An “anonymous” tipster [Thanks, gf.] passed on a link to the Cornell American, which seems to be a free newspaper available on campus up there in gorge-us Ithaca. Apparently, it is a publication so desirable, you are limited to one copy per person, but I’m keeping you from the relevant background info so I’ll give you a sec to peep the following blockquote about the awesomeness which is The Cornell American:
Founded in January 1992, its mission is to “raise a traditional American perspective, so as to balance debate on campus and to further conservative ideals.” The opinions presented in the Cornell American are solely those of the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the advertisers or persons listed as staff.[link]
The alert mutineer who blew up our hotline asked this salient question:
Satire or “Ivy Twerps [being] Ivy Twerps” to quote Siddhartha?
She posed that query regarding a mock schedule of events for “Islam Awareness Week 2007!”, a piece so significant, it didn’t have a byline more specific than “staff”. How thoughtful! How helpful.
Here’s what I have to say to that— and by responding thusly, I have now officially turned in to my parents, but I think their take on such things is appropriate in this case, especially— if you have to hide something, doesn’t that tell you you’re doing something wrong? Eh, edi?
Highlights of the agenda after the jump.
This past week, The Muslim Educational and Cultural Association held its annual Islam Awareness Week 2007. As if Islam wasn’t made painfully aware to Americans already, we at The Cornell American decided to co-sponsor some events of our own. The following schedule of events this past week were both enlightening and entertaining…
Tuesday, 4/10
3:30 — Campus-wide militant riot. Meet at CJL. B.Y.O. AK-47.
5:00 — Flag-burning on Ho Plaza Denounce the imperialist agressors.
8:00 — Sunni-Shia Hockey Showdown at Lynah Rink Losers beheaded according to the will of Allah.
Wednesday, 4/11
4:30 — IED Construction Dos and Don’ts with the Chemistry Department (Baker 101 E) What has some bang? What fizzles? Don’t embarrass yourself—come to this instructional seminar!
7:30 — Make your own kidnapping video with the Film Department (Schwartz SB23) Ropes, victims, masks, and large blades provided.
10:00 — CUTV presents Jimmy Carter’s self-detonation for Palestinian rights Broadcast live from Haifa.
Thursday, 4/12…
8:30 — Burqa Beauty Pageant @ Schwartz Auditorium in Rockefeller Hall Grand Prize: Be stoned to death for being a shameless harlot. Runner-up gets a goat.
Friday, 4/13
Noon — Jihad on Day Hall Occupy Day Hall until the Campus Code of Conduct is changed to reflect sharia law…
* Camel Parking provided.
** Security at all events provided by CUPD and Hezbollah.
Well, kittens? Whatcha think? Offensive? Ignorant? Intolerant? Stupid? Not worth our time? SO worth our time? Less interesting than whether or not Abhi’s outfit was lame, at the BollyVedding of the century?
Oh, and are any of our readers current students who can give us mutineer-on-the-scene commentary?




