August 01, 2007
Obituary: WIDWNRIn Memoriam
MUTINEERS,
I am saddened to report the sudden and unexpected demise of our beloved friend, Whoa— is dating White not right? (July 28, 2007 -August 1, 2007).
Right was born in an indie coffee shop, in the heart of Washington, D.C., via the twin modern miracles of a stickered, 12” iBook and wifi. In his short life, he profoundly affected many mutineers; Right challenged long-held assumptions, enlightened us about dozens of subjects and was a welcoming, tolerant figure in our community. He will be missed.
In lieu of flowers, Right’s grieving family humbly requests that when SM does its annual plea for donations to keep the site going, a la PBS/NPR, you contribute a rupee or two in his memory, especially since his Mother HATES ADS AND WILL NEVER AGREE TO HAVING THEM ON THIS SITE.
::
I had to close the uber-thread. :(
Many of you are writing to me, letting me know that you can no longer access it. Not sure what’s going on, but I can’t see new comments, either, which means I can’t moderate…so unfortunately, the party is over…not that I needed to do a lot of moderating in the first place. :)
I am delighted; considering the provocative subject material, there was far less ickiness, trolling or flaming than one might expect. All credit for that goes to you.
Thanks for one of the most lively, fascinating and relevant discussions we’ve ever had— and don’t fret, my pets…plenty of you left comments which could be spun off in to so many different threads, about queer dating, seduction via bharatnatyam, evaluating what’s worse— emasculation or exoticization, outting Iyengars, South Asian inter-religious/regional relationships, where to find B-Boy/punker Punjabis, how to procure puliyodarai, internalized self-hatred as evidenced by externalized comment-stupidity, whether I-Bankers are evil, where to find the mythical straight-haired, hyper-maintained desi goddesses whose knickers disintegrate for private equity types, San Francisco’s alternately sucky/fantastic dating scene and of course, HAIR.
More of all that, soon. In the meanwhile, pour a little sum’n out for “Right”, the next time libations are flowing. Sigh. Time to cue Tupac:
Rest in peace young homie, there’s a heaven for a G…
anna on August 1, 2007 12:22 PM in Blog, Humor, In Memoriam · T·r·a·c·k·b·a·c·k address · Direct link · Email post
is there any way to resurect this thing, or have a second post to continue that conversation, or something? it was still interesting...
Psssst...come here....I think this is it. ;)
ohhh....i get it....im a little slow today.
i thought these grls only chased bankers. d*mn it....im confused....
That's so not cool...I had a few hundred more things to say.
They wear knickers for private equity types??
I supposed you could still say them here...i'll read em...
i think they wear nickers for everyon else...they just take them off for private equity guys..
How many of you (besides Amitabh) could still access the thread?
How many of you (besides Amitabh) could still access the thread?
I could access it too.
I got the last word on the uber thread. My crowning glory (the queen in me) and biggest achievement. Screw you Hollywood. You don't need to buy my screenplay!
Puli @ 4
Yes, her type would usually date i-banker types. She may have been an exception. But the exception proves there are no rules right?
thats it...this friday, im going down to the village and h!tting on every grl i see. ill tell you how bad my miserable game is....*sigh*
Is it harder for grls to "out-date/marry" than guys? do they get more family resistance?
thats it...this friday, im going down to the village and h!tting on every grl i see. ill tell you how bad my miserable game is....*sigh*
_______________________________________
7pm, Lupa--or do you prefer fishing solo....
i dont suppose i mind some mutual wingmanning....
(this is going to be a $h!t$h0w)
@puli
Tulsidas -
"Kaal karey so aaj karey, aaj karey so ab,
pal mein parlay hogi, bahuri karega kab?"
trans - what you must do tomorrow, do today, what you must do today, do now. In a second, the universe will come to an end, when will you do it then?
Thursday better than friday. today's better than thursday.
Annaji, was this due to technical issues? It would have been nice to keep it going and make it into the longest thread in the world (TLTITW). Oh well, bloody 'ell.
hmm...i could try this today...but....in a sentence that will forever out me as a dorky desi guy...
"tomorrow is a schoolnight"
I got five on it.
Come on mate, you'll be in your jammies by 9, Well in time for bedtime.
and i only got through reading to post #842 :(
# 17
"Aaj kare so kaal kare,kaal kare so parson
Jaldi hai kis baat ki bhaiyya, jeena hain jab barson"
Translation:
What you need to do today, do tomorrow
What you need to do tomorrow, do day after
Whats the hurry when you have many more years to live
i was sad to see you go, WIDWNR, but i was also relieved that ANNA whacked you - our chemistry (the good kind, HMF) was overwhelming.
Thank you, Mr. DT. Anyone who's spent any kind of even reasonable amount of time in the filmmaking business, knows this to be true.
oh...thats not an issue. i actually have class after work untill 9pm, so....i have this crazy obsession with furthering my own education for no rational purpose. maybe masochism...
Tulsidas -
"Kaal karey so aaj karey, aaj karey so ab,
pal mein parlay hogi, bahuri karega kab?"
wasn't this kabir?
No problem, I'm sure they'll be much more opportunity to campaign for czar of O-Land.
...although its oddly comforting to now i have the moral support of a mutinous horde...
and yet... some very members of this mutinuous horde would hesitate nil to shoot you/peoples like you/us down.
1346 · milli
oh, and rob, what's with the interest in MD? why not JD?
_____________________________________________________________
MD is just more--elite, you know....
Stereotypical, I know, but I still think it.
Of course, for a true "barbie doll," I'd break any rule!!
I'm really tired, but going to hit the Village Italian places
again tonite looking for Desi barbie dolls or MD's--sigh--how
did all this culture and education lead to this--this is teh
suck in a way....
well....b*nging isnt required for moral support...i mean..i dont need THAT MUCH "grounding"
Here's a thread for you to start:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY: "your Mother HATES ADS AND WILL NEVER AGREE TO HAVING THEM ON THIS SITE.?"
Are you disgruntled at your co-authors/founders that your most recent thread has been cut-off ? I do enjoy reading your posts, but at times it's hard not to feel that you make SM your own blog site ( a la Dear Abbey/ Dear Anna (?)).
keep writing GOOD posts, SM
Good man! good luck....
what? where? this is what i get for leaving a party early?
I think i need a hug
Sorry I missed that monstrosity of a thread :-( but my two cents on the above is that it's actually harder on guys because they have far more pressure to "conform" and continue to be part of the family than on girls. Not that it's easy, girls will get disowned more than a guy but to me the perception is that if a girl is going to belong to someone else and go into another family it doesn't really matter and it might be lesser grave for her to out-date/marry than a guy.
hmm...that kind of balances against the expectation that grls are supposed to "carry on the culture" etc....
Oh no, I don't doubt it, I clarified my dislike of the term was when it was used in a negative, "euphamistic", all-encompasing sense
It's alive!!
I'm not sure I'm so convinced that it's the girls that carry on the culture. Patriarchy sort of forces women in the roles to perpetuate the culture I don't feel like it's a voluntary position. It's who calls the shots that carries the culture IMO.
yo dawg...in the uberthread i asked you to vouch for me not being a complete slimy sleaze. no shout out from you!
hmm..ive often experienced that the guy has a lot more freedom to not adhere to "culture". and just needs to bring home the bacon. the grl is then required to pass culture on to the kids...have you had a different experience?
Tell me about it dude. Some days I wish I were a Martian so I don't have to decipher all the cardinal, complicated and almost always unexplained or untold rules of being Brown.
I dont think its any more complicated than being anything else. just matters how much time you spend thinking about it...
whats that?
kuta=dog
That was hilarious, Anna. (Though my heart skipped a beat when i started reading.. didn't notice the humo[u]r label).
Some days I wish I were a Martian so I don't have to decipher all the cardinal,
I wonder if Martians say, "some days I wish I was desi so I dont have to decipher all the quirky, fungus-driven, redplanet laden issues there are with being green"
Phew, so it wasn't my 'puter? Lost access to the thread on Monday and just watched the comments numbers going through the roof in jealousy ...
RIP WIDWNR
You must be new here. SM is regularly asked "why not put up ads and make some money off this thing?". Anna regularly voices strong objections to ads and the sentence you chose to focus your impaired thought process on (more on that later) was a humorous reference to nothing more than that.
Anna "cut it off" herself. She stated as much in this post, did you miss that? So are you asking if she is disgruntled at herself? Or are you so excited to slam her, you didn't pay attention to actual facts?
It is her own blog site. It's Abhi's own blog site. It's Amitabh's, Rahul's, Lizzie's, JoaT's, Jeet's, HMF's, Camille's, Milli's, and everyone else's. I'm not sure where your "Dear Abbey" (that's misspelled, by the way) diss is coming from, since that format has rarely been done here, but for your information, other readers have actually requested such a thing. Repeatedly.
No, you mean keep writing posts YOU think are good. The problem is, you don't seem to realize that your opinion is no more valuable than anyone else's. Glad to disabuse such amazing misapprehensions, sadly, doubt it clarified anything.
Where to send the check
I used to not have any problem dating any other race. but it hink it would just make life easier if she was brown....
is there any indian fashion blog around?
does sepia mutiny count as a non profit for tax purposes? (i know. geeky banker question. im not evil.)
and we come back.. full circle
which brnad of coconut oil is in this year. page 6 girl with her pallu down. scandlous.
I often find I have way more in common with guys who grew up in the same "neighborhood"/socio-economic class/family structure/decade that I did, regardless of skin color or relative desi-ness. There are so many variations within the term "desi" anyway. Although, it seems like this must have already been discussed on the previous thread.
Over and out.
Not an evil question at all-- I'm sure others have wondered about similar. I doubt that we do, since we're not a non-profit, we have no tax i.d. # or other formal stuff. SM's administration/organiztion is/always has been very ad hoc. :)
this has nothing to do with me. if the grl is brown, parents automatically assume they are more like me. mainly to keep them happy. i couldnt give a $hit...
how does one become a maniacle sm intern. i would like to do that....
Maybe the topic merits the first-ever SM Conference?
was tulsidas talking about hittin skinny straight haired detrius though?
Some comments from previous posts
Rahul,
I am surprised nobody jumped on that!
Puli, I think every desi guy in his midtolate twenties has heard that from his dear mata
The ironic thing about that is that i found out that the specific grl my parents were talking about had a secret boyfriend that daddy didnt know about! HA!
Puli, Tulsi was most definitely talking about skinny long haired detritus. That's all they had back in the day. And I may be mistaken, it could actually be Kabir as someone pointed out. Although I always found Kabir more poetic and deep and Tulsi, sorta sanctimonius so i thought maybe it was Tulsi that wrote the lines I quoted.
Jeet, i would have been all over that comment except that the queer silence may have become deafening after that.
I think the only way this thread can die is when the snake swallows its tail whole. Not that I am complaining.
Rob, good luck mate.
thats disturbing. i need to shower now...
sorry
that should've been followed with, and still be a "virgin".
thats even more disturbing....im just going to stay single and spend all my time collecting degrees after work.
Jeet, I said pipeS. What do you think, I am some mutant from Total Recall?
Erm, delirium tremens, when you say snake and tail...
For my money, the most memorable moment from that thread is the visual I have in my head of Pondatti scratching her head and eyeing malathi suspiciously.
It's my fault. I'm very vocal (in part because it's some of my best stand-up material) about my bitterness towards certain vomen who loved destroying my rep ("she's in a sorority and she is a total whore!"), despite my living with my parents all four years, as if they were snow-pure in comparison...I just think that if you're going to take it in the ass, you're not a virgin, no matter how many times you assure yourself of the contrary. ;)
according to bill clinton, BJ's dont count....i suppose thats the same kind of logic.
ewww...TMI.
I'm sure that's true -- my parents are pretty exceptional (in my experience). For them, earning your way is a necessary condition. This extends to having kids, also. They think it's fine to take off time, but if one is going to do so she had better have a crap load of money saved to support herself and the baby and still have a financial nest egg/security net. I think this is due in part to their experiences with recession and unemployment in the U.S., but also probably because they have seen women in failed marriages feel "trapped" by their lack of financial autonomy.Oh, and for HMF:
Oh, and with respect to other gender norms. My parents don't feel that women should not cook, sew, etc., but they do expect my brother to be able to do these things. In fact, in my fam, my brother is by far the best chef/cook, and he can definitely take care of basic darning/sewing (alterations are a bit trickier). I'm not saying there weren't double standards when we grew up -- there were --, but my parents did have pretty universal/consistent expectations of the three of us.
Rahul, aren't you too old for me, anyway? At any rate, I am already on the "not wedded to breeding" track. :)[I was going to make a crass joke, but I'll refrain]
Puli,
You think a meetup can get this topic out of everyone's system?
Yeah, and Jeet - ewwwww. Now someone's gonna get on here and eloquently espouse the merits of anal.
No. :)
humans can talk about b*nging for the next thousand years.
I was kidding people, sheesh. or do you want me to go and use mouthwash?
Jeet, do what I did and tell them the following:1. I think I'm going to leave the religion and marry an atheist white guy with tattoos.
2. Actually, forget that. Mom, what if I told you I'm a lesbian?
Seriously, after that nothing was scary to them.
Do desi parents do some version of that "wash your mouth out with soap" punishment? Mine didn't. I just got whacked.
my mom just said "Wiat till appa comes home" then appa would dispense with the whacking. quite effective.
when i told my parents im an atheist they didnt really care...
Jeet, I nominate you to play the Steve Carrell character in the American version of The Orifice for your ability to effortlessly create a dense minefield, and continue soldiering on manfully through it.
Perhaps a bulletin board system like bulletin or invision would allow certain topics to be discussed for long periods of time.
I do know what Martians do often say though "Lets skip these planet, these brown people are smart and complicated and crazy." :-)
I second that. You take it anywhere you aren't a virgin anymore as much as you'd like to believe (in my books). Lets not try to pull a Bill Clinton shall we.
that word not to be used in a discussion on anal me thinks. people get the wrong idea...
"wash your mouth out with soap"actually, my mom put laal mirchi (crushed red chillies) on my tongue everytime i said something bad or talked back...it worked
if your a grl that gets oral, does that count? what if you give oral?
Duh, because you didn't follow her directions-- tell them you're a lesbian!
if i told them i was a lesbian (being a dude) they would just laugh their ass off. if i told them i was gay, they would shrug their shoulders and stop looking for a wife.
hmm...who decides these things. is there some official rule about this somewhere?
thats y i love bubba....
Thanks, not sure that I can take the excitement in my advanced years.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
(Seriously, the meandering serendipity of the stream of collective (un)consciousness that is an SM thread is always hilarious to observe.)
ANNA, i understand it in regards to hypocrisy - that should be called out. but Jeet used it regarding a girl who had a secret bf - no intimation of sex in PindaUSA's reference, so I found it odd that Jeet would pull out that phrase; there was an implied negative connotation about women's sexual activity. that's what disturbed me...
ah, gotcha :)
i didnt get the sense that he thought that. i thought he was making fun of the negative perception of female sexual activity and how people handle that. ill let jeet speak to what he was saying though..
Are you serious?!? If I told my folks I was gay, they'd drop to their knees and implore God why I wasn't a crack dealer
my dads a scientist. thinks of these things scientifically with no real emotion, and a generally socially liberal dude...
Rahul, I get lost in my own chakravyuh
PindaUSA, HMF hereby banishes you to OppositeLand.
oh...i had it really easy growing up. oth puli-amma and pulli-appa are pretty cool. my parents were always my best friends.
And the cast of the cool boomers grows. Yo Dad, Yo Mom, Floridian, and now Puli-amma and Puli-appa. Maybe they can be SM's own Traveling Wilburys?
Puli, i thought the wink (or whatever that was) was referring to the latter part of the sentence about experience - damn the intarvebs for allowing crossed signals..,
btw PindaUSA, it's nice that rahul sent you over here to OL, but #58 might have to send you straight back out...
HMF, my parents would have a similar response - they would rather have us unmarried (lets them keep the hope) then accept, or even know, if any of us were gay...
jeet - sorry, yaar.
Uh oh. The fences are already coming up around OL... PindaUSA, I was hoping that my making you the first (and only) man in OL would do wonders for my pulikaaichal karma.
not sure...come to think of it. ive only dated 1 brown grl ever. that was for like 2 weeks, and was a $hitsh0w. ive only had 2 grlfriends before that. a middle class whyte ch!ck, and an east asian stick grl.
and mine as well....c'est la vie.
my father is, but believes that his religion has nothing to do with anyone but him, and recognizes my ability to think for myself. my mom says she a hindu,. but if you ask her some 15 questions about the nature of the universe, you realize shes an agnostic.
HMF,
going by everyone's comment on this thread, I think you are the one in Opposite land ;-)
Desi fathers when trying to be understanding of gay sons, talk about homosexual "tendencies" and mothers say theek hai, but I know this REALLY nice girl that will change your mind.
"it's all sex, Puli. pretty much anything you're thinking of doing with a girl - it's sex ;)"
What about holding hands and going for long walks on the beach? That's what I put on my Shaadi profile and get no hits. Or maybe it was this - "Skinny awesome chic into threesomes MMF and MFF wanted"
Awww, that's so cute! That's EXACTLY the way my Mom is-- about her political party affiliation.
shaadi.com is whack. a depressing meatmarket....
Isn't that what boomers did to be cool? I'm not so old, Camille, that I have come to this conclusion through keen personal observation, though.
one grl i talked to on s.com said she has "conservative indian values". I asked her "what does that mean?". she said "I only wear saris and selwar kameez". i said "ok", amd thought "its nice i can buy my values at a sari shop in exurban new jersey"
Kids did not behave this flippantly to elders in my time.
how old are you? are you a really spivvy uncleji that came to the US in the mid 70's or something?
I can't believe everyone's missing the Hetal and Kapila reference...
I've always wanted to be cool. If I have to move up age groups to do that, you know I will. A few years of Lohanesque living should help with the prematurely aged look, I hope.
Rob wrote:
Wow, It never fails to amaze me to discover there are guys who think like this. You actually admit that it sucks that you think this way--yet you make no effort whatsoever to change your shallow point of view. I also recall your saying that you are only attracted to "skinny, Indian girls", is it really any wonder your game is off? (just quoting from another post of yours..)mid 30's then?
Re: 31 and 64
My mother's criteria for a daughter-in-law evolved (devolved?) over time (what with her only child getting older and older and never seeming to want to settle down):
Bangladeshi Bengali Muslim girl from the right family and background -> Bengali girl -> brown girl -> a girl, any girl.
You could almost hear the sigh of relief when I told her I was in love with the woman I wanted to marry.
whats wrong with having a type?