Good luck Maya all I can say is stay strong.

I could have written this email (circa 1998). Sometimes, "failure" is the best thing to happen to a person. Of course, I too can write this now that I am older.

Great advice, A N N A; good luck, "Maya." I know you'll be OK.

Great post ANNA. And great advice.

Good luck Maya! And I totally 100% agree here - you have to tell them.

I was at UC Davis as an International Relations major because my parents demanded that I be a lawyer (and international law was the only thing that remotely interested me - it was our compromise), but I was actually really interested in theatre. So, I took most of my classes in theatre and aced them, and just barely passed my other classes, and just barely kept up with my actual major.

It was my dad, though, that turned out to be the surprising factor! He and I had a heart to heart one late night on the phone, when I broke down crying because I was so depressed about having to do the IR thing, and hated the idea of law school. He told me that he actually regretted his decision to be an engineer because it ended up at some point being all about paperwork, and that he hadn't liked his job for quite some time! He wanted to be creative and so he could understand my dilemma. At that moment, he breathed a heavy sigh and asked me what I really wanted to do. I told him I wanted to study theatre. He asked me what I would do with that, and I fortunately had looked into all the options available to me. I told him if I worked really hard and applied myself I'd be able to make not just a decent living, but a really good living. He told me to go for it, and that he would talk my mother into it.

Of course, ultimately their "compromise" was that they would no longer pay for the bulk of my school expenses, because if I was going to make it in the theatre/film industry and choose my own life, I'd have to learn to get along on my own, they said. So I had to get a couple of jobs to pay my rent, AND I had to pay them back for anything they paid for tuition, AND I had to take out my own financial aid, and sometimes my mother would call me up just to give me a guilt trip about how I wasn't becoming a lawyer or at least an engineer like my dad... yeah, it was really, really hard. But worth it.

I actually ended up studying indian philosophy in the end, and am now getting my PhD in that and working in the internet industry to make a living, and am getting into documentary filmmaking, so you know. My plans kind of took interesting turns. But I learned a big lesson about following my dreams and standing up for myself. And I'm really independent and pay for my own world travel. My dad died two years ago, a couple of days before I got my Master's degree, and he told me how proud he was of me for doing what I loved and being brave enough to follow my dream. So, it can work out.

I wish you a LOT of luck. You can do this!

Out of curiosity is "Maya" ABD, DBD, F1? Usually the consequences / safety net available (and the options available) differ widely depending on what the background is.

I hope "Maya" takes a deep look on her long term goals, determines what she has an aptitude for before taking any decision.

I would deeply advice her to counseling from her school's counselors.

Maya, this may be another angle that you can discuss with you parents. But ultimately, you will not do well in a profession if you do not inherently like it, and if it's not your stongest suit. This is a competitive market, in every sector. If people don't go into the fields that allow them to exhibit their talents, it's like they are handicapped...and for no real legitimate reason.

I made a decision to not go into law and to go into a more creative field for that very same reason. And I'm kicking butt out here, relatively speaking! I see my desk friends struggle with their professional choices, and they are unhappy and not performing as well as they could.

My desi father interestingly got it - because he believes that if you don't love what you do, you will feel like a slave day in and day out at your job. And I truly believe that. Years from now, if you follow your heart, I can assure you that you will be successful, and your parents will be greatful that you stood up for yourself and recognized your talents. In retrospect, of course ;). Follow your dreams!

Parents surprise you all the time (in a good way). I know mine have. Tell them what's on your mind.

LurkerP and Amitabh, thanks. :)

Out of curiosity is "Maya" ABD, DBD, F1? Usually the consequences / safety net available (and the options available) differ widely depending on what the background is.

I think she's ABD, from what she's written to me.

Jyoti, what a great story...I'm so glad that your dad commended you on your choices. Your post makes is a reminder to me, in my own life, all my gripes that I aim at my parents, one day they won't be there. I learned the hard way about standing up for myself.

Great post ANNA. This reminds me of a case I know. The son of a family friend of ours was coerced by his dad into applying for IIT, but some way into his studies he announced that he'd quit and switched his Major to English. The guy loves poetry apparently and has won contests. Naturally that caused a lot of tears and cajoling by both parents, who sought support from my family members. I'm happy to say though that my own engineer-uncle told them that they should be glad their son is doing what he likes and is good at it than force him into studying something that'll make him unhappy solely because of status or because it brings bread on the table. So stand your ground, your parents will come around eventually.

I have to say though that the desis I know aren't insistent their kids follow a certain career path.

Maya,

I have been there too. When I told my parents I was dropping pre med classes it was so tough - they did not speak to me for months. I felt like such an island.

But slowly, I lobbied for what I wanted to do and with the help of reasearch on the successes of others who had followed a similar path I was able to convince them that the path was okay.

Part of the problem was that they did not have enough info to know it would be okay - I needed to get them up to speed. Desi parents growing up in India at a certain time had very few trajectories for success so they worry far more than necessary. . . .

Good luck.

thumbs up! :) I think i rate this one of your best posts.

Parents surprise you all the time (in a good way). I know mine have. Tell them what's on your mind.

Very true.

One suggestion would be for Maya to graduate from her business program and then do her Masters in what she likes. Getting a free ride for any college degree is a great thing even if it has some strings attached. There are millions of Americans who would give an arm or a leg to get a free ride to any College period.

One suggestion would be for Maya to graduate from her business program and then do her Masters in what she likes.

I hear you, but aren't we past the point of that possibility (wouldn't you love to hear Daffy Duck thpit that?)?

She's thisclose to flunking out of her program. THAT is how miserable she is. She may not be able to graduate from the business program now. :(

.

Meena and WGiiA- thank you :)

Dear Maya,

I teach at a UC school here in Cali. I wholeheartedly endorse Ms. Anna's advice. I cannot tell you how many Indian girls I meet, who are "enouraged" to study business or medicine, and they hate both. Maya, more than a cliche is the truth in that you must LOVE what you do, or you'll have no reason to wake up. Find a path, a job, a career because that thing you find has to be the thing to do with your heart, mind & passion.

I'll spare you the "my parents did this when I was 19" lecture, as many mutineers will undoubtedly share their versions. BUT, from the another perspective, from inside the classroom, from another Indian woman, believe in yourself, in your instincts and in your heart. The rest (job, parents, support, etc.) will follow you.

Sending hugs from Sunny LA,

Dari

Maya,

I would agree with everything said by Anna and those in the comments section. Brownie in Tx. makes a good
point, Indian parents have it drilled in early on (by society, their peers, etc).that there are only a few markers of success, Doctor, lawyer etc. At the end of the day, all your parents really want is for you to have a secure future. Having entered one of those golden professions (a lawyer) I run across a lot of people, desi or otherwise, who simply became lawyers because that's what their parents wanted them to do. The lot of them are miserable and most of them leave the profession or fail at it. I've stayed because I enjoyed it and I chose it. My parents wanted me to be a doctor. (BTW, my mom has never let me forget that I should have been a doctor. It's ok though because now she's moved on to seeing me get married yesterday. If it's not being in business it's going to be something else.)

I can only guess that the failure in accounting will be representative of what will happen to you should you choose to pursue it. Who knows anyone who has been successful (in the longterm) doing something they hate? As a lawyer who has dealt with plenty of businessmen, lawyers, doctors, etc. I can tell you that the world needs better writers. (God knows I wish I had been an English major). It's a common complaint made by executives of every stripe. There'd be heck of a lot less lawsuits and ruffled feelings. I'm sure you can find those articles, show them to your parents. It might make them realize that one can secure a financial future with an English degree. Your parents don't sound too different from my own, at the end they want you to succeed and be happy. Show them that it's possible and hopefully that makes the conversation easier.

Sometimes I think dealing with Desi parents is an exercise in collective bargaining. You may have to thrown them a bone in minoring in business (as a fallback for their ears) so that you can pursue English as a major. Before I get skewered for asking you to do more work to appease your folks, just realize that fear for their child often motivates parents. Anything you can do to alleviate that fear while still moving forward with your goals may be a constructive way to begin a dialogue. It lets them know you respect their opinion and at the same time conveys that their are different pathways to success. I really hope you find your calling and are able to pursue it.
Best of luck to you.

Great post to read. I am the Indian mom :-). My husband loves his job and he has passed that along to my 15 year old that he should do something that makes him happy to go to work in the morning. That there will be days when everybody feels like tearing their hair out, most days it is fun. He has told him to study what he wants even if it Greek Gods in Latin...(Sigh he wants to study World History!!!)

Ofcourse, I am the typical Indian mom, who questions her son on what happened to the other 5 points. 95 not acceptable.(as I read in one of your previous comments). But even he knows that in the end, I will support Dad and therefore him.

Maya, take them out to dinner during Winter Break and just tell them about how unhappy you were this semester and how your grades are suffering. There are also some practical things you can do to make the transition easier for everyone.

1) Do some soul searching and try to envision what you would like to do with your English degree. (I know that this is really hard for an undergrad to do, but try anyway.) Do you want to teach? Write? Go into publishing? Go to grad school? Once you figure that out, you can confidently say, "I'm switching to English and I'm also going to get my teacher certification/join the school newspaper/get an internship at a nonprofit. These skills will make it easier for me to get a job in _____ after I graduate." Consider keeping business as a minor as a peacekeeping gesture.

2) Get an administrative work-study position somewhere on campus. Try to get your typing speed to at least 60 wph. The truth is, if you are an artsy/nonprofit type your first post graduation job is probably going to be administrative, so you need to start building these skills now.

3) Do you have any older cousins who have gone through this? Try to get them on your side. Maybe they can talk to your parents on your behalf. Don't worry about bothering them, they will probably be sympathetic. If nothing else, you'll know that you are not alone.

4) Definitely check out the financial aid office to see what your options are. Next go to the career center and see if you can find a paid summer internship or fellowship in a city that is not your hometown. You sound like you need a change of scenery and you should also explore your career options this summer.

Good luck! We're all on your side.

this reminds me of a little scene from monsoon wedding where the whole family is discussing a daughter's decision to go into writing - i highly recommend you watch it before you tell them.

and yes, do tell them. many have pointed out how surprised you might be by your parents' reaction. more than that, you should let your parents know what it is that you really want, because this is a big part of who you are. just last weekend, my dad and i were having a discussion about our differences over my career path - but even he said that at the very least, he was glad that i talk to him about what i am doing, what it is that i want, even if we disagree.

my own battles with my father over my career are only now coming to an end. but i can't tell you how worth it was to make him see that this is what i want, and that doing something i hate just to please or impress others isn't worth it. without knowing you, it's hard to tell how they will react - but even if the initial reaction is not so hot, if you're truly committed to this career change, and it makes you happy, they'll come around.

If "Maya" reads this follow Anna's advice exactly. You have to do what is best for you, no matter what your parents say. Dont lie to them and most of all dont lie to yourself, it only makes things worse.

The truth may seem harder, but it will set you free from semester's of anxiety and being free of that burden is worth more then anything.

You have nothing to lose in this situation. You tell them the truth and after a day or 2 they accept it, or they go ape shit and you finally discover that your parent's are not the loving people you thought they were, better to find out now then later. Seriously, if your parents put their own happiness ahead of yours and say they are going to "disown" you then what are you doing loving these people? Get financial Aid and make yourself happy. I PROMISE YOU THIS WONT HAPPEN THOUGH. MOST INDIAN PARENTS ARE ALL BARK AND NO BITE. It is becuase they love you so much. Anna said it best.

I know Jatt Sikh parents, which are some of the scariest people around, that have accepted their daughters marrying Muslim boys, accepted white people, accepted everything their children have done.

Their will be many storms in your life and you will find out that none of them are as scary as they appear.

I assume you will be a English teacher/world famous author and if that is your goal I dont see how your parents can be against that. Teachers to me seem like the happiest people I know. Every friend that I have had that has gone into teaching love it and are the jolliest people, it is amazing. Even the ones that teach children with behaviroal problems in the inner city of Chicago are happy and if being a teacher is what you want then do yourself the favor of your life time and go be a English teacher. If your going to be a journalist then go have the time of your life being a journalist.

Nice piece, Anna. You write well.
Maya's in a bind. I agree with the others. Do what makes you happy. It will be worth it in the long run. Your parents will come around. Chin up.

The world has too many Business majors...but too many english majors as well.

What you study in college doesn't really matter, and I say that as an English/history major. Fact is her parents aren't wrong; it's harder to get nearly any job with an English major, even writing jobs! Take whatever major you wwant to graduate, but trust me, studying English will not "set you free" or ensure you some sort of great creative career. Most of my fellow english majors are in marketing, advertising and PR, just like most of my friends with business majors...

I am a DBD and my parents were in the other end of the spectrum - they were really fine with whatever I chose to study (except that I could not go out of Madras! This was in the early 90s). I studied Physics (bachelor's) and then, disillusioned with it, I studied...Philosophy! Of course, this did not help me find a well-paying job (for which I later had to study some computer science, since that is where all the jobs were).
My little ABD boy is just two, but it is interesting reading the articles here...I definitely do not want to force my son into taking up a particular field of study. OTOH, though, would it not be my duty to discuss with him what he likes and where that will take him? Then again, who knows where the choices we make will take us? Who is to say?

BTW Anna, I read your post on FOKANA a bit late (after the comments section was closed). I too attended the Chicago convention in 2002 - as a dancer! My teacher, another student and I did a Mohiniattam piece on one of the evenings - were you around? Do you remember?? :)

Tiger Lily!! Awesome comment.

Maya,

Usually making a decision means pissing some people off - this is a fact of life.

Somehow factor out immediate consequence (e.g. upset parents, shocked relatives etc), think a little longer term and visualize yourself doing what you think you love.

Do not make a decision out of fear by that I mean not just fear of consequences but also fear of failure. A different major may not be as tedious as your current major but it may pose totally different set of challenges.

Whatever you decide you will come out this stronger - better.

Take whatever major you wwant to graduate, but trust me, studying English will not "set you free" or ensure you some sort of great creative career. Most of my fellow english majors are in marketing, advertising and PR, just like most of my friends with business majors...

it could go the other way - my friend almost got a PhD in business before she switched over to writing. she got her MFA, and has been slowly, but steadily, increasing her number of publications. her parents had a similar reaction, but i think they're far more than happy with her career than even she had expected...

The world has too many Business majors...but too many english majors as well.

If the girl wants to study English, let her study English. I don't see how a statement like "the world has too many english majors" is productive, especially when you turn around and essentially say that majors don't matter.

Stay strong, Maya! So many of us went through this...including both me and my younger brother (neither of us ended up going to medical school as we were supposed to), and my parents still love us (despite their initial outrage and anger). Just remember when the shit comes down, there most definitely is a light at the end of the tunnel! :)

I think some of you are forgetting that at this point, remaining in the business program may not be an option, due to her grades.

This is not as simplistic as "business vs. english...what major does the world need more of?" so it doesn't help to tell her to stay in business or accounting; it's irrelevant if business majors have an easier time getting jobs if she's dropped from the business program.

I feel like Maya's letter was about her parents and how to approach them...of if to approach them at all. She doesn't know how to tell her parents, she understandably doesn't want to tell her parents, she's scared. She's worried about the aftermath.

I definitely think that you should tell your parents. The anger that you are afraid of will be much worse if you lie to them and hide things..in addition to their anger you will have to deal with their feelings of betrayal which will not fade as easily. The best you can do is be straightforward with them about your goals and feelings. And having the support of other relatives (older cousins as someone mentioned) or family friends who have been through something similar will only help.

As for them potentially cutting you off, Anna is right, there are many financial aid options. But I very much doubt that it will come to that. Even worse (to your parents) than you not graduating in business is you not graduating at all. Not only do your parents love you, but they want you to be educated, mainly because it will allow you to provide for yourself and your family in the future. No matter what you choose to study, you can be sure that your parents want you to study something, even if it's not exactly what they chose for you.

her parents had a similar reaction

Maya, you might not need to choose. Consider doing deconstructionist analyses of masterpieces such as Crossing the Chasm and Inside the Tornado, the true adventure novels of our generation, which marry the non stop thrills of corporate America with the literary flair of the self-help genre.

Seriously, though, if you truly think English is your calling, a lifetime of doing what you enjoy is certainly worth any short term grief you might endure. As many people have said before on this thread, parents, however implacable they might seem, usually come around eventually.

The anger that you are afraid of will be much worse if you lie to them and hide things..in addition to their anger you will have to deal with their feelings of betrayal which will not fade as easily.

It's an awful burden to carry, knowing that your parent's final years were clouded by something stupid like wholly unnecessary subterfuge. Twenty-one years of trust, evaporated. After one unwise decision made out of fear. :(

Maya:
Although it is really difficult, but you must tell your parents about your love for English Major (if you are). But you should prepare for the conversation first. Research what all can you do with Eng Major: Ranging from Consulting (I had met a dynamic Mckinsey consultant with an Eng degree), writing (Jhumpa, etc etc...), Academia, United nations translator (with knowledge of some other language), proposal-writing, teacher...these are some I can think off the top of my head..I am sure you can think more cool stuff.

My own sis (we are DBDs) revolted against my father's idea of Math+econ etc. She instead did Eng Major, then fashion designing then interior designing. She is doing well and having fun. Remind your parents that they probably stayed on in US so that their kids have more choice and can follow their heart (if they did, you know more) and not be coerced into engg/doc/law to eke out a living, and have a less stressful life for kids in general.

I wanted to go to UCLA and study Pol.Sci., because I wanted to go to law school. My parents wanted Berkeley and med school. So I went to Berkeley, and was a biology major, and I was miserable. After my first year I told my parents I was changing. I didn't ask, I told. They got over it. They love you, and they will get over it.

The free legal work my parents get has also helped.

I’m freaking out because I failed my Accounting exam (meaning I’m one step away from being dropped from my Business program),

Anna : Good post but I dont agree with your advice but then that is due to our different outlooks on life.

Maya, it may not seem like it, but your undergrad will have very little to do with what you will excel at later in life. Trust me. I got a lousy engineering degree from India and I am still gainfully employed. There's always grad school and the fact that absolutely NO ONE cares about what you got your degree in, as long as you can do the job.

So, go do what you are interested in - dance, piano, criminal justice....

That said, be sure to take a few science courses - so you don't turn all creationist on us. And an econ course or two.

Good post but I dont agree with your advice but then that is due to our different outlooks on life.

Didn't realize our outlooks were so different (unless we're looking at how our toilets flush). :)

I think if you're going to a private college, paying over $20K a year, I can see why parents would want to have a say in the major.

English is a very un-practical major though. I was an English major. I'd think very carefully before changing from business. There are other specialities in business besides finance. A failed class is not the end of the world. Hopefully, you can take it again and pass it. Maybe you're just not a numbers person and other business classes will be easier.

New head of Citigroup is a Indian-born immigrant. Head of Pepsi is an Indian woman.

I know saying following your heart is the right thing to say, but my bachelor's was in English, and my twenties were very difficult because of it. (I'm doing ok now because of advanced graduate degrees.

If you decide to switch to English, once you stop taking money from your parents, you'll feel better. Federal loans are low interest, around 4%, and the interest doesn't start accumulating until you graduate. If you're going to a state school, in-state tuition is not that bad, in most states.
Good luck with your decision.

As for telling the parents part - yes, tell them. Tell them you gave Accounting everything you had, and still sucked. They will understand. They will be disappointed, but only because THEIR vision will not materialize. Its your job to replace, in their heads, their vision with your own.

I got my MBA alongside a class of Fine Arts majors who wanted to get into managing theatre companies, museums and the like. They actually got to love business classes, because it was tailored to their world. They all got fantastic offers and are doing well.

I'm not sure why UPS brought up the fact that there are brown people in the business world...Maya's prob is she doesn't want to be in that world, not that it's her brownness that precludes her from that life.

I do agree with you that she should think about what she'll do afterward...I did a liberal arts degree and found it incredibly hard to find a job when I graduated (a few years ago), and I had great grades and a solid resume. It just takes more to get a (good) job these days and it can be demoralizing when you don't get hired (or are severely underemployed) following graduation...weigh the possibility of that against the depression now.

Maybe a compromise can be reached? An english/biz double degree? I'm not telling you what to do, just remember you have to have a plan for afterward...maybe an MA? It's so brown of me to speak like this, but it really is a reality, and one that I saw firsthand after graduating...I ended up coming back to school for postgrad.

wow, so glad to see that this is not an uncommon experience.

Maya, it doesn't matter how low or impossible it seems with the parents, but they will turn around once they see how much it makes you unhappy. It might even need that kind of drastic action, changing course without their knowledge, but...
they may not turn around immediately. It might take weeks, of fury, of silence, of "I wish you'd never been born!" and all that ekta kapoor dialogue. It might take months.
But do what you love, what keeps you passionate. English is def not the most practical degree, not the one for moneyspinners, that's for sure. But if you love it, if that's what your passion is, don't compromise, and go for it. (Just be prepared for the low paid trudgery afterwards.)

Didn't realize our outlooks were so different (unless we're looking at how our toilets flush). :)

despite NOT going to law school ... being okay...

it is still not too late to go to law school....

I know saying following your heart is the right thing to say, but my bachelor's was in English, and my twenties were very difficult because of it.

I did a liberal arts degree and found it incredibly hard to find a job when I graduated

Sorry to be a supporter of bad news, but I graduated nearly 3 years ago from a certain state school in New Jersey with a degree in one of their finest departments, philosophy, and I still live with my parents.

And I would do it again.

The truth is that if you wish to become an artist or work in a less-established field, there are things you must be willing to forgo, such as retirement plans, vacation days...etc

If you are passionate about something, it must become your sustenance.

"I did a liberal arts degree and found it incredibly hard to find a job when I graduated..."

"Sorry to be a supporter of bad news, but I graduated nearly 3 years ago from a certain state school in New Jersey with a degree in one of their finest departments, philosophy, and I still live with my parents."

Well, I graduated with a MINOR in English, got a job in corporate America, write for a national publication and teach at a university (all by the age of 33). There are exceptions to EVERY rule, every major and every degree. BUT, there no rules to living in fear from the very people who should support you.

AND...I live at home!

Hello! I'm a senior in college, and had been admitted into a guaranteed-med program. Desi parents' dream! Except I chose to major in sociology since I figured I'd be doing natural sciences for the rest of my life.. and due to various life experiences, I soon realized med school wasn't for me. Except I kept doubting myself and put off withdrawing and was killing my GPA with increasingly unnecessary pre-med coursework.

I withdrew a year ago, but I told my parents about two months ago. That's my advice: tell your parents on your own time. I introduced the idea years ago that I was no longer being a physician (which freaked them out) and step-by-step I got to telling them that I'm not going to med school at all. (still a freak-out, but less so)

Now I'm struggling with this concept of not having the rest of my life charted out. I'm not sure what I'll do once I graduate, but it beats being beyond miserable for decades.

Just do what you want. If all else fails try to get a MBA after your english degree. If you want a saftey net take classes that will allow you teach English in middle/high school. If you dont want to do that, then work some stupid job for 10 years save every penny and then buy a franchise or gas station. Every uneducated Indian I know seems to do this and ends up richer then the doctors.

I know it is easier said then done, but we all need to just relax. When I need to relax I look at tortoises. Those guys just take it slow and live to 250 years old and a cheetah only lives for like 6 years and they are always in a hurry.

You know I thought I had an original thought their for a second and then I rememembered that I am just rehasing "The tortoise and the Hare". Their is a reason I go by the name of "ShallowThinker"

Anyways. This is America baby!! The options are endless.

Remember that you are going to be working for the rest of your life, explore the options.

Maya,

Anna is right on. While my parents have been very supportive of me and helpful in times of great difficulty, there were a number of times they tried to bend me to their will- at one point to the extent of threatening to disown me if I didn't come "home" from Europe where I was much happier. And I hated myself and them for years for caving in. And while I am older than you, I also got the "good daughter" talk and the you can't work in New York talk. As a result, I too became resentful, and fearful and unsure of myself and shot myself in the foot because I was afraid of what my parents would think if I did well at something they didn't agree with. To this day, I never tell them about investigative articles I write until they're almost done because I can't deal with the be careful, you don't know what you're up against comments which are well-meaning- I know- but paralyzing. Lately, my mother and I had a talk about how I was raised, and to my amazement, she agreed with me that they had raised me, a girl, quite wrong in certain ways. They raised me to be multi-cultural but were then upset I didn't act like a demure 50's style daughter and get married and live next door.
It's taken awhile, but I've reached a detente with the voices in my head. Which is more than I can say for my friend who has struggled with the "creative, writer, artist" vs "good Desi son" for years. I suspect in certain ways he has lost part of the fight. I think you can be a good Desi son and still be true to yourself. But. then, that's me.
Now, Maya, back to you.
What makes you happy? Graduate school is always a possibility and if you are willing to live a little frugally, be a TA and take a few jobs here and there, there is no reason, Grad school cannot be your out. The US is the land of self-recycling. Life is long and you can be many things. But what I hope most for you, is for you to feel happy and secure. And there, I definitely agree with Anna- get some counselling- and tell yourself- as you see by the various posts- you are not alone. Others have lived/live this too and lived to tell.
And so will you.

Now I'm struggling with this concept of not having the rest of my life charted out. I'm not sure what I'll do once I graduate, but it beats being beyond miserable for decades

Maya,

I can absolutely understand what you are going through--I went through the same thing a few months back (I switched from pre-med to english). At the end of the day, YOU are going to be the one doing the studying and YOU are going to be the one doing the career. Your parents might not accept it now, no matter how much reasoning you give to them, but you have to hope that one day they will be able to get over it once they see how you're happy in your chosen field.
Good luck with everything!

The US is the land of self-recycling.

Anyways. This is America baby!! The options are endless

Maya, a mind is a wonderful thing to waste, as they used to say....

43 melbourne desi --

it is still not too late to go to law school....

44 · ak

it is still not too late to go to law school....

don't do it, ANNA (or anyone else)! ;)

There's a working fallacy abroad that goes, law school is a great idea even when you're 90! But don;t believe it~ that's for people who are living on yogurt and can cross swords at that age.

Maya, I think you should do what you love, and you should tell your parents how you feel [and I think you should ignore this commentary on how life sucks as a humanities major]. The worst case scenario is that they could revoke funding/support, but you could plan/work around that. It might feel terrible, but I have a feeling it will feel a lot worse to continue in your current field, hating your college experience.

When I was 18 I gave up my *dream university* to attend my (then distant) second choice because, with the higher fees of a private school, my parents wanted a much greater say over my academic program. They never threatened to pull funding, but I knew that I would have a hard time living with the *guilt* of not pursuing the program they wanted if they were sacrificing financially and personally for me to have an exceptional college experience. I went to an awesome public school (which ended up being perfect for me), worked my way through college, and majored in political economy and minored in African American Studies/Creative Writing. My parents still don't understand what I study, and despite my dad's tentative, "Beta, can you still pursue engineering?" the summer before my senior year of college, I know that they love me and that it all worked out. Your parents will love you, too, even if it takes them some time to realize that life has many paths for us.

The thing that's really hard for parents to figure is they can't protect their kids from the future because those kids are going to be the future, and will be running the world, carrying the day, creating stuff that obviously hasn't been thought of, so the benefits and dangers lurking in the future are beyond the normal parent's imagination. It's really a parental fear of the unknown and a need to make sure you don't fall on a knife when they're not looking or miss the same speedboats they missed, when actually everybody will be windsurfing or something by the time it makes any difference. As a parent, you can count on getting almost everything wrong except the human huggy stuff.

Great headline/title, Anna!

I did a Classics B.A. and got plenty of gainful employment; I later got an econ Ph.D. and now teach at a state U.

A lot of parents haven't wrapped their heads around the large differences between the U.S. and Indian higher ed systems and particularly what it means to major in something here. For business or law school it really doesn't matter what you major in as long as you do well; most of my English-major and comp-lit friends from undergrad days are now rich lawyers or software entrepreneurs. If you want to do science or engineering or medicine there are certain things you should get done at the undergrad level, but for the most part, BAs in the US are simply not vocational degrees. What you are doing instead is building intellectual muscle that will give you flexibility to do different things later in life.

Maya, I realize saying "a BA isn't a vocational degree anyway" may not be the most powerful argument to make to your parents right now -- and from their side, they are anxious about your ability to support yourself. I would suggest looking for on-campus resources -- you should have a career center, and a good English department will have an undergrad advisor. Make appointments and chat and ask for resources, ask if they have data about the career trajectories of their students. Believe me, you are not the first humanities major, or potential humanities major, to have worried, if not hostile, parents.

For more ammunition google "what can i do with a major in english"

Maya, it will be difficult (considering a "less practical" future, dealing with your parents' worries/anger) but you might as well struggle for something you do want, rather than something you don't. Follow your heart. From personal experience, I can say that having a dream and following it, as cheesy as it sounds, can be uplifting in the worst of times... you just have to remember what you're working for. Your parents will eventually come around, especially when you can demonstrate your happiness and independence. Good luck!

Great post, Anna!

Didn't realize our outlooks were so different (unless we're looking at how our toilets flush). :)

and

took me a few seconds to catch the joke about the flushing ;)

(Tongue in cheek) If you folks had not wasted your precious college education majoring in Poly.Sci or English or Film Studies or Undecided or any of the gazillion other useless majors that seem to generate all the Bikram yoga teachers of the world, and instead had taken up Engineering/Science forced upon you by your desi parents, then you would know that the hemisphere-dependent-toilet-swirling is just an urban legend. The coriolis force, which is supposedly responsible for this bogus effect, acts at length scales that is comparable or within an order of magnitude of the size of the rotating object (earth, in this case). Think hurricanes, which are hundereds of miles wide, and not toilet bowls, a few inches wide. I had to get it off my chest. Feels good. Engineers Rock. IITs rule. yoohoo. w00t.

Hi Jyoti!

Contact me off list. I'm interested in doing docs, too (MA in Film and TV, with tons of post colonial sloshing around):-). Are you still in Davis? maybe we can talk during the break when I take a break from sunny SoCal and go thataway up north.

dude maize and blue and brown - it's a good job taking apart the myth, but the slag on maya's (or any other person's) educational choices is unwarranted. there are people who've taken lib arts courses and are basically pushing paper in jr administration, and there are the human dynamos who've taken english or philosophy or skipped school altogether and are blazing new trails. but all that's another debate.

maya was nervous about telling her parents about the flunking and the older cynical me is led to think that it could be a few parties too many that might be causing the guilt trip, or it could be that extra loan by the parents that is a throbbing sliver in the brain... either way - coming clean is the best alternative - and making amends is the honorable thing to do - it might be a promise to pay off the loan (?) herself, or take extra credits elsewhere, or just eating humble pieyasam for a while, without being ovely acquiescent of course.

I really empathize with Maya's situation and I hate to act like a desi uncle, but I have seen way too many people changing majors because they think they new one is cool or would be very interesting and they don't turn out to be as cool as they had originally thought.. Way too many people then just go along with that because they see the danger of being seen as a person who vacillates.. This might have absolutely nothing to do with Maya's case, however, whenever I hear somebody wanting to change their major, that is the first thing that I think of.. Are you sure English is right for you.. I had a close friend who fought tooth and nail with her parents about changing from Pre-Med to English (She was spectacular in pre-med, 4.0ed most of her classes), and now she's like, 'bleh, this sucks', but won't admit it to anybody but her closest friends..

Hey Maya,

Plenty of good advice above me so I'll just add the bit that I learnt from both my brother's and my own experience with our parents:

Tell your parents immediately. Tell them the truth.

Ok, so it's going to be scary and their initial reaction may not be positive at first but they'll come around. They love you, of course they'll come around, you may be surprised at how quickly they do too.

Ultimately, if you don't tell them, I think you will end up hurting them more. They'll probably be upset that you felt you could go to them when you really needed them, or that you were being deceitful when you really weren't (and that's the kind of ammunition that can be brought up when they're mad at you for something entirely unrelated). Just be open, honest and gentle with them, I've always found that's the best way.

Good luck!

maya was nervous about telling her parents about the flunking

If you folks had not wasted your precious college education majoring in Poly.Sci or English or Film Studies or Undecided or any of the gazillion other useless majors

Maya, hang in there, baby, you'll come out just fine. You've identified the issues and are trying your best to deal with them. On-campus resources are great, but if you have a relative or a close family friend who you know would be supportive of your switching majors, engage them to help you in the process of breaking the news to your parents.

Believe it or not, 20 years ago, I WANTED to go to law school after scraping together a chemistry degree, but my parents wanted me to become a Ph.D. scientist or an MD instead, so applying to law school was out of the question. Luckily, my dad attended a conference and "learned" from one of his colleagues that lawyers with science degrees could become patent attorneys and make tons of money. My dad came back from the conference a changed man, and the next day, I applied to law school -- with his blessing.

Sometimes it's not the message, but the messenger, that makes all the difference. I need an English major to correct the errors in that last sentence!

How are comments like melbourne desi's - 64 and similar helpful? Insulting Maya while she's already in crisis (and don't listen to them, Maya.. there isn't anything in this world that is easy for everyone) doesn't help the situation at all. Maya needs support, not to sink further..

no excuses for flunking especially accounting ;)

And thats why the CA & CPA exams have such high pass rates !!! ;)

Feels good. Engineers Rock. IITs rule. yoohoo. w00t.

Now I've seen everything. An IIT fanboy who yells "yoohoo" instead of "woohoo" and attacks others with drive-by fluid mechanics lectures. Sometimes it's OK to let some minor technical inaccuracy slide.

::

Maya, others upthread, starting with Anna, have pretty much covered it all. From my personal experience, arm yourself with information before you meet your parents. Keep a plausible answer ready for questions on income levels (this is as much for your own benefit as for theirs). If it comes down to principle, keep in mind that your career is something that can be expected to outlast your parents' lives, and that they really shouldn't be making huge decisions for you when you have much more to lose. Don't be a rebellious teen on this one, and don't ask them for career advice like a subordinate asking a superior. They are much more likely to accept your decision if you have the facts on your side, and if you indicate gently that you have chosen to keep them in the loop but that the decision will be up to you alone.

I can't believe I'm saying this...but for once...I'd actually like to know Moornam's take on this issue.

And thats why the CA & CPA exams have such high pass rates

How are comments like melbourne desi's - 64 and similar helpful? Insulting Maya while she's already in crisis

I think majoring in English is terrific (I actually majored in math and natural sciences and I have lots of respect for the English and Humanities graduates). It is a versatile major and people who are English majors are very creative and flexible. In other words, you can follow so many career paths after earning an English degree. I know English majors who are in the technical writing field, the insurance industry, and teachers at the (junior and senior) high school level and one who is an English professor.

There was a very similar thread (complete with MoorNam comments) on this topic a few months ago. In that case the "approved" profession that the student was being pushed towards was medicine.
I can't really sum up my thoughts on the issue any better than I did in my reply from the first thread, so apologies for the repost:

The author touches on this [in the article from the original thread]. He suggests that the first priority should be establishing a foothold in the middle class. With that accomplished it is safe to pursue a "calling" if a normal professional job proves unsatisfactory. If medicine is not a good fit then law may be the best alternative. It's beyond the scope of this article, but ongoing social and economic changes might make the author's advice more urgent. It will be imperative if the American middle class contracts back to its pre-New Deal, pre-WW II form... composed only of professionals and entrepreneurs. Until now you could hold down a generic 9-5 job and still have plenty of time to pursue a "calling"... to volunteer, work on your novel, play in a band. If you're lucky, your hobby might become your real job. Beyond this you could travel a little bit, have some interesting life experiences. Most importantly, you could support a family if you chose that route and provide your children with opportunity and choices. In the future? Maybe not so much. If you're stranded outside of the professional classes you might not have the resources or the time to do any of that...

This thread strike a nerve for me because I was a lot like the letter writer when I was that age. I scorned the practical route and pursued a vague calling, ending up with a mushy, only sporadically useful humanities degree. The world is probably better off for that decision... not because of any heroic acts on my part but because I simply lacked (and still lack) the ambition/greed/discipline/work-ethic to succeed just for the sake of success... to excel at a job I did not enjoy. As a doctor, lawyer or engineer I would have been an accident waiting to happen. In the long run things worked out OK. I should (hopefully) have my PhD in history within the next couple of years. I've found a job that I truly love and that I am (I believe) pretty damned good at. That being said, not all is sweetness and joy. I wasted the better part of a decade in mostly dead end jobs until I had a real plan... and I had grown up enough to execute it. And there will still be unfillable voids in my future career. I know this by watching my brother... the one who did the "right" thing and went to medical school. I'm not all that interested in a big house, a big car or other material luxuries... but as a doctor he's had... and will continue to enjoy... travel, life experiences and a degree of freedom and security that will probably always be beyond me. More importantly he has provided handsomely for his family. If I ever were to have a child... much less multiple children... even a professor's salary might not be adequate to give them all crucial advantages in what is likely to be a hyper-competitive future. Beyond all of that there is a lingering sense that I will never really be grown up, that I will live in the toy box for the rest of my life. In the end what I do is inherently trivial. Nobody's health, wealth or freedom will be preserved by knowing the difference between a mansabdar and a zamindar...

Some folks upthread have suggested a "Scared Straight" program for potential lawyers, engineers, etc. who don't understand the realities of those professions. If that is ever implemented, there should also be a similar program for those free spirits who pursue a "calling"... especially in a changing economy where the consequences of any wrong turns or mistakes will be much more severe...

I don't think insulting someones intelligence or commitment under such stress is helpful, whatever role you're trying to play, it's mostly just a dick move.

Dari, I know it's very possible to be successful with a liberal arts degree, it's a lot harder though. As others have said, you need to plan better, you won't be handed a job on graduation like engineering/accounting grads are. You'll probably have to specialize in something, an MA, an LLB (or JD as you call it), something extra is needed.

As a confused, guilt-ridden kid applying to colleges, I felt the same pressure. Strangely, it wasn't as much from my parents (who were quite forward-thinking in that they supported my decision to study journalism) as from the rest of their friends. We weren't very involved with other Indian families in St. Louis, but the few who came over always asked what I would do with my B.A. in Journalism. When I changed that mid-semester to English, they were doubly confused. Don't you already speak it? What can you do with that?
Two years out, I admit it I'm not swimming in bullion, I found meaningful work and to this day, I still credit moms for taking me aside after one of my dad's standard 'you're wasting your life' tirades and giving me one life-saving piece of advice:

"Do what feeds your soul."

This situation, I am sure, resonates so strongly amongst so many of us. Its so unfortunate that in many cases, South Asians in America are not given the chance to really go after the American Dream and really pursue their happiness. Its sad because in the long run writers and artists could easily have comfortable careers in the middle and upper classes, and often South Asian parents don't see this. However while maybe the situation is mos jaring when it comes to English vs Medicine or Engineering, I think we overstate how little our parents generation values pure, non-applied science as well. There are three subjects I love: Mathematics, Physics and most importantly economics. I would love to study for the sake of studying, and I have little interest in working in a plain old engineering job, which looks like my future now. I think the problem is NOT that South Asian parents only care about us becoming professionals, it is much broader than that. I think that the mere act of our parents fulfilling their dreams successfully makes them absolutely sure about what their dreams are for us as well. If you look across our community here in America, you will find remarkable inconsistency in what these dreams are...for example for Anna her parents choose law school...my parents would kill me if I chose law over medicine or engineering. However the problem is that they are not giving us the option to discover for ourselves, to get lost, to fail without excessive pressure.

I am saddened by the lost opportunities of our so ridiculously talented generation. I am currently at grad school at an 'elite' engineering school, and every year I see highly talented SAAs who could one day change the world through cutting edge research choose instead to work for Boeing or IBM. Their parents are abhorrent at the idea of them frittering their time away at school when they could be earning money and starting a family.

For one I believe these experiences are going to give us a chance to redeem our community by giving our children real chances to find their genius and to pursue it at their own pace, in their own way. If we could combine this with the values of ambition and work ethic that our parents DID provide, I think we can only increase our success even further.

Great Advice Anna,
Maya, you should totally do what you like. I will give you my example. Till my 10th standard I wanted to be a lawyer in India, but my parents wanted me to become an Engineer(I know, the priority list of parents is a little different back home!). I ultimately ended up being an engineer. Now I am in US and am pretty good at my work and earn a pretty nice living. But lately, going to work everyday is like torture, there is no excitement and I defintely know I can be happier then this! I am just counting days when I can move on to do something else. I frequently think about the decision I made around 10 years ago and everytime I couldnt help but wonder how much better life would have been If I have taken the other option.

Another thing I will like to say is to be aware of and own up the consequence. You might choose a major which might not be as financially rewarding as Medicine, business, law and it might bring you a bit of grief when you see others struggling less as compared to you financially. But you have to make the decision what's more important, money or satisfaction in life. End the end I am so jealous of all the lucky bastards who are in a financially rewarding fields and also cannot wait to reach work every morning.

I just have to add one thing. Regardless of your situation remember it is not too late to really go after what you love. I have an uncle who as a doctor until he was 45, and just decided last year to go after his dreams and pursue a PHd in physics. In my family this was such a mind-opener and now even my dad is considering relinquishing control of his consulting firm to go back to school in mathematics. In addition my parents pressure on me to quit with a Master's and start working has relented significantly. Certainly your financial situation does make a difference, but as the previous poster said it is WORTH a few million bucks to have the greatest possible life you can. So if anyone out there is debating, go for it, take what your parents throw at you while trying to convince them that you are right. One thing that worked with my parents was reminding them of how often they regret not going after what they wanted, and also that they still have the chance in some measure to achieve that even now. Besides my dad going back to school, my mom has always wanted to be a politician and is now running for city council. Showing them that they still had a chance, has really improved the environment in my family, and for once there is really no tension at home...

Maya, I am honored to see that you find it important to solicit advice from me knowing that sending an email to Anna will eventually reach me via her need to put this on the blog. OK, OK. I thought a little humor would defuse the tension you are feeling.

I see it as simple. Your best option is to pursue the major you want and put up with the anger from your parents. Well if you could have done that, then you wouldn't be writing that letter.

If you feel like the anger you face from your parents is more unbearable than the boredom you incur by pursuing a business major, then buckle up and treat the business major courses not as a dead end, but as a way to defuse a situation. Just as rebellious teens will go to great lengths to leave their room at night without their parents knowledge, consider this business major as a mere hurdle to your life's goals. Get it over with , your parents are happy, and then you bolt to something else. It is obvious from your letter that you are not interested in becoming a doctor or a lawyer. So, your major really does not matter. I know many people in IT with English majors. I know IT majors who went into movies. Treat getting decent grades in business as a challenge to overcome on your way to your true path.

Treat it as a game. You can tailor your electives to make a double major or having a minor easier. Down the road in your life, no one even bothers to look at what you majored in college. Your life experiences will be more imporant. So just buckle down and finish the major. You will find that the business courses become easier to ace once you know it's not a dead end path.

Then again, if your interest is to become an English professor and remain in academia, then you got no option but to either switch majors or double major.

Also, the courses you take in business major can be a foundation if you ever choose to set up a business which involves your life interests. The only purpose of a business major is not necessarily for you to enroll in an MBA program later on.

ANNA, can the parents' side have the microphone for a minute? Don't worry, kids, I will be fair.

I came to this country in 1973 with a single burning desire - to wear my Harris tweed with leather elbow patches, smoke my brier and teach English Literature, not necessarily in that order. So I got my Master's in Lit - thesis on metadrama in Elizabethan plays, to be precise. Unfortunately, the American academic job market, especially for humanities, was already heading south in the seventies, and since I did not particularly relish the idea of driving a cab for the rest of my life and had that huge Indian male macho thing to be a good provider to your auntie-ji, I sold my soul to the devil and went to B-school. And guess what? After the first year in the graduate program, I found business, especially Marketing, to be very creative. I have been working since 1977, held great corporate jobs through 1982 until I founded my first company. In 2000, I founded my second. I love the randomness, serendipity, problem-solving and most importantly, the people aspect of business. Thank god business is not a science, though every B-school professor told me it was. It is art.

The moral of the story is that sometimes a new field can grow on you if you give it a chance. If you start to spark to something in law or engineering or business, try to fan that fire. Maybe it will turn out great. Or maybe you will get burnt.

Now comes the good part. We desi parents are absolutely nuts to insist that our children follow certain desi careers despite their individual talents. We are still time-warped in India or Sri Lanka or Pakistan, countries where you could actually end up dirt poor if you chose theater or art as your vocation. BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE IN AMERICA. The difference between an English major's income potential and a doctor's is only of degree. Even if the English major failed to a get a decent academic position, he or she could do something that would generate a comfortable middle-class existence. What's so terrible about living your whole life in a small house, driving a small used car, spending your vacations visiting relatives and friends rather than flying to Europe? You will eat the same food as the doctor, listen to the same music, and in America, your children will wear the same clothes and go to the same school.

Then why do the first generation desi parents force their kids to become doctors, lawyers and engineers? There is only one answer, and no desi parent will ever admit it to their children. It is called pride. It is NOT the concern for our children's economic welfare. It is OUR pride, And that, boys and girls, is the unvarnished truth.

Having said that, I will be the first to confess that I suffer from the same PRIDE syndrome that most desi parents do. But at least I am cognizant of my frailty. I guess Literature does teach you to understand your emotions a little bit.

melbourne desi, your constant harping on whether or not her failing her accounting class indicates her competency really borders on assholery. There are a thousand reasons why someone could be doing poorly in a class that are totally unrelated to their personal capacity -- stress over their academic choices (or lack thereof) is certainly one of them. I'm with lurker on this one; it's not playing "bad cop" -- it's a dick move.

Maya, change majors as often as you want. Your major does not define what you do in life, or your options, and further, with the exception of grad schools and business consulting jobs, no one cares about your GPA 3-5 years out of school. I've been talking to my cousin (who is, in typical overachieving ABD fashion, going after a triple major and double minor in unrelated fields) who is grappling with whether or not to drop her Econ major because she was told it was her only "skill-based" degree. She's doing fine, but wants to take more classes that she enjoys -- I think that alone is worth it.

Also, the folks railing against "worthless majors" -- whether or not you're trying to be funny, you're being jerks.

While this thread is still hot, go to your nearest desi video store and rent "American Chai." It is exactly about this problem.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Chai

So, your major really does not matter.

This is generally true. Everybody remembers Thatcher and Blair, but Major? Just a footnote in history.

Everybody remembers Thatcher and Blair, but Major? Just a footnote in history.

So I got my Master's in Lit - thesis on metadrama in Elizabethan plays, to be precise.

No Eliot, Floridian? Be thankful I wasn't paying for your education.

The difference between an English major's income potential and a doctor's is only of degree.

Pun intended? Just be sure that you don't end up like George or David Lurie, making brilliantly pungent observations on your condition such as "Good. Better. Best. Bested." (Would that my memory retained Coetzee's observations, early on in "Disgrace", of a life so bereft of passion and meaning that even sex, which has to be purchased from a reluctant and anonymous prostitute, is an occasion for musing on language!)

more comment later but there is a movie coming out on this very topic of the pressures desi kids face growing up.. Taare Zameen Par

I'm with lurker on this one; it's not playing "bad cop" -- it's a dick move.

melbourne desi,

for this move, you do owe our 'maya' at least 30-40 sliders and large drinks at White Castle.

au contraire, major will go down for the currie he spooned when in office.

He did complete three O-levels by the age of 16. That's quite an achievement. I think most pimply boys of that age were lucky to get one H-level by that time.

Great post Floridian, except that I don't believe you really mean the bit about pride, etc. I think parents sincerely do care and I won't be surprised to hear in 10 years how you're thrilled your daughter chose be an artist. I tend to straddle the two camps - its very important to do what you want. But so is having money important.

There's a great quote which I am unable to find but will try and reconstruct. It goes something like: May there be peace so we soldiers can lay down our guns and peacefully plow the land. May their be plenty so that our children can lay down their plowshares study medicine and law. May there be health and justice so my grandchildren don't have to practice medicine and law. Finally, the great-grandchildren get to be artists.

I've done a horrible job of reproducing the quote, but the idea is clear. I think English etc. is a bit of a luxury and I don't blame parents for being concerned. But the well-off ones should be more open minded.

As for accounting, I personally found it shocking. When I first heard about the syllabus, my immediate reaction was, "Ledger? But I don't even know 'er!". As for double-entry, don't you think that's a bit too racy to be on the curriculum, even in the permissive times we live in? No wonder, accountants are considered exciting and adventurous, next only to insurance agents.

To Maya:

Be true to yourself, don't listen to naysayers. Do what you enjoy doing the most. Your parents may initially be upset and unhappy
but they will come around eventually and even respect you for being an individual taking your own not so easy decisions.

Maya, I am personally aware of a number of people who, when faced with a similar choice, have taken the "safe" route and who seem to be doing just fine. They have decent jobs and decent paychecks, which they use to fund other passions (travel, their kid's college fund, early retirement etc.). If the job doesn't exactly inflame them with passion, they still have a reason to get up in the morning. I've also seen people "follow their dreams" and become fairly embittered about where that takes them in life. So, it is very possible to end up in a career that is not your first or second inkling but that is "good enough", especially if you can balance it out with other aspects of your life. It is also possible that following your passion may not get the anticipated or desired results. Of course, it's also possible to be end up consumed with regret about making the "safe" choice while watching others who are rewarded by life for "following their bliss". Yeh zindagi can be a bit of a crapshoot. But my personal sense is that overall life can be a little less bitter if you feel like you've had at least some control over your destiny (cue Sinatra).

It sounds like your core is violently rejecting the business major path. Fine, then not business major it is. So what next? I may have interpreted incorrectly (I'm not an English major :)) but it sounds like you are still undecided about your desire to switch over to English--it's just one option that you are considering, given your affinity for the subject and your hatred for business school.

So, it would probably help you work through the panic if you sit down and try to get to know yourself a bit better. What are the things that are most important to you (e.g. working outdoors, having the $ to afford all the products in InStyle magazine, meeting your parents' expectations)? What if the desires appear incompatible? Which ones take priority and which have to take a backseat for now?

You now have your shortlist of desires. Given your particular environment (including American society, parental reaction and consequences of such reaction), what possible paths can you take? Here's where you many need to do some research and digging, and you may need to get creative. If you feel the need to devote your life to exploring the wonder that is Thomas Hardy but you also realize you will need to be able to fund your education on your own, then can you take up another job to assist in the endeavour (e.g. tutoring ESL students)? Taking that minor in accounting to keep your options open and compromising with your parents? Majoring in business with a minor in English (maybe you can talk to a counselor about switching your concentration in Business school to marketing?). Will the English program let you pursue your goals? I know you're in danger of flunking out of a business major, but research will let you know if there may be workarounds. I'm NOT saying continue in B-school--I'm saying that having information can make you more comfortable in decisions to reject or keep open certain choices (e.g. so that you know that you aren't running away from majoring in business, but are rather running tomajoring in English) and can also help you plan next steps with whatever decision you make--it helps you feel more solid in your decision.

If it turns out that is only one path that is both open to you and that you can contemplate taking without wanting to jump off a bridge, then you've got your answer. If there are more choices, and one or two in particular fire you up, whereas the others are all "good enough" (i.e. you're not passionate about them, but you don't particularly dislike the thought), you have a choice to make--go with your passion above all, regardless of the cons, or pick one of the other choices because the other benefits outweigh your lack of particular passion.

The point is that, despite your parents' certainty, there are usually no immediately obvious "right answers”which should greatly appeal to the English major in all of us. There are choices and there are consequences to the choices and sometimes the consequences come out of left field. I'm sure your parents made choices that affected their families too, and I'm willing to bet good money that not every choice they made turned out exactly the way they anticipated. I'm also willing to bet good money that some of the choices they made didn't sit so well with THEIR family.

So, now that you're an adult, it's up to you to plan, based on the information you have about yourself and the environment you find yourself in, but also recognize that sometimes God or fate or chaos theory takes a hand in events. But for now, YOU have to make the immediate choice about YOUR life based on the information currently available to you: whether it is to sacrifice some of your desires to meet your parents' expectations and earn good coin, or whether it is to pursue another course and sacrifice your desire for parental approval and a "steady" career. And once you make that choice, whatever it is, take pride in the fact that you made an informed decision, with your eyes open--you made a conscious decision in shaping your world. You've taken a very difficult and very adult step. You can hold your head up high for that, regardless of parental opprobrium (and, honestly, I suspect that they will eventually come around even if you make the "wrong" choice) or financial gain and know that you have supporters here. Even if the initial decision you make doesn't work out, once you've started down the path of shaping your own destiny, it becomes easier to make other choices, including the choice to revisit the issue ;)

And if at the end of the day you really can't decide and you're still wavering on the fence--well, my personal advice (worth exactly what you paid for it) is to go for it. Things may not work out, but you'l never have to wonder what if.

Good luck and best wishes.

Floridian#81:
'What's so terrible about living your whole life in a small house, driving a small used car, spending your vacations visiting relatives and friends rather than flying to Europe?'

Ouch..

Rahul#84,86 and Khoofia#85:

Thanx for the morning laughs.

Maya,

Telling our parents that we are doing very badly at school is always a difficult thing.
Whether you are in middle school or in college, it still feels bad.

The reason you find it more difficult now is because you are also thinking that you are at a point where you need to make a decision that will influence the rest of your life. Relax! Not necessarily so!
What matters in the end is how much at peace you are with yourself. If you are lucky, you may even find happiness. :)

I did a bachelor's in Physics (thanks to all that reading by Carl Sagan and Isaac Asimov). But at the end of three years, I was disillusioned. Where were all those stars and galaxies I had read about? Cosmology? No, I was stuck with inclined planes and electric fields. I changed course and took up Philosophy. Yeah, radical change. My father was running his own business (manufacturing plastic industrial components) and I started helping out. Later, I did a one year course in Plastics processing technology. Meantime, I decided to give Physics another try and travelled to the US to pursue a graduate program. However, at that point I felt that I might have to do a Ph.D. to obtain a well paying job. Also, quantum mechanics was not easy at all! (I flunked!). (I realized that while merely reading books by Sagan and Asimov was fun, actually studying and attempting to make a living out of Physics was not easy at all). I switched over to Computer Science. Again, I did badly in my very first C++ course, but I prodded on, completing the M.S. Today I work as an Oracle DBA in a huge company. The job is stress free - gives me time with my toddler, gives me the money to pursue my other interests (Mohiniattam, Samskritam, running, etc). Yes, I was undecided and made many "mistakes" and had to keep changing course. So?
What matters, really, is how much at peace I am with myself.

Perhaps you could teach English abroad - live in different countries over a period of 2-3 years - it will provide you an education that would be hard to match in a course studied in a class room! Perhaps you could write on a regular basis and then…who knows, you might write the next novel that attracts millions of readers!
Or……..you might realize you made a mistake. If so, time to switch!

Talking to your parents may not seem easy - but be an adult and tell them. Be ready to discuss the positives and negatives. Be ready to feel bad/humiliated/disappointed. It is all ok. Life has its share of such situations!

Good luck!

Divya, could you find that quote for me, please? :)

'What's so terrible about living your whole life in a small house, driving a small used car, spending your vacations visiting relatives and friends rather than flying to Europe?'

Real men drive Hummers. Cousins of real men drive Hemi Powered, 335 HP, 5.7 L Durangos and Aspens.

Sometimes you're so worried about it in your head that it prevents you from thinking rationally. If her parents are anything like mine, their preoccupation with professions comes from a lack of knowledge of the types of opportunities that exist beyond the MD, JD or MBA. Sometimes, a little education can go a long way towards calming them down.

I'm sorry Nitya, I already tried. I heard Hillary Clinton say it when she was campaigning for Senator. I think it may be adapted from the Bible.

Bummer. Loved the thought behind it. Hillary's remix sounds cooler than the Biblical version, I have to admit :)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swords_to_ploughshares

A beautiful post ANNA - I agree with it until the end. My heart goes out to Maya because I have been in your shoes, albeit, through a slightly different situation. I wish you the very best and hope that you will follow what makes you happy even it means making your family unhappy temporarily. As for ANNA, you have a beautiful wisdom that I see growing in every post. I must say that my favorite part of the whole post was your P.S. since it captures so perfectly something I think of so often.

Maya--

I was an English major at Berkeley and when my parents were annoyed, I tacked on a double major in Linguistics because my dad was convinced it would help me think analytically. Truth is, he was right. At the end of the day, though, I wound up getting a Master's in Education, working with kids, and now I'm in law school. Your major does not have to define you-- but it can help shape the way you approach the world.

Don't major in business if you are unhappy-- your thoughts will be cloudy and your academic experience and overall personal joy compromised. Go to a career counselor on campus or an academic counselor in your department and talk about your options. There may be some innovative paths that you can take that combine your interests, either in the form of a double major, or in a major you create yourself-- it can have elements that incoroporate business, English, Developmental Studies, etc. I don't know where you are going to school, but most UCs provide the forum for a major you create (at Cal it's called 'ISF'). Go now to talk to academic and career counselors. Bring back their advice to your parents so that you can have an honest discussion with information about alternatives that you can physically hand them while you talk over your options.

Your college experience, both academic and extra-curricular, should not be compromised. The conversation with your parents, while daunting, can only help you in the end.

Wishing you good luck!

I've lurked at SM for a long time now, but this post made me want to comment. I cried when I read this post - my heart goes out to Maya. I agree whole-heartedly with Anna's advice, all the way down the line. My situation in college was a little different -- without going into the long story, suffice to say, I too made bargains with my parents about college. By year two I realized I wouldn't be able to make it in the pre-med program we'd agreed I could attend. Senior year there was much drama, but we survived. I put myself through grad school, struggled for a few years. Now 14 years later, I have a job I like and a life I like. It was hard, especially the first few years when I had no idea if I was making the biggest mistake of my life or what, but choosing my own way was the best thing I did, even if my life isn't the life my parents wanted me to have. Hang in there, Maya! You're not the only one and you will be OK!

Dear Maya,

From a geophysicist who was supposed to be a doctor (and nothing else because it was not on the proven track to desi success), do what you want to. No matter they are the ones who brought you into this world, your parents will not be with you in your torts class, bar exam or your office when you slog away at something you hate. Go through the five years of graduate hell and breathe in living below the poverty line while your parents don't offer a word of support and instead expect to find you dead in a gutter or, worse, a professor. They come around when you are determined, accomplished and happy. Your consistent happiness with yourself will melt the frozen gob that is your parents' unimaginative but want-their-kids-to-succeed-by-their-own-quaint-measure-of-success hearts. You are their child and they will always love you.

That said, be realistic, too. Your parents may not be around when you hate life in a snazzy lawyer's office but you will be there when you have to put food on your plate. And there's no getting around the basic requirements of living. So, as much as I hate to use the word "marketable," think about it. I did, only because I didn't want to have to marry someone for a credit card to match my tastes.

Good luck, girl!

Maya--

I'm a fresh graduate, out this past May, who started as a biological Pre-Med major. Mostly for my parents/ judgmental uncles and aunties. I didn't really want it, but I viewed it more as a duty. But I began to have my doubts because I DID realize I wasn't doing it for myself. I was majoring and in college for someone else. My grades weren't as high as they could be, mostly because my heart wasn't in it. I just did not want to be doing biology.

I went to counselors/advisors in the biology department to discuss. I told my advisor/profs how I wasn't feeling it, how my heart wasn't in it, how I want to major in graphic design, and I got two kinds of responses:

1) You should be doing what you want. Major in something that makes you happy, because it's a hell of a lot easier to do better in something you like than something you're told to like.

2) Graphic design?? Art?? Please, that's a nice hobby, but you should do bio now and worry about hobbies later.

So I got both ends of the spectrum. And more of the negative, #2 style response. I spoke with the handful of Indian kids in my class, and while some were in pre-med because they wanted it, others were pressured into it by their parents and didn't really want to be there. So I decided I didn't want to be sleepwalking into anything and march along. I realized I had to make the change myself because it wasn't just going to happen.

I know my parents were well-intentioned, but I was their first child and so basically they're learning as I'm learning. I knew they wanted the best for me, but they weren't going to change their idea of what is a "good major" spontaneously. So I called home and told them that I wasn't feeling pre-med anymore. And when I went home for Christmas break, I explained that I wanted to pursue graphic design and art. My mom was always fine with whatever I wanted, but my dad was the hard-convert. So I got the silent treatment for a night or two, but you know what? He got over it.

I did my share of explaining and informing, talking to the parents about what I could do with the major, how strong the school's program was, where I could take it, and that was important. As much as I just went up and decided I would make the change happen, I also had to be fair and explain myself to them, and being fair and mature with them made it as smooth a transition as it could be. My parents knew I wasn't going to be some artsy vagrant without a future, struggling to put food on the table. I was getting a hell of an education, pushing myself, and getting some great prep for what would come in the future. I loved what I was doing. And that passion makes success in any field much easier to attain.

And graphic design went well. I loved being there, I love creativity and idea-generation and the countless applications for it. The odds of being successful in a field are so much higher if you 1) can hack it and 2) genuinely want to be there. Enthusiasm and passion go a long way.

So listen to both sides of the argument, but grab some salt for the nay-sayers and negative people in your life and on this board. Ultimately it comes down to YOU. Take some time to look within yourself and above all, be true to yourself. You really can do whatever you want to do for majors or life careers, if you truly want it. You can make it happen, Maya.

Anna, this has been a wonderful post, and a great piece of writing. The comments seem excellent, and even though I've mostly just skimmed them so far, I will be setting aside time to read them in detail this weekend.

This comment is just to really congratulate everyone on a great discussion, and assure Maya that there really is life after an Accounting final, and with all the advice you're getting here, and your own resources and inner strengths, things will work out.

The following article (published today) is relevant to this discussion:
http://www.rediff.com/news/2007/dec/13gargi.htm

90 · Rahul on December 14, 2007 09:41 AM · Direct link

"As for double-entry, don't you think that's a bit too racy to be on the curriculum, even in the permissive times we live in?"

Arrey bachhey, tu itni din se kaha chhupa tha? Great to see you back with your usual verve and panache. No, no, it's not from Prufrock. Are you an accountant? You do know that Eliot toiled at a bank before he hit the big time.

There are two important issues all young people must remember when choosing majors and careers.

1. Don't be too restrictive in defining your future career even in the major of your choice. For example, if you absolutely must major in English Lit and you know that a very tiny percentage of English PhD's get college teaching positions, do not define your career goal solely as a college professor. Be prepared to accept some tertiary path. Teaching English could mean junior college teaching, which is a lot less Lit and a lot more composition, or teaching English as a second language, or working in a publishing house.

If you are flexible enough with your career goals, and are prepared to accept almost any lifestyle (except poverty, of course), then you can choose almost any major IF you live in the US. You won't starve, you will have a comfortable enough life by global standards, and you will be doing something that makes you happy. If you live in India, for example, it's a different story. That's why I said in my comment #81 that first-generation desis do not recognize this crucial difference between the two economies. My point was that if a certain amount of security was a given in our society, then why not let your children do what they really want? Again, I have not been tested yet on this. So this is just my idealism talking.

2. Here is a universal truth regardless of which major you choose. With very few exceptions, careers veer away from their core disciplines the higher you advance. For example, while it is possible to remain a sharp programmer as you get older, it is more likely that your programming skills will become dated compared to the skills of the newly minted graduates coming into the job market and your only growth track would be team leadership, customer contact, administration, etc. - all tasks that have very little to do with what you went to college for. And if you happen to own your own business in your field, you will deal with lawyers, accountants, employee reviews, insurance policies and all the other crap that have even less to do with your first love, your major in college.

So do remember that as you get to the mid-point in your career, you will be doing less and less of what you majored in. Now you could become a purist and refuse all promotions and raises because you still want to design bridges or analyze markets with the young recruits, but if you have any ambition, you will move on and do the exact same things in an architect firm that your peer is doing in a marketing firm.

In conclusion, career flexibility and anticipating that there will be, in later years, a natural pull away from your true love, are the two best pieces of advice I can offer to young people.

Anna, I just read the post the connected to your 'missing' family members link. I couldn't stop my tears. Bless you, and a big hug to you.

Maya,

I've a Philosophy MA and I've lived (to the ripe old age of 35) to tell the tale. Have worked in government and non-profit, have also picked my share of grapes to put food on the table. I don't know if it really comes down to 'being happy'. You should be prepared for a rough route, even if it turns out less rough than you imagined. The true benefits, I think, are of character. Having the balls to say f-off to the world (including, yes, family), to pursue something private and meaningful, makes you more yourself than you would have been otherwise. You may not be happy or comfortable, but you will be true. I think it was Montaigne who said 'you should always be ready to pull on your boots and leave'. Well, that kind of freedom and independence of spirit is only won through a long series of difficult, but freeing decisions. With each such decision you become more of a substantial person.

Btw Anna, beautiful post as so many of yours are. I read the one about your missing family members too and was very moved. My father also died a few years ago, also had Parkinson's. We had a more conflicted relationship than yours was - but many of the same themes are there. We fought over the phone. I wasn't the daughter he wanted me to be, I walked in on his dead body (an hour late), have been anguished about what I said/did/didn't say or do.

Rahul @86 and @90.

You do know that Coetzee was an IBM porgrammer in London, right?

I don't think insulting someones intelligence or commitment under such stress is helpful, whatever role you're trying to play, it's mostly just a dick move.

your constant harping on whether or not her failing her accounting class indicates her competency really borders on assholery.

lurker/ camille - I mentioned earlier that I dont agree with the advice provided by anna ( I enjoyed the post) or several others on this thread. I believe that a lot of advice harps on inner happiness being derived from a Major is purely mollycoddling. My DBD bias is overwhelming and I ll shut up.

I think "put up with what you hate so you can make good money" is not the best approach, as most people have written above. You won't be motivated to achieve your best and you'll hate your job.

BUT, I also think "follow your heart, damn the practicalities" is too idealistic. What's not stated in Maya's excerpted email is whether or not she has considered what she'd do with her English degree after graduation. Does she want to be a writer? Editor? Professor? If she knows what she can potentially do after graduation (with decent probability) and is happy with that outcome (the job, the pay, the work hours, etc), then by all means, she should follow her heart.

If she hasn't really considered her post-graduation plans, I think she should get some more information before making a decision.

OK, after reading Anna's story and Maya's , I think I have a more hardnosed round of advice for Maya. She needs to determine why she wants to get into English. Is it just becuase the control freak parents have turned her off business? Or does she genuinely like English? And as I said in my prior comment, undergrad major is not a big deal. She should just finish it and move on to whatever she likes later on assuming she doesn't have time to change majors and fit it in the 4 years. Unless she wants to be an English professor, it is not worth the aggravation to change majors. You can self educate yourself and take a few good electives. It would have been nice if Maya mentioned why she wanted to get into English because any advice would be based on the passion she feels for English. Once she is done with college, she won't need her parents. If they don't like what she is going to do, tough. They will get over it ina few years if they are semi reasonable people. If they don't , then she is still bretter off, because she would spend the rest of her life in depression. I do not undertand these parents. It's one thing to try to persuade a kid to take a major, but to create emotional problems over this and threaten a virtual disownment is emotional blackmail. What I want to see is more of the Indian community to not stay passive when this happens. If you see a guy being an unreasonable control freak to his family, maybe some friendly advice will be good. Do not encourage that kind of behavior within the family.

I don't get why some families move here permanently if they find American society so abhorrent. Just to make more dollars? I hope you realize that some of these parents are the ones who need help, not the kids. I come from a broken home and maybe that's why my perspective on pleasing parents is not typical in the community. I respect my mom a lot, but she will not dictate any aspect of my life. I will listen to her wishes but not necessarily follow them. You can love your parents, but never become enablers of their control freakishness.

You do know that Coetzee was an IBM porgrammer in London, right?

Lord, what are you going to spring on me next? That Salman Rushdie spent the duration of his fatwa hiding out in a condo complex in Sunnyvale while writing COBOL code for TCS?

Rahul @86 and @90.

You do know that Coetzee was an IBM porgrammer in London, right?

melbournedesi, you can disagree. I don't think the recommendation was for you to shut up, it was to exercise tact in your comments (even if they were detractory or contradictory to the main post).

from another desi lit major... remind them of all the famous desi writers... it helped in my case! although, once i left the box i never stopped, from lit major to dating women, dating white men, and now to attending art school. at this point my parents keep saying "we can't tell you anything, you do what you want" and i think they kind of respect me for it... in a way. :)
it'll take convincing but eventually they'll come around.

What's not stated in Maya's excerpted email is whether or not she has considered what she'd do with her English degree after graduation.

and:

It would have been nice if Maya mentioned why she wanted to get into English because any advice would be based on the passion she feels for English.

There is no "excerpt". The only thing I left out was her name. As for it would "be nice if Maya had...", when someone anguished reaches out for help, I'm not critical if they didn't include enough information for my satisfaction-- mostly because I don't feel entitled to any information, let alone what I'm given. She was upset. She wrote what she could.

I want to thank everyone for how kind and supportive they've been. What you couldn't possibly know is that others in Maya's shoes wrote to me right after I posted this and told me that they were avidly following the thread and gaining so much from it. What you dash off in a comment box actually made a difference to a stranger/lurker you weren't even addressing-- isn't that kind of neat? :)

That Salman Rushdie spent the duration of his fatwa hiding out in a condo complex in Sunnyvale while writing COBOL code for TCS?

This post really speaks to me. My life plan was: go to magnet high school, prestigious private university in major city, then med school at same. I ended up going to the "regular" high school, then after not getting in to the first choice college, ended up commuting to the suburban public university. All four years were miserable. But after the first year, I broke my parents' hearts by deciding to dishonor them and their ancestors by switching from pre-med to...pre-law! Horror of horrors! Even when my grandmother halfway around the world calls, she still asks: "why don't you want to be a doctor, like your father?" I'm currently in my second year of law school, and well on my way into success and happiness on my own terms. My parents have come around, but interesting to note: they were skeptical of my choices until I started reaching my own goals, by getting my grades up, getting into law school, then getting job offers. I wonder if they would be so happy if I hadn't made it so far, but if I've realized anything, you have to live your own life.

--You know what is amazing? I've asked around, and students from other religious and ethnic communities all say their parents would have supported them in anything, and were proud they went to law school...except for my desi friends! ALL of our parents were disappointed we chose law, and we deal with it through humor, and committing ourselves to success (whether it be in the public or private $$$ector).

Reading the comments above, I think I got lucky: what I wanted to do (go to law school) was initially very much against my parents' wishes, but they eventually came around, and their moral (and financial!) support is important to me. It is great that so many people are doing what they want to do, regardless of financial/parental issues, and it probably makes you better at what you do if you really enjoy your work. I think I'll make a good lawyer, but I know I would have been a miserable doctor.

As for it would "be nice if Maya had...", when someone anguished reaches out for help, I'm not critical if they didn't include enough information for my satisfaction-- mostly because I don't feel entitled to any information, let alone what I'm given. She was upset. She wrote what she could.

I guess I could have worded it better. It wasn't mean to be negative.

Don't believe the hype. Some people try to cultivate this "devil may care" attitude but the fact is that there is almost always going to be some inherited wealth in the picture. Upper middle class professionals will leave more to their kids then most working class or lower middle class people will save in a lifetime. The artsy kids of professional parents don't have a good idea of the sacrifices they will have to make to pursue their passions....so many of them live far beyond their means.

I understand your position completely.
I came to the states in '99 (not entirely my choice, although perhaps, apathy is a choice) and I was tossed into the engineering program. Took me all of 4 months to switch to Comparative Literature and Cultural studies, finish my B.A. with honors before I broke the news to my parents. But as someone noted earlier- Paents will surprise you. Apparently they knew, (not specifically, but they knew I was in the humanities). I don't know how, maybe the lack of complaints from me, maybe the they didn't see math textbooks in my bathroom, but they were waiting for me to tell them.
And the sense of relief, it made up for all the condemnation and ridicule from my fellow desis.
So I'm halfway through the ph.d in English, and my god it feels great being able to talk to them honestly, and taking a genuine amount of pride in answering ( and being able to answer) the "What do you do?" questions in family gatherings.

Meh, I feel like a broken record in saying that I so relate, but reading Maya's letter made me think of myself at age 18 or 19. I'm 28 now, but back when I started college, I began as a physics major (mainly because I loved science fiction and got good math grades). For nearly two years, I struggled, toiled, and languished in self-loathing and confusion. It's funny, because despite the fact that I was the kind of person who staunchly refused my parents' values, I was unconcsiously caught in the quagmire of wanting to make them proud of me and wanting to do the right and obvious and respectable thing with my life. No matter that since I was old enough to reach the bookshelves, I'd been an avid reader and writer and my passions usually had something to do with Henry James and early Greek lyric poems rather than Fibonacci sequences or sterile theorems. I played out this silly battle in my head, on my own, for TWO FRIGGIN' YEARS before I caved, switched my major to English, and worked my ass off to ensure that I'd graduate in four years.

To dovetail with other commenters, the post-college years (at least in the beginning) were hell. I'd been so busy just making sure I'd be graduating with the rest of my peers that I didn't take the time to consider realistic career plans. Sure, I wanted to write--but I didn't know the first thing about how to fulfill that goal in a terrain that seemed increasingly hostile towards naive post-pubescent creatives. For the first three years after college, I went into debt, borrowed money, worked thankless admin jobs at loosely put together nonprofits, and ate pasta for dinner almost every night. Would I do it all over again? Hell yes! Through all these challenges, I dabbled in acting, continued writing poetry and plays, and pursued my growing love for community arts activism. I was introduced to groups of people who forever changed the way I looked at my career path. I was forced to think outside the box of respectable options and really, truly build a life for myself rather than just check the generic career box.

Truthfully, my major probably had little to do with who I am today and what I'm doing with my life (I'm a freelance editor and writer, I work at an advertising agency, and I'm a playwright and community arts activist). It was really the life experiences after college that shaped many of my interests and nudged me in my particular direction. Of course, I didn't get clear on what that direction was until the age of 24 or 25, but I think that being an English major made me realize that I would never be able to slot myself into some predetermined cookie-cutter profession.

And for the record, I'm fairly certain my parents are proud of me. Of course, I don't have the car, house, kids, and lucrative stock options, but I do have a wonderful husband, a great job, and tons of perks that come with the territory (like free trips to world-class spas and resorts, season tix to the opera, and plenty of travel opportunities), not to mention a passel of interesting friends and estimable life experiences.

All the same, I so know how difficult it can be to simply follow your heart when there are so many other things that hang in the balance, parental satisfaction and community approval not being the least of them. It's just up to you to decide what's more difficult--living a life of inauthenticity or sacrificing security and saying pooh to the court of public opinion.

Just follow your heart Maya..English major is nothing to be ashamed of.. Go for it..