As my month guest-blogging here comes to an end, I offer apologies for the intermittent pace of my posts, and I hope that my interventions have been of some interest to the great diaspora of Mutineers.

The Mutiny was already the only site where I hung out regularly; now, after a month behind the sepia curtain, vibing with the fellow bloggers, fielding the many wonderful and crazy things that come in on the tipline, and generally steeping in the sepia stew, I am only strengthened in my feeling that this is one of the most stellar examples of new media-making and community-building on the Web.

One reason for this, I think, is the group blog format; another, the imagination and spirit of the founders; another, the thematic orientation of the site under an umbrella term - desi - that welcomes multiple voices and interpretations.

On the comments on Karthik’s sign-off post, people asked for more female guests, and I agree; I’d also love to hear more gay and lesbian voices, which strikes me as a weak spot here, and a broader representation of the different cultures that come from South Asia. At the same time, I believe that the more these voices express themselves in the comments, the more they will find their way into the posts. The Mutiny is good that way.

How long will it last? Who knows. The Web is funny that way. But so far, so good. I’ll see y’all in the comment threads. Peace and respects to all, and yo, stay desi.

Great little article in Newsweek about the short lived fury around the “giant sucking sound” of American jobs to India. We’re all rediscovering that economics (unlike politics) is almost never a zero sum game -

…Not long ago, what seemed most possible was that India would steal the jobs of American workers. But as George W. Bush visits there this week, he’ll find a maturing economy that is no longer all about call centers and basic tech support. Now big American investment banks and drugmakers are joining tech firms on the passage to India. R&D centers are springing up so fast that there’s now a shortage of Indian engineers. And the stigma of outsourcing jobs to India is disappearing.

…What happened to the outsourcing backlash? It has been muted by the fact that India didn’t suck Silicon Valley dry after all. Actually, U.S. tech employment is growing. There are 17 percent more tech workers in the United States today than back in the bubble days of 1999, says a new study by the Association for Computing Machinery. And the Bureau of Labor Statistics predicts that the U.S. economy will add 1 million tech jobs over the next decade, a 30 percent increase. “Everyone was worried about the offshoring bogeyman,” says Moshe Vardi, an author of the ACM study. “But the big whoosh of jobs to India never happened.”

Amen.

Check out this video of an Armenian ice dancing couple performing to a Hare Krishna bhajan in Torino (thanks, Masked Tipster). I don’t think the Blue One looked quite like this. Nothing says religion to me like than a half-naked dancer hanging upside down off a man’s shoulders flashing mudras

‘Sex sells,’ said American Jamie Silverstein, 22, referring to itty-bitty costumes… Anastasia Grebenkina of Armenia wore a backless outfit except for a small swath of cloth that covered her bottom. [Link]

For the dance enthusiast, an ice dancing performance is like a five-minute clip of “Strictly Ballroom” - on acid. Incredible holds, tight twizzles and … hydroblading? Hell yes.

For the chick-flick fan, ice dancing is all the drama without the shitty, sub-par dialogue. When Italian pair Barbara Fusar-Poli and Maurizio Margaglio stumbled into a heap of sheer, neon Lycra, they stood on the ice for almost a minute, shooting each other the classic “f— you and your sequined appliqués” look. They didn’t speak for more than 24 hours after. “Beaches,” “Hitch” and “My Best Friend’s Wedding” don’t have a blade to stand on.

And men will find themselves enchanted by the ladies’ bare-it-all, barely there leotards of ice dancing, where salsa meets slutty and strategically placed daisies are the only things preventing Armenian skater Anastasia Grebenkina from landing on the cover of a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue. [Link]

Grebenkina and Vazgen Azrojan didn’t medal with this acrobatic routine. But with only four competitors from India, two from Pakistan and one from Nepal, sadly, it actually increased the Olympics’ sepia quotient.

Sploid, the Gawker Media website that offers “news with a tabloid mentality,” reports (shout-out to tipster Aliya) that the state of Minnesota has fined a religious cult led by a 65-year-old scientist from Orissa for illegally undercutting the price of gasoline.

Say what?

Midwest Oil is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Dr. R.C. Samanta Roy Institute of Science and Technology. Samanta Roy, and Indian and former Hindu, was once known as Brother Rama Behera. He leads a reclusive religious organization out of Shawano, Wisconsin, preaching a mixture of Christianity and Judaism.

Apparently Midwest was able to sell gasoline below the minimum price (that the state imposes to protect small service stations from large chains that can sell below cost) because its devotee-employees work for free.

An October 2005 story in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel tells us more about the life and times of Dr. Samanta Roy:

The reclusive 65-year-old immigrant from the historic Orissa state of India has exerted an influence in Shawano, a North Woods gateway town of 8,300 about 40 miles northwest of Green Bay, since the early 1970s. He is rarely seen and almost never heard from outside his cloistered group of adherents, none of whom responded to interview requests. Public records examined for this story reveal no estimates of the group’s size. …

It all began with the purchase of several acres in adjoining Wescott that served as a worship place for the group transplanted from the Twin Cities area. They were commonly called the Disciples of the Lord Jesus and operated in a style described in The Milwaukee Journal at the time as ascetic and critical of mainstream Christianity.

Samanta Roy called himself Brother Rama and had conversations with the prophet Elijah while sitting on the toilet:

For me, the sweetest fruit of Bush’s bisit to India is that finally, after 17 years of trying, Indian mangoes will soon be available in the US. Thus far, desis in the US have had to settle for Mexican mangoes, which are neither as sweet nor as juicy as what one can get back in the sub-continent.

Perfection in a golden wrapper

While India is the largest producer of mangoes (41% of the world produce), and the US is the largest importer (29% of all imports), there was no convergence between the two. The gainer was Mexico which only produces 5 per cent of the world’s mangoes and has 25 per cent of the mango export market. [Link]

The cause of the decades long mango moratorium was a fear of alien invasion, a (legitimate) concern about nasty creepy crawlies that might infest America’s fecund farmlands. This concern has now been allayed via the miracle of modern science - Indian mangoes will be nuked, neutered and neutralized before they are allowed to immigrate:

Preventing Indian mangoes from entering US supermarkets was the strict Sanitary and Phyto-Sanitary (SPS) conditions imposed by the US. Pests like pulp weevil and fruit fly are alien to US conditions. And the US was never confident about India’s capability to make the harvest pest-free… Several meetings later, the clincher was irradiation, the method to be now adopted to make mangoes pest-free. Earlier, it was limited to vapour treatment and quarantine. [Link]

How sweet it is. M-day is roughly 18 months away and I can hardly wait!

A note on the tipline from desi academic extraordinaire Amitava Kumar reminds us of Disappeared in America, an ongoing multimedia project that began by documenting the round-up of immigrants in the post-9/11 hysteria and has now expanded into a web of collaborations among America- and Europe-based artists. Together they are tackling the rise of suspicion and xenophobia in all these countries, the climate of secrecy and fear, the intended and unintended consequences of actions by governments and their foes. (Manish mentioned the project last February here.)

… While our work started in the American context, we have expanded to look at Europe & the Middle East, in recognition that anti-migrant xenophobia, coupled with Islamophobia, is not a new or uniquely American phenomenon.

The collaborative has several new “interventions” in the next couple of months in New York, Houston and San Francisco that Mutineers in those cities might find interesting.

This is also an opportunity to point folks to tipster Amitava’s work. Now a professor at Vassar College, he’s one of those desi polymaths who covers politics, art, culture, discourse, sociology with even analytical poise and great literary verve. He’s also perhaps the most prominent and interesting discussant of matters Bihari on the web. Indeed, if there’s a thematic connection here, it’s that he is actively engaged in un-disappearing Bihar from the collective consciousness, a Sisyphean task that he handles with aplomb.

Recent posts on Amitava’s blog include one featuring photos from the arrival in Bihar of the avian flu; a mock letter from Lalu Yadav, Bihar’s “supremo” (as an Indian newspaper might say) to George Bush; and a joyful announcement of the upcoming U.S. edition of Upamanyu Chatterjee’s comic classic English, August, 18 years after its original publication.

The recent verdict in a scandalous Delhi killing argues the well-connected can still literally get away with murder. Our Most Favored Flatulation Guy Trebay summarized the case in the Village Voice in ‘99:

A man refused a late-night drink at a tony hot spot pulls out a gun and fires it twice… the alleged killer was the son of a former cabinet minister, his victim was a onetime model, the bar was in the most stylish shopping complex in the city, and the murderer waltzed away in front of hundreds…

Demanding whiskey, Sharma was told by Malini Ramani that he could have a sip of her drink for 1000 rupees, or about $35, her sister claims. “It was a normal remark, and I guess only a madman would react in such a violent way,” Malini would later say. Sharma apparently approached Lal next and, when she told him the bar was closed, pulled out a .22 and fired. It was the second bullet that caught Lal in the forehead. Sharma then walked to the courtyard and smiled his way out through the crowd. [Link]

Seven years on, it’s not that the tabloids beat the broadsheets, it’s that every broadsheet has turned into a tabloid:What India lacked until lately: a headless body in a topless bar

Since liberalizing its trade policies in the early ’90s, the vast subcontinent has become a kind of dumping ground for Western culture. It’s a phenomenon observable in everything from the upper-class vogue for New Age anodynes (reiki and Viennese voodoo are currently the rage) to the more obvious glut of MTV.

What India lacked until lately… was Amy Fisher­-Joey Buttafuoco­-style saturation coverage. It lacked a headless body in a topless bar. In the weeks since Lal’s shooting, the capital’s major papers have printed dozens of stories daily under headlines that wouldn’t be out of place in the Post… In a country where Hindu newspapers still print pages of ads for traditionally arranged marriages, and where such stop-the-presses headlines as “Pachyderm Tramples Tigress” are commonplace, there’s an unfulfilled hunger for the Dynasty-style dross of the West. Not since the days of serial killer Charles Sobhraj has a crime so deliciously fit the bill. [Link]

The Beeb is running some absolutely gorgeous photos of a major Jain festival which only comes around every 12 years. Jains from all over India and the diaspora gathered in Shravanabelagola, Karnataka for the Mahamastakabhisheka festival. They washed and anointed a 58-foot-high, 1,000-year-old statue of Bahubali with haldi, kumkum and rice flour.

[Bahubali] is considered to be the originator of the concept of ahimsa or non-violence by the Jains, the basic tenet of their religion… he was the first to have attained salvation…

One thousand and eight small metal vessels containing water are placed neatly in the courtyard below the gigantic sculpture, considered divine. At day break, a select group of priests, chanting hymns, arrange the pots in a traditional geometrical pattern. Devotees then lift these vessels and climb up the 600 stairs to the top of the enormous statue… The statue is bathed with unending quantities of milk, sugarcane juice, pastes of saffron, sandal wood, and therapeutic herbal lotions. Powders of coconut, turmeric, saffron, vermilion and sandal wood are then sprayed on the statue. Precious stones, gold, silver, petals and coins are offered in reverence. The spectacular finale to this 10-hour ceremony is a shower of flowers from a helicopter. [Link]

The digambara (nude) form of Bahubali represents the complete victory over earthly desires… [Link]

Perhaps it was to prevent these charismatic scenes of religious ecstasy that the Puritans to the west took a rocket launcher to the Bamiyan Buddhas.

The press now has accounts of the extraordinary security measures that are being enacted in preparation for Bush’s visit to India:

About 5,000 personnel including snipers, commandos and U.S. marines using helicopters, bomb detectors and electronic jammers will protect President George W. Bush during his visit to India this week, officials said on Monday.

The personnel would be part of a three-ring security cordon around the U.S. president and First Lady Laura Bush who are due to arrive in New Delhi for their maiden visit to the subcontinent on Wednesday, they said.

“He is a much-threatened VVIP. We are fully geared,” Manish Agarwal, a top Delhi police officer involved in security operations, told Reuters…

Besides the inner-ring of security forces, an outer cordon would be deployed “as deep as possible” to thwart any attack by a rocket launcher, Agarwal said.

”A rocket launcher normally has a 1,000-metre (3,300 ft) range so we would be deployed in forests around venues,” he said. “We will have 360-degree rooftop surveillance around all the venues…” [Link]

I would hate to be a Secret Service agent on this trip. My brother once got a chance to meet Clinton but he was stopped by an agent while his two female companions were motioned forward. Another time an agent warned him that a sniper on the roof of the Chinese embassy had him in his sites. Just imagine being an agent in a whole country full of brown people! :)

There are already protests in India. Where will these people be with respect to the “three rings.”

Traffic in many areas in the capital will come to a near standstill on March 2 when Bush travels to his engagements from the Maurya Sheraton hotel to Hyderabad House, where he will meet Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, and Rashtrapati Bhavan, where President A P J Abdul Kalam will host a dinner for his American counterpart.

Traffic is also likely to be affected by the proposed demonstrations against the Bush visit planned by the Communists, the Samajwadi Party and the Janata Dal-Secular.

The Maurya Sheraton, where Bush and his entourage will stay, has been converted into a fortress with the US Secret Service screening every visitor.

Hotel employees have been issued special passes, which have to be produced along with their identity cards when they arrive on duty. [Link]

All the security precautions are sure to rub local law enforcement the wrong way. Even when Bush went to Britain a few years ago the local authorities felt bullied by his security detail:

An unconfirmed report claims that American security officials wanted to handle Air Traffic Control themselves when Air Force One, the Presidential aircraft, arrives in New Delhi but the bizarre proposal was turned down. Indian engineers, they’ve been told, are capable of handling the situation but it would not be surprising if American officials are allowed to be around.

See related posts: Media Roundup: The Trip Part 1, Media Roundup: The Trip Part II

A few years from now, when posterity comes ambling around, I will be known as the guest blogger at Sepia Mutiny that got away. Got away with not visiting the North Dakota headquarters ever, got away with missing the traumatic initiation party (I definitely didn’t want to be paddled by a guy, even a guy with great hair) that the mutineers reportedly throw and got away with maintaining the laziest guest blogging schedule on Sepia Mutiny ever, because I had Siddhartha to cover for me. Not too lazy though - at this rate I could’ve hit Manish’s weekly post count in just under three years, and that’s way more than most bloggers can claim.

But then, like all good things (please, keep the snickering down, it hurts me when you do that) this little stint must come to an end as well, and I must now go back to my own blog, where the sitemeter stats will be much easier to monitor. Thank God for that.

So here it is: Thank you all for a great time, and good bye.

With the visit only a couple of days away there are of course ever increasing stories on the Presidential visit to India and Pakistan. Again this roundup is in no way comprehensive, and some mutineers may or may not cover one or more of these articles in greater detail.

• Roundtable Interview of the President by Pakistani Journalists (official transcript: whitehouse.gov). If the president can’t keep his meetings with Jack Abramoff straight, how is he supposed to remember how many times he has met President Musharraf? Interview of the President by PTV (Pakistan) (official transcript: whitehouse.gov)
• The President’s Address to the Asia Society (official transcript: whitehouse.gov). President Bush jokes about India’s economy proving the world is flat. Thank you Thomas Friedman.
• He’s Welcome in Pakistan (Ahmed Rashid op-ed in the WP 2/26) Rashid, author of Taliban: Militant Islam, Oil, and Fundamentalism…, writes about the 6 million dollar question from 2001 using the presidential visit as backdrop- - where is Osama?
• Elisabeth Bumiller writes in the Sunday IHT (via the NYT) about the influence of Bush’s Texas connections on the India trip. She references the immigrant-success stories that Bush became aware of while governor of Texas, i.e. rich doctors that worked hard and gave Bush lots and lots of money. Bumiller, it seems also has learned of MSingh’s daughter Amrit, the ACLU attorney.

Every desi Superbowl party you go to next year will feature these I’m sure. After all, they are both “spicy” and “curried.” What more could we ask for?

Oh yeah. Break me off some o’ that.

In an attempt to win the snack food dollars of Canada’s largest ethnic groups and address a desire for stronger flavours, Frito Lay Canada Inc. is launching a new line of Asian-inspired potato chips and snacks.

Bags of wasabi- and spicy-curry-flavoured potato chips will be hitting grocery store shelves in Toronto and Vancouver this month, supported by a targeted marketing campaign in Chinese-language newspapers and television stations…

“[In Asia] they have a plethora of different snacking options — nuts, meats, those kind of things are much bigger from an Asian perspective. So the challenge for us was to find the perfect intersection between the flavours and tastes they like and something Western, which is the potato chip…”

In the Greater Toronto Area alone, South Asians annually spend $12.6-billion on retail goods and services and Chinese consumers spend $12.2-billion, according to Prasad Rao, a partner at Rao Barrett and Welsh, a Toronto advertising firm that specializes in multicultural marketing.

“I think the communities will want a lot more,” said Mr. Rao, who added that the tastes of Asians and South Asians have been largely underserved by mainstream food companies. [Link]

Our liberal Canadian neighbors always get to have more fun than us. Will American markets also demand a curry Lays? With so many flavors to choose from why would one remain monogamous?

In April, Frito Lay will launch it’s own version of shrimp chips. The Styrofoam-like morsels, which are often served in Thai restaurants…

Mmmmmm. Styrofoam….

However, I wonder, how will these compare to the snacks from the local Patel Brothers store in Rockville, MD? That’s what my parents shove in front of me whenever I go home.

As Abhi posted earlier, there’s a big outcry in the U.S. over the sale of a British port operator to one based in Dubai. What few people have pointed out is that in the international edition of Monopoly, when you buy P&O, you get India for free:

Yet nowhere else has the deal for P.& O., as the company is known, drawn much anxiety… in other countries it will vastly increase the company’s reach. In India, for instance, Dubai will take control of about half the country’s container shipping operations, but there has been little public outcry there. [Link]

Through this deal the Gulf-based company will have in its kitty India’s three major container terminals… Mumbai… Chennai… and… Gujarat; apart from a share in… Vishakapatnam.

Also, with the development… by Dubai Ports in Kochi, a majority of the Indian container shipping is expected to be in the hands of the Gulf-State backed company… “Dubai Ports is going to rule the India container industry…” [Link]

The deal’s purported security risk would affect desi Canadians as well as Americans via Vancouver:

But what’s at stake, specifically, is the Centerm hub in Burrard Inlet, which handles about a quarter of the shipping containers passing through Canada’s third-largest city. Centerm is where P&O — and soon, Dubai Ports World — makes money by loading and unloading shipping containers…

Vancouver’s ability to safeguard against terrorism is crucial for the continent… In 1999, Algerian al-Qaeda member Ahmed Ressam cooked up a massive bomb in Vancouver… he had been hoping to… [set off] the bomb in… Los Angeles Airport. In 1985, Sikh terrorists placed deadly bombs aboard two Air-India jets at Vancouver’s airport. [Link]

Flat-earther Tom Friedman piles in for the free-marketers:“This is about keeping ‘a bunch of Arabs’ out of our country”

“I think it’s a shameful and has slightly racist overtones to it… This is about keeping ‘a bunch of Arabs’ out of our country, that’s what this is really about. And it’s a bad thing, not only because it doesn’t reflect our real values.”

Friedman points out that American companies like IBM, FedEx or UPS run around doing business in the Arab world. “What if they then turn around and say, ‘You’re not going to take ours, well, we’re not going to take yours…’ ”

“Both sides are guilty of it. When people ransack a Danish embassy in Damascus and the government allows it.. We have nativists in our country. They have nativists in their country that are going to always want to push these issues. Government’s job is to restrain that.” [Link]

The LA Weekly journalist who attempted a Rang De Basanti review has apparently never used a film database in his life:

Veteran character actor Atoll Kukri (Chanting Bar) is equally impressive… The students, whose ranks include superstar Aimer Khan (Lagan)… [Link]

As fun as a ‘chanting bar’ sounds, he means Atul Kulkarni (Chandni Bar) and Aamir Khan (Lagaan). But the mistakes aren’t a language thing, they’re a sloppiness thing. He even gets the British lead’s name wrong:

… a group of slackers at Delhi University is hired by a British indie moviemaker (Alice Payton) to portray the heroes of the terrorist phase of the Indian independence movement… [author:] David Chute… [Link]

This quality review was brought to you by the Yeh Le Wickly’s Daoud Choot.

First of all, the key characteristic of terrorism is targeting civilians rather than military or political figures — unlike the miscreants in Iraq, Kashmir and Sri Lanka, the events of Indian independence covered in this film hardly qualify. And second, that’s Alice Patten, 25-year-old daughter of Chris Patten, the last British governor-general of Hong Kong:

… her father Chris Patten… had absolutely encouraged her to do the film. He told her it would be a life-affirming [experience]… [Link]

Alice first drew world wide attention when she stood sobbing during the ceremonial British handover of Hong Kong… [Link]

… Prince Charles… was “really sweet” when he fixed her a stiff gin as Britannia sailed out of Hong Kong on June 30, 1997… I cannot resist reminding her of the lugubrious final moments of the handover of Hong Kong. The bagpipe droned, the rain poured down, the Patten girls sobbed. “Sssh!” says Alice. While Prince Charles and her father (with the help of a Vick’s inhaler) maintained dignified control and her mother achieved a certain composure, the girls did not. So the cameras focused on them, because their distress seemed best to capture the poignancy of the moment when the Royal yacht - and with it the British Empire - sailed out of Hong Kong harbour and into history. [Link]

Dr. Brij Kothari had an idea. Instead of being satisfied with the thought that Bollywood films served their purpose as a cheap and effective way to entertain the masses, why not put them to work so that they could actually be useful. The result of his idea is Planet Read (thanks for the tip Kiran). Kothari describes his venture on Google’s Blog:

NOW I get it.

My organization, PlanetRead, works in Mumbai and Pondicherry, India. We have developed a “Same-Language Subtitling” (SLS) methodology, which provides automatic reading practice to individuals who are excluded from the traditional educational system, or whose literacy needs are otherwise not being met. This is an educational program rooted in mass media that demonstrates how a specific literacy intervention can yield outstanding, measurable results, while complementing other formal and non-formal learning initiatives of the government, private sector, and civil society. We are fortunate to have just been selected as a Google Foundation grantee.

More than 500 million people in India have access to TV and 40 percent of these viewers have low literacy skills and are poor. Through PlanetRead’s approach, over 200 million early-literates in India are getting weekly reading practice from Same Language Subtitling (SLS) using TV. The cost of SLS? Every U.S. dollar covers regular reading for 10,000 people - for a year.

I hit upon this idea in 1996 through a most ordinary personal experience. While taking a break from dissertation writing at Cornell University, I was watching a Spanish film with friends to improve my Spanish. The Spanish movie had English subtitles, and I remember commenting that I wished it came with Spanish subtitles, if only to help us grasp the Spanish dialogue better. I then thought, ‘And if they just put Hindi subtitles on Bollywood songs in Hindi, India would become literate.’

Awesome. I hate Bollywood flicks but I still found myself going through some of the example clips on Planet Read’s website. Shah Rukh’s lip syncing has never sounded so good. I taught myself to read Hindi a few years back but have mostly forgotten. Watching the clips I could actually remember some of the script. The site also contains folks songs in languages such as Telugu.

Here are some other great examples you can learn along to.

If you want to make a donation to Planet Read you can do so here.

New documents show Al Qaeda pays Afghanistan recruits in Pakistani rupees, and they break down the salaries (via Daily Show):

Military officials… read a document known as the “al Qaeda employment contract…” It was seized after 9/11 in the home of an al Qaeda operative in Kandahar, Afghanistan…

Monthly salaries are spelled out, 6,500 Pakistani rupees… if you’re married, 1,000 rupees… for bachelors. An extra 700 rupees per wife if you have more than one…

Married members get seven days of vacation every three weeks. Bachelors get five vacation days every month… they also get 15 days sick leave a year. [Link]

A draft of al-Qaeda “bylaws” stipulates extra pay of 700 rupees a month for each additional wife as well as 20,000 rupees for married members to buy furniture and free health care. [Link]

The Pakistani rupee currently trades at 60 to the dollar, so it’s apparently cheaper to hire a terrorist than a second-tier software developer. Given the relative skill sets, I guess that shouldn’t surprise me. And bachelors get screwed on pay — I wonder why they’re incentivizing men to get married even though they’re likely to die.

Jon Stewart jokes that the vacations are fantastic, but the pension’s non-existent. Personally I’ll never say any software ‘bombed’ again.

Today I’m feeling like a political desi, indeed. Though I wake up to NPR every morning, for some reason, the trademark background noises which accompany stories sounded more authentic and charming than usual this morning. Listening to Tom DeLay hammer on about port security ignited my thoughts like few issues have recently. C-Span was even more scintillating as I slowly and repeatedly slammed my head in to my steering wheel thanks to the accident on the onramp to 495 which destroyed 66 this morning. Thank goodness for good radio during hellacious traffic. So now you know where I’m at, in terms of mindset this chilly Friday.

When it comes to today’s theme for flash fiction, I’m tempted to have you guys write a “teaser” for a ToI story, since you mutineers are sooo fond of that paper of record and I already know your 55s would be suitably hilarious. ;)

Then again, I also have the urge to play “Being George Bush”; you could string together 55 words from the President’s inner monologue as he goes about his journey to Indiaaaa . Oh, if only there were a way to know what he’s thinking as he curries favor while eating curry in the exotic land of spices and silks…I can just smell the originality now. ;)

I really don’t mind what you nanofiction as long as you just do, and I think I speak for all of my 55-lovin’ comrades when I type that. As always, leave your gem of a story (or a link to it) in the comments below. And yes, later on I will continue this post with a round-up of last week’s finest. For now though, your beloved blank canvas has been handed to you. Resistance is futile— get to typin’.

One of the scenarios that pessimists foresee for the new century involves a rapid spread of disease due to population growth, habitat erosion, migration, travel and trade. Already this year, the avian flu H5N1 has reached Europe and Africa; its jump-in-progress to human beings has got the Cassandras clucking. Between this, killer mudslides and embryonic civil wars, 2006 is already proving a fine year for catastrophists — and it’s not even two months old.

In the desi-heavy islands of the Indian Ocean, another odd little disease is on the move. Chikungunya is a mosquito-borne infection that produces high fever, rashes, and intense joint pain. It has no known cure, only symptomatic treatment. It was not thought to kill, but since an epidemic broke out a year ago in the French territory of Reunion, it has caused at least 77 deaths.

In Reunion, “chik” has hit 115,000 people out of a total population of 750,000, and the French media are calling the government to task for its passive response to a crisis in an overseas territory/colony. For those who read French, today’s portfolio of stories in Liberation is edifying.

“I’ve never seen people in such pain,” says Dr. Jean-Luc Yvin, chief of internal medicine … [T]he symptoms of “chik,” as it’s now called, have evolved. “In the first phase last March, we were dealing with simple, typical symptoms: fever, joint pain and rashes. Then the epidemic slowed in May, and we were still getting sporadic, typical cases,” Yvin says. Since the end of 2005, when the epidemic flared up, the symptoms have grown richer. The specialist lists them: skin disorders, mouth sores, digestive ulcers… Joint symptoms seem more severe, with full-fledged arthritis in the hands and feet. And complications never previously described in the literature have appeared: encephalitis, myocardia, hepatitis… [my translation]

In nearby Mauritius, chikungunya has made fewer inroads but anxiety is high. There are 1,700 suspected cases so far this year. According to the Mauritius press, political leaders are responding in classic fashion to the threat to public health and to the nation’s large tourism industry:

Prime Minister Navin Ramgoolam denounced foreign press ‘propaganda’ about the virus during a ceremony to mark the 70th anniversary of the [Labour Party]. For his part, Pravind Jugnauth, leader of the [opposition] MSM, was critical of the government, particularly the initiatives of the health ministry in this period of Shiva Maharatree. [my translation]

The Seychelles, Comoros, and Madagascar have all been touched by chik and South Africa, an air gateway to the region, is keeping a close watch. There are also direct flights between Mauritius and Mumbai, Delhi and Chennai.

As many of you know, President Bush will be visiting India and Pakistan next week. Because of the plethora of stories that will be written in the next couple of weeks, and that have already been written, one of the better ways to alert you to these will be doing a periodic roundup of some of them. In this round:

• Newly anointed Yale Trustee Fareed Zakaria says in his latest Newsweek column (2/27/06) that President Bush’s upcoming trip to India is equivalent to President Nixon’s visit to China. I don’t know about that, MSingh isn’t exactly Chairman Mao.
• The AP summarizes a roundtable President Bush gave to Indian journos in DC. Among other things, we find out that Bush is a fan of cricket (I wonder if his Texas people know that) and will not be visiting the Taj. (AP 2/23/06)
• Matthew Cooper writes in Time (2/23) that India, amidst all the troubles the administration is currently facing, is a bright spot and that “it’s probably safe to say that a President who hasn’t always loved to travel abroad is very much looking forward to his latest getaway.” He must have never heard of Delhi Belly. “When the President jets off to India (as well as Pakistan) next week, it will be his first visit to the region and the first by a Republican president in 35 years, since Richard Nixon traveled there.”
• The Economist, one of my favorite newsmagazines, has a great article with a great lede that summarizes the past India-US relationship the best. “On the 13-hour flight next week from Washington to Delhi, George Bush could do a lot worse than to put aside his briefing books and curl up instead with E.M. Forster’s best-known novel. “A Passage to India” is a tale, above all, of misunderstanding: of wrong signals, exaggerated expectations, offence unwittingly caused and taken, and inevitable disappointment. It is a parable of the complications that arise when eager Anglo-Saxons go travelling on the Indian subcontinent.”
• The WSJ 2/21/06 (subscription only) writes about the potential tension that could occur between MSingh and President Bush because Singh’s daughter Amrit is an ACLU attorney. Thanks WSJ for finally writing about this, although we’ve previously covered it. From the WSJ:

“Ms. Singh’s dogged pursuit of U.S. government information has subjected the Bush administration to withering criticism of its treatment of suspected terrorists. But among the ironies of the post-Sept. 11 world is the fact that this particular critic of the Bush administration is also the relative of one of its newest friends. Amrit, 36 years old, is the youngest daughter of Manmohan Singh, prime minister of India. Mr. Singh, 73 years old, will host President Bush at a summit in New Delhi early next month. While the soft-spoken Indian prime minister and his daughter share views on many issues, according to acquaintances, their public personas stand on opposite sides of the debate over the Bush administration’s foreign policy.

Related Posts Brimful of Amrit; Indian PM’s daughter says Bush personally authorized torture; Indian PM’s daughter works for the ACLU; President Singh

Scientists have proven that the Times of India Web site has the lowest news-to-crap ratio in the world. Here’s the study abstract:

Brimful points me to the newest issue of the Journal Nature which contains an account (subscription required) of how the U.S. consulate in India “humiliated” one of India’s most prominent scientists (who also serves as an adviser to the prime minister). This is a particularly relevant diplomatic flap given Bush’s impending visit to India:

Scientific cooperation between India and the United States has been dented ahead of US President George Bush’s official visit to New Delhi next month. Bush will find India’s scientific community in a bitter mood following the United States’ failure to give a visa to a leading Indian organic chemist on the suspicion that his work could be related to chemical warfare.

Bush was already preparing to deal with a nuclear establishment unwilling to separate its military and civilian atomic facilities the way Washington wants, a principle at the centre of last July’s historic deal for nuclear cooperation between the two countries (see Nature 436, 446-447; 2005). But the visa issue is creating a new wave of resentment.

Goverdhan Mehta, a former director of the Indian Institute of Science (IISc) in Bangalore, had been invited as a visiting professor to the University of Florida at Gainesville, but says he was asked to prove that he was not working on chemical weapons before a visa was issued.

This morning’s Washington Post provides greater detail on the incident (thanks Rekha):

In the face of outrage in India, the U.S. Embassy in New Delhi issued a highly unusual statement of regret, and yesterday the State Department said officials are reaching out to the scientist to resolve his case.

“It is very strange logic,” said Mehta, reached at his home in Bangalore early this morning India time. “Someone is insulted and hurt and you ask him to come back a second round…”

The scientist told Indian newspapers that his dealing with the U.S. consulate was “the most degrading experience of my life.” Mehta is president of the International Council for Science, a Paris-based organization comprising the national scientific academies of a number of countries. The council advocates that scientists should have free access to one another.

In his written account, the scientist said that after traveling 200 miles, waiting three hours with his wife for an interview and being accused of deception, he was outraged when his accounts of his research were questioned and he was told he needed to fill out a detailed questionnaire. [Link]

All of this is a result of the the shotgun approach that U.S. consulates have followed due to post-9/11 pressure from the State Department. It’s just easier to harass and deny someone rather than be wrong just once and get blamed for it. Such a policy makes us look even more Draconian in the eyes of the world. If foreign scientists are treated this way, then foreign students will be less inclined to study here. Then we will have real problems since Americans aren’t pursuing science and engineering in the numbers that they once did. It will also cripple important scientific exchange with other countries who are tired of dealing with the U.S.

My friend Milind Parate’s band Atomati is playing a show at legendary NYC nightspot CBGB this Saturday. Milind has a day job so square, he had to be a rock drummer for street cred His old band Ladyjane had some great tunes which reminded me of the Sundays. And a great logo. Milind says, ‘p.s. please bring lighters and friends.’

So last night I saw two emo bands play and they got super pissed at each other. They were getting ready to fight and they all busted out razors and started cutting each other’s wrists. [Link]

Umar and Mohan

After Atomati, you can walk over and check out the beatsmithfools behind DD Pesh. Mohan Arora and Umar Rashid spin electrohop in LES the same night. These guys are my neighbors with the odd but endearing habit of buying me beer on their own birthdays. And they put Kishore Kumar next to Quincy Jones. Listen to ‘Morning Raaga Pt. II.’

Related posts: Zerobridge, Hipsterville, W’burg: The dungeonmasters of Galapagos Bar

Now that the the Amish are phone phreaking…

An Amish teenager will pay a fine and restitution to a neighbor for illegally tapping into his telephone line… The Amish traditionally shun telephones and other modern conveniences in their homes. [Link]

… and godless Chinese churn out Hindu idols…

Nowadays, factories in agnostic, communist China are producing Ganesh, Krishna and other Hindu idols out of plastic and porcelain at such low cost and high quality that Indians are lapping them up. India’s newfound love for mass-produced, “Made in China” images of their gods is driving many in the poorest sections of the nation’s traditional idol-making industry out of business, repeating a pattern seen in its toy-making industry. [Link]

… it was only a matter of time before India started writing software for that den of sin, Vegas (via Digg):

… software development for casinos will now happen in India — a country in which gambling is illegal. [Link]

Bally Systems, [the] world’s largest casino technology [company], is making India its largest… software… development centre… [its] development facility in Chennai will have 250 engineers by mid 2007, against 70 at present. [Link]

Every society reserves certain insalubrious tasks for its newest or temporary initiates. In sports, for instance, it falls to the newest ballboy to launder the jockstraps of the veterans. Here at the Mutiny, an repugnant yet unavoidable duty devolved to interns, aspirants, and guest-bloggers like your humble servant, is to read the online edition of the Times of India. The cyberspace manifestation of what, allegedly, was once the subcontinent’s paper of record, is such a toxic aggregation of horrible writing, execrable production values, and offensive pop-up advertising that going near it requires a certain masochism, or at least a near-pathological eagerness to please.

And yet for you, gentle readers, we will do anything. And so, as a public service, I have excerpted for you the key portions of today’s preview article on George Bush’s upcoming trip to desh.

We begin with the lede:

Bush may be coming to India to discuss the N-treaty but it’s the culture curry which is reigning supreme in his mind.

I know you got the fever for the flavor:

The mood in White House right now is, Indiaah! Come March, India is going to be the flavour of the season in the US, as President Bush and First Lady Laura make their first official visit to India. And India is all set to give President Bush a flavour of desi culture curry.

You may have missed the point about curry:

It seems President Bush loves desi colours, culture and curry. “The President has a lot of Indian Americans working for him at the White House. Very often, he along with the first lady attends Indian dinners.

He always tells me: ‘Oh, I loved spicy Indian food.’ While Laura is a charming and sophisticated lady,” says Shivangi.

Some serious reporting went into this story:

The Air Force One is almost ready for take-off. When we contacted the White House for an official list of the Indian Americans who’ll be travelling with the President, the official spokesperson from National Security Coucil, which is finalising the list said, “We’ll be announcing the names shortly.”

Oh, and did we mention curry?

Another question which people want answered is whether the President, like Clinton, will be digging into chicken curries?

This concludes our public service excerpt of the Times of India, the paper that is to journalism what H5N1 is to chicken curry.

The New York Times always takes a beating from conservatives that decry that the respected newspaper is too liberal. Over the tip line we hear of an incident that makes me cringe. Rutgers journalism professor Allan Wolper writes in Editor & Publisher about one of his students:

Kejal Vyas, one of my best journalism students at Rutgers-Newark, in Newark, N.J., was in Delhi completing some academic work when he received this Feb. 1 e-mail from Nancy Sharkey, senior editor/recruiting for The New York Times, responding to his inquiry about an internship:

”Hi Kejal, Based on what Allan Wolper has written about us, I cannot imagine that he would want one of his students to intern here. I guess if we need students from New Jersey, we will go elsewhere. Best, Nancy…”

Mark Goodman, executive director of the Student Press Law Center, an organization that monitors censorship on college and high school campuses, was as stunned as I was when I told him Vyas’ story.

“The message here for journalism professors is that if you want your students to get an internship at The New York Times, you don’t criticize the Times in what you write,” Goodman told me. “It seems grossly inappropriate and unfair. I’ve never heard of anything like this happening before.” [Link]

Wolper writes that he followed up with Sharkey on belhalf of Vyas, in order to clarify as to why he was rejected:

Sharkey laughed and said she was being “snide” when she wrote to Vyas. Then, to my amazement, she virtually repeated what she had written to him: “I don’t see why you’d want your students to work at the Times, considering what you’ve written about us.”

It was something that I thought I would never hear from a New York Times news executive. Afterwards, I called Catherine Mathis, the Gray Lady’s vice president of corporate communications, briefed her on what Sharkey had said, and sent her a copy of the Sharkey-Vyas e-mails. [Link]

Here is an old example of something that Wolper once wrote that Sharkey and others at the Times may have disliked:

What would Americans think if they knew that their best newspaper, The New York Times, had allowed one of its national-security reporters to negotiate a book deal that needed the approval of the CIA?

What would they say if they knew the CIA was editing the book while the country is days or weeks away from a war with Iraq and is counting on the Times to monitor the intelligence agency?

They would be properly horrified. [Link]

As I tried to catch some shut-eye at Chicago O’Hare yesterday, I kept hearing Indian music playing in the background and finally tracked down the source. This very slick ad for Indian tourism is running endlessly on CNN’s airport network. It’s part of the Incredible !ndia campaign, which used to be Incredibly L^me.

I agree with this critique:

Not bad but they need to do a few more urban-themed things… they all seem to focus on rural women spinning around with pots on their heads… There’s nothing wrong with pushing our history (indeed it is a big tourist draw), but by dropping in some stuff from modern India we can really change people’s perceptions. Remember, this is a bit like what Japan did with its Shinkanshens… India must be marketed as a nation where futurism runs alongside tradition. [Link]

The Turkey Welcomes You campaign shows off a modern subway system (watch clip), though it uses a lot of cheesy, Daler Mehndi-esque, gratuitous greenscreen.

I meant to post about this in a more timely manner, but a brown holiday I find somewhat romantic is commemorated every February 21st in Bangladesh; yesterday was Language Movement Day. Also known as Language Martyr’s Day, its point is to remember the protest made on behalf of the right to use Bengali as a national language:

Around 1950-52, the emerging middle classes of East Bengal underwent an uprising known later as the Language Movement. Bangladeshis (then East Pakistanis) were initially agitated by a decision by Central Pakistan Government to establish Urdu, a minority language…as the sole national language for all of Pakistan. The situation was worsened by an open declaration that “Urdu and only Urdu will be the national language of Pakistan” by the governor, Khawaja Nazimuddin. [wiki]

Now you’ll know why Bangladesh’s Shaheed Minar monument exists where it does:

On February 21, 1952, dozens of students and political activists were killed when the Pakistani police force opened fire on Bengali protesters who were demanding equal status to their native tongue, Bangla. The massacre occurred near Dhaka Medical College and Ramna Park in Dhaka. A makeshift monument was erected the same night by students of University of Dhaka and other educational institutions, but soon demolished by the Pakistani police force. [wiki]

The movement spread to the whole of East Pakistan and the whole province came to a standstill. Afterwards, the Government of Pakistan relented and gave Bengali equal status as a national language.[wiki]

First they won respect for their language, then in 1971, they won their freedom.

Sudarshan Patnaik, an Indian artist who notably recreated the Taj as an “ultimate sand castle”, is cocky about his next endeavor (via the BBC):

(Patnaik) has built a huge sand sculpture of a rooster on a beach in Puri city, a resort in Orissa state, to create awareness of bird flu…

It took him five hours and eight tons of sand to create the sand rooster.

As Abhi already posted, the deadly H5N1 avian flu virus was discovered in Maharashtra a few days ago. I’m curious as to how well this sandy approach will actually work:

“This sand sculpture is basically to create awareness about bird flu because a lot of people don’t even know about this disease. And a beach is a place where a lot of domestic and international tourists come,” Mr Patnaik told the Reuters news agency.

Patnaik, who made a similar artistic statement after the tsunami, isn’t stopping with just a rooster— hens and eggs are planned, as well.

The following would be hilarious if it weren’t actually true (thanks for the tip Suhail). The BBC reports:

The actors who star in movie The Road to Guantanamo were questioned by police at Luton airport under anti-terrorism legislation, it has emerged.

The men, who play British inmates at the detention camp, were returning from the Berlin Film Festival where the movie won a Silver Bear award.

One of the actors, Rizwan Ahmed, said a police officer asked him if he intended to make any more “political” films.

The men were released quickly and not arrested, said Bedfordshire police.

The film is a docu-drama based on the experiences of the “Tipton Three.”

After the British government secured their release following a two-year ordeal at the notorious American Guantanamo prison camp for suspected terrorists, one of the first things Britain’s so-called “Tipton Three” did was to file a lawsuit against United States Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. The men denied any links to terrorism and claimed they had been tortured at the camp.

In their compensation claim, which is still pending, they alleged they had been “repeatedly struck with rifle butts, punished, kicked and slapped. They were short-shackled in painful stress positions for many hours, causing deep flesh wounds and permanent scarring.” They also claim they were “threatened with unmuzzled dogs, forced to strip naked, subjected to repeated forced body-cavity searches and intentionally subjected to extremes of heat and cold for the purpose of causing suffering…” [Link]

With regards to the airport detention, the details are still being sorted out:

They have called for an urgent inquiry into what happened while one of the film’s producers, Melissa Parmenter, said the detention was outrageous.

Bedfordshire police have said they will issue another statement specifically concerning the allegations made by Mr Ahmed and Reprieve. [Link]

Yes. Please take a minute to compose yourselves. You did read the title of this post correctly and this is the reliably left-leaning Abhi writing this post (and not someone who has infiltrated our North Dakota bunker and is holding me at gunpoint). On Tuesday, President Bush forcefully defended his administration’s decision to allow a sale which would turn over the control of operations at major American ports to a company based in Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates, and controlled by that government. Here is one news report following the decision:

U.S. lawmakers formally asked the Bush administration Thursday to reconsider its approval of a sale giving a company in the United Arab Emirates control over significant operations at six major American ports.

The lawmakers, including four senators and three House members, sharply criticized the UAE as inconsistent in its support of U.S. anti-terrorism efforts.

They also said the country was a key transfer point for shipments of nuclear components sent to Iran, North Korea and Libya and was one of only three nations that had recognized the Taliban as Afghanistan’s legitimate government…

The Associated Press reported Saturday that government-owned Dubai Ports World had won approval for the $6.8 billion deal from a secretive U.S. panel that considers security risks of foreign companies buying or investing in American industry. [Link]

Here is Bush’s strong response today, where he actually threatened to veto any bill that curbs this sale (note: he has NEVER vetoed anything):

He called on opponents to explain why they opposed a Middle Eastern firm taking over when they did not oppose a British company being in control.

“I am trying to conduct foreign policy now by saying to the people of the world, ‘We’ll treat you fairly’,” he said.

“It would send a terrible signal to friends and allies not to let this transaction go through,” he told reporters. [Link]

For the rest of this post I am going to go out on a limb and trust in two things. I will leave it up to individual readers to decide whether to go out on this limb with me or not:

1. I will trust that the “secretive U.S. panel” mentioned above has adequately considered and addressed the security risks involved in this deal.
2. I will trust that there isn’t some larger Machiavellian plot behind this whole thing that will make the President’s friends rich at the expense of others.

I’m really busy today but I still want to put a topic out there that is worth discussing. This means that I’m going to have to resort to some lazy blogging. Please forgive my complacence. Every blogger knows that a good picture is worth a thousand words and can bail you out from time to time:

A good poster for vegetarianism

A veterinarian doctor puts chickens into a pit for burial at Navapur, in the western Indian state of Maharashtra, Monday, Feb. 20, 2006. Farmers burned their dead chickens and health officials went door-to-door Monday in western India for signs of people infected with the deadly H5N1 bird flu virus as a massive poultry slaughtering operation entered its second day. (AP Photo/Rajesh Kumar Singh)… [Link]

The slaughter seems pretty bad already and may get a lot worse:

The bird flu is taking grip of the world slowly and steadily. Because of massive population density in India and to some extent china/South East Asia, these countries may plunge into a deep deflationery depression cycle. According to some experts, in India, people and poultry live close to each other. In the country side most families keep poultry for eggs. With a serious break out of bird flue, India can lose 18% of its population within the first year. If the outbreak is not controlled, 38% of the population can be affected.

According to media reports, a poultry farmer has died of suspected bird flu in western India, where the country’s first outbreak of the H5N1 avian flu virus has been confirmed. [Link]

‘Try it, you’ll like it!’ my brother once told me before handing me a peanut butter, honey and banana sandwich. My brother was the king of weird food mashups. From my brother I learned that you can make a burrito out of leftover Thai, taco sauce on anything is tasty, and you can get away with Maggi spicy ketchup on fruit. Years later when I regularly dished lucre in the direction of Asia de Cuba and Sushi Samba, I thought back fondly. Bro, you should have patented.

On the advice of several Mutineers, I dragged the entire family to Avatar’s in Sausalito tonight. Sausalito clings to the Marin Headlands like an Italian fishing village, if only pescatores drove Ferraris. Avatar’s serves food which is a mashup of Punjabi, Mexican, Jamaican and California nouvelle. One of the owners charmed my parents into ceding control of the entire experience to the chef, his mother. The game was to try and guess the ingredients of each dish.

The pumpkin enchiladas were delish, the saag paneer enchiladas almost as good. The ravioli makhani reminded me of my favorite Indian food hack. We all swooned over the samosas with apple salsa sitting atop white and brown chutney drawn in patterns like cappuccino foam. The only dish which disappointed: the mixed veggies atop watery basmati with a mint chutney base.

The restaurant is simple and homey, but the menu is much more satisfying than at its chic Indo-fusion compadre, Tabla in NYC. A sister restaurant, Avatar’s Punjabi Burritos, sits just up the road in Mill Valley. This snack shack don’t lack — I’ll be back.

The late Avatar and his family and friends have created Marindian cuisine, which successfully blends Punjabi, Mexican and a bit of Jamaican flavors, ingredients and techniques…

Literally, if we find ourselves within 100 miles of the Bay Area, we are going to Avatar. [Link]

Related post: Indian food hacks

Believe it or not, the word most frequently heard in cricketing circles today is a perfectly normal English word - not chucking, sledging, googly, fine-leg or doosra. Racism has always been lurking around the fringes of the game - when unapologetically segregationist South Africa was kept away from cricket, several (mostly) white players from Australia and England would sneak in to play a game or two, lured by the money; risking lifetime bans. Each quaintly labeled rebel tour would inspire a few articles condemning apartheid, and (predictably enough) British newspapers would write muted articles about why things weren't really that bad, and why people shouldn't get their undergarments into intricate knots over a mere game.

Neighboring Zimbabwe had an all-white cricket team as well, but that didn't raise too many eyebrows because the team hardly won anything, but mostly because they played for a country ruled by a benign black dictator.

But today, things have changed. The benign dictator is not so benign anymore, and of late, he has been maintaining a punishing schedule - creating food shortages in his country by taking away farms from white farmers. But Robert loves playing games, and he is going to make time for cricket, punishing schedule or not. And how well he plays. First, he cleanses his team of all white players - using other people of course, why would a powerful man get his hands dirty? - and then obviously pleased with how clean the team looked, he is now on another cleaning spree - this time to get rid of all the good players, especially the pesky ones that want to get paid for their services.

Several interesting strategies have been employed in this round, including but not limited to robbing players of their money, death threats, divide and conquer. Meanwhile, the standard of cricket has dipped alarmingly in the country, and most games involving them bear a more than passing resemblance to games involving the Atlanta Hawks. But Mugabe doesn't know that because he has no time for the NBA. Plus now his team is all black, and isn't that good enough?

Meanwhile, events in Australia are ensuring that things stay balanced on the racism front. Crowds at cricket matches in Australia are always a bit more, um... boisterous than crowds elsewhere, possibly due to a lot of beer and not too many bathrooms on the grounds, but this year they've taken their bad behavior to new depths. People have learnt new words, and are not hesitant to try them out on visiting cricket teams.

Like two lumbering elephants at the start of the mating season, Wal-Mart and the Government of India are eyeing each other, a little hungrily, a little warily. The dance has begun, and though the ultimate outcome seems clear, the process to get there could be plenty circuitous. Here’s a Standard & Poor’s update, published this month on the Business Week website:

Wal-Mart stated on Feb. 2 that it has applied to create a separate entity in Bangalore devoted to “market research and business development in relationship to the retail industry in India.”

“I think that has been no secret that we think the market opportunity in India is really outstanding,” Wal-Mart spokeswoman Beth Keck told the Associated Press on Feb. 2.

You don’t say. However, the government is playing hard-to-get:

The Indian government opened the doors of its retail market to 51% foreign direct investment (FDI) two weeks ago. But this most recent economic liberalization applies strictly to companies that sell goods through single-branded stores. The partial allowance permits a direct majority ownership interest by foreign entities, which, we think, is good news for many of the world’s marketers of top labels.

In S&P’s view, the widely anticipated FDI policy for limited retail investment, however, effectively slams the “Closed” sign on big-box chains and particularly Wal-Mart, feared by India’s Communist party as potentially putting mom-and-pop stores out of business by sheer virtue of its size. The retail behemoth rang up slightly more in retail sales for the year ending January, 2005, than the entire Asian subcontinent sold to its population of more than 1 billion …

But Wal-Mart won’t be easily dissuaded. Just ask the Mexicans:

Wal-Mart’s experience in emerging markets is the crux of its battle plan. Bentonville has been down this path of limited investment in retail before. Not too long ago, it battled anti-FDI sentiment in Mexico. In S&P’s view, Wal-Mart won that battle. It is now the biggest private employer in Mexico and operates more than 780 stores in that country.

On the positive side, all the eccentric uncles with the ear hair and the roving eye can soon get jobs as People Greeters. I can see it already. “Velcome to Val-Mart,” with a waggle and a smile…

Two weeks ago the Brit band Cornershop dropped its latest, “Wop the Groove.” The album accompanies a movie of the same name:

Written for the film of the same name by Mr Cornershop himself, Tjinder Singh, about London’s independent music industry, Wop The Groove had several musical makeovers before the finished composition. Rowetta, ex Happy Mondays and X Factor fame recorded her distinct vocals before her brush with tv fame, and the groove is built around her all powering voice. Cornershop’s first release in four years, it’s structure doesn’t deviate much from being one long chorus but it has enough chirpy funk and drive to keep the limbs twitching for several minutes. [Link]

The album features some notable collaborations and I think it includes a 2004 promo single titled “Topknot” with MIA.

…There’s no beating around the bush with this one, a quality track with a heavy duty riff, featuring Rowetta (ex Happy Mondays) on top form - written & produced by Tjinder Singh, also known as the national debt - recorded at Sassi P. Studio, Vatican City. The Factory Records stable have always given solid support to the Cornershop firmament, and it was this connection that led to this collaboration.

Cornershop were personally invited onto the Rough Trade label by Geoff Travis, on which they have released Topknot featuring Bubbley Kaur (“So good it sounds like Singh has found a fitting heir to Asha Bhosle” 4/5 The Mirror) & the much sought after promo mix featuring M.I.A. In between time they have been turning down TV & Film acting requests including some from Bollywood, and refusing international live gig appearances. They did do a remix for Quincy Jones called Valeurs Personnelles, a political track about value judgements, in the French language.

After immersing themselves in the deep gospel of Savoy Records and the sitar strength of Rai Gupta the band have spent the last six months airing a Sunday morning, cross denominational, religious radio programme, over the WorldWideWeb. A new Cornershop album is shaping up as another corker. In addition work has begun on a full album featuring Bubbley Kaur and also expected to drop this year.[Link]

Here are two more tracks:

Battle of New Orleans (Peel Show)

Hot Rocks (w/Rowetta)

The new Samuel L. Jackson/Julianne Moore film Freedomland opens with Aasif Mandvi’s perpetually startled face, looking more and more like Orlando Jones. Mandvi plays a doctor in this movie, a cross between a crime drama and Do the Right Thing. He gets five minutes of good screen time before he’s deep-sixed. From pizza guy (in Spiderman) to hospital Hippocrates is from stereotype to stereotype, but positive nonetheless.

The rest of the movie, an Amber Alert child kidnapping drama, is a jumble of Moore as junkie, Jackson as old fart community cop and Crown Heights-style race riot. The racial politics are from a Nickelodeon after-school special, Jackson was better as an elder Jedi, and cornhole-in-chief Ron Eldard, that blue-eyed devil more robotically evil than Robert Patrick, wears the official cornhole chin-beard usually sported by French gendarmes.

The Chariots of Fire-like score, the simplistic life lessons and the low-glam Moore makeup make the movie seem like some kind of Oscar bid, but instead it winds up lost in Schmaltzland.

The NYT sniffs:

This week’s contribution to our national slag heap and an early candidate for worst film of the year is Freedomland, an inept, lethally dull drama… about a white child who may have gone missing in a New Jersey public housing complex, where the residents are all black. [Link]

Related posts: Ga-ching-a-ching-a-ching, Cereal Cyrano, Aasif Mandvi in ‘Spiderman 2’

Small comfort: A bar in Athens has been ordered to remove a Southern Comfort poster featuring a multi-armed Durga holding bottles of whiskey (via India-West):

Large posters inside and outside the Balon Oriental Disco Bar in Athens depict the Goddess carrying bottles of Southern Comfort Whiskey in her hands…

The Indian community in Athens has been trying for the last three months to have the posters removed but in vain. Letters have been sent to the American manufacturer of Southern Comfort Whiskey in Tennessee, America, to withdraw the poster. [Link]

Tacky? Yes. Boycott? Begone my NyQuil-flavored winter warmth. But there’s no need to go all Danish on their kundis. How very fundie-Muslim of them:

The offending poster was removed from the discotheque as a result of direct communication from the Greek Embassy in New Delhi to the authorities in Athens to have the poster removed immediately… The offending poster was removed from the discotheque as a result of direct communication from the Greek Embassy in New Delhi to the authorities in Athens to have the poster removed immediately as otherwise there would be a strong reaction from Hindus worldwide. [Link]

Das says that the community wants to round up all the existing posters and burn them… members of the Sikh faith in Athens joined forces with the Hindu communities in their protest. [Link]

Earlier this month an engineer from Portland, Oregon named Shantu Shah announced his candidacy for the U.S. Congress from Oregon’s 1st District. Although some quick web-searching hints that he may come from a Green Party background, Shah is running as a Democrat. The best part is that he started his own blog to coincide with his announcement. If he can keep it up and provide substantial day-to-day detail of the process, it may provide us with a window into what it takes for an Indian American to run for Congress. Even if he fails in his bid, his blog could be used as a good resource for future candidates (not so subtle hint to Mr. Shah). Here are some excerpts from his announcement speech that he copied to his first post:

A VISION FOR CHANGE - The TRIUMPH OF WILL
Shantu Shah, Candidate for U.S. Congress
as Representative for Oregon District One

Brothers and Sisters of America:

My inspiration comes from three personalities: Gandhi, Patel, and Gandhi, two women and a man, who have shaped the international politics with their vision for change and the triumph of their will, have been the focus of three biographies by three different authors. If you have guessed their names as Mahatma Gandhi, Vallabhbhai Patel, and Indira Gandhi your guess was incorrect. I am talking about: 1) The Untold Story of Kastur, wife of Mahatma Gandhi, authored by their grandson Arun Gandhi (and his wife Sunanda), who would be addressing at my invitation to an Interfaith Festival of Faith this September 17 in Convention Center, Portland, Oregon; 2) Triumph of Will, Sonia Gandhi, Italy-born wife of Rajiv Gandhi, Past Prime Minister of India, written by Yussuf Ansari and; 3) A Vision for Change A.D. Patel and the politics of Fiji by Brij V. Lal…

During the democratic elections in Canada and Palestine in Janauary 2006 the incumbents were thrown out of the office by the will of the voters. Hope with the help of average Americans we will be able to throw out the rascals who have been corrupted by the corporate culture, influenced by the cash contributions of millions of dollars, leaving behind the average citizen holding down the empty bag on the back burners.

Heath care, meager social security benefits, medical insurances, education for have-nots, and the small businesses e.g. AAHOA hotels and motels, are all at risk at the enrichment of the well to do and the haves. Haves have been helpful in the economy as much as the have-nots who labor for the economical success of the country. Our factories and offices would not be busy without the haves and have-nots. [Link]

Shah REALLY has his work cut out for him. He will be running against a powerful four-time incumbent, Asian American Democrat David Wu.

When you’ve got a billion people, eventually some idiot will say something embarrassing that gets splashed in the news. Too bad in both the US and India, it’s often a senior politician. In this particular case, a UP minister is tossing in more bounty for the head(s) of a certain group of Danish cartoonists -

Rs 51-crore reward for Danish cartoonist’s head, says UP Minister

LUCKNOW, MEERUT, FEBRUARY 17: The Minister for Minority Welfare and Haj in the Mulayam Singh Yadav government, Haji Yaqoob Qureishi, has announced a cash reward of Rs 51 crore [~$11.5M] for anyone who beheads the Danish cartoonist who caricatured Prophet Mohammad.

Luckily, in India at least, cooler Muslim heads are talking back -

…the All India Muslim Personal Law Board member and Naib Imam of Aishbagh Idgah, Maulana Khalid Rasheed Firangi Mahali, criticised the Minister’s call for the killing of the cartoonist… “The Minister’s statement is anti-Shariat, anti-Islam and anti-humanity,” Mahali said.

And I hope that it’s because of heads like Mr. Mahali, that India hasn’t fully joined the cartoon fatality epidemic sweeping the globe (click the map below for one of the better applications of web mashups) -

I have often wondered where the rest of my kind spread to once they hit the U.S. shores. My branch of our larger clan (which arrived in the mid-60s) started in Illinois and then spread on to California and elsewhere. I recently came upon the website of the Gens Project [via Dexterous Doings]. Plugging in my last name, I was surprised to see that my kind is also numerous (if you count <100 as numerous) in Texas and New York:

The Gens project is born by the initiative and the experience of a team of graduates in Humanities at the University of Genoa - Italy, who have specialized in history, demography, statistics, archive-keeping and librarianship.

Originally it was a research project about the distribution of surnames across Italy, but after the first realization and the first impact with the public, we decided to make it available to others. [Link]

Just for fun, I entered in some other notable last names…

I passed out after work yesterday, with this very window still open and a pending 55Friday languishing. My bad. I would normally feel a lot worse about this, but such an unintended delay means one thing: I can publicly wish someone whom I adore a very Happy Birthday. If you don’t already read Venial Sin, you are depriving yourself of some of the best blog on the internets. He’s an erstwhile resident of my Chocolate City who currently makes London an even hotter place to be and his blog is genius. (No pressure!) Happy Birthday, gorgeous. :)

Since I’ve slobbered all over him virtually, let’s start my run-down of the best examples of flash fiction from last week with Sin himself. He had no need to self-deprecate before introducing the following:

“No!” the lawyer yelled into the phone. “I don’t care if it WAS Valentine’s Day, “life partner” was not meant to apply to a cellmate. This isn’t the path to true love, no matter how slim your options may seem.”

Pause.

Beat.

Sigh.

“Fine, I’ll bring you candy on the 14th for…”Big Mick” is it?” [link]

Next up, one of Nina’s 55s made me smirk happily:

The painting was titled “Agape,” and depicted the God of Trite having intercourse with the God of Sexual Starvation, nude. The Valentines Fundamentalists rioted, but the Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews and Atheists finally united in common cause, cancelling out this most cancerous religion. The work sold for $2 billion, and everyone lived happily ever after. [link]

Fellow spelling-stickler Sirc penned a scathing 55:

Good mourning babe :), she texts. Still swimming or Barely stayin afloat in a sea of cheapnfree champagne reveries, He writes back, What’s so Good about Mourning? She writes back that, Every day is the First day of your life ;) Why are Bad Spellers so drawn to unfounded optimism like lice to immigrant public school kids? [link]

Anyone who drops the k-bomb is going to get mad love from me ;), DDiA:

EvEr SiNcE wE stalked each other on Xanga You gave me anon. eprops; filled my Dreams with kaleidoscopic manga, I’ve wanted to buy you dil-shaped balloons. Now you will call me yo babydaddy, yayy! And me you snookums. Hug, kiss, And stop traffic with aww-inspiring PDA. Common bayyybee shake that kundi I’ll be your munda, you my mundi.[link]

This week? Write whatever you please. I toyed with different themes, ranging from “Jeopardy” (where I was going to have you all end your 55s in the form of a question) to “Crime and Punishment” (where you 55 regarding suitable punishments for Salman Khan). In the end, I chose none of the above. As always, leave your masterpiece or a link to it in the comments below. We’ll love it, promise.

For those of us in America, high profile hunting continues to be part of the regular news cycle. After all, our Vice President did shoot, by accident of course, his hunting partner Harry Whittington in the face and body just last week (guns don’t kill people right, its people that kill people?).

So it was kind of humorous to see the parallels between bad boy vice president, and our own Bollywood bad boy Salman Khan, who this week (thanks Bong Breaker) was found guilty of killing two blackbucks, a protected species of antelope, in the western state of Rajasthan in 1998, and sentenced to one year imprisonment. (link)

Salman Khan and Fans

Charges against Khan were pressed by the local Bishnoi community in Rajasthan where the killing took place… “The court can hang me. I am tired of such lengthy proceedings,” Khan told the court. The poaching case is not the actor’s first brush with the law. He is also facing trial in Mumbai (Bombay) in a 2002 hit-and-run case. One person was killed and three others injured when Khan allegedly drove into a group of homeless people sleeping on a pavement. Khan faces 10 charges, including causing death by negligent driving which carries two years in prison. He has pleaded not guilty on all counts.

It was unclear if Khan was drinking while he was allegedly poaching blackbuck, but he was I believe, driving under the influence when he allegedly hit and killed the homeless people. As an aside Vice President Cheney when asked if they had been drinking while hunting noted in his interview with Fox News correspondent Brit Hume: “No. You don’t hunt with people who drink. That’s not a good idea.”

In that same interview with Fox News, Cheney did later indicate that he had had a beer with lunch earlier in the day. Maybe I am dumb, but doesn’t that constitute drinking? Hell a few months ago, you could get arrested in Washington DC for drinking and driving after having only one drink.

A BBC correspondent says the actor, who has also been fined 5,000 rupees ($111) has a month’s time to appeal.

The Daily Show just posted some disturbing clips from a new anti-American blockbuster in Turkey, a pretty Westernized country. In Kurtlar Vadisi Irak / Valley of the Wolves Iraq, American soldiers (including Billy Zane) machine-gun children and sell them to a Jewish doctor (Gary Busey) who harvests their organs.

Jon Stewart compares the repugnant Turkish screenplay, redolent of Spielberg’s monkey brains, with the fact that Arabs are the go-to villains in Hollywood. One of the clips he shows is True Lies with Brit Asian actor Art Malik, middle name ‘Complicity,’ playing yet another Middle Eastern bad guy.

Art Malik (born as Athar Ul-Haque Malik on November 13, 1952) is a Pakistani-born British actor… Malik also played the villain Salim Abu Aziz opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies (1994)… He also played the role of Ramzi Ahmed Yousef in Path to Paradise, a 1997 made-for-TV film about the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. [Link]

Watch the clip, it’s at 5:30. There’s also a funny bit immediately preceding about astroturf ‘rioters’ in Pakistan torching a KFC over the Danish cartoons instead of a perfectly delectable CBH next door. ‘CBH,’ of course, would stand for ‘Copenhagen Boiled Herrings’

Related posts: White guys in turbans, Fire licks wood in Pakistan, The Danish cartoon controversy

A new book to be released on March 1st (in the U.S.) will detail the life of Noor Inayat Khan, a spy of South Asian heritage (her father was Pakistani) that worked for the Allies during WWII:

The life and times of Noor Inayat Khan - a descendant of Tipu Sultan and the only Asian secret agent to work for the Allied forces during World War II - have been captured in a fascinating new book to be launched on March 1.

The book, titled “Spy Princess: The Life of Noor Inayat Khan” (Sutton), is authored by journalist Shrabani Basu, the London-based correspondent for the Ananda Bazar Patrika Group.

Based on extensive research and interviews with Noor’s relatives, descendants and friends, the book presents a graphic account of her life till Sep 13, 1944, when she was shot dead by German forces at Dachau. She was 30.

Born in Moscow, Noor was raised in the Sufi style of Islam and joined Britain’s Special Operations Executive (SOE) during the war. She was one of three women in the SOE to be awarded the George Cross and was also honoured with the Croix de Guerre. [Link]

I had once mentioned Khan in a previous post. Comments following the post seemed to indicate an interest in her story. For those of you that enjoy fiction more than non-fiction, author Shauna Singh Baldwin has previously written a novel inspired by Khan’s life called The Tiger Claw:

From the author of What the Body Remembers, an extraordinary story of love and espionage, cultural tension and displacement, inspired by the life of Noor Inayat Khan (code name “Madeleine”), who worked against the Occupation after the Nazi invasion of France.

When Noor Khan’s father, a teacher of mystical Sufism, dies, Noor is forced to bow, along with her mother, sister and brother, to her uncle’s religious literalism and ideas on feminine propriety. While at the Sorbonne, Noor falls in love with Armand, a Jewish musician. Though her uncle forbids her to see him, they continue meeting in secret.

When the Germans invade in 1940, Armand persuades Noor to leave him for her own safety. She flees with her family to England, but volunteers to serve in a special intelligence agency. She is trained as a radio operator for the group that, in Churchill’s words, will “set Europe ablaze” with acts of sabotage. [Link]

Additionally, a 2001 film titled Charlotte Gray featured a title character who was a composite of women like Khan:

CATE BLANCHETT plays the title role of Charlotte Gray, a young Scottish woman who is unexpectedly drawn into a special operation with the French Resistance when her lover, a British pilot, is shot down over France.

An interesting section of the film’s website has pictures of newspaper clippings about Khan’s exploits.

A 24-year-old Aussie from the Sri Lankan Tamil community was sentenced to death this week for running a ring smuggling heroin from Bali to Australia:

Myuran Sukumaran

Bali Nine “enforcer” Myuran Sukumaran today joined Andrew Chan in being condemned to death by firing squad for attempting to smuggle heroin from Indonesia to Australia. [Link]

I doubt the codename helped their credibility:

The court heard that Sukumaran assisted Chan in strapping bags of heroin to the legs and bodies of Renae Lawrence, Czugaj, Martin Stephens and Scott Rush… On April 5, it is alleged, Sukumaran gave Lawrence $500 and a Nokia mobile phone. He instructed her to call an Australian contact codenamed ‘Pinocchio’, the court heard. [Link]

I bet they prefer the sound of ‘hakuna matata’:

Cheers from some Indonesian anti-drug activists echoed in the court as the judges announced the words “hukuman mati”, meaning death sentence. [Link]

Maybe they should’ve read the fine print:

During the trial [a drug mule] said he was so excited at the offer of an overseas holiday in Bali that he was blind to the possible reasons behind the free trip. [Link]

I don’t think this is the judge they had in mind when they made Judge Dredd:

Judge Suryowati said she looked down at the bench in front of her, tears welling in her eyes, as [the chief judge] announced Sukumaran would be executed. [Link]

Harvard University’s Pluralism Project has many interesting resources concerning minority religions in the USA. Here, for example, is their map of mandirs across America:

To some extent, this map can be read as a proxy for the distribution of Hindus across the country, although only crudely. Because the map indicates the number of temples and not the size of their congregations, a state with a large number of small temples will show up as darker brown (I love their coloring scheme) than one with a smaller number of large temples. That is, there might be more Hindus in Illinois than New York, but they simply worship at a few very large temples.

Despite this limitation, there is still much to be learned from reading these maps. I was surprised to see, for example, that there were more mandirs in Georgia than in the state of Washington, or Michigan. Who knew there were so many mandirs in the south?

The site also includes maps of the 89 Jain temples, 236 Sikh gurdwaras, 2039 Buddhist temples, and the 1855 Islamic mosques that they have catalogued.

Major Singh, a Nihang Sikh in India, is hoping to qualify for the Guinness Book of World Records with the world’s largest turban (via Mr. Sikhnet):

A Sikh cleric from Amritsar is all set to make it to the record books for wearing what he claims is the largest turban in the world… Major Singh… wears a huge tower-shaped turban using 400 meters of cloth, some 100 hairpins, and embellished with 51 religious symbols made in metal. [Link]

This style of round turban is known as a dumaala and is common to Nihang Sikhs. Most Nihangs wear a smaller turban than this, but there is a tradition of competing to see who can wear the largest. Major Singh’s 400 meter turban weighs around 35 kg, or roughly 77 lbs. Nobody else is in his weight class, the next largest turbans are 10 kg smaller.

If you’ve ever seen or met a Nihang Sikh, all dressed in blue, you’re not likely to forget:

Nihang Singhs belong to a martial tradition … Their way of life, style of dress, and weaponry has remained little changed since … three hundred years ago. Nihangs are a semi-nomadic people. They are organized into “armies” and live in camps known as “cantonments”. Men and women both train in horsemanship, swordsmanship, and in the Punjabi martial art known as gatka. During times of persecution in the past, the Nihangs defended Sikh shrines and the Sikh way of life and become known for their bravery against all odds. In times of peace they travel to festivals and fairs throughout India, staging displays of horsemanship and martial skills. [Link]

For those inquiring minds, my own turban is considerably more modest in size. It’s not the size of the turban on the man, it’s the size of the man in the turban, and that’s all I have to say on this topic . [Major Singh is, I’m sure, a lot of man in a very large turban.]

Related Sepia Mutiny Posts: Crisp or Not, As American as Gatka, Justice Department smacks MTA over turban ban, Da Star in dastar, This turban’s disturbin’

Related Articles: Nihangs, Learn How To Tie Different Sikh Turbans

The current issue of Foreign Policy magazine has a spectacular photo essay by Brendan Corr on shipbreaking in Bangladesh: huge ships driven at full speed onto the beach at high tide, armies of workers trudging out to strip them with bare hands. The physical danger is intense; the health and environmental consequences are potentially dire, as these tankers and container vessels and cruise liners are loaded with asbestos and other contaminants.

In Bangladesh, according to the text, shipbreaking employs 200,000 people. Amazingly, it yields 80 percent of Bangladesh’s steel production. So this massive and hazardous recycling effort generates a vital input into the economy. You can provide your own comment about macroeconomic trade-offs.

Shipbreaking has been a major activity in South Asia for years now; here is a 2000 article by uber-reporter William Langewiesche on the Alang beach in Gujarat, which favorable tidal conditions have turned into a surreal junkyard of corroding behemoths. Now, though, it seems that Chittagong has outflanked Alang with even cheaper labor.

This week, the Clemenceau, once France’s biggest aircraft carrier, was forced to break its journey to Gujarat after legal challenges in both countries. President Chirac has now ordered the Clemenceau back home.

Meanwhile the 315 meter-long cruiseship France, is reported to be on its way to Chittagong though the Bangladesh government has demanded it be decontaminated first. Now called Lady Blue, the ship is registered in the Bahamas by a Norwegian company owned by a Malaysian company owned by a Hong Kong company. This opaqueness, standard in the shipping industry, makes accountability hard to enforce.

Whether sanctimoniously single or smugly encoupled, I find that most people suffer from a post-Valentines hangover. I don’t mean a literal hangover, although copious quantities of champagne are commonly consumed, I mean a reaction to the intensely saccharine and unidimensional portrayal of love. As a homemade remedy, I offer the hair of the dog that bit you - a reminder that love takes many forms.

Saheli tipped us off to this article by an American desi who went back to Karnataka to work as a medical volunteer at the “largest Tibetan refugee colony in the world,” an encampment of over 10,000 Tibetans:

I found out quickly that I had entered a place with entirely different notions about life purpose and productivity. Soon after I arrived I pointed out to a monk that a mosquito was sucking his blood. He nodded in acknowledgement and said something brief about the accumulation of merit and allowing another being to nourish itself off your own. (Luckily, we were in a region where the prevalence of malaria is low).

The second day I was there, a monk took me to the local Indian restaurant. A fly fell into my daal. The monk’s reaction took me by surprise. I wrote this poem about it.

There are those who
When a fly drops Plop! into yellow daal
it is not their bowl of food they worry about.
It is the fly and her wings
The ability of fire and spice
To sear wings
And with so much kindness
They place the fly in their palm
Unfold a white creased napkin
Clean the wings and the space
Between the wings
with water rinse away
Any hot yellowness
Place the fly gentle
On the edge of the table
Until
by the end
Of our meal
The fly has flown
made her way
Back into the world. [Link]

Those of my friends that have spent enough time with me know that my life is driven by the pursuit of two passions. One is pretty well known, but the other one, although not spoken of often, is my true white whale. I want to be a Jeopardy contestant! My whole life it seems that my dream has remained just beyond my outstretched hands, a broken buzzer-click away:

As many of you now know I failed in my Jeopardy contestant test today. It’s okay though cause I felt quite good about the number I got right. Failure is good. Throughout your life you may need to fail at something several times before you get that internal push you need to succeed. The enemy (The Jeopardy exam) has now drawn first blood on me and I will thrive with such a debilitating condition. I shall stalk my enemy relentlessly now. I shall read Encyclopedias for fun. I shall go to the library and become intimate with 19th century American Novels. I shall formulate “Before and After” phrases such as Linda Blair Witch and Stevie Wonder Bread. I shall post the “Ten Rules of Taking the Jeopardy Test” that the “Jeopardy Clue Crew” gave to us before the exam. I shall overcome (cue Rocky music). [Link]

I’m still bitter from that defeat nearly three years ago. I turned increasingly to alcohol and blogs after my failure, hoping that they could fill the void within my soul. I probably got like 38 out of 50 questions right on the exam…but I will never know for sure. They don’t tell you how many you got wrong, nor do they tell you how many you needed to answer correctly. That cruelest of cabals, euphemistically known as “The Jeopardy Clue Crew,” holds all the power. The path to Trebek is long and difficult. The jerk next to me who passed the test advised me to read an almanac. I wanted to say, “do I look like a farmer?” I didn’t though because I knew he spoke the truth. Once upon a time I did read an almanac for leisure, but adulthood had falsely convinced me that such a thing was uncool. Tonight a young Jedi will try to accomplish what I never could. Papa Chakravarthy has made the Jeopardy Teen Finals:

A true playa

Paul Laurence Dunbar High School [Kentucky] student Papa Chakravarthy, 14, is one of 15 students competing on the Jeopardy Teen Tournament, which runs tonight through Feb. 17.

Papa’s first appearance on the game show will be Thursday, said Jeopardy spokeswoman Sara Kaplan. If he wins that round, he will continue in the tournament.

Each player is guaranteed winnings of at least $5,000, and the overall winner is guaranteed $75,000. [Link]

In the pre-game interview last night (a semi-finals match that he went on to win) the 14 year old spoke of his neurosurgeon aspirations. Jerk. I squealed like a little girl when he missed a Daily Double, the answer to which was “New Delhi.” Even Trebek chided him for letting down his people for that one. So what if I also guessed “Phnom Phen?” This isn’t about me.

I turn 30 in two weeks. I may already be past my prime. I can no longer remember the finer details of the Spanish Civil War, nor all the works of Tennessee Williams. Still, I plan on giving it one more shot, with almanac in hand. Clue Crew, from hell’s dark heart I shall stab at thee.

To watch an interview with Papa click on the picture at the right and then the link under his profile.

File this under “It’s only offensive if somebody else does it.”

Only desis could get away with making a video game about Emperor Ashoka that uses figures from Hindu mythology and art just to give you something to fight:

Kali is appearing in the forthcoming Emperor Ashoka … which recreates battles from the life of a legendary Indian king who lived in the third century B.C. The game allows players to engage in bloody historic battles based in ancient temples and other antique environments. Some mythical creatures are also thrown in — in addition to Kali, there are gargoyle-like interpretations of the voluptuous female statues that adorn sacred buildings in India, who come alive and fight. “We wanted to have an edge,” says Indiagames CEO Vishal Gondal. “It’s a storyline that hasn’t been seen before” [Link]

If the game makers had been white, the blogosphere would have been up in arms with people yelling “Temple of Doom, never again!”

A few weeks back I wrote about the dearth of brown athletes at the Winter Olympics and suggested an alternative competition where our prowess would be unmatched. Today at Slate.com Reihan Salam further breaks it down, tongue firmly in cheek:

Who are we kidding? “Mahogany-man killer” he ain’t.

While watching a bunch of young, white Olympians zipping and flipping around on their newfangled snowboards the other night, I couldn’t help thinking: What if Bangladesh, my parents’ native land, had the geopolitical muscle to turn an extremely Bangladeshi-friendly activity into an Olympic sport?

Bangladeshis are very good at making things from jute, assembling button-down shirts for export, and organizing crippling general strikes. All of these activities involve tremendous mental dexterity and physical prowess. All can be performed in the bitterest cold. And, unlike “snowboarding halfpipe,” not one is compatible with head-bopping to Juelz Santana on your iPod—a surefire indication that your “sport” should not be conducted on the Olympic level…

I still vividly recall the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, when my middle sister and I cheered on every wiry, diminutive American athlete of a darker hue. When you squint, a fearsome Latino bantamweight looks not unlike one of the burnt ochre Salams…

Deep in my heart, I hungered for a mahogany man-killer who would avenge me on the slopes and forever banish my Winter Olympics-induced shame. This year, I had a strong candidate, Indian luger Shiva Keshavan. But the story of this “great brown hope” is not one of unmitigated joy and triumph. It’s a parable for the tragedy of modern India. More than that, though, Shiva’s struggles teach us that a brown man trying to make it in a white man’s world is like luging uphill. [Link]

Obviously Reihan hasn’t heard of this potential mahogany man-killer (thanks for the tip “epoch”):

[Canadian Emanuel] Sandhu’s impeccable posture and extension on the ice betray his classical dance training. He started ballet and jazz at age 3, and at 11 began studying at the renowned National Ballet School in Toronto. Only 100 dancers every year are accepted into that school, whose graduates usually end up joining a professional dance company. Sandhu, who first took to the ice at age 9 (his mother told him, “all Canadians must learn to skate”) continued to skate while in ballet school. But by 11th grade he was only finding 15 minutes a day to skate, and was forced to make a choice. He chose figure skating, leaving school and eventually moving to Vancouver to train. Sandhu still dances several times a week, and he says that floor work enhances his skating.

Manhattan has held three (including the first and last), San Francisco contained two (the best, Jerry…the BEST!), Brooklyn had quite a sweet one…and now FINALLY, the most powerful city on earth will host a Mutinous Meetup on Saturday, March 25th!

To continue with that nascent alliteration, it’s all going down in the month of MARCH, which comes in like a Singh and goes out like some…ghosht. Believe it or not, half-kundi’d me remembered to bring my calendar to my shimmering birthday fete two weeks ago, where our two squeakiest wheels (read: the SM loyalists who wanted a meetup most, who just happened to be my guests that night) provided valuable input with regards to when we should get trashed get together; Kenyandesi and Chai chose the first Saturday in March to mutiny earlier in the month, but at this point, the date you should save is MARCH 25. :)

I already know what our precious unbwogable bachi thinks (that’s her, on the right, in the picture to the left), but what say you Zzzzafar, Msichana, Timepass et al? Does March 4th work for you? Will this be a Tryst with Mutiny? Will my record of hosting the BEST meetups ever extend to the right coast? ;) Will Santino EVER get kicked off Project Runway??? Sorry, I’m watching that show right now. :D

If March 4th 25th is an awful choice, do speak up, though if we choose something different, a certain Space Cowboy might not be able to attend.

Dhaavak and AB tell us that Tamil script is found not just on Indian and Sri Lankan banknotes, but also on those of Singapore and Mauritius:

Anyone know whether other South Asian languages are found on banknotes outside the subcontinent? I would have guessed Trinidad (40% desi), Guyana (44%) and Fiji (38%), but not so.

Trinidad: According to the 1990 census, Indo-Trinidadians make up 40.3% of the population, Afro-Trinidadians 39.5%, Mixed-race people 18.4%, Whites 0.6% and Chinese and others 1.2%. [Link]

Guyana: … the three largest groups are the Indians or Indo-Guyanese (43.5% in 2002) who have remained predominantly rural, the Africans or Afro-Guyanese (30.2%) who constitute the majority urban population, and those of mixed origin (16.7%). [Link]

Fiji: The population of Fiji is mostly made up of native Fijians, a people of mixed Polynesian and Melanesian ancestory (54.3%), and Indo-Fijians (38.1%), descendants of Indian contract labourers brought to the islands by the British in the 19th century… A 1990 constitution guaranteed ethnic Fijian control of Fiji, but led to heavy Indian emigration; the population loss resulted in economic difficulties, but ensured that Melanesians became the majority. [Link]

Guyanese notes carry the signature of Bharrat Jagdeo, former finance minister and current president:

Bharrat Jagdeo (born January 23, 1964) is the socialist president of Guyana (since August 11, 1999). He had previously been a member of Janet Jagan’s cabinet, and became president after Jagan resigned for health reasons. He is the youngest head of state of the Caricom countries…

After obtaining a Master’s in Economics in Moscow in 1990, Jagdeo returned to Guyana and worked as an Economist… In March 2001, Bharrat Jagdeo won a second term in elections that underscored Guyana’s bitter racial tensions. The reelection of Jagdeo, a member of the Indo-Guyanese majority, caused rioting among the minority Afro-Guyanese, who claimed widespread election fraud. [Link]

If you’re in New York, come see Yasmin this weekend at the QMA. The movie stars the lovely Archie Panjabi, sans Jughead.

Scripted by Simon Beaufoy (The Full Monty)… [Yasmin] explores what it means to be Asian, Muslim and British. Having rebelled against her Pakistani upbringing as a teenager… Yasmin (Archie Panjabi of Bend it Like Beckham) has grown adept at juggling her Westernised… life with her more traditional culture at home. But after the attacks of 9/11, she finds herself ostracised at work, and increasingly subject to overt Islamphobia. When her husband is snatched by the police and held without charge, she finds herself forced to re-evaluate her faith, her culture and her relationships.

Followed by discussion with members of Families for Freedom, VISIBLE Collective (creators of Disappeared in America), and Not in Our Name, who advocate against the roundups, sweeps, and indefinite detentions of Muslims, Arabs and South Asians.

(with Third I)

Dance troupes in salsa competitions often come up with elaborate themes to set themselves apart from the endless parade on stage. Some of the themes are quite inventive. One Korean couple even dressed up as Ryu and Chun Li from the Street Fighter video game.

At the Women in Salsa event last year, a salsa troupe from Philly/South Jersey opened their performance with ‘Daya Daya Daya Re’ from Dil Ka Rishta. Longtime readers know that I love Hindi/bhangra/salsa fusion. The video clip isn’t advanced salsa, but it’s fun to watch.

Dancer Alpita Patel probably chose the music:

Alpita has 8 years of training in… bharatnatyam… she was introduced to salsa in 2004… her dance styles include hip-hop, modern, jazz, and Indian folk… Alpita has a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Science from Rutgers University and currently works full-time for the State of New Jersey Judiciary. [Link]

Techie salsa dancers are teh hott

Bollywood choreographers often lift salsa spins and armplay. They should rip from it completely. Please, please bury that standing-head-thrust move which makes male stars look like retarded monkeys.

Watch the clip (WMV format). For more advanced performances, watch this (trick dips) and this.

Related posts: High aspirations, Theater town: Buying salsa shoes on Broadway, Salsa by Lady Liberty, Thursday nights: Salsa with a ballerina, Bhangra to salsa: Mixing dances freely, The salsa competition

Because torching a fast food joint is the best way to protest a cartoon (via the BBC):

Angry demonstrators protesting over Western newspaper cartoons satirising the Prophet Muhammad have set fire to a KFC outlet in Pakistan, reports say.

Police used batons and teargas to break up the demonstration in the north-western city of Peshawar…Hundreds of protesters are said to have torched the KFC outlet and ransacked it.

An eye-witness reports:

“Fire is still raging from the KFC,” resident Tehseen Khan told the AFP news agency.

“I can see smoke coming out of the windows, the furniture has been gutted.”

To be fair, the protests which go down almost every day in Pakistan are usually less violent, but unfortunately, that’s about to change:

…(the demonstrations) are getting bigger and angrier as Islamic opposition parties begin a rolling campaign of protests ahead of a visit by US President George W Bush at the start of next month, she says.

No word yet on whether the Colonel was injured.

About a half-dozen tipsters, starting with Seema, wanted us to point out this little tidbit in a New York Times Op-Ed published this morning:

Give me some tongue baby

SINCE it’s Valentine’s Day, let’s dwell for a moment on the profoundly bizarre activity of kissing. Is there a more expressive gesture in the human repertoire?…

All across Africa, the Pacific and the Americas, we find cultures that didn’t know about mouth kissing until their first contact with European explorers. And the attraction was not always immediately apparent. Most considered the act of exchanging saliva revolting. Among the Lapps of northern Finland, both sexes would bathe together in a state of complete nudity, but kissing was regarded as beyond the pale…

If kissing is not universal, then someone must have invented it. Vaughn Bryant, an anthropologist at Texas A&M, has traced the first recorded kiss back to India, somewhere around 1500 B.C., when early Vedic scriptures start to mention people “sniffing” with their mouths, and later texts describe lovers “setting mouth to mouth.” From there, he hypothesizes, the kiss spread westward when Alexander the Great conquered the Punjab in 326 B.C. [Link]

Well who would have thought? In addition to writing the Kama Sutra we can now take partial credit for kissing! The Hindu right-wing activists are going to go into shock when they see this (or at least they will try and keep it out of California textbooks). For the rest of this week I plan to honor my forefathers by exchanging as much saliva as possible. Who is with me?

Please forgive me. I had just finished noshing on the goat cheese and was starting in on the arugula canapés. Then my gray-eyed Hades (half-desi) date flashed me the look of You-Could-Be. The dew-not-drop-me. The mooning cow. I will not perjure myself — I was startled. I rose from my seat and tripped backwards in a half-crouch. That, in short, is how my elbow found itself in your gazpacho. A shame, it was such a fine gazpacho.

Try and understand, I had no forewarning. We swapped flirty texts, but she knew I plugged my profile in every port. She was on the same page, that minx. She had a Francophone mother. The French and Indian War raged within her as I spilled myself upon her Valley Forge. After all those unreturned volleys, I gave up hope. This dinner was to be my surrender. Looking at the bill I saw a Magna Carta indeed. And then she gave me The Look.

My wrist. Your polenta. Please excuse.

V-Day means Victory.

Yesterday my favorite Canadian blogger posted about a pretty hot German-based band with a lead singer who shares a couple similarities with you-know-who but, in my humble opinion, may in fact be better. The band is Jahcoozi:

This hype Berlin-based trio is made up of MC and singer Sasha Perera (London), bassman Oren Gerlitz (Tel Aviv) and Robot Koch (Berlin) on laptop and drums. From their My Space page: “Blip hop, ragga-tech, RnB punk, click pop illectronica? Pop? A Shakespeare’s Sister - Neptunes collabo?!!” Definitely a band of roughians to watch out for. ‘Half [Pure] Breed Mongrel’ comes as a surprise to me because I didn’t know what to expect on first listen, my only previous experience being Sacha Perera’s appearance on the Modeselektor album (on ‘Silikon’). This new platter has some crazy fire on it that can clearly translate into big things on a live stage. While the beats are supremely dancefloor-friendly the ‘tude is not for the pop-hearted. It reeks satire from the first track (‘Black Barbie’) which makes the album a blast to listen to. ‘Asian Bride Magazine’ is deffo a personal fav (how could it not be?) and had me grinning from ear to ear: “Thank you, L’Oréal, now there’s products for us/Daily use gonna help us to pretend that we’re high caste/ Bleach our skin, lighten our moustache.”

Perera is Londoner of Sri Lankan origin and yes she does do the whole raggamuffin bit with her voice but the comparison to M.I.A. ends there. Unlike Mizz Maya (‘Sunshowers’ chorus anyone?), this lady can really sing. Though the Modeselektor track made it hard to avoid drawing similarities, with this album it becomes clear that Perera is in a league of her own when it comes to her wonderfully husky vocal capability. More like the other major ‘M’ in my life, Missy, in sound. Jahcoozi has made a great debut both in the full-length world and in my hungry ears (I know it came out last year, smartass). [Link]

Like Neha, my favorite track on Pure Breed Mongrel was also Asian Bride Magazine. I am sure many of our female readers will dig the lyrics as well. I also liked the song The Bouncer Who Turned Good for its name alone (in my head I just substituted “blogger” for “bouncer”). The best way to describe Sasha’s voice is to imagine if Tricky and M.I.A. had a lovechild. You can listen to most of Jahcoozi’s Pure Breed Mongrel album by clicking on the songs in the left-hand column here.

In Jharkand, saffronists have hit upon a new way of ‘encouraging’ marriage: shotgun (or, in this case, lathi stick) weddings. But raksha bandhan is months away:

Hindu right-wing activists in Jharkhand claimed to have married off five romancing couples on Valentine’s Day Tuesday, saying they were celebrating the day even though it was against Indian culture… At the rock garden, three couples were spotted. Two of them were made to move around a banyan tree and take an oath of marriage - in a symbolic wedding…

Activists of the Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad (ABVP) even forced a couple to tie the symbolic brother-sister thread of rakhi when they refused to get married. [Link]

Some students were flippant about it:

The move is now being welcomed by courting couples, who are thanking the moral police for adding velocity to Cupid’s arrows. “It is indeed good news. We must thank them for being concerned about our marriages,” said Ruchika, a student of a management institute in this Jharkhand capital. “My parents will finally come to know about my love.”

Priya, an engineering student, echoed similar sentiments, saying: “I hope they stick to their word and ensure my marriage with my boyfriend…” [Link]

But the saffronists couldn’t even stay consistent:

… even Saamna, the [Shiv] Sena’s mouthpiece, could not resist cashing in on the spirit of love by publishing an article on possible gifts to buy your beloved today. [Link]

In Delhi and Srinagar, more political theater, yawn. Funny how the saffronists are a mirror image of Muslim fundamentalists:

About 50 Hindu activists wearing holy saffron-coloured scarves held a noisy protest in a popular market near the Delhi University campus… They burnt greeting cards which they were carrying and shouted “Down with Valentine’s Day”. [Link]

About two dozen women separatists, veiled in black from head to toe, rummaged shops and burnt Valentine’s Day cards in Srinagar, Kashmir’s summer capital… “Valentine’s Day spreads immorality among the youth,” Asiya Andrabi of the Dukhtaran-e-Milat (Daughters of the Muslim Faith), a group of women separatists, said in a statement. [Link]

On this unholiest of days, I thought I’d share 2.0 passages about coupling from 1.5-gen books. Lavanya Sankaran takes joy in the idea that dilly-dallying men deserve what they get in The Red Carpet:

And certainly, a convent-educated accent was an asset… This involved, primarily, keeping our knees together… Innocent of the depredations of Man (or Boy), at least until their parental duty was done. Delivered, one girl, unsullied, to the marital bed. Her price far above rubies…

For a decade, it seemed, [the bachelors] had been festooned with women, all sorts, from the cute, the silly, the please-domesticate-mes, to the independent, the fiery, the I’ll-sleep-with-but-won’t-love-yous, and further beyond, to the Plainly Bizarre. And they had frolicked and gamboled with happy abandon, and no awareness of the fate that quietly awaited them…

All those women, those sillys, those feistys, those Saturday-night mainstays, had simply vanished. All of them. Together. Birdlike, in a great migratory movement… these chicks had flown. They had married, dispersed, dehydrated. [Link]

In Moth Smoke, Mohsin Hamid’s East Village/Karachi romance ends more happily:

I lost my virginity in New York, twice (the second one had wanted to believe he was the first so badly)…

The scene is the East Village, a little before midnight, on the steps of a fourth-floor walk-up on Avenue A. The date is important… Halloween… So there I am, trudging up the steps… when I see this cute desi guy in a white shirt and black trousers, looking ridiculously out of place but very comfortable at the same time… He catches my eye as I pass and says “Hi,” but I ignore him, because the last thing I want to deal with tonight is some conservative boy from the homeland with nothing to say…

But at some point (you saw this coming) I find myself on the fire escape with the brown boy I’d seen before. We’re dancing, just the two of us, and his name is Ozi and he’s wickedly sexy, and what the hell, we spend the night together…

He proposed during a snowstorm in March, looking cold as only a Pakistani man in America can… Before I knew it, I was showing him off at South Asian Student Association parties, enjoying the horrified jealousy on the faces of my prim and proper colleagues. Yes, Mumtaz, that slut, had bagged herself a prince, which meant there was one less out there for them…

The summer after we graduated… we were married in Karachi by the sea. [Link]

I know that L.A. area mutineers have been pushing for a SM meet-up. I admit that I am a horrible host and haven’t been able to step up to the plate as of yet. I am in the middle of grad-school hell right now as my research has been getting some attention in the press of late, otherwise I’d be all about the meet-up. In the meantime let me draw your attention to Artwallah’s kick-off/benefit party this Thursday night. I will certainly be there and so should you:

Dance, Drink and Revel with DJs and Visual Artists for our first ArtWallah Event of 2006, this Thursday, February 16th !

Come paint the town red…
Venue: Fais Do Do
Address: 5257 West Adams Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90016
Time: Doors open at 9:30 pm
Tickets: $13 in Advance at www.groovetickets.com
$18 at the door, $15 if you wear red

Music by:
Tej Gill - “Regarded as one of the original South Asian DJ’s in L.A., TejGill brings together Electronic Dance Music and Classical Indian Rhythms to create enigmatic DJ sets. You can find out more as well as hear samples from “The Message” - a limited edition E.P., at www.GillometerMusic.com.”

Gabe Abraham - Gabe Abraham founded didJital as a vehicle for sharing the Asian Massive and world electronica movement with Los Angeles, bringing internationally known artists such as Cheb i Sabbah, Karsh Kale, and Banco de Gaia to the nightclub scene. Part Indian himself, it was a natural progression for him to hear traditional South Asian sounds fused with electronic beats.
www.didjital.com/sounds.html (check out the world groove mix)
www.cirqueberzerk.com

RokFresh: Whets the palate and warms the dancefloor with sultry rhythms and soul creating a loungey vibe of electronica and down tempo, mixing multiple genres of music.

One stereotypical but reliable way to distinguish a FOB from an ABCD is their attitude towards ice. Whereas an ABCD will load their drinks cup up with ice before filling it, a FOB will (usually) leave their cup entirely devoid of crushed frozen water.

Mmmmm … bacteria!

To some extent this is about thrift - why pay for ice when you could be getting more coke - but largely this is a vestigial health mechanism, left over from a childhood in a third world country where ice was unsanitary and teeming with dangerous bacteria. In the USA, it’s superstition, plain and simple.

Or is it? A 7th grader in Tampa Florida decided to compare the bacteria in the ice at a fastfood restaurant to the bacteria in its toilets. Her findings:

Roberts set out to test her hypothesis, selecting five fast food restaurants, within a ten-mile radius of the University of South Florida. Roberts says at each restaurant she flushed the toilet once, the[n] used sterile gloves to gather samples. Roberts also collected ice from soda fountains inside the five fast food restaurants. She also asked for cups of ice at the same restaurant’s drive thru windows.

Jasmine Roberts: “I found that 70-percent of the time, the ice from the fast food restaurant’s contain more bacteria than the fast food restaurant’s toilet water…” [Link]

Note that the ice is not necessarily more unsanitary than the toilet water because bacteria is not necessarily a bad thing. For example, bacteria in yogurt is good for you. Most types of bacteria are benign and the ice in question probably has high levels of harmless bacteria in it. Toilet water may have lower levels of aggregate bacteria (because they are regularly disinfected) but still higher levels of unhealthy bacteria, so you don’t want to start emulating your dog just yet.

In short, her study is far from an argument that fast food ice is unhealthy. Still, I suspect that the ice at a fast food restaurant probably is kinda gross (via Boing Boing).

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In King Kong, a powerful ape crosses the sea to rescue a beautiful woman held by his enemy on an island. He enters the capital city, leaping to great heights and leaving destruction in his wake. Where have I heard this before?

Could it be… Ravana?

In the 1933 movie, King Kong varied noticeably in height. At different times, he might be as small as twenty feet, or, in the city, as tall as fifty. [Link]

He could grow as big or as small as he wished… Hanuman grew tall and mighty and with one giant leap began to fly through the clouds to the walled city on the island. [Link]

And check out this issue of The Incredible Hulk. A buff, loincloth-clad beast with the initial ‘H’ leaps back to the mainland to return to his leader. Well, isn’t that special?

I’m accepting royalties on behalf of sage Valmiki. You can send checks to my home address.

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As an update to Manish’s post below, I opened today’s Washington Post, surprised to find this item in the Names and Faces column - - DC’s answer, if there is one, to New York Post’s Page 6.

A Bollywood Love Connection

Two of Bollywood’s brightest stars, Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan, are planning to wed, and according to the Times of India, astrologers say they are a perfect match. Rai, 32, is one of Bollywood’s most recognizable ladies, a former Miss India who starred in the movie “Bride & Prejudice.” Bachchan, 30, is the son of legendary actor Amitabh Bachchan. The couple have been in the news with a series of high-profile relationships — Rai dated heartthrob Salman Khan and actor Vivek Oberoi, and Bachchan was previously engaged to actress Karisma Kapoor .

It’s telling that speculation regarding two Bollywood stars is making its way into a mainstream American newspaper. Ten years ago, I would never have dreamed of finding an item on two Indian film stars in any newspaper, let alone one of the preeminent papers in the country. That national American dailies are detailing the sordid love lives of Indian film stars (with photos) is kind of groundbreaking and reflects not just a growing American interest in Bollywood and Indian cinema, but also that Bollywood is not just a fly-by night fad and here to stay. Sure the average American may have heard of, if not seen Aishwarya, but do they care, or even know who Salman Khan, Karisma Kapoor and Vivek Oberoi are? I think the Washington Post is encouraging them to find out.

As an aside, sure Ash is TMBWITW, but the paper gets it wrong. Ash was never Miss India, but instead a Miss India runner-up in 1994, and subsequently went on to win the title of Miss World. The Miss India title that year (1994) went to Sushmita Sen, who subsequently became Miss Universe.

First they tell us turmeric in food is good for your health. Now they tell us speaking more than one language protects against senility. By the time they tell us oversized, gold-rimmed aviator glasses are better than Viagra, we’ll all have turned into our fathers:

… Researchers are finding that bilingualism — be it in French, Greek, Portuguese or Hindi — has lifelong benefits.

“Does bilingualism protect you from cognitive decline? Every study we’ve done suggests that it does,” Prof. Bialystok said… while both groups started showing cognitive decline by age 60, the rate of slowing for bilinguals was much slower…

Brain-imaging research released this week shows that the physical inability to silence mental noise is key in making the elderly prone to distraction and poor multitaskers… the elderly lose the ability to power up brain regions, such as the frontal lobe, needed to focus on a task, and to turn down activity in inner brain regions that are most active when a person is in idle or default mode.

In contrast, the brain images of people between ages 20 and 30 displayed a far more dramatic see-saw effect activating and de-activating regions as they shifted out of idle to task. The study found this pattern begins to dull in middle age and actually results in cognitive deficits beyond age 60. [Link]

Researchers say the only thing better than Dad is Gamer Dad, so fire up a Ramayana game and start swinging that priapic mace:

A new study of 100 university undergraduates in Toronto has found that video gamers consistently outperform their non-playing peers in a series of tricky mental tests. If they also happened to be bilingual, they were unbeatable. [Link]

In 2000, a video game based on the Ramayana legend won Thailand’s national game software competition… The prize-winning game portrays several wars between King Rama and Ravana… Rama and Laksman must successfully manoeuvre through four rounds of fight in order to rescue Sita.

The Thai threesome turned to the epic Ramakien, as the Thai version is called, for its unmatched fighting scenes and more than fifty interesting human and semi-human characters… [Link]

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SM readers that have been with us since the beginning know that I am always inspired to blog about some unique topic after I have gone to get a haircut. In fact, one

The Sepia Redemption

of our readers insisted that I write a post after every visit to my barber. First, a bit of backstory for those of you unfamiliar with what I am talking about. I LOVE my local barbershop. I can honestly say that when I leave here in one year, my barbershop is among the top three things I will miss most about L.A. You see, my whole life, hair “specialists” have messed up my hair which is very thick and very straight. Most novices attack it with a blind fury, just wanting to get it over with while copping the occasional feel and commenting on its softness. The barbers at this shop however, take one whole hour cutting my hair. This is impressive when you consider the fact that I usually get a military-short haircut. But as much as the haircut, I really like the barbers at this shop. Quite a few are ex-southside Latino gang members and they often talk to me about gang culture. They have totally welcomed me with open arms, and even tell me all about the “b*tches” they be working, and describe to me the finer aspects of said “b*tches” anatomies. I listen so as not to be rude. Yesterday my barber and I had a riveting discussion about a topic that I had been thinking about just the day before. For the past two weeks there have been race riots in the California prison system. The Latino inmates and the Black inmates are at war, shanking each other left and right.

Jail officials in Los Angeles County separated black and Hispanic inmates, began transferring troublemakers and brought in clergy to try to restore peace after a week of racially charged brawls that they feared would continue to erupt through the weekend.

“It’s got momentum,” sheriff’s Chief Marc Klugman, who oversees the nation’s largest jail system, said yesterday. “They’re battle-hardened. They’re angry.”

Thousands of Hispanics and blacks clashed Feb. 4, and a black inmate was beaten to death, at the biggest jail at the Pitchess Detention Center, a 6,500-inmate complex outside the city limits. Brawls then broke out during the week at the two smaller jails at Pitchess. About 90 inmates have been injured. [Link]

My barber, who has spent time in the joint, broke it down for me: Latinos and Blacks try to kill each other. Whites usually join the Latinos because they don’t fit with the Blacks. Asian brothers get shanked unless they keep their heads down and stay among themselves. If the Koreans ever do business outside of K-town then they are dead on arrival. Even worse, if you are Latino or Black and don’t want to join in the violence, your own people will shank you for not standing up for your brothers. Now, I know what you are all thinking right now. So I asked for you:

“Ummm. What about the Indian brothers? Where do they fit in this system?”

“You guys? Yo, sorry bro but you guys get your ass passed around. You know what I mean”?

I recently debated the future of Bollywood among American desis with a couple of second genners who aren’t fans of the cinema. ‘Asoka’ thinks assimilation will make Bollywood irrelevant in the U.S. desi community, because the movies are poorly-written. I argue improvements in quality, distribution and filtering point to a bright future. The ever-reasoned ‘Birbal’ split the difference. Names have been changed to protect them from the Bollyfans who walk among us.

‘Asoka’ Bollywood will vanish among desi Americans

“I‘ll bet you $20 it doesn’t change. U.S. desis, especially the new generations, are more assimilated. They (and I’m one of them) will never be into Bollywood. I view Bollywood as an example of the excesses and frivolity of our culture and not something I am interested in preserving for myself or my offspring. I can count the number of friends I have that like Bollywood films on one finger (men and women)… even the girls I know don’t like Bollywood, and I have as many if not more female friends than male friends.

“The U.S. model will never mimic the UK model unless we start forming ethnic ghettos here. If that happens then I think you’ll be right. What it comes down to is that most Bollywood stories suck by western standards. Production value means nothing when the best Bollywood film would be a C-list Western film.

“The reason that smart Bollywood commentary is lacking is because there isn’t much coming out of Bollywood that can be considered smart… The last Hindi film I saw was Mr. and Mrs Iyer, which I thought was decent. The last Bollywood film I saw was in India and Toral from The Apprentice was in it. I’ve seen Devdas and KKKG and thought they were so bad I wanted to rip my eyeballs out. The only Bollywood film I actually liked was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, and by American movie standards it was just okay… Yes, if you are [non-desi] it is exotic and quaint…

“I go to [Indian film festivals]… they have some great Hindi language film and Tamil language films. I both enjoy them and would take my kids to see them someday. They are not, however, Bollywood films, which in my view tend to advocate materialism and shallowness, bigotry against other races, and bigotry in their representation of 2nd gen Indians living abroad. For those reasons I would not expose my children to Bollywood films.

“I still think it’s about the ghettos. We will see in 10 years. I think if you [polled] under-26 Sepia Mutiny readers, they [would] overwhelmingly be non-Bollywood watchers.”

From time to time, Ennis and Vinod remind me of the awesomeness of the Secret Asian Man comic strip. They’re drawn by Boston artist Tak Toyoshima, and although only a few are specifically about desis, there are tons of parallels.

Jet Li and Aaliyah in ‘Romeo Must Die’

If Secret Asian Man hooked up with Angry Asian Man, we’d have Secret Angry Asian Men. And where you find Secret Angry Asian Men, mutiny hangs thick in the air. (Whereas around Fat Happy Asian Men, you find muttony hanging. Very different.)

In a post that I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that Maryland’s incumbent Republican Governor Robert Ehrlich was spotted trying to drum up Indian American votes (for his re-election) at an India Republic Day event in Greenbelt, MD. Politicians usually get a free pass at these functions. The star-struck desi uncles that play host, mostly just want their pictures taken with the candidate so that they can brag about how successful they are. Thankfully, we have dedicated South Asian journalists to report on the real policy issues that interest you and I. Rediff-India Abroad reports:

In an exclusive interview with rediff-India Abroad Managing Editor Aziz Haniffa, [Ehrlich] acknowledges that the catalytic contributions of the Indian American community were a major boon to the burgeoning economy of the state.

Ehrlich, who has never visited India but plans to do so soon, said he was elated over the transformed US-India relationship. “As India becomes and assumes more of a world power status, it’s incumbent upon both countries to not just re-establish, but increase levels of cooperation,” he said.

Well…I suppose getting the “Have you ever been to India?” question out of the way is okay, as long as he additionally asks some tough policy questions. After all, the whole PURPOSE of interviewing Ehrlich should be to highlight his stance on key issues that affect Indian-Americans voters in Maryland. Here are some of the questions:

• One of your most senior aides, Dilip Paliath, has announced his candidacy to run for the legislative assembly from District 42 and you have, I believe, endorsed him. My question is, will you be on the stump for him at some of his campaign stops?
• And you believe Dilip is a winning candidate?
• What would you say to the Indian American community in supporting Dilip and any other young candidates who may come along? The so-called leaders of the community have this insatiable propensity for photo-ops, contribute handsomely to their campaigns, but when it comes to someone running for public office, it’s almost impossible to convince them to put their money where their mouth is.
• Dilip serves in a senior position in your administration but there aren’t any other Indian Americans in cabinet-level positions in your administration. Several governors I’ve interviewed always say they would love to have some of the qualified Indian Americans in their administration but many of them make so much money in the private sector that it’s hard to coax them to serve in the public sector. Have you faced the same problem?
• Have you been to India, and if not, do you intend to visit India soon? [Link]

So let me summarize what has just happened here. Rediff-India Abroad is giving the Republican Governor free publicity, which will translate to at least a few more votes on election day, and all they really want to know in return is what Ehrlich thinks of Dilip Paliath, and whether or not any more brown folks might serve in Ehrlich’s second administration. This is exactly the reason why I blog on SM and why Rediff-India Abroad is useless to my demographic. I don’t f*cking care what Ehrlich thinks about Paliath. I want to know how his policies will affect Indian-Americans if he is elected to another term.

Yesterday was Thai Pusam - the most important festival for the Indian community in Malaysia. The festival is celebrated in honor of the Hindu God Karthikeya - the younger son of Shiva and falls around the full moon day in the Tamil month of Thai. There is some dispute about what Thai Pusam actually commemorates - several versions exist, but the most popular one is that it is the birthday of Karthikeya.

Thai Pusam is a giant carnival - an long stretch of road leading to the local Karthikeya temple is cordoned off, and a large number of people - wearing equally large quantities of jewellery - congregate for a few hours of fun tinted with devotion. In Penang, in spite of the constant drizzle, this year's celebration was apparently one of the best attended - at least a hundred thousand people showed up. The street leading to the Waterfall Temple was lined with makeshift "water tents" - most sponsored by multinationals - that provided colorful liquids for free to anyone that showed up.

Among the visitors that passed on the refreshments were the Western tourists armed with Sony Handycams and increasingly incredulous expressions - because Thaipusam has another side to it. Belief has it that Karthikeya would grant the wishes of people who visit His temple on Thaipusam bearing burdens (called Kavadis) and over the years people have interpreted the belief as meaning that the more pain you inflict on yourself - increasing the burden - the more the odds are of your wish being granted.

At its simplest [the kavadi] may entail carrying a pot of milk, but mortification of the flesh by piercing the skin, tongue or cheeks with vel skewers is also common. The most spectacular practice is the vel kavadi, essentially a portable altar up to two meters tall, decorated with peacock feathers and attached to the devotee through 108 vels pierced into the skin on the chest and back. Fire walking and flagellation may also be practiced. It is claimed that devotees are able to enter a trance, feel no pain, do not bleed from their wounds and have no scars left behind. However, some of the more extreme masochistic practices have been criticized as dangerous and contrary to the spirit and intention of Hinduism.

The largest Thaipusam celebrations take place in Malaysia and Singapore. The temple at the Batu Caves, near Kuala Lumpur, often attracts over one million devotees and tens of thousands of tourists. The procession to the caves starts at the MahaMariamman Temple in the heart of the city and proceeds for 15 kilometers to the caves, an 8-hour journey culminating in a flight of 272 steps to the top. In Malaysia, although rare, scenes of people from different ethnic groups and faiths bearing "kavadi" can also be seen. Interestingly, Thaipusam is also increasingly being celebrated by the ethnic Chinese in Malaysia. [Link]

An elaborate refreshment tent; there must've been several hundreds of these along the street.

The last thing you want to hear in bed: ‘Smallville’

The Partition trailer is now online, and it’s giving me déjà vu (thanks, Jay):

Partition: In the midst of one such massacre, Gian [Singh] finds Naseem, a 17-year-old Muslim girl, and takes her under his protection. They gradually find themselves drawn to each other but, as their remarkable story plays out, the obstacles to their happiness prove all but insurmountable… [Link]

Gadar: During [Partition], Tara Singh, a truck driver, rescues a young woman named Sakina, both fall in love with each other and get married. When things calm down, Sakina decides to travel across the border to Pakistan to visit her father… [who] tries to separate her and Tara… [Link]

From the trailer at least, it looks like a straight rip, but like Gangsta M.D., it’s in the reverse direction from usual. Director Vic Sarin’s pitch: Gadar meets The English Patient, minus the anti-Pakistan jingoism. He’s even kept the scene where Sunny Deol goes apeshit in front of his home to defend the girl from a raging mob.

Jimi Mistry plays a hot turbanwala, Neve Campbell stars as a Brit. Kristin Kreuk’s bare back is seamless, her desi accent not. She actually sounds a whole lot like Sheetal Sheth attempting the accent, which says something about assimilation.

I have zero problem with a non-desi lead actress here. This looks like a tightly-focused young love story (the score reminds me of trifling period romances like A Knight’s Tale), not an epic history of Partition. There are plenty of light-eyed Muslim women, and it’s not like they cast Jessica Simpson as Indira Gandhi.

No, my question is: Kristin Kreuk?! Undeniably cute, but so chirpy she makes Tweety Bird sound like Droopy Dog.

Some Black Israelites wear very Sikh-looking turbans and beards (thanks, Ennis):

Remember that Marley song?

African American and African Caribbean Christianity had long developed a comparison of their experience in the New World with that of the Jews held in slavery in Egypt, particularly as regards the Book of Exodus… [Link]

We know where we’re going; we know where we’re from
We’re leaving Babylon, we’re going to our fatherland

Exodus, movement of Jah people…
Send us another Brother Moses gonna cross the Red Sea…

— Bob Marley, ‘Exodus’

A small number took the analogy literally and moved to Israel:

The African Hebrew Israelite Nation of Jerusalem is a small religious group whose members believe they are descended from the Ten Lost Tribes of Israel. With a population of over 2000, most members live in their own community in Dimona, Israel. The Black Hebrews practice polygamy. [Link]

In contrast, the guy on TV was ranting against Israel even while sitting beneath a Star of David:

Some Black Hebrew Israelites, like Israelite Heritage, are anti-Semitic, and focus on Jews, as Edomites and Khazars acting on behalf of Satan and secretly controlling the United States. [Link]

Related posts: Da Star in dastar, Everyone recycles

More white guys in badly-tied turbans, no beards, speaking in that bad simulacrum of a non-existent accent, folding their hands and calling each other Akmed, wearing nametags that say ‘Singh.’ That’s Scott LaRose with a very complicit Art Malik on the left (thanks, BB).

It’s like an entire generation modeled their insulting stereotypes on Peter Sellers. And, like Bollywood, TV and film for black audiences tend to be even more casually racist about desis and East Asians than mainstream media.

But then you should never take a movie like Booty Call (1997) seriously, not even in reruns It’s got characters named Lysterine, Yoyo, Ug Lee and Bunz.

Watch the clip (12MB; you need a BitTorrent downloader: Windows, Mac).

Related posts: Peter Sellers still outsells actual desis, Giants, dwarves and lemurs, Goodness gracious, Peter Sellers is alive, Mr. Birdie Num-Num gets a biopic, ”The Party” remake

You know everything’s changed when you see a black kid wearing this throwback varsity jacket on the subway and realize that…

1. After 7/7, you could never wear it on the subway, and
   
   
2. Subway cops are now inaccurately suspicious more of you than of him

Fritz Pollard formed this African-American football team ([New York Brown Bombers], named for African-American heavyweight boxer Joe Louis) after the NFL adopted a policy of segregation. [Link]

… the Brown Bombers [were] a professional team that played in Harlem for three highly successful seasons - funded by a loan from John D. Rockefeller Jr., a friend from Pollard’s days at Brown. The Bombers’ roster was a Who’s Who of black athletes at the time, including players from basketball and baseball leagues as well as former NFL stars. The Depression and the war ended the Brown Bombers’ run in 1938. [Link]

By the way, the Brown Bombers jacket is not actually a bomber jacket, and the Brown Bombers are not the same as the Bronx Bombers, the Brooklyn Bombers or the London bombers.

Related post: Worst timing ever

I am a very patient man. Still, even I sometimes get tired of explaining to people who I am, what I am, where I come from, and what I am not. I found this on flickr, and think it would be perfect for those days when I just don’t want to go through the song and dance. It would make a great t-shirt:

A new off-Broadway play about a desi student’s loss of innocence is running off-Broadway through Feb. 25. Huck & Holden refers, of course, to two iconic characters in American lit (thanks, SD).

Here’s a positive review:

Navin’s story begins deceptively, as a collegiate, slapstick coming-to-America tale about a young man just arrived from Calcutta, who’s as clueless about American literature as he is about sex. But as Navin (Nick Choksi) begins exploring his newfound independence, and his burgeoning feelings for the pretty young librarian Michelle (Cherise Boothe), the story transforms into one of unexpected soul and depth…

And, of course, there’s Kali, fancifully realized here as the embodiment of chaos working to establish order, and dazzlingly portrayed by Nilaja Sun. Her careful steps, strenuously stylized hand gestures, and ugly-meets-beautiful dance to cover Navin and Torry’s fisticuffs make her a hilarious and horrifying joy to watch. [Link]

And one more faint:After discovering Navin with a porn mag called Brown Honey, Torry teaches him how to wax a girl’s @ss

Navin’s introduction to the American way of life is explored almost solely through sex, particularly as embodied in the person of Michelle (Boothe), an African-American library worker who befriends Navin while undergoing a breakup with her tough-guy boyfriend Torry (McClain). There is obvious comic potential in this particular culture clash, but the action coasts entirely on the undignified level of racial burlesque, replete with a contrived scenario in which Torry, after discovering Navin with a porn mag called Brown Honey, proceeds to give the naïve Indian a tutorial in how to wax a girl’s ass…

Michelle receives visitations from the Hindu goddess Kali (Nilaja Sun), incarnated here as a trash-talkin’ mama whose caricature, if borderline offensive, at least breathes some life onto the stage. Still, if you’re not fond of stereotypes, do yourself a favor and read some Twain and Salinger instead. [Link]

‘What’s your name, Basanti?’: Rang De Basanti is a commercial blockbuster in the guise of protest cinema. While City of God rose from the barrios, Basanti rose from Juhu Beach. Yes, it’s an earnest critique of corruption and apathy. But it’s also Aamir Khan’s second Lagaan clone: same English love interest, same chest-pounding nationalism, same period costume drama. Our Peter Pan in high-waisted pants is calculating and relentless.

Basanti hangs on an interesting gimmick: an English filmmaker persuades a group of Delhi University students to act in her documentary. As they reenact the Indian independence struggle, they evolve from cynical partiers into hardcore patriots. But after real life (or intermission) intrudes, the plot goes medieval on your ass.

Aamir Khan leans on the same regional rube routine he’s used since Rangeela, only he’s Punjabi Sikh, not Marathi. The real stars are Saif Ali’s über-cute sister Soha Ali Khan, the handsome Kunal Kapoor (no relation to Shashi Kapoor’s son) and A.R. Rahman’s romantic ditty ‘Tu Bin Bataye.’

The movie begins a wastrel yuuuth flick like Dil Chahta Hai and Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak. There’s lots of cheesy ’80s rock guitar, very Karate Kid. Cool, yaar, stop pressurizing me, let’s freak out. At least the cheese is set off with slick music vid cuts. Then it mashes the patriotism button hard with fighter jets streaming the colors of the tiranga. It’s Top Guna for those still in the crib when Goose was in the sod.

The movie smothers its best idea in Bollywood-style subtlety, which is to say none. Like in Africa, corrupt politicians have replaced European colonists as the Man who’s Keepin’ You Down. It’s a neat transposition, but for the mentally slow, the director dissolves the Butcher of Jallianwalla Bagh directly into a corrupt government minister. It’s like admiring someone from afar until they leer at you and grab their crotch.

On the other hand, the blonde isn’t fetishized here, nor is she the babe; that falls to Soha Ali Khan. Alice Patten delivers her lines in the best phonetic Hindi I’ve heard from a Brit actor yet. And it’s always fun watching photogenic desi jocks — those are not the types let into the U.S. on brains. It’s a reasonably original script, not a lift of Oldboy, The Game or Fight Club (thanks, GC). It’s a current issues film, which in the U.S. is considered death at the box office. And it touched me, I let the manipulation in.

This is one of the three-to-four Bollywood movies a year truly worth seeing. I dislike the showy, force-fed patriotism, and the motorcycle/electric guitar factor is tacky and lame, but the issues it tackles are extremely topical: India’s rising self-confidence, the end of the brain drain and a newfound determination to throw the bums out.

WARNING: Plot summary and spoilers below.

I wanted to tell you about an cool V-day haiku contest that my friends over at Breakupgirl.net have put together (yes, there are prizes). Being me, I’m naturally informing you about it on IST, right up against the deadline. Submit your best valentines day efforts here, according to these rules:

The 411 on 5-7-5

With this contest, we honor the noble Japanese poetic form — the demure yet powerful haiku — as the only literary vehicle with the suppleness to master the depths and breadths of woo and rue that blossom at this black/magic time of year. Turn your insights and/or outrage into subtle poly-syllabic philosophies that follow this timeless equation: 5 + 7 + 5 = 17. To demonstrate:

First, five syllables.
Then, seven in the middle.
See? That’s seventeen!

Entries will be accepted until Saturday, February 11 at 12 midnight, and the winning haikus will be unfurled on February 14 for all to see. [Link]

Submit your entries to the contest and leave your submissions in the comments as well. I’m playing around with a few desi-themed ideas:

Her dal was tasty
Hungrily, I married her
It was all takeout

Spicy! Exotic!
Was this a personals ad,
or a Times story?

Not great, but I just came up with them now. You might find greater inspiration by looking at some of the past winners:

Bombay Dreams the musical is going on a seven-month North American tour, including Toronto, and dholbanger Dave Sharma is going with it. First stop: Costa Mesa, California, on Feb. 21.

Sachin Bhatt plays Akaash

The final cast was announced this week:

Sachin Bhatt will star as Akaash with Sandra Allen as Rani and Reshma Shetty as Priya in the upcoming tour.. The cast will also feature Deep Katdare as Vikram, Aneesh Sheth as Sweetie, Suresh John as Madan and Christine Toy Johnson as Kitty DeSousa.

The Bombay Dreams ensemble comprises Enrique Acevedo, Tia Altinay, Nita Baxani, Shane Bland, Wendy Calio, Sujana Chand, Tiffany Michelle Cooper, Aaron Coulson, Diane Angela Fong, Monica Kapoor, Namita Kapoor, Stephanie Crain Klemons, Jeremy Leiner, Garrick Macatangay, Kenneth Maharaj, Anil Margsahayam, Skie Ocasio, Desmond Osborne, Christopher Quiban, Kristian Richards, Rommy Sandhu and Marie Kelly. [Link]

Sachin Bhatt… of St. Louis, MO received his B.S. in Vocal Performance with an outside field in Theatre from Indiana University… Sachin will be playing the role of Chino in the upcoming Asian/European Tour of West Side Story… [Link]

Fortunately, the star attraction will be there with them:

The fountain will be featured in the tour… the costumes are from the Broadway production. [Link]

One of Bollywood’s only Jewish actresses has died. Born Florence Ezekiel but known as Nadira, she starred in ‘Aan’, ‘Shree 420’, ‘Dil Apna Preet Parayee’ and later ‘Julie’.

From the BBC:

Veteran Bollywood actress Nadira, 75, has passed away in Mumbai (Bombay) after a prolonged illness.

Tributes have been pouring in for the former star, who is best remembered for her role in the film, Shri 420.

She had a golden career:

She had won several awards in a career spanning 50 years.

She will be best known for her portrayal of a Westernised woman and her arched eyebrows. Many critics considered her to be far ahead of her times.

A few shame-spiral-filled weeks pass and the prodigal blogger returns. My apologies for not giving you a space and reason to play— an especially regrettable fault, since the last nanofiction orgy inspired some of my favorite 55s ever, as you wrote miniature matrimonials for yourself and others.

One-time SM guest-rockstar Cicatrix was two for two with her dead-on impressions of certain boys we know:

Mysterious pajamahadeen, muscular yet partial to velvet, seeks wheatish girl for soulful rocketblogging sessions. Must be fluent in Unix, C++, Perl, DHTML and more. Lissome, long-haired, and bra must match panties at all times. Jewel-toned clothing preferred. Implanted microchips a plus. Come let your airport meet my wifi, as I bathe you in rosewater…my Padma. [link]

Open-minded parents seek adventurous girl for rocket-scientist son. Must have beauty and wiles of Sita to draw son away from this blogging plogging nonsense. Must be outdoorsy since he likes to hanky panky on campsites, hiking trails, zero-G flight simulators, the moon. Must also be ready for a three-way with Paul Krugman should opportunity arise. [link]

Meanwhile, over in the Ewe Kay, Jai was making me (and countless others) swoon…as if that’s novel:

Roguish-but-charming professional North Indian guy seeks equally saucy girl with a good heart for lots of naughty, borderline-illegal fun and potential marriage. Romantic fool at heart, much more sidha than he pretends to be. Woman must be smart, sexy, kind, and look great from all angles in low-rise skinny-fit jeans. No gold-diggers, social-climbers, or neurotics. [link]

Finally, Desi Dude in Austin got a wee bit of snark in at the end of his 55; I sincerely hope he ends up with someone like me, just to make things interesting. ;)

Well educated Indian Boy, likes to read and cook, needs a bad Indian Girl with a taste for bad movies and good wine. Must be willing to put up with disorder and the occasional wild partying. Also, must be able to act coy before in-laws and ridiculously large extended family. Must like MIA only in moderation. [link]

This week? Since I’m an established quirkyalone, I propose a black take on cupid, a scathing flash of fiction about the needless fetishization of couple hood, a snide dissection of the pink holiday which rapidly approaches. Of course you are welcome to write about anything your precious, candy-filled dil desires; kindly leave it or a link to it in the comments below. We’ll heart the results, promise.

From DNSI, three stories about both significant violence and institutional discrimination that we wouldn’t face if we were in the “mainstream.” For those of you who’ve asked if I still feel threatened as a brown Sikh living in America, the answer is, yes I do. Stories like this are why.

First, an 80 year old Sikh man was assaulted in California and fractured his pelvis:

The attack took place … on January 21 when Harbans Singh, a turbaned Sikh, was riding a bike from Guru Nanak Sikh Temple … to his home… According to Singh, four or five occupants of a maroon-colored Chevrolet Tahoe sports utility vehicle hurled rocks and racial epithets at him from the back. Fortunately, the rocks did not hit him, so he ignored it… The men were described as Hispanic or white between 25 to 30 years old, she said…

The vehicle overtook Singh’s bicycle and stopped at a corner, where one man got out and pushed Singh off his bicycle. A bystander called an ambulance, assuming this was an accident when she saw him lying on the road. [Link]

The attack is a major surprise given the size and deep roots of the Sikh community in the Yuba-Marysville area:

A hate crime against an 80-year-old Sikh in Yuba City in California has taken the community there surprise and shock, given that it is the first time such an incident has happened there, where 10 percent of the residents are Sikhs with a history of almost a century behind them in the city. [Link]

Now I know that people can be cruel and enjoy the suffering of others, but it makes my blood boil to think of people making sport out of causing harm to an 80 year old man!

Furthermore, the attackers were dangerously foolhardy. Yuba City is the closest you can come to rural Punjab in the USA. Although only 10% of the population, Sikhs have been there for a long time, and own a lot of the land. They are not afraid of asserting themselves. I hope the perpetrators turn themselves in or are caught by the police before somebody local catches up with them and meets out rough justice, village style.

So it was only when I moved to the US (from France) at age 18 that everyone started calling me Sidd, following that American mania of shortening all names to one syllable. I accepted it without thinking, and eventually began using it to introduce myself. At least it spared me the Hermann Hesse questions. But I never felt like a Sidd.

It took me years to accept that the nickname was really bothering me; years more to realize I could do something about it. One day five years ago I sent an email to all my friends asking them to call me any nickname they liked, just not Sidd. It was a profoundly liberating moment. So much so that when I’m called Sidd now, which happens from time to time, it barely bothers me anymore.

But now comes this, and I’m starting to have ugly flashbacks:

SIDD, a new musical based on the novel “Siddhartha” by Hermann Hesse, will begin performances at Dodger Stages 5 (340 West 50th Street) on Thursday, February 23 @ 8:00 PM. With music & lyrics by Doug Silver and direction, book & additional lyrics by Andrew Frank, SIDD will have its official opening on Wednesday, March 22 @ 8:00 PM.

Oh boy. Here we go:

SIDD chronicles the extraordinary journey of a man’s life from his youthful wanderings in his home village, through his many years living amidst the glamour jazz and corruption of the city, his encounter with Buddha and ultimately, his enlightenment that follows. SIDD features a diverse cast of seven accompanied onstage by piano, cello and percussion trio. The musical’s eclectic score draws on various influences from Richard Rodgers to reggae.

I’m going to let you in on a terrible vice of mine. It’s a habit that just may turn me into a pauper: photo surfing. Give me pretty women, aerial photography or Friendster, and I can blow hours just clicking through.

If you too are gluttinous in your vision, stay away from the photos of mutineer Preston Merchant. A documentary photog, Merchant apparently goes to every desi event and destination you’ve ever wanted to see:

• Artwallah
• Kiran Desai reading
• Vikram Seth reading
• SAJA convention
• Trinidad
• Guyana
• Miss India Georgia
• Desilicious party
• Azim Premji ringing the NYSE closing bell

Some of the photos that caught my eye:

• Hanuman statue in Trinidad
• Kite flying in Guyana
• Vanita Gupta
• Shaheen Sheik
• Comedian Vidur Kapoor hanging out with Rekha

Look, buddy, I’ve got Desai photos too… from, uh, outside the Rubin Museum (it was sold out ).

Amidst the Danish toon non-troversy, the Muslim Council lost a vote in the UK parliament this week on a bill banning insults to religion (via Asians in Media).

Supporters of the bill wanted to ban anti-Muslim ads by right-wing political parties. They also argued Hindus and Muslims deserved the same protection against incitement to violence already granted to Sikhs, Jews and Christians under racial hatred and blasphemy laws.

Opponents, such as comedian Rowan Atkinson, said the bill was a sop to Muslim voters, was overbroad and would also ban religious satire like Monty Python’s The Life of Brian. The bill passed in a weakened form with only the hatred and incitement to violence planks intact. Incidentally, Mr. Bean is married to a desi woman.

Salman Rushdie… “There are moments when one is profoundly grateful for, and proud of, British Parliamentary democracy. This is one of them…”

Hanif Kureishi… “This is an amazing result and a great achievement for writers and intellectuals when they unite…”

Hari Kunzru… “I was very happy to wake up to this news. The Government’s loss is Britain’s gain… This defeat should be another signal to the Government that in its disregard for civil liberties, it’s losing touch with the mainstream of British opinion…”

[PEN…] “… It will now be criminal to publish posters showing women of many colours in hijabs with the slogan ‘Muslims go home…’ ” [Link]

That blasphemy laws still exist on Britain’s books, pushed by the government church and enforceable by the state, makes me doubly glad of the upcoming 230th anniversary of American independence.

I was just reading about a painter whose work was called blasphemous and whose house was attacked by a mob of 90 militants as a result. They also attacked an art gallery that was showing his paintings and destroyed 28 of his canvasses. Two other painters whose work was displayed with his at a different gallery were also attacked. He has been the subject of repeated police investigations in the past, and was just booked by the police yesterday for offending religious sentiment.

It might surprise you to know that this is not a story of Islamic intolerance. Instead, this is a story about Hindu religious sensibilities offended by the work of one of India’s most famous painters, Muqbool Fida Husain, a man whose paintings were recently auctioned by Christie’s for $2 million a canvas.

Hindu groups objected to Husain’s pictures of Saraswati, Durga and Draupadi naked in 1996, when militants rioted, and are currently objecting to a painting of “mother India” naked:

Acknowledged as one of the living legends of Indian art, Maqbool Fida Hussain created a public furore by painting Hindu goddesses in the nude in 1996…. Hussain later apologised and said he had not meant to hurt the sentiments of any religious group. He even expressed his willingness to go before a committee of three persons - an art critic, a lawyer and a representative of the Vishwa Hindu Parishad - that could scrutinise his entire collection. Hussain said he would immediately destroy anything that the committee found objectionable. That suggestion was brushed aside as members of members of hard-line Hindu organisations ransacked the painter’s house in Mumbai and also manhandled artists outside a gallery in Delhi that had Hussain’s works on display. [Link]

… the Shiv Sena … endorsed the Bajrang Dal’s attack on Husain’s home… Bal Thackeray said: “If Husain can step into Hindustan, what is wrong if we enter his house?”… [Link]

IN the October 11, 1996 incident, a group of Bajrang Dal activists forced their way into the Herwitz Gallery in Ahmedabad’s Husain-Doshi gufa, the well-known art complex. Armed with tridents and wearing saffron scarves, they intimidated a lone guard and destroyed about 23 tapestry items and 28 paintings which were on display there. The work destroyed included Husain’s series on Hanuman, a depiction of the Last Supper and the famous Madhuri Dixit series. [Link]

WARNING: Thumbnail versions of the offending images below the fold, click to see larger versions

In case you missed cliche-ridden, inaccurate and hackneyed writing, my little sister hooks you up with some more— a LOT more (thanks, Veena).

Apparently, a goth belly dancing teacher who also loves participating in renn-faires has conceived, choreographed and executed a Bolly-flavored show in the state represented by the greatest Senator in the U.S. That’s cool— mad love to any gori who loves the brown enough to be down (shout out to our Andrea, who sings in Hindi so beautifully) but the…erm…journalist who wrote this article? I sentence him to a meeting between his ear and my super-vindictive fingers.

From the Phoenix New Times:

Once upon a time (okay, about a month ago), there was a woman named Samantha Riggs who so loved Hindi films (otherwise known as Bollywood, India’s global cinematic export) that she staged a tribute, Bollywood Love Rules…

The lead character of Riggs’ production, Varsha, floated across the stage cradling an oil lamp, which signified her love, and she and her chorus danced in complex formations to a deep, resonant beat, wiggling their hips and snapping their wrists with the attitude of the best Bollywood dancers in all the world.

Ready for the most egregious paragraph? I’m not. And I’ve already read it. Twice. *Deep breath*

Now, one might think Samantha Riggs and her ensemble cast must be of Indian heritage. But, in reality, their pale faces reveal they’re just a bunch of American girls, more like goth chicks than the daughters of goat herders from Delhi. Bollywood Love Rules would likely be a smash hit back in India. As it is, onstage at the Scottsdale Center for the Arts on a night in early January, the hundreds in the audience — some Indians, some not — don’t seem to care that they’re not in the land of the Punjabi.

Kindly excuse the vein popping out of my forehead and we may commence. FIRST of all, I’m an American girl too, asshole. I think what you meant was, “the performers are not desi”. SECOND, I know dozens of people from Delhi, some of whom I am closely related to— and none of them, family or not, herd goats. Finally (not really, but for the purposes of this paragraph, sure why not) those Arizonans don’t seem to care that they’re not in the land of the PunjabiS, BengaliS, KashmiriS, GujuratiS, MalayaleeS. Tell me, my trite friend, where is the Land of the Punjabi? Is it in the same nation as the Land of the Malayalam?

As mentioned before, this past weekend I was invited to speak at the South Asian Alliance Network conference at the University of Michigan. The conference organizers, in what MUST have been a drug-induced haze, asked me to give the kickoff address for the day. The speaker’s packet that I was sent contained a brief note about what the kickoff speech should include. Here is an excerpt:

Attendees of my workshop (a.k.a victims)

This is a brief overview of what we would like you to discuss in your kickoff address. Please use your own expertise and background when creating this speech. The goal of this speech is to excite the participants for the upcoming day; the points that follow are simply ideas that are intended to guide your thought process.

• An anecdote to energize/excite participants for the day ahead

• Inspirational quote/saying

Whoa! As you can imagine I was nervous as all hell. I haven’t had to inspire or excite people since…well, ever I guess. The speech went alright however, and I did not trip getting on OR off the stage. I was then going to Live Blog the conference for the consumption of SM readers, but it was so damn engrossing that I kept my laptop in its case, and decided to selfishly attend the workshops instead. My workshop was titled “Get up, get out, and get moving”:

Authors, comedians, lyricists, poets, painters, and sculptors - the list goes on - are all part of the process to develop society. This workshop explores how these individuals find the inspiration to carry out such enormous tasks and whether these professions well-suited to activism. Learn from the very real stories of these accomplished individuals who have a dynamic role in society.

Obviously I fell into “the list goes on” category . It was a good workshop. I miss being an undergrad. These attendees were all smart as hell and a lot more engaged than I remember being. I think I have come to see the University of Michigan as a Utopian bubble where anything is possible, especially if you are a member of the South Asian community. I am going to make a bold (albeit biased) prediction that 20 years from now there will be many South Asian alumni from Michigan that are running this country. To give you an idea of how special this conference was, there was EVEN Ohio State representation.

There have been new developments in the Operation Meth Merchant case that we have been following (see related posts at bottom) here at SM:

The infamous Operation Meth Merchant case in Georgia took an unexpected turn with as many as 23 of the accused pleading guilty and two more cases being dropped. Seven of them have already been sentenced to jail time.

“Different people pleaded guilty for different reasons,” said Deepali Gokhale, organizer of the Racial Justice Campaign against Operation Meth Merchant, an apex body of several organizations.

“Those living undocumented pleaded guilty, because in any case they would be deported,” Manny Arora, an attorney, said. Two of his clients pleaded guilty. Some pleaded guilty because the evidence against them was very strong and there was no chance for them in a trial which could have brought stiffer sentences.

One person with a green card was also among those pleaded guilty, Gokhale said. He could be deported because pleading guilty to felony charges is sufficient cause… Since all three were undocumented, the immigration authorities, specially invited by the prosecutor, were waiting to take them immediately to an immigration detention center. Pravin Patel’s wife and four-month old baby were taken to Chicago by her brother.

Though these men said they would leave on their own, the immigration officials did not agree. “INS interfered and used the mandatory detention provision to take them into custody. They may be in custody for up to eight weeks before being formally deported,” Arora said. [Link]

This is quite a convenient situation for the Feds. They don’t need to prove that the actual Meth case was legitimate, and not racially motivated. They can simply coerce a guilty plea. If you are one of the accused and are going to be deported anyways, then pleading guilty will at least move your case through the system more quickly. Even then, you will face jail time before the deportation paper work goes through. Illegal immigration laws should not be enforced in this manner which singles out a particular minority.

It’s easy to condemn the vandalism, the hatred and the violence. I am sure everyone here joins in this condemnation.

But there’s still the uncomfortable fact that many European opinion-makers are reveling in provocation – not only reprinting the cartoons but piling on new offense.

In France the right-wing tab France-Soir already ran the pics. Now Charlie-Hebdo [no website], a leftist satirical weekly with roots in the May 1968 student rebellion, runs the Danish portfolio and its own, new, cover illustration that you can see here. Titled “Mohammed overtaken by fundamentalists,” it shows the usual dark-and-swarthy Prophet with his head in his hands, exclaiming (using the rude word cons): “It’s hard being worshipped by idiots!”

Meanwhile the editor of Jyllands-Posten has decided that not content with offending Muslims, he also wants to offend Jews; and announces, in a particularly tasteful comparison, that accusing him of provocation is like accusing a woman of causing her own rape:

The latest New Yorker is running a scary story on just how close India and Pakistan got to war in 2002 after the Dec. 13, 2001 attack on the Indian Parliament. ‘The Stand-Off’ is written by Steve Coll, author of Ghost Wars: The Secret History of the CIA, Afghanistan and Bin Laden. It’s not online yet, but here’s a related interview. Some of the eyebrow-raising details:

• Pakistani nuclear scientists have admitted to meeting with bin Laden; it’s not clear if it was during bin Laden’s U.S.-backed Afghan war phase or afterwards
• The Parliament attackers had a car bomb big enough to kill most of the Indian Parliament. The MPs escaped only by chance, because the Vice Presidential motorcade happened to be blocking the Parliament entrance and the car bomb couldn’t get inside.
• The U.S. pressured India to back off from retaliating so that Pakistan could supply troops to police the Afghanistan border
• The U.S. turned down basing rights offered by India during the Afghanistan bombing so as not to offend Pakistan
• Both countries feel betrayed by the U.S. after the 2002 border standoff: India because Musharraf has reduced but not stopped jihadi groups, and Pakistan because of warming U.S.-India ties
• Disappointed by the political restraint in 2002, the Indian military has adopted a ‘cold start’ doctrine, a rapid reaction plan that kicks in before the U.S. and Britain start applying pressure; this increases the risk of war
• American diplomats think India has an imprecise understanding of what would trigger nuclear escalation; it’s in Pakistan’s interest to convey the impression that that threshold is low
• American analysts think that, like most countries, Pakistan would actually use its nukes if it felt its national survival were threatened
• Under the U.S. interpretation of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, it’s illegal to give nuke safety tech like PALs (coded controllers) to India and Pakistan, even though they reduce the chance of accidental launch
• The Pakistani military says it follows standard procedures to secure its nukes in central locations; they’re most vulnerable to being hijacked once deployed in the field
• American analysts estimate both countries have around 100 nukes, and Israel twice that

A surging Indian business sector is shattering longstanding industry norms. In pharma, two Indian companies are in the bidding for a large German pharmaceutical (thanks, Sindhya):

The country’s largest pharmaceutical company, Ranbaxy Laboratories Ltd, is believed to have put in a bid of €500 million (approximately Rs 2,800 crore) for Germany’s fourth largest generic company, Betapharm… This is €50 million more than the bid of €450 million made by Dr Reddy’s Laboratories…

Industry analysts said it was for the first time that two Indian companies had emerged front-runners for a high-value overseas pharmaceutical company. If the deal materialises, it would be the largest ever overseas acquisition by an Indian company in the pharmaceutical space. [Link]

In Bombay, a matrimonial site is rumored to have been funded by one of Silicon Valley’s toniest VCs, Kleiner Perkins (via Om):

InfoEdge, which owns which owns some of India’s hottest Internet properties including the largest job portal Naukri.com… and matrimonial site Jeevan Sathi has got funding from KPCB and Ram Shriram of Sherpalo Ventures. InfoEdge did $10 million last year with profits of $1.8M. [Link]

Another young Indo-Canadian bride was allegedly killed two weeks ago by her in-laws in Punjab:

Rani Sandhu

… [Rani] Sandhu, 22, died Jan. 24 while visiting her husband’s relatives [in Arayanwala, a village in Punjab]… Sandhu’s family was also told she died of a heart attack after throwing up following a bad reaction to an apple. Hours prior to her death, Sandhu called her mother and sister in Winnipeg to say she was throwing up but her husband’s family wouldn’t let her drink any water. Each time the phone call was terminated by her husband. [Link]

Brar and her family believe Rani was killed for the gold jewelry she took on her visit to introduce her daughter to her grandparents. The family believes Rani was beaten to death and cremated quickly to cover up the murder… “I was shocked to see the number of bruises on her neck and shoulders,” Bindar Brar told the Sun. “There was a large bump on her forehead and a big cut on her lip, just like she’d been beaten… The Sandhus are well-connected politically, so the police are not investigating.” [Link]

V.S. Naipaul parodied these repulsive attitudes nearly 50 years ago. Has anything changed?

Leela continued to cry and Ganesh loosened his leather belt and beat her… It was their first beating, a formal affair done without anger on Ganesh’s part or resentment on Leela’s; and although it formed no part of the marriage ceremony itself, it meant much to both of them… Ganesh had become a man; Leela a wife as privileged as any other big woman. Now she too would have tales to tell of her husband’s beatings; and when she went home she would be able to look sad and sullen as every woman should.

The moment was precious… There could be no doubt about it now: they were adults. [Link]

— V.S. Naipaul, The Mystic Masseur, 1957

Earlier, people were saying that desis were just not tough enough to play in the NFL. You want tough? This guy makes pro-football players with all their padding and helmets (and cups) look like toddlers having a pillow-fight in a moonbounce.

Handshake of iron, groin of steel

A two-time Guinness record holder is hoping to enter the record book for the third time by completing 114 fingertip push-ups in 60 seconds… His previous records are for breaking three concrete slabs on his groin and the most back-hand push-ups in an hour…. He already holds several national and international records for completing 133 palm push-ups in a minute, 819 back-hand push-ups in one hour and 1,448 stomach crunches in one hour. [Link]

With all these records, which one is his favorite? He’s a guy, the answer should be pretty clear:

… he is most proud of his Guinness record for breaking three concrete slabs on his groin. He said: “I was sent a letter by the Guinness authorities saying that this was my best record but they will not allow or encourage more people to attempt this one because it is potentially dangerous…” [Link]

Honestly? It’s not even clear to me what this record means. Presumably it means holding a concrete slab on his groin while somebody else breaks it with a sledgehammer (I’ve seen this in martial arts demonstrations). I can’t imagine it means anything else, but the image it creates generates all sorts of interesting nicknames for this guy …

His training routine for the fingertip pushup record was both intense and ascetic, involving an almost anorexic diet (presumably to lower his weight): He is most proud of his Guinness record for breaking three concrete slabs on his groin

“I did at least 4,000 fingertip push-ups for about six hours every day [since July]. “I would do a part of the routine in the morning and then a few hours in the evening,” he said. Mr Nayak also monitored his diet and survived on white pulses, one vegetarian meal and at least 15 litres of water a day during the training period. [Link]