September 04, 2007
Unleash Your Inner-Joan RiversPhotos
One of you kind souls, who wishes to remain anonymous, sent me this picture of “India’s Brangelina”, because you were hoping we might play The Caption Game with it (ji, thanks!). Absosmurfly! What better way to draw off-topic commentary away from the Maximum Nerdery thread? ;)
Without further ado, let’s get snarky. To the left we see Abhishek Bachan and his bride strutting down the red carpet at Cannes.
Most of you are aware that Aishwarya is sometimes known by the unwieldy acronym TMBWITW. Well, now that she is part of a pair, I propose that her hubby get an acronym, too. It’s only fair, right? Damnit, I don’t want to propagate the hegemony of the pasty. Err, I meant…it’s only dark? Whatever.
How about TMFHITW? I’m sure you can guess what the third and fourth letters stand for, but in case you haven’t had two cups of coffee like I have, I’ll spare you from wondering— FH = fugly hair.
Unless your name is Esthappan and you’re rocking a puff, COMB YOUR HAIR. I’m guessing Abhishek get it from his Mama? Big Daddy Amitabh’s tresses seem a bit more manageable. Anyway, the entire point of this debacle of a post is to offer you tired, grumpy, three-day-weekend-missing mutineers a chance to play the caption game! You know how we do, and if you don’t, check out previous editions: ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf…
So, just what is Aish saying? What is her spouse thinking? Why are there suddenly so many Tamil people on SM? The answers to all this and more, will most probably not be found below, not that you’re disappointed at that. Now get to captioning!
anna on September 4, 2007 12:40 PM in Humor, Photos · T·r·a·c·k·b·a·c·k address · Direct link · Email post
what ash is thinking "little do they know...thats actually a box of fair and lovely in my hand"
what abishek is thinking "my wife is so hot....i dont even need to shave"
He really should shave. After he combs his hair. He's totally coasting on her hotness. ;)
Ash is waving to Vincent Chase and saying "Well I, for one, thought Medellin was a masterpiece!"
That would not be the first time that has happened.
And I agree he badly needs a shave. Could this be a stunt for a major razor promo?
Comb his hair? What he needs is a haircut. That thing looks like a small mattress.
What cop in the background is thinking: "Who is this monkey with that hotness?"
Doubt it. I think Abhishek is just one of those deluded desi boys who thinks a half-assed beard/goatee/soul patch is cool. If you're going to have a beard, HAVE A BEARD. See: Sikh men for examples of how it's done.
Honestly, I don't know what some people are thinking-- one of my best friends had a soul patch until January of this year, until we had an intervention with him. ;) Friends don't let friends sport shitty facial hair.
what abishek is really thinking "my wife is so hot....i feel in-vi-si-ble!"
that look as always looked like a 13 year old trying to grow a beard to me.
what abhishek is thinking:
Go ahead, make fun of my hair mutineers but see who I got on my arm, nyah,nyah,nyah!
ouch. touche...although, if your the son if AB-senior, you could have been born a monkey in a diaper, and end up with that on your arm.
'that's right, buddy - this ugly bastard is my husband'
i do think ab jr is good-looking - he just doesn't know how to flatter his looks.
how does one bag a minor bollywood starlet if your a normal guy?
Abhishek thinks All this baby, and I had masala dosa for dinner...whose the Big B now?
'Ha! Take that Salman. My new husband has more hair then you everywhere!'
ewww....
those are all excellent suggestions....first i would need to shuttle my moral values into the next world. i do like how you think though.
ah, but y'all haven't seen the motorokr ad that abhi does (aired in india). he may not be no hottie, but he's got a sense of humour and a ton-o-charm. way too cute.
and dincha know? girls rate humour higher than hotness.
you DO have a sense of humor..
runa, i was going to reply to puli, but your suggestions were far more comprehensive. puli, one of my friends moved to bombay when our office was opening up there - and hooked up (non-sexually) with the creative director of mtv for pr purposes and to build contacts - and you will not believe the number of models, actresses, women in general that he hooked up (sexually) with. a huge part of it was that he was an ABD and a businessman looking to 'invest,' not to mention he has this ridiculously charming personality. and he didn't just hook up - he ended up meeting somebody who eventually became his fiancee.
14 · Puliogre in da USA
how does one bag a minor bollywood starlet if your a normal guy?
_________________________________________________________________
Sad to say, Puli, but from what I've heard--call an escort service in Delhi....
Abhi: I dont fit in around here, maybe i should follow Aish's regime. What is her fairness ka raaz?
uuuhhh cuz its a wigand now Walsh wants to cast her in Silo
theres only 1 problem with that plan.
Really?? Wow, I really don't know anything about Bollywhat.
"Shave? She like the friction...and you know she doesn't kiss."
Touché, Jeet!
thats it...thats the answer. right there.
"Back off, Angelina"
thats it....im putting up my own blog this weekend.
"Back off, Puli"
Loves it.
id go for the looser in the miss india contest....beauty contest loosers sounds like a market segment i should be tapping.
loser. my spelling ist lame on SM. ignore the spelling.
"look, abhi...travolta's wig looks better than daddy's"
"im, too sexy for umrika. too sexy for umrika...."
"see everyone? he'll never get his hands on my box"
look on a cameraman's (to the right, next to the baldy) face in the background is priceless
"Yes, I have had AB's jr errr i mean abhi jr...nevermind"
"Abhi, see that dress on that woman? I gave it to her after I dropped two sizes."
"Yes, he is the son of a farmer but no hilly-billy though.."
"And he proposed to me, and he proposed to me, and he promised me a castle in the Alps...."
AB jr is shouting out to Yair Marx, hah!! Now really check out the best cans in Cannes!
"Shave karo? Abhi nahi"
TMBWITW:
"That's right bitches, you can all wonder about this paunch right here, maybe I'm pregnant, maybe I'm not, but you can keep questioning!!"
TMFHITW:"That's right bitches. I coulda made TMBWITW pregnant!!" *Snigger snigger*
And guys rate hotness higher than humor. So I guess it works out for Abhishwariya.
cause i have no place else to go....
cause i need someone to tell me what to think. awaiting instructions.
cause of my e-crush on some SM commentors.
cause SM is better than work
cause this is the only place i can get anonymous advice on how to bag a bollywood starlet.
cause this is the only place i can learn about onam, la perla, AND the mystery spot.
There is nought wrong with his hair, its cool!! COOL alright! ;)
Caption: Aish gets promoted from 'pedh' to 'peda'
"Laugh at my Murphy Brown hair if you want, but this thing can stop bullets."
In other news, I think Puli is my new e-crush.
awww...thanks...
TMBWITW: YOU! Over there! YEAH you! Come over here and give me a hug! Don't think you can sneak by me like that.
TMFHITW: Dammit! Has Ash been hitting the bhang again??!!?? I should have been keeping my eye on her instead of spending that extra 30 seconds on my hair.
Bacchan and the soon expected Baccha ...
puli likes u back. peanuts, chilies, rice and all.
tee hee.
ok, now i'm hungry. going to lunch! :)
the perks of being the crown prince of bollywood are AWESOME.
Seems to be a 2 factor model, with a constraint. i.e. the desirablility of a guy is linked to height and income, constrained by the guys last name. i.e. "I want the tallest richest guy from the xyz community".
for guys its also a 1 factor model with a barrier and a constraint. the 1 factor being h*tness. the barrier being a max age. the constraint being community. i.e. "I want the h0ttest grl, under the age of X, of XYZ community".
although this is not perfect, i think it largely works to predict behavior.
I liked that you typed it like it was a cussword.
the kind of h0tness im talkin about is just that drty....
Maybe we should have a desi version of hotornot to test this theory.
Hmm. that should have been hotornot
you must of thought you were SO original ;)
Puli, if I thought that I were that original, I would have been featured in smartornot ...
Thanks for the link though. Somehow I got the feeling that these sites prey on junta who are low on self-esteem or are fishing for compliments -- Ooh, I was rated 6.8 by 30 ppl - man, am I a catch or what?
check out the message boards. all the guys are hormone crazed. all the grls are h0s born in 1991
Ash : I knew it..I knew it, those Biatchez at SM will make fun of us
Abhi : Dont you worry baby, we will make them watch our classic Umrao Jaan
am i the only one that thinks abishek's shadow is cute?
yes. yes you are.
it might drive ash crazy. who knows.
TMBWITW: "Didn't I tell you to wait in the car?"
this kid is destined for greatness (if ash is pregnant). the kid can be ugly, not be able to act and be as dumb as moss. they will still be a top bollywood star.
puli puli puli....
@56
Bacchan and the soon expected Baccha ...
Unless the shots that were fired by baba Bachchan were blanks............
#1 reason why I lurk.....
would be interesting to read what other tams have to say.....
Did Ash cut her hair?!
ach mäuschen, das war doch "eins" und nicht "ein"..zuch leetle dings catch me eye
mein deutsche isnt nicht sehr gut, aber das ist nicht recht.
ist
I love ven zuch leetle dings catch zee eye. Danke. :)
German is the only language I flunked, so I'm not entirely sure what you typed, but I think it was "the word is eins and not ein"? Ich spricht keine Deutsch, which is why I went here for the spellings I used, maybe I shouldn't have trusted them? :D
es wird leichter gesagt als getan!...geschreiben
wow...lotsa desis know german here....
guten tag to u all!!!
Quatsch! "gescrieben"
Entschuldigung...
how did talking about ash turn into the nurenberg trials?
I only know Nina Hagen lyrics...Gott in Himmel!
@61
"for guys its also a 1 factor model with a barrier and a constraint. the 1 factor being
h*tness. the barrier being a max age. the constraint being community. i.e. "I want the
h0ttest grl, under the age of X, of XYZ community".
although this is not perfect, i think it largely works to predict behavior."
--Is this theory applicable in the context of TMBWITW and TMFHITW? (consider: she is 2-3 years older than him) If not, what could be the possible reasons for the case of TMBWITW/TMFHITW emerging as an exception to the above theory?
well...the age barrier is REALLY hard to overcome, but if you can provide an EXTREME level of hotness, even age and community requirements can be bought off. ash is 1 in a billion. she can get away with a lot due to high levels of hotness. decrease her hotness to the level of a mere mortal, and it wouldnt work.
bahu of Bollywood's first-family?
power, fame, and the fact that she's vastly better looking than most women younger than her (even though i don't think she's hot, per se). as for community - i doubt it matters for him - since he comes from a relatively mixed ethnic/regional background, and even though her family is south indian, she grew up in bombay. and i also assume there is compatibility that does not have to do with these superficial factors...
not a very good assumption. people are largely superficial. (not completely, but, yeah. largely.)
by hotness, i mean looks. i.e. physically attractive.
i dont think a great predictor of superfiacial guys preferences.
pretty = good.
less pretty + power = less good.
Since I'm not clever enough to think of a caption, I will unleash my inner wannabe-fashionista and comment on their fashion choices anyway:
TMBWITW: Her make-up looks off and orange-y, like she applied too much self-tanner to her face. Possibly too much blush? The eyes aren't accentuated enough (though this isn't a close-up), and I'm not feelin' that lipstick. Her hair also looks limp. But the dress = classic and gorgeous. But the shoes seem sorta plain and is that her purse she's holding?! It looks like a huge eyeglasses case. I guess she went for a classic, understated look but nothing really pops either.
Also... her 'paunch'?! Followed by speculation that she may be pregnant... Dear god, if that's pregnant, then I have octuplets in my uterus. (Also, they've said in interviews that she's busy working for the next two years at least and will be holding off on kids... though I'm not a fan of either of them, I'm glad to see her in-laws are not confining her to her home a la Madhuri Dixit. And yes, their kids will pretty much be Bollywood royalty from the day they are born).
TMFHITW: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH why does he have a mullet?! WHY?! His facial hair looks bad simply because it looks so uneven in terms of thickness. I don't think Abhishek is attractive at all, except for being tall and intense-looking, but the hair is definitely not doing him any favors. Also, his shoes are really shiny and white tie + white shirt = WTF?
that could be the case.
thats usually enough....
re the fashion choices - blame it on loreal. after her first few debacles of fashion choices at cannes, they insisted on styling her if she was there as their representative. but if you saw that close-up, i'm pretty sure you wouldn;t like her eye shadow ;)
well i also partly mean tall in relation to me. and i'm short (i tell people i'm 5'2") so it doesn't take much. i wouldn't be averse to dating a 'short' guy (especially since i know how they feel, since my brother is one of them); i went out with a guy that was 5'6" for a while. but i do have friends the same height as me who refuse to date anyone shorter than 5'10". *shrug*
yup. thats how it usually works...
RE: madhuri dixit
i admit i'm not at the top of bollywood gossip (i can't think of other indian celebrity examples of overbearing in-laws right now), but i always heard she was unhappy in her marriage and her husband was a jerk, etc. but i do admire her a lot, so if she actually wanted that, good for her. and yeah she's making a comeback in the aptly-titled (for such an amazing dancer) Aaja Nachle
if it's any consolation puli, i think that's pretty idiotic of them... they're gonna have neck strain unless they wear high heels 24/7, in which case their feet will suffer
Just how tall or short is the puli?
5 foot 5. aka, in my model of behavior, very little i can really do, except make like $1.5 a year.
i would also advise joining a gym (your body is a temple!). i have one more piece of advice but considering that you think i'm a 'kiddie' it would probably be pretty weird to mention. :P though i'm sure you can figure out what i'm getting at here.
Shame! SHAME! Enough, you naughty little monkeys!
Ah Puli... here is a plan for ya... move to Sunny Cali near me, I'll keeping pulling your leg(s) and you will blossom to a 5.7 :)
i already do that. im in decent shape.
dont mind advice from the young uns. not sure what ur getting at though.
Good. Chamatha (sp?) kids wouldn't. Chee!
Are you trying to seduce me?
Got here very late, it seems..
TMBWITW: Me, your trophy wife? There, look, you hobo, that is the drug store. Go get that Fusion NOW! And get a pair of Fiskars while you are at it. I am sick of throwing up fur balls and the Gillete won't work everywhere either without help.
TMFHITW: Quit nagging me, honey! Not in front of all these people. Let's get back home and discuss this with Dad first.
Ohhh.. so my pot belly is all good then? Yaay!
a.) We are here because we are there and everywhere else.
b.) We (us Tamil men, including those damned Tamil I-Bankers) are here because there seem to be a lot more funny, intelligent women HERE than we could find on Rediff's message boards.
c.) We are here because we can.
Ich bein ein Chennai-vasi or something like that!
damned already....that was fast.
@ 111 - the desi seduction song..
Are you going to Secunderabad fair?
Parsley,sage, sadhu and grime...
Give my cow to one who lives there,
she once was a bulbul of mine ..
time for me to be a good beta, and go to school. gnight all.
ein = an, and eins = one.
However, the usage omits the 'ein'. If you put it in, the meaning can change: Ich bin ein Berliner = I am a jelly donut; Ich bin Berliner = I am from Berlin (a Berliner)!
schprechen sie deutsche, uncleji? (ive always wanted to say that)
Sh*t! twice!
Anantha, you are such a nOOb!
...and an impatient one, at that. Fixed.
a berlin tour guide told me that they still put an american flag next to the donuts in german bakeries ;)
Nice.
How about 'Ich bin ein Springfielder'?
ak, when I was in Berlin everyone I met had to tell me about the JFK-Berliner-donut slip-up...jeesh!
Anantha,
I like version 2 better ; )
Oh, for the Aishwarya-philes out there, the most delectable portion of the body are the back rolls--the beginnings of which you can see from the side. Sweet, sweet back rolls.
getting back to the point: Dude needs a high-fade Caesar and shave--at this point it looks like Mummy gave him the flowbee haircut for his first day in kindergarten
Aish: Look Abhi there's Madhavan! I should have ended up with someone like him :)
Abhi: Whatever! Ash baby!
Us Tams are here because we love to raise and support a good cause! :) Madhavan for TMHMITW...(Handsome Man)
As for the shadow, I think the man is trying to pull off a Sendhil-look.
*blinks once, twice and thrice, looks left and then to see if there was someone else next to him*
Bess, you mean version 2 of MY comment?
*clears my throat and adopts a deep, self-confident voice*
How you doin'? ;)
Hey most Bollywood actresses aren't toned anyway. (Neither are most Hollywood actresses actually, not even the scary skinny ones). I appreciate that in India at least they still appreciate a normal BMI range, ESPECIALLY as shown on the belly/back/hip area. Have you seen how those guys worship the hips in southern film songs? They go crazy for the belly, and for the booty. (And the bosom).
I feel like I'm turning SM into a dirty place so I won't go into details on the advice I had for puli. But basically, confidence + sensitivity = good.
Nallarikke...*wink*
Dirty? In the words of a philosophical Tamil (fictional) dude from Kodambakkam, "Infaarmasion is wealth-u"!
oh man anantha, now you reminded me of this old tamil man that would always talk to me on the bus and brag about how he could speak umpteen different languages (he surprised me when he started speaking to me in telugu). he got on my nerves soon though. sometimes, too much information can be bad.
Caption:
I never leave home without my evil eye remover.
Old Tamil men are like that, I think. I think all of them have subconsciously married to the Old Lady of Mount Road. All that angst from the editorials should be alanced with the trash from TOI. Fair and balanced opinion, that mix would beget!
Bess-u: Nallarikke-ya? Sooper *wink* *wink*.
Idhu eppadi irruku? :D
in this day of high-definition tv and ubiquitous tabloids, I'm so so glad I'm not famous.
menshun not..i never learnt the verdammt language either..but being in a country where they speak it helps..as fer more deutsch vocabulary - leo.org or freetranslation.com are quite decent.
oh yess, the "ich bin ein Berliner" has to be told in such detail to every American..alt Deutsch tradition :p
nice trail:ex-miss.world->damn she landed hot guy->all that hair->love handles and dough-grips->desi seduction song->i'm a jelly donut (luvly transition!!)->besh besh!!
On second thoughts, that might have been a tad bit insensitive both towards old Tamil men (come to think of it, am I old enough to be termed "old", I wonder) and the editorial team at The Hindu. Though some might claim that the paper has mostly leftist leanings, this is still the paper that broke Bofors, before Al Gore invented the internets and way back in a time when the Senator Ted Stevens still knew his way around tubes!
Apologies to all my fellow members of the universal biratherhood of Tamil men, old and young. Filter kaapi and The Hindu, they both rock!
pray tell... when did we ever get into that line of thought?? ;P
kishnaayil: Nice nick! :D
Now, nala....I have to know what you were talking about.
BTW...I figured out how to post on sm on the road...now I'm an unstoppable addict!
fine, puli... #2
OKAY Nala.. you ARE no kiddy!
Too be honest, I was not sure where you were getting at, but now I do. Though now, I am wondering how you got there!
Hmmm....
So that's why I get love from Indian men! Awesome.
Errr...I've actually gotten a lot of ummm....errr...positive feedback in that department. Consistantly. Not something I shy away from.
I always loved the status of women you'd find in Indian restaurants... the waist-hip ratio is pretty insane.
haha ok puli, that's good to hear. :)
it takes some maturity to get to the point where you even care about that though. most guys my age are such turds, and then when you add repressed desi upbringing to that! well, it's not pretty (no matter how good-looking they are).
umm status = statues.
i really thought TMFHITW meant "the most fortunate husband in the world" ... though i am no fan of TSMBWITW (you can figure the "S" out on your own).
yay tams.
i thought ANNA was originally gonna go for the most fugly Husband (as opposed to hair) in the world
I'm not THAT mean, y'all. Besides, he's tall or something. ;)
Sometimes it's the most outwardly repressed guys who surprise you... in a good way... hee.
Does being inculcated with the, "women are to be placed on a pedestal" idea count as 'repressed desi upbringing?'???
now i'm not saying that my appearance is pleasing to anyone, in any century, at any stage of inebriation, but I would like to see ho