could be male family members who are being forced into sex too.

in terms of incest, the family members do not necessarily have to be females who are being forced into sex -- it could be male family members who are being forced into sex too.

Some might well be, but it's a lot less likely.

This article is interesting but it is also disturbing.

Some of these findings, by the way, don’t quite add up. For example, while only 46% of young males claimed to have had sex, “49% young men have had sex with sex workers. In Ludhiana, it as high as 63%.” That seems a bit bizarre. After all, if you’ve had sex with a sex worker, you’ve had sex.

This disparity concerning the data results could be directly related to how the question was put forward and how it was understood by the males questioned. Although I expected the numbers to be much higher, disturbing part of the whole article is definitely related to HIV. I am not sure how many people in the subcontinent are infected by the virus, but it appears the real data is still yet to come out to the general public.

That is a scary thought.

This was a topic I talked about back in November. I would rather, these men paid a prostitute for sex than take out their sexual frustrations on a member of their own family.

I remember being in India a few years ago and seeing a lot of advertisements about the AIDS number passing 10 million or something like that. Does anyone know what the number is today? Also have any of the programs that the government and NGOs put in place 5 years ago when this whole issue came to the forefront made any dent in educating the masses affected the most about HIV and protection? I know there was a deliberate and big effort to educate sex workers for example. I'd be curious to know.

That truly is the only disturbing thing about the survey. The HIV stats. That people are having sex earlier than 30 is IMO a good and positive thing.

Ennis, it is possible that the questions were framed differently when asking about having sex versus having sex with sex-workers. For instance, "Do you visit sex-workers?" might mean the same thing, but can really yield very different answers. Also, there is a lot of ambiguity surrounding the word "sex" and what really connotes as an act. If Bill Clinton can claim he did not do it, then I am sure a lot of guys surveyed might also have made similar claims.

Mr. K, that book is so sophomoric it makes Kaavya's magnum opus look like "War and Peace". I read it on a road-trip between Delhi and Nainital this winter and I roundly cursed myself for picking it up over Suketu Mehta's Maximum City.

Also have any of the programs that the government and NGOs put in place 5 years ago when this whole issue came to the forefront made any dent in educating the masses affected the most about HIV and protection?

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation coordinates a lot of that work in India. Clearly they have made a dent in the masses about AIDS in general if 50% of men have reported using a condom always. That is a pretty high number, although I am not sure how that compares against other countries.

I also don't believe the 50% figure. Self reported numbers on these surveys are problematic, and you have to assess how much under and over reporting you have. In this case, I would bet that many more people say they use condoms than actually do.

Are you all sure the "sex with family members" number does not include wives?

Gazsi

ennis

dont jump to the conclusion that sex w/ family members = forced.....incest doesn't necessitate a lack of desire by the female

I read the funniest thing recently in "The Inner Ape" by bonobo researcher Frans de Waal. In talking about why self-reporting is sometimes a problem, he says that when psychologists did an experiment where college students were hooked up to a (fake) lie detector, suddenly the number of men's sexual partners went down, and the number of women's went up -- to, as you would guess, about even with each other. ;)

Mr. K, that book is so sophomoric it makes Kaavya's magnum opus look like "War and Peace".

I heard him read an excerpt from it, and it sounded hilarious. But I've noticed recently that he doesn't list it among his publications, which is quite odd. DDiA, what were the weaknesses?

I think the 'incest' is between devar/bhabhi or jija/saali most of the time, NOT actual blood relatives (I HOPE). Men sleeping with their bhabhis is supposedly not that rare in northern India.

I always lie on sex questionnaires. I have never told a single true thing about my sex life to anyone ever. They just wouldnt be able to handle it.

Very interesting findings. I agree, the perceived incompatibilities of the figures may because of the way the questions were asked and/or interpreted. I also agree that given the sexual repression prevelant in India, it is likely that these numbers represent under-reporting

The most disturbing finding was one about the prevalence of incest, which implies that a large number of females are having forced sex with family members:

“14 per cent [of single males] claim to have had sex with family members.”

As has been pointed out, this could well have been consensual, and don't forget that these could very well have been homosexual sex as well... between male cousins for example. As I have been told by other gay Indian friends, this is not an uncommon occurance at all, and probably is because of the sexual repression. High hormones levels and no access to girls in mid- to late-teens often makes even straight guys engage in facultative homosexuality (with friends, cousins et al.). It they are straight of course they would probably prefer to forget it and wouldn't admit to it later.
I should also say that after Monsoon Wedding was released, Indian female friends and acquaintences have asserted that unwanted attentions from a older male family member, usually an uncle, isn't uncommon.

And yeah, in the Indian context, I am not surprised at the reported number of men who have had a homosexual experience. As I have mentioned above, people having had a homosexual experience does not mean they are homosexual or even bisexual. And of course people living as heterosexuals, e.g. married with kids, but who are actually bisexuals or homosexuals are not uncommon in India, in fact dominate the Indian "gay" population (or as Indian gay activists prefer to call them, MSMs-- "Men Who Have Sex With Men"). Any of the numerous Indian gay forums would provide ample evidence for this.

"37% single young men have had a homosexual experience, compared to 31% in 2004”

does holding hands or hands over shoulder count?

Are you all sure the "sex with family members" number does not include wives?

Only single men were polled, so it's not with their own wives.

Oh. Right. Carry on then.

Men sleeping with their bhabhis is supposedly not that rare in northern India.

Never heard of that before.

suddenly the number of men's sexual partners went down, and the number of women's went up -- to, as you would guess, about even with each other

Here's a formula: For men, take the number of women they claimed to sleep with and divide by 3. That is the real count. For women, usually multiply it by 2 for the real count.

Here's a formula: For men, take the number of women they claimed to sleep with and divide by 3.

dammit

That is the real count. For women, usually multiply it by 2 for the real count.

: ( ... thats its, I am gonna kill her!

I think more indian men AND WOMEN should be having sex as single. And yes, with protection , contraception, medical examination(if they can afford to test for STDs before sleeping with a partner) and sex education. I dont understand why indians have to be sexually repressed.

I, as a female indian, an upset that I have to feel sex is a TABOO right here in america. My parents nevered talked to me about anything "sex" related and at home we avoided the topic at all costs. If a sex scene came up on a movie , my parents would fast forward through it, or I would chang the channel if there was kissing on TV. My parents would not have any of it.

I am pretty sexually screwed up, IMO. I now view sex as a horrible thing and get very angry when I hear people say how wonderful it is. In my viewpoint, sex has become a sin. I have a boyfriend, who is white, and doesnt understand my viewpoint at all. My parents would kill me if they found out I am with this white man. I never intended on having a boyfriend, but because this guy kept pursuing me I enjoyed the attention and eventually liked him. I had sex with him. I cried. I thought it was the worst thing in the world. I kept thinking how sinful and bad it is. I kept thinking about how I was raised and that now I am a horrible indian girl. According to my malayalee upbringing, indian girls are to be chaste and those that are not are ostrasized if someone found out. If my parents were to ever find out (by the way Im 200 miles away in college, a senior right now) they would not want anything to do with me. I believe that they will think that my life is over.

I wish indian people would be less strict when it comes to sex. What I mean is that I wish we could have pre-marital sex with someone and not be looked down upon if revealed. Why must we go against our natural body callings? Why must I not satisfy my body's needs unless its under a particular "social norm"??

I hope more young women are able to have sex in the future without being looked down upon as sluts, worthless, used, etc. THis is happening around the world. Men , generally, are allowed to have sex premaritally and not have a bad reputation but women are to be chaste???

I believe this is social control of women throughout the world. Young women do not need to be told WHEN they are allowed to use their body; rather they should be told how to protect their bodies/minds/wellbeing through the process of embracing their sexuality.

But I've noticed recently that he doesn't list it among his publications, which is quite odd.

DDiA, what were the weaknesses?

This fits in perfectly with his literary style that reminds me of the godawful book called "Inscrutable Americans" by Anurag Mathur. Banal observations tied together with the above-mentioned stereotypes delivered in a long Woody Allen whine. His book is not much of a travelogue as much as it is a denouncement of everything bad that he sees about north India.

Sorry for the off-topic Ennis.

DDiA, what were the weaknesses?

The main weakness is his jaundiced view of small-town India (north gets most of his *love*). It was derided as a sanitary inspector’s report of small-town India. It is funny in places. The humour often comes at the expense of gawaar Indians.
At times, he seems clueless about his surroundings. The guy is at a bus stand. His biggest gripe? Lack of quality English newspapers.
He does make some valid points, but a more balanced view would have been appreciated.

does holding hands or hands over shoulder count(as homosexual behavior)?

someone answer this question because most folks here would consider that sort of behavior to be homosexual. but it's prevalent in india.

Men don't necessarily have the kind of boundries in India that they do in the west. Men are far more comfortable hugging, holding hands and even getting emotional over eachother. If women can do it with eachother so can men. I feel like after Brokeback Mountain came out the "brokeback" jokes that went around the office among the guys started to get really irritating. American men are ridiculously homophobic versus the European ones at least in the environment around me. Nothing like making a joke and outing yourself as a homophobe.

My parents would kill me if they found out I am with this white man.

Just a thought, but perhaps you should not be publishing your thoughts on the Internet with a link to your email address.

JoAT:
there are about 5.5 million PLWHA in India as of the latest UNAIDS estimates. a few years ago, a crappy report came out that predicted this number would jump to 20-25 million by 2010. http://www.dni.gov/nic/special_nextwaveHIV.html

OMFG!!!!!!!! I didnt even realize that my email is revealed. O shit. O shit. O god, it even says optional in paranthesis. O dear. I didnt even pay attention.

well, you guys, I just stole someone's email account and put it on here. I do that with all the blogs cuz eventually they bann me and then I have to come up with another email address to get access to them again. I never use my real email cuz I dont ever want to be harrassed by people who hate my comments.

Perhaps the SM Intern can help The Pickle out by deleting the e-mail link?

I hope that the moderators will remove "MangoPickle"'s email address from her post #27.

I took care of it. The intern is out buying bananas. BTW, "Pickle" I had emailed you about this but you didn't respond ...

Pickle, I understand where you are coming from. I wish my parents had told me something, anything about sex, instead of "don't get yourself in trouble." I want an open communication with my kids when I have them and I want my daughter to come to me if she wants the pill. We can change the way we raise/educate our children about sex. I don't think sex is evil, granted I had to de-brainwash my parents edumucation.

"Mangopickle" Sometimes you need to check before you write (that's why it says optional in big letters). Well you must like pickles!!! Hey if you want to get your frustrations of repression out, there are a lot of us that can help you out:)

mangopickle,

forgetting your little mishap for one second, your original post is probably how many young desi girls feel. i've heard your same story many a times from indian girls around your age. know this, you and most second generation (in any race or gender even) have to put up with their folks conservative view of the world. but hopefully you can take comfort in the fact that your kids will be best prepared and confident for the world in the topic of sex, sports, education, culture and society.

sambol, don't be jerk dude.

MangoPickle

Thoughts and advice (handing over a bag of salt)

You are not alone. Be careful. Don't be ashamed. Have sex if you enjoy it, but know that guys do lie from time to time, so protect yourself. Sex does not equal love. Lustful sex while good and enjoyable is fleeting. Sex with someone you love feeds you and sustains you.

Most guys don't mature until at least well after college, and some of us never at all. Most of us guys don't know what we are doing when it comes to sex even though we think we do (see Y Tu Mama Tambien discussion with the older woman and the guys about their girlfriends).

Anyone's first time is likely to suck, but like anything it gets better with practice.

My thoughts after my first time (her third) "That's it?" My experience with two girlfriends who were virgin. One wasn't ready but thought she was and she cried afterwards. Things got better and it lasted two years. I made the second one wait the first time she brought it up. I told her she needed to think about it. That went much better. Needless to say these were both white girls, so I'm guessing the feelings of guilt cross cultural and religious lines at least to some extent.

Take care of yourself. Don't be afraid of what your parents will think if they meet this guy. There will be drama, there will be arguments. All things pass in time. You need to fall in love with someone for yourself and for who he is, not simply because you parents approve.

"I just stole someone's email account and put it on here. I do that with all the blogs cuz eventually they bann me and then I have to come up with another email address to get access to them again. I never use my real email cuz I dont ever want to be harrassed by people who hate my comments."

just out of curiosity, what does that mean - you stole someone else's e-mail account? you used someone else's e-mail address without permission or with their permission?

Some of these findings, by the way, don’t quite add up. For example, while only 46% of young males claimed to have had sex, “49% young men have had sex with sex workers. In Ludhiana, it as high as 63%.” That seems a bit bizarre. After all, if you’ve had sex with a sex worker, you’ve had sex.

BS, no. I think what's problematic is the increasingly lax attitude towards having safe sex and in getting tested for STDs, etc. I find myself continually shocked that my college-educated friends still do stupid shit like use the pull out method, don't get tested for anything, and don't know the experiences of their partner. I'm still with Jocelyn Elders that if kids were taught to be cool with their sexuality and encouraged to engage in self-lovin', this may help mitigate risky behavior and general horniness.

Asha's dad thanx for sharing that incredible insight. I wish someone had shared that with me when I was a child. Not like I have any sob stories to share but there are so many things in life people learn on their own. I have come full circle to practice and follow what my parents taught me when I was a child and not become ashamed of being deemed conservative but I needed to fail and falter and learn on my own to realize the value of that advice and rebelling and doing whatever the hell I wanted to was an important part of learning to be an adult.

So often parents can easily forget that. Human beings are incredibly resilient, we have the ability to let life give us so many opportunities to correct ourselves. It's important to create an environment to let your children fail and eventually correct themselves if the need be because the vast majority of mistakes I've seen with me and people around me were always corrected.

Am I the only one that thinks the increasingly casual Western attitude towards sex is a negative? Leaving aside the dangers pregnancy, HIV and other diseases, does anyone besides me think there may be some value to the idea that sex should be something special between two people that love each other?

You'd be surprised to learn how many people believe in what you believe in. By your own admission you were promiscuous once but now you think sex should be a special thing between two people. That is just the natural cycle of maturing and growing up. Everyone should be afforded that luxury. Deeming the exploring phase as you went thru as being 'casual western attitudes' is not allowing people the option to mature and grow. Young people have been having sex for a very long time, the whole reason why marriage took place far earlier in olden times, because that need was recognized.

Enjoying sex is not mutually exclusive to protecting oneself from HIV or pregnancy or whatever.

What exactly does "cool with your sexuality mean"? (Not being sarcastic, I'm actually wondering. Usually I hear that in reference to people who are struggling with sexual identity i.e. transgendered or homosexual teens)

As a society we send out very different messages about what sexuality implies. My general impression from living in America for about 22 years and growing up year is that "sexuality" here means your ability to attract sexual interest from potential mates. For girls, it seems like this used to be "Don't let anyone between your legs" and has now evolved to "Put your sexuality as far out there as possible." While for guys it is basically the same. I'm not a big subscriber to the idea of a monolithic patriarchy where guys secretly formulate societal norms to keep women in check, but if I was I would say that the current image of female sexuality in the popular discourse is almost completely created to satisfy the interests of the male audience. Unfortunately, the prominence of this discourse has led many of our young women to believe that "being cool with your sexuality" means exposing your body and generally allowing yourself to be objectified as much possible. I can't count the number of inappropriate outfits I see on girls under 12 years of old during a typical trip to the mall. What we have in America is not people that are comfortable with their sexuality; we have people who are told that in order to be comfortable, they must have as much sex as possible. That doesn't seem to make sense.

The best father-daughter speech I've ever seen on sex was on Friday Night Lights a couple weeks ago, the guy pretty much tells it like it is: Guys are dogs who are obsessed, and they don't improve until they grow up, or not at all. They will say and do nearly anything to get it. Speaking from my own experience, I think that's right on the money.

JOAT-

My purpose in using my own past was to illustrate it as negative. i don't deny that young people in every place on earth are horny and have sex. It's definitely normal to be sexual during your teen years. But my own experiences (both good and bad) taken as a sum total, I wonder what I really gained beyond fleeting physical pleasure. Now that I am considering serious relationships, I wish that I hadn't done everything I have. I'm sure for some girls and such you could view that phase as "exploration" but for me to do so would be to ascribe undue significance to what was basically just another college guy getting his rocks off. My experience has been that rather than preparing you for more serious committments later in life, sexual promiscuity at a younger age seems to lead to a disassociation of love and sex. I understand that some people prefer this, but personally I think they are missing out. I know that I am basically unscathed and in many ways the same or better off than I was at a younger age, but that is hardly the case for many of my peers from college and I remain unconvinced that encouraging sexual activity before marriage somehow leads to healthier happier adults.

What exactly does "cool with your sexuality mean"?

But I also have to blame sex education in the U.S. The stuff they teach in public schools is absolutely ridiculous.

I remain unconvinced that encouraging sexual activity before marriage somehow leads to healthier happier adults.

OK so what would you like to teach young people who need an outlet? Abstinence till they are in their 30s? 40s? Since marriage doesn't happen till then for a lot of people. Do you have other more realistic options?

Free rabbits ;)

OK so what would you like to teach young people who need an outlet? Abstinence till they are in their 30s? 40s? Since marriage doesn't happen till then for a lot of people. Do you have other more realistic options?

That said, I totally agree with you JoAT, I'm just teasing :)

But I also have to blame sex education in the U.S. The stuff they teach in public schools is absolutely ridiculous.

I have so many mixed emotions about this. The sex education in my school was laughworthy and more scientific than psychological, it was also many years too late and everyone in the class already knew what sex was at that point.

The thing is children learn about sex so much earlier now than they did before. It's creepy. They say to have conversations with children much earlier about sexuality, morality and relationships but it's hard to do that with a 7 year old. I of course don't have any kids so I'd really love to hear the thoughts of any parents lurking who have had to deal with this.

And ultimately I would like to believe that sex education and ethics/morals/values and what is important should be taught by parents to the kid not by a school. But obviously we have an entire generation here (me included) that didn't hear a peep about sex from their parents and for the most part sex wasn't even acknowledged so obviously the school serves it's purpose.

I'm not saying abstinence, I'm just saying that my personal feeling is that sex is better when associated with love and sometimes damaging when it is pursued purely for its own sake. Since the discussion seems to be how desi parents should approach the topic, I would simply repeat my parents advice: We know you will have sexual feelings and be tempted to have sex, and this is perfectly normal. You may decide not to wait, and that is of course a choice that only you can make. Before you make any decisions, be sure that it's not simply lust or fleeting sexual attraction; sex is about the connection between two people and the weaker the connection, the less fulfilled you may feel afterwards. If you feel that you are ready to have sex, make sure you are respectful of the girl and her feelings, and make sure you both understand exactly what the nature of your relationship. You should never have to convince someone to have sex with you, nor should you allow yourself to be convinced. It should be an act of giving and not taking. Make sure you take all necessary precautions, but understand that condoms and birth control are not full-proof. No matter what, if you can't talk to a person about sex and your feelings, you probably shouldn't sleep with them. Ultimately when you find someone you are compatible with, sex will not be the reason or the defining factor. If it is, you should seriously consider whether this person is right for you, or if you are entering into a relationship for the right reasons. It's especially important to be honest about your own intentions and history, and make sure that whoever the girl is, she knows that you are not simply taking advantage of her or using her for her body. What makes sex pleasurable once the initial physical attraction fades is the emotional connection; most young people have no concept of this, which is why we think you should wait until you understand these ideas better.

That's pretty much what I was told, word for word, when I was 14. I think it's pretty good starting point.

I would simply repeat my parents advice: That's pretty much what I was told, word for word, when I was 14.

You got more than the average desi.
The average desi gets anywhere from NOTHING to "I'll break your legs/disown you/you will go to hell/god will hate you/I will kill myself/you will die of AIDS etc etc" from the average desi parent.

Bidi: I'd be totally cool if my parents gave me the talk you got. I went to Catholic school and got limited to no info on what a sex or a women's cycle. I remember being absolutely terrified and ashamed when I got my first period. First, I thought I was literally dying. Second, I was afraid to have a conversation with my mom b/c we never had open dialogue. Sex talk - HA!!! There was nothing. This is what my mom said, "don't get in trouble." She never elaborated on what trouble was.

sorry mad typos: I went to Catholic school and got limited to no info on sex or a women's cycle.

JOAT and Bengali Chick-

If what you are saying is true (and I believe that it is) then all I can do is blame your parents. Pure and simple. They obviously failed in their responsability to educate you about the most important topics. That being said, most of my friends growing up got some version of this talk; so I have a hard time believing that it is still a problem among all Indian-Americans.

In India on the other hand, I totally believe it, but they are dealing with a completely different cultural framework, one that still values chastity as the highest virtue for not only women but also men (Brahmacharya). Are they hypocritical? Sure. But no more so than American preachers who tell their congregations that all gays and fornicaters are going to hell, and then commence to go home and fornicate with both sexes.

If what you are saying is true (and I believe that it is) then all I can do is blame your parents. Pure and simple. They obviously failed in their responsability to educate you about the most important topics. That being said, most of my friends growing up got some version of this talk; so I have a hard time believing that it is still a problem among all Indian-Americans.

I can see how most of your friends and you would be the real deal versus an entire generation of desis who would say otherwise would be wrong. Sometimes not looking beyond our own situation can cause that. A simple google search would garner you tons of articles/blogs/articles on exactly this issue. And the failure you so easily heap on the parents would include parents from a vast majority of the Indian subcontinent and most of Asia. So according to your logic either the parents are losers but you doubt it because you and your friends got sexual guidance from your parents. Yet according to your admission you choose to ignore it and were promiscuous so how exactly are you better off than those that aren't getting any guidance and are indulging in the same behavior.

In India on the other hand, I totally believe it, but they are dealing with a completely different cultural framework, one that still values chastity as the highest virtue for not only women but also men (Brahmacharya).

but you also say:

I'm not saying repression and avoiding the topic are the answer & I know that we are all human and we all have needs and desires that need fulfillment, and I'm not opposed to the idea as long as both sides know what is at stake.

I'm not trying to be belligerent I'm simply following your line of logic and I don't get it. Are you saying 'having a talk with your kids' is going to prevent them from having sex? Because really that is what I got out of it.

OK so what would you like to teach young people who need an outlet? Abstinence till they are in their 30s? 40s? Since marriage doesn't happen till then for a lot of people. Do you have other more realistic options?

MASTURBATION.

Camille!!! I am SHOCKED. SHOCKED I say!

BTW -> i have always wondered if there's a market for desi colored dildo's. all those who'd buy a "suitable boi" (TM) (with realistic hair and a wiggly prepuce) say aye - I'll begin negotiations with the manufacturers right away.

there's a market for desi colored dildo's.

Folks-FYI. I include a whole unit on sexual practices, including mastubation over at Dead Prez High health class. Parents can opt out their child by signing a form. I'm very thorough.

Dead Prez High health class.

Heh

Bengali Girl -

I remember being absolutely terrified and ashamed when I got my first period. First, I thought I was literally dying

What about Judy Blume? I thought Are Your There God, It's Me Margaret was mandatory reading for girls

Of course the movie Carrie is probably the most extreme example of how not to approach the subject of menstruation and the most important lesson for all...never mess with a woman during that time of the month or at least don't pour pig's blood on a telekenetic.

Camille I salute you (standing up, saluting, and applauding)

Of course the movie Carrie is probably the most extreme example of how not to approach the subject of menstruation and the most important lesson for all...never mess with a woman during that time of the month or at least don't pour pig's blood on a telekenetic.

Camille!!! I am SHOCKED. SHOCKED I say! Camille I salute you (standing up, saluting, and applauding)

I Have an Angry Vagina" from The Vagina Monologues. I love the idea of fur-lined stirrups, warmed "ducklips" and satin/velvet robes. It would be soooo great to have something equivalent once a month!

somebody! Talk to her. Get her out before it's too late.

Oh, hairy_d, Talk To Her is so much creepier! In that scene the attendant totally rapes the comatose girl!

At #57:

I don't agee with everything you say - but I did hear of a few female relations of mine who were not told anything about sex by their parents before they were married (late 70s - early 80s) and were quite frightened on their first night (or whenever they did it for the first time). While having pre-marital sex (or not having it) is a personal choice, I find it quite weird that parents (especially when they know their daughter has never had sex) do not tell them about it before they get married. That said, my parents never broached the subject - but I guess it's because they thought I knew enough anyway ...

what i don't get is why this society thinks one is not responsible enough to drink but mature enough to have sex before 21? this society makes no sense to me on these issues.

More sex, more risk of HIV. The youth of this country need to rethink their priorities. The current generation is equivalent to the Baby Boomers in being the critical driver of economic growth and India's emergence rests on them. Frivolity would be an opportunity lost

The average desi gets anywhere from NOTHING to "I'll break your legs/disown you/you will go to hell/god will hate you/I will kill myself/you will die of AIDS etc etc" from the average desi parent.

Well put, JoAT. Add a couple more "you will become impotent/not have children" etc as a consequence of sex before marriage and so on. I guess the ideal desi boy, according to the average Indian parent, is one who shows no signs of a penis or testicles ever, until he is married off to some girl of their choice and then miraculously sprouts those organs once in a while in order to manufacture more good desi boys.

Pickle, guilt about sex is not restricted to girls. As a guy, I grew up like the avg desi, with no healthy information about sex whatsoever. Being a nerd compounded my sexual ignorance.

It took me several years after coming the the US to get over my guilt about even wanting sex. And of course, then getting the hang of the whole dating mechanism and the incredible amount of prejudice that American women seem to have against virgin guys is a whole another story. But it was worth the effort, I do think it helped me grow up and become a more confident person.

I would take these statistics on sex in India with huge grains of salt. Urban Indian people, both men and women, are notoriously hypocritical about sex (mostly from anecdotal experiences with friends/acquaintances). With women, I see the "It's ok to have sex before marriage, but I won't ever do it" attitude all the time. There is still an enormous conflict between tradition and modernity. Middle-class urban kids are always under pressure to present a "cool" image, but are held back by tradition.

More sex, more risk of HIV.

Not if you use a condom!!!! It really isn't more complicated than that...

More sex, more risk of HIV. The youth of this country need to rethink their priorities. The current generation is equivalent to the Baby Boomers in being the critical driver of economic growth and India's emergence rests on them. Frivolity would be an opportunity lost.

Well Gorbag, the previous generations were very carefully unfrivolous. And look where that left India. ;)

Assuming an active sex life span of 40 years, and an average of twice/week for the first 20 and once/week for the next 20, there are about 3000 copulations per life. And someone who remains virgin till 40 has missed out on roughly 2/3rds of these. A bit of a tragedy, not to say of lack of skill levels required for a rather engaging aerobic activity.

Sex is not dangerous.. Driving is an order (or two) of magnitude or more dangerous, esp in places like India. And sex is one of the few highs that most of us are entitled to and are capable of experiencing without a university education. One of the peaks of human experience and a damn good sleep inducing agent. Masturbation is ok and porn is a necessary evil but sex is amazing and I say this with all humility. One of the great perks of marriage (or a safe partner) is condomless sex.. condoms suck. Also I wouldnt downplay the role of sex workers in educating significant chunks of the male population. they perform a valuable service and need to be gratefully acknowledged. And that many of them have skills that are like 3 standard deviations above the average woman.

These surveys are a joke sometimes. What would be interesting is to know the no. of people who were surveyed. I remember india today bringing out a similar article in 2004. The no. of people they had interviewed then were 134 and they qouted %'s. :)

I think survey was correct. I know my couple of my friends who had sex with their cousins. It's shame but what we are going to do. Do not forget that survey might included our Muslim brothers and sisters.

some more updates here.
http://www.criticblog.org/2007/07/10/good-news-for-moral-brigade-indians-virgin-till-22/

These surveys are a joke sometimes. What would be interesting is to know the no. of people who were surveyed. I remember india today bringing out a similar article in 2004. The no. of people they had interviewed then were 134 and they qouted %'s. :)

If random, it's large enough to be representative:

The survey of more than 2,500 men aged between 16 and 25 conducted by India Today magazine [Link]

hello, my name is johny.i want to make sex with near about 20 years girls.if there is any girl of ludhiana who is interested in me pls send me msgs on my e mail id superman393@gmail.com.i m waiting with my LUND.