Sugi’s post on how to make babies who will possess certain characteristics via Sarkai lo khatiya jaada lage on prescribed days of the month (with both of you keeping your eyes open, got that? no eyelash fluttering out of unbearable ecstasy) is so much more mutinous than what I’m going to post, but I believe in diversity, so while she brought the funny, I’m bringin’ the schmaltz. No, not schmaltz as in rendered goose fat which can be spread on bread as is done in German and Jewish cuisine, schmaltz as in the unbelievably literal “Every Kiss begins with K”-schmaltz.
Still with me? No? Perk up. It’s tea time, lovers.
Last night, I watched “Deal or No Deal, for the first time, ever. That show is mesmerizing with its repetition and stupidity. I wanted to tell the firefighter whom they were featuring that his response of
$100,000…wow…that could do a lot…it’s like, two years salary
in response to Howie’s ridiculously leading question
How would that change absolutely everything for you and your pregnant wife, who has to put up with you working two jobs?
was actually incorrect, since taxes would eat nearly half that amount and so it was really more like ONE year of his salary, but whatevs.
Though I had an hour to waste, I still couldn’t understand why I was watching such garbage while waiting for my dirty-little-secret-TV-cocktail of “Super Nanny” and “Cashmere Mafia”— which is on an entirely different network. But you know what mutineers? It turns out that everything happens for a reason.
During one of the commercial breaks on NBC, my browndar went off like police sirens in Adams Morgan on a Saturday night. Through my keen peripheral vision, I saw a brown face sinking and then looking up. I whipped my head around (oww) and realized that some random Desi had just proposed to their future Karva-Chauth-hostage (KIDDING).
What the-?
Visit NBC.com/Love for more about this couple…sponsored by Kay Jewelers…every Gambia-Senegal session after Applebee’s begins with Kay…
Well, that’s not how they ended their come-on, but they totally should have. I was typing “random marriage proposal NBC” in to my Google toolbar but when I overheard this, I dutifully jumped…to an awful, cluttered page which didn’t work. As in, the desi dude’s links were not active, and his story was not featured, even though they said we could go to this terrible page for more information. LIARS. What is wrong with NBC’s interns? If they need me to come in and consult re: how to get your interns to WORK IT, I’ll see what I can do.
I was irritated. This would have been the perfect Valentine’s Day post! Fine, NBC. Be that way. I made sure that I left that tab untouched in Firefox so I’d remember to check it today…and I did. Lo, the desis were finally visible (is that a metaphor or what). I watched the 5’30” proposal video and I’m not ashamed to admit I was tearing up at the end, even though I don’t really like engagement rings, the getting down on one knee or any of that.
Hey, I’m not heartless! I yenjoy seeing people get deliriously happy…I also once infamously cried during a diaper commercial, so make of that what you will. Anyway, I suddenly LOVED this story, because I found out that Lavina was older than Kabir!
I know, I am the last person who still thinks “the girl being older than the boy” is a big deal, but I totally do, especially when it comes to Desi couples, who often follow my least favorite Aunt’s formula of “4 inches taller, 3 years older, 2 degrees earned”. My obsession with this dynamic is rooted in self-interest; at the wizened age of 33-going-on-dead, I know that I’m far more likely to settle down with someone who is younger than me. The existence of Lavina makes me feel like I’m not the only Cougar prowling for Male Makhni.
If you think I’m weird for my hang-ups, you should know that Lavina wouldn’t judge me:
When Kabir first asked Lavina out, she rejected him because he was a younger guy, even though they’d known each other quite awhile. [NBC]
Quite a while = seven years. He’s 28 and she’s 31. They have been dating for the last 18 months and they are from San Francisco.
It’s all very sweet and before anyone dares to go there, I want to explicitly state that none of the sarcasm in this post is aimed at the blissed out couple— how could I hate on anyone named Kabir or his lady-love who is older than him (and toe tweeee)? If I smirked or snarked, it was a reaction to NBC, their shitty web design and their LYING about the availability of information, which, during this uber-interactive age when I’m never in front of a television without my iBook, I find inexcusable. I am brown. I need my gossip information on demand!
So, huzzah, Kabir and Lavina. And Kabir, props for proposing to the girl you fell in love with so many years ago in such a gorgeous setting; then again, I wouldn’t expect anything less from such a suitable boy.
