“MA!”
“WHAT!”
“What? McCain?”
“YES! Aw, Man! It’s only 8 or so in California…I thought I’d get to tell you.”
“No. I am listening to the NPR. Family Radio has become annoying. That man thinks the world will end in three years.”
“SO???”
“So what?”
“What do YOU think? You were so curious about whom he’d pick…”
“I was really disappointed when I heard it…my heart just went down to the floor. What’s wrong with this old man, has he lost his brain or something? She is a young girl. No experience. She is Governor of state with 8000 population for only two years. What’s she know?”
“I think…Alaska has more people than—“
“Who cares! Don’t interrupt! Point is, I can manage things better than she can. This is guaranteed losing ticket.”
“You wanted Joe Lieberman, didn’t you?”
“I did!”
“And why is that, Mummy?”
“Because he is a Democrat. Was. I mean, he is independent. Also, he was so nice to you, when you met with him and his wife.”
“Awesome reasoning, Ma. Anyway, if not Sarah, then whom?”
“I would rather he gone for that…kid…the Indian…the governor…”
“Yes. Him. He is better than this Sarah. Or the other one.”
“WHICH one, Ma?”
“Oh, start naming the names, I will tell you.”
“Um…Pawlenty…Romney…”
“THAT ONE! The Romney.”
“(facetiously) Eeeew. You’d vote for a Mormon?”
“What is wrong with the Mormon?
“Well, what is wrong with a Muslim?”
“You are a smart Alex. Mormons are people, too.”
“So are Muslims. By the way, I think Mormons secretly convert people, who are in no position to object to such tomfoolery, since, oh, I don’t know…they’re DEAD.”
“Nooooo. That can’t be true.”
“Mom. We’re Orthodox. Officially, they’re heretics.”
“We are Orthodox, and we are religious. They didn’t secretly do anything to you. That’s why we have nothing to fear from a Mormon.”
“Are you implying Muslims are full of harm and that we should fear them, then?”
“I DID NOT SAY THAT. Are you putting this on your website? DON’T PUT LIES ON THAT WEBSITE ABOUT YOUR MOTHER.”
“It’s totally off the record, Ma.”
“You are a terrible liar, Latha.”
“Yes, yes I am.”
“Who is the Muslim??”
“No one. I was just being obnoxious.”
“I thought Obama was a Christian? Now I am confused.”
“He is Christian, not that it should matter. Whatever, I just wanted to know what my own PUMA thought of it all?”
“PUMA? What insult are you shamelessly calling your mother now?”
“Oh, you don’t know? PUMA. It stands for “Party Unity My…ah…I’m at work, so let’s go with Kundi. Party Unity My Kundi.”
“HAHAHAHA. So I am a PUMA, then?”
“You’re in good company, so is Abhi’s mom.”
“Who is Abhi?”
“The boy who started the website I write for—”
“Is he single?”
“Mom, seriously, that would be like marrying my brother. Besides, hello, I’m neither single nor looking? Have you no shame?”
“Vatewer. It’s a reflex, now. I just don’t know what I am going to do in this election.”
“Awww. You sound upset. You really wanted Hillary, didn’t you, Ma?”
“I did. She seems…she knows what she’s doing. She knows how the office would work. She has pull. She is tough. I wish I could vote for her.”
“You could always vote for Obama. He’s a democrat.”
“I’m not democrat.”
“Are you finally coming out of the closet, and admitting you’re a republican? I CALLED IT. I so called it, when I was in high school.
“I am not democrat OR republican.”
“Then? You’re an independent?”
“If some other candidate could come and be independent, I’d be happy. Now I feel like I have no choices.”
“You can do one of three things. You can vote for Obama, vote for McCain, or not vote at all, in which case, I will love you a little bit less.”
“Are we running a fashion parade here? Miss congeniality? What the hell? I can’t vote for McCain now…I don’t want that woman in the white house. Maybe he likes having the young girls around, who knows.”
“Ha. Well, I think her gender is definitely why she was chosen.”
“I know! Does he think I am stupid or something? I was not for Hillary because of that. He can’t expect me to jump up and down just because he picked a woman. What an idiot.”
“So…you do realize that Hillary and even Slick Willy are supporting Obama, right? And that they want you to vote for him, too?”
“Aren’t you at work? What have I told you about behaving in a professional Manner? GET OFF THE PHONE. If I were your Manager, I’d fire you for personal phone calls.”
“All right, all right. I love you too, Ma.”
“See you later crocodile.”
“After a while, alligator.”




