Mihin-Lanka.gif My apologies to all for a long absence. As the Governator once said, I will be back. Just needed a little time off to rest my bloodshot eyes, straighten my keyboard-cramped fingers, and un-kink my turtling neck. Also, Mr. Cicatrix promises to make an honest woman of me soon.

Anyway, I’ve been so out of commission, I let my inbox clog like open pores on a teenager. In a mad zit-popping burst of clearing up (go extended metaphors!), I finally read blog posts that at least four Sri Lankans had forwarded to me about Sri Lanka’s new budget airline, Mihin Air.

An airline that aims to “provide affordable services to less affluent travellers, people leaving for overseas employment, particularly in the Gulf and Asian countries, and to promote regional tourism,” (link) has to be a good thing, right? Although it would be great if the goverment could provide alternatives - local jobs - for the women who work as maids in the Middle East.

But this is also a government-owned airline, supposedly the baby of Sri Lanka’s Donald Trump-like President, Mahinda Rajapakse. As the blog Broken News put it:

Reports indicate that the name ‘Mihin Air’ was selected after the alternative name - ‘All Hail Mahinda, May He Rule For A Thousand Years’ - was deemed too long for inclusion in company stationery.

One of the most unnerving aspects of this new airline was highlighted (as a positive) by the carrier’s CEO Sajin Vaas Goonewardene: “it took only three months to become a reality from a mere concept.” link to full interview. Three months? Really? Seriously?!

Maybe that’s why so many Sri Lankans themselves are casting a rather sardonic eye on the whole affair. A Sri Lankan business site had this to say:

A cursory examination of the profit-and-loss reports of the world’s airlines will show that the airline business is quite volatile, with the low-cost segment being more volatile and risky. For example, India’s biggest low-cost airline, Air Deccan reported a net loss of INR 3.40 billion for the 15 months ending June 2006, on turnover that increased 322 per cent to INR 13.52 billion. Air Deccan claimed that it will be profitable by 2008-2009. link

Ah, yes. Nothing like plunging a country exhausted by 25 plus years of a terrorist conflict into volatile business ventures. Why play safe now? I welcome commentors who might know more about the nuances of Sri Lanka’s latest aviation adventure, but until then, here’s my favorite satire of the affair, full of the best in Lakan gallow’s humor:

WELCOME TO MIHIN AIR!!!

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Wijepala, welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board Mihin Air. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in your favour, we may even be landing on schedule!

Mihin Air has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even LTTE terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Kiribath and Parippu. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown. We forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.”

ENJOY MIHIN AIR!!!! (link)