After several months of waiting, the “Next Food Network Star” has been announced, and it is none other than fellow desi Aarti Sequiera! Lakshmi did a brief write up on Aarti as the competition to select the Food Network’s next celebrity chef began, and now we can see the results come full circle. Aarti’s show, currently titled “Aarti Party,” will be the first cooking show on national American television to focus on Indian food, and be hosted by an Indian American.

I consider myself to be an amateur foodie, and between tasting new cuisines, learning how not to starve to cook, and avidly reading others’ food blogs, I always make time to enjoy the veritable smorgasbord of culinary shows. If there are any other foodie mutineers out there, you will know that the Food Network is often mocked for its commercial drive, and celebrity chefs who are more celebrity than chef. I usually don’t watch the Food Network unless I feel like listening to Paula Deen’s comforting southern drawl, but in between seasons of “Top Chef,” “The Next Food Network Star” keeps me satiated.

I have been watching “The Next Food Network Star” since its start, and the Food Network for even longer, but it wasn’t until the third season of TNFS that I noticed something about the Food Network…its lack of diversity in both food culture and the ethnicity of its hosts. One of the contestants on that season, Joshua “Jag” Garcia, was disqualified from the competition after it had been revealed that he lied about some of his culinary experience. In his exit interview, he mentioned how the Food Network has no Latino chefs or shows featuring Hispanic cuisine, and he had hoped he could be the first to bring his culture to the channel. Shortly after, Food Network produced “Simply Delicioso.” Around the same time, the first African-American hosted cooking show premiered, “Down Home with the Neely’s.”

I’m not one to really open the FW-ed e-mails, but I got this in my inbox this week and couldn’t wait for the next #MusicMonday to share. I realize as far as memes go, this may be a little outdated, but funny desi-fied music video covers are timeless (h/t Zaida).

Lola Kutty, the bespectacled woman in the front, is a VJ on Channel [V] and the alter ego to Anuradha Menon. Ultrabrown linked to some kitschy posters of Lola Kutty back in ‘07. I’m surprised I hadn’t heard of Lola sooner. Then again, maybe there’s a little part of Lola Kutty that exists within all of us and I’ve always known her.

Lola Kutty is a bespectacled Keralite lady who speaks English with a heavy Malayali accent. Unlike other VJs, she has curly oily hair sporting a gajra and wears silk saris. Unlike Jassi of Jassi Jaissi Koi Nahin, Lola has no plans for a makeover[3]. She is a huge fan of Abhishek Bachchan[9]. Her assistant is Shiny Alex, who wears fluorescent shirts, matching slippers, and mundu folded up. [wiki]

And of course, Boney M needs no introduction. Right? Riiiight?

Remember how years ago we were all crushing on Janina Gavankar’s alter web search engine persona, Ms. Dewey? Well she’s back, and this time she’s bringing it with full force, singing AND acting.

No word on if Janina’s working on an album, but it sounds like this Kanye cover was just a one off project. But I did learn that she was part of girl group Endera, which was signed on to the Cash Money Universal label. Which means, technically, she was the first Desi signed to the label, not Jay Sean. A singer and an actress, you may also recognize Janina from the L-Word where she played “Papi.” Her face will be all over your prime time television soon too - Janina is now playing police officer Leigh Turner on the new series vampire/werewolf/bump-in-night suburban drama The Gates which started last week.

I play Leigh Turner [on The Gates]. She’s a cop who is very good at her job but she has a pretty dark secret that she keeps to herself. The secret is rad, I couldn’t have guessed it in a million years…

I think there is a small crop of us who are working just because we are good, not because we are good Indians. I am building a career on being as good as I possibly can be. I don’t want people to say, “She is a great Indian actress.” Like, you don’t say, “She is a great white actress,” or “She is a great black actress.” No one is saying that shit. There are a bunch of us who believe in this. Just be dope. I am just excited for the next generation where color doesn’t matter and they will be allowed to just be artists. The arts in general are just a huge part of the culture. [complex]

What do you think? Has Janina locked you down?

Attention, foodies! There’s a contestant who specializes in Indian food on the current season of The Next Food Network Star (Sundays 9p/8c.)

Aarti Sequeira is a Los Angeles-based food blogger and the host of Aarti Paarti, her own Internet cooking show. After working as a journalist for a few years, Sequeira’s life took a Julie and Julia-esque turn after her marriage:

A few years later, a freshly-married Aarti moved to Los Angeles, with no job prospects. Cooking dinner for her husband, actor Brendan McNamara (director and cameraman on Aarti Paarti, as well as fellow popcorn jig-er!) became the highlight of her day. She worked her way through both The Joy of Cooking and her mum’s carefully typed out recipes, each dish turning out just a little better than the last. She began to fantasize about each night’s dinner, usually as soon as she had finished her lunch, which she had fantasized about when she finished breakfast, which she’d fantasized about since going to bed the previous evening (seeing a pattern here?).

(Here’s an interesting fact about Sequeira’s journalism career: she was the co-producer of Sand and Sorrow, the 2007 documentary about Darfur that was produced and narrated by George Clooney.)

Watch a clip from the season premiere below. During her introductory package Sequeira said that her goal is to “simplify Indian cooking and make it easy for the average person. I cook rustic family meals with a lot of specific Indian spices: garam masala, turmeric, cardamom pods.”

It gets a bit emotional at 1:48 as Sequeira describes what winning would mean to her parents, who live in India:

I am very curious to see the kinds of recipes Sequeira will come up with over the course of the season. The first dish she made on the show was a very simple rasam. You can find the recipe she used here.

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than accepting an invitation to a dinner party only to discover over the salad course that your host’s girlfriend is a virulent racist. Just ask Sir Ben Kingsley.

Gawker.com published this blind item a few days ago:

“Ben Kingsley told a story on The View this morning about an unpleasant dinner he had at the home of a Hollywood actor: ‘There are times when I wish I could have said or done something differently. [For example] The last time I was here, there was an old Hollywood actor who invited me back to his home. He was with his aging German girlfriend. I was instantly nervous around her. During the meal, she said “Are you Jewish?” And I said, “No as a matter of fact, I’m half Indian and half English.” And she said “Oh my god, that’s even worse.” [audience gasps] So, I did not drop my knife and fork and say “F* you.” I stayed in a state of rage throughout the dinner. Why? Because everything happens for a reason. And now here I am with you and [pointing at the camera] if you’re still around, you racist old witch…[gesturing to The View panel] these girls have now heard it, and you know who you are! You know who you are!’

Nearly everyone reading this can relate to this story at least a little. I certainly know what it is like to silently sit in a state of rage after hearing a racist remark at a party, wishing I had either a) called the person out, b) immediately gone home, or c) both. I have to admit that I’m a bit jealous that Kingsley got to verbally tear this woman to shreds on national television. Who hasn’t imagined doing that?

Watch the video below for the full effect of Kingsley’s tale (complete with faux German accent.) The look on his face as he shouts “You know who you are!” is priceless.

How have mutineers handled situations like this? What would you have done differently if given a do-over? And any guesses as to who hosted this ill-fated dinner party? (Most of the Gawker commenters think it’s this Hollywood legend, which, if true, would make me more than a little sad.)

Hey Karmacy, I think some girl in India pulled a Kaavya Viswanathan on your lyrics (h/t Deepa).

Evidence 1 (skip to 4:35 to see her “rap”):

The original Karmacy video of Blood Brothers:

If I knew Final Cut Pro, I would have edited the videos next to each others, but I think you get the idea. Okay, fine. I do realize that these American/Indian/Wherever Idols are an elaborate form of karaoke and no one ever sings original material. But, is it just me, or does she claim the lyrics as her own? (And who is this Patel rap referred to by the judges?)

She auditioned with the same Karmacy song. Audition video below the jump.

I know that you, like me, may be sad today: Lost is over, and that means no more Sayid—no more curly-haired desi smartypants!

But I’m here to tell you it’s going to be okay: here at SM we have discovered his doppelganger.

This is Vivek.

You might recognize him: he’s been an SM comment thread regular, and he’s one of the co-founders of Pass The Roti on the Left-Hand Side. (The all-growed-up version of him does bear a resemblance to Naveen Andrews.)

He is funny and smart and incisive and an excellent writer, and even better than all those things, he is generous and kind! The blogosphere needs more of all of these things! So we thought we’d invite him into the bunker for awhile.

Vivek was born in Madras, grew up in Tucson, and resides in New York. He makes a living as an “IT dork” (his words) and also cooks a mean mutton biryani. Like me, he plays the saxophone. Bunker jam session shortly.

Welcome, Vivek. It’s gonna be fun sharing Interwebs with you.

I admit it. I watch two of the Real Housewives series [to be clear, I mean NY and NJ— no ATL for me, that’s alll mutineer Vinod ;)]. When it comes to mindless entertainment with which to while away time on a cardio machine, this reliable train-wreck is mesmerizing to behold.

Earlier this month, when Bravo introduced their newest programming, it looked as if my adopted hometown would not be the next player in the RH cesspool. After all, Bravo proudly announced that Beverly Hills would be the next frontier for fame-whoring, with nary a peep about boring, old DC. And yet…

Today, the Daily Beast has confirmed from two sources that the so-called White House gatecrashers, whose prank ultimately cost presidential Social Secretary Desiree Rogers her job, are poised to take center stage once again as the most visible members of the upcoming Bravo series “The Real Housewives of D.C.” After one of the most visible reality series auditions in history—yes, Bravo cameras were on hand as the Salahis arrived for that ill-fated White House event—the couple has now been fully embraced as the focal point of the series, expected to premiere in July.

A source close to the series tells the Daily Beast that Bravo executives were more than relieved to learn the Salahis wouldn’t be prosecuted. In-house viewing of the audition footage and sample programs made it obvious that it would have been next to impossible to edit out the commanding presence of the statuesque platinum blonde, Michaele. [db]

Oh, good! They won’t be punished for their dangerous antics. Whew, that’s such a relief. I mean, let’s focus on what matters— good television!

According to Gawker, footage of Tareq and Michaele crashing the State Dinner which was held in honor of Indian PM Manmohan Singh will be shown during the DC season finale. Bravo’s slogan is “Watch What Happens”, and I probably I will. Am I rewarding bad behavior? Yes, but if I had the self-restraint required not to gawk…I wouldn’t read Gawker. Or enjoy Bravo.

It’s not that it’s a bad thing that there are South Asians on prime time television. It’s just that it seems that they are always playing the sidekick character. Fine, maybe not “sidekick” as much as “part of ensemble cast but definitely not lead actor” role. NBC Thursday night is a perfect example. You have Danny Pudi playing Abed on Community, Aziz Ansari as Tom on Parks and Recreation, Mindy Kaling as Kelly on The Office, and Maulik Pancholy as Jonathan on 30 Rock.

Not since Margaret Cho’s 1994 TV-series All-American Girl has there been an ensemble cast entirely of Asian Americans on prime time television. The show infamously imploded as cast and execs clashed and Cho has not been quiet about it. That was sixteen years ago.

Since then, we have seen the rise of Desi ensemble casting but…in other countries. You have the Kumars at No. 42 from the BBC network; Brazil’s Indian themed soap opera Caminho das India; and yes, I’m even counting Canada’s CBC sitcom Little Mosque on the Prairie. Well, it looks like network U.S. network execs are finally jumping on the bandwagon.

They are the two comeback stories of this pilot season, projects developed years ago that have been resurrected and have landed orders at the broadcast networks…The two comedies — “Nirvana” at Fox and “Outsourced” at NBC — have something else in common: They both are ensemble shows about Indians and Indian Americans.

A third project, a U.S. version of popular British comedy “The Kumars at No. 42,” about an immigrant Indian family, also is poised for revival. Eight years after NBC took a stab at the format, the show’s British producers are shopping it to U.S. networks, including FX. [thr]

If you’re televisually predisposed to legal-drama addiction (I think it runs in my family), you may have heard of The Good Wife, which at first glance looks like a Law & Order-style star vehicle for Julianna Margulies, who recently won a Best Actress Golden Globe for her role on it. The series debuted last fall and SM blogged that Archie Panjabi would be on it. Her role is a supporting character, but I think Panjabi’s Kalinda Sharma, the tough, mysterious legal investigator, is a bit of a scene-stealer. Fans and critics can’t get enough of Kalinda.

“I’d also like to see Kalinda’s character developed a little bit more. Right now she just pops up a few times an episode, wearing kickass boots and generally being feisty. She drinks martinis, she flips the bird, she shows off her cleavage to get the job done. Archie Panjabi is a great actress (also, gorgeous) and I am glad she’s not an Asian stereotype — but I want to see more of her.” (LA Times)

Kalinda’s sexy trademark outfits with high-heeled boots and leather jackets definitely help her stand out. Most of the other cast members are conservatively suited up to blend in at a tony Chicago law firm. In a behind the scenes clip, the show’s costume designer mentions that everyone’s “mad” for Kalinda’s blogworthy boots.

For Halloween this year, I had an Indian friend dress up like an Indian (feather, not dot). She thought it would be ironic (in a way that I’m sure this man would not have gotten). No painting of skin tone was involved. I was thinking about her as I watched this.

The blogs are a buzz with the latest from America’s Next Top Model, Season 13. The short girl season (all the girls are under 5’7), Tyra Banks takes them to Hawaii where she photographs them in a sugar cane field. The twist? She takes the pictures of the girls as “hapas.” Hapa is a Hawaiian term for people who are of mixed race. For the shoot, Tyra gives each of the girls two races that she wants them to embody in the photo. A race other than their own. She paints them all brown and gives them props to achieve it.

The racial mixes — Laura was Mexican and Greek, Erin was Tibetan and Egyptian, Sundai was Moroccan and Russian, Jennifer was Botswanan and Polynesian. and Nicole was Malagasy and Japanese. Who were we gifted with? The model named Brittany was given “East Indian” meets Native American i.e. feather and dot Indian. Fast forward to 6.29 to see Brittany get her face painted. Her picture after the jump.

The rumors have been confirmed. Us Weekly just reported that 39-year-old Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi is indeed pregnant.

“Model, author, and Emmy-nominated Padma Lakshmi confirms that she is carrying her first child after years of struggling with endometriosis, a cause for which she has co-founded the Endometriosis Foundation of America,” the rep tells Us of Lakshmi, 39.

“As a result of her condition, this pregnancy has been referred to by her physician as nothing short of a medical miracle, and due to its delicate nature, we ask/implore the press to respect Ms. Lakshmi’s privacy at this time,” the rep continues.

Yes, but on to the real question: who’s the baby’s daddy?

The baby’s father has not been revealed. Online reports have speculated Manu Nathan is the dad, but her rep denies that, telling Us he’s Lakshmi’s cousin.

Either way, this baby is gonna be one heck of a cutie. Congrats to the momma-to-be!

Well, he was really incredibly nice…but he certainly had little patience for stupid people asking stupid questions, so the possibility that he would lose his temper lent a certain charge to the proceedings.

I’m talking about Naseeruddin Shah, of course. The yin to Big B’s yang, the iconoclast, the evergreen, the lion of Indian cinema with over 150 films to his credit. From Umrao Jaan to Monsoon Wedding to Omkara, he disappears into a role so thoroughly, I usually have to check IMDB frequently to make sure it’s really him.

It’s just so refreshing when famous people turn out to be intelligent and really engage in a conversation. All too often it’s just rote PR fluff. Many mutineers seemed to like the Vik Sahay interview for that reason, so I thought I’d bring over these two Naseerudin Shah interview clips:

“Most of the roles you get are not Polish…You don’t seem like a typical Pole,” Jimmy Kimmel joked while interviewing comic actor Danny Pudi on his late night show. The lanky Chicagoan and Polish-Indian American Pudi was sitting in a chair autographed by Rod Blagojevich.

And indeed, his role on the new TV series “Community,” is not Polish either. He plays Abed, a half-Palestinian character.

Pudi, whose mother immigrated from Poland and his father from India, acknowledged that portraying Polish characters was not his “wheelhouse.” Playing South Asian characters is.

“I played three Sanjays…Haven’t played any Polish characters yet.”

You can watch his Kimmel interview after the jump.

Do you watch “Chuck”? That TV show about the secret, CIA-protected life of a tech dork who works the Nerd Herd desk at a Best Buy like electronics store? The first season was cute, the second sort of lost me, then they got Scott Bakula to play his dad and I’m hooked again. (Quantum Leap forever!)

One of the more amusing aspects of the show is that Chuck’s real world life at the Nerd Herd desk is as drama-filled as his intelligence/espionage secret life — courtesy of a scheming nemesis, Lester, played by desi actor Vik Sahay.

It’s a small role, but Sahay really owns it, milking every line for humor and dimensionality. So when MTV Iggy interviewed him, we vaguely thought he would be this, like, funny cocky guy and we’d edit it down to the best 2-3 bits. We certainly had no idea it would turn out to be one of the most searching, intelligent, thought-provoking interviews I’ve seen in years.

We ended up cutting something like 14 segments because all of it was interesting. That’s a ridiculous number, by the way. No one’s ever gotten that much play. Six clips were aired while we try to figure out what to do with the rest.

Archie Panjabi, who you’ll remember from films like Bend It Like Beckham and A Mighty Heart, is set to appear this fall in a new CBS drama called The Good Wife. (Thanks to my SM mutineer from Philly, Neha, for the tip!) The show, a legal drama, centers around a woman (Julianna Luisa Margulies) whose husband, a high-profile politician, (played by Sex and the City’s Chris Noth), goes to jail after his involvement in a sex scandal. Margulies plays the wronged wife who decides to return to her job as an attorney after years as a stay-at-home mom. Panjabi plays the role of Kalinda, an East Indian kick-ass bisexual investigator who works alongside Margulies’s character on cases. It’ll be interesting to see how this show plays out. You can see Panjabi on Tuesdays starting with the show’s premiere on September 22 at 10 ET/PT.

Check out some scenes from the show.

[Photo Credit]

Related posts: Panjabi having a very ‘Good Year’, ‘Yasmin’ in Queens, The spy who loved me

Wherein we recap epidsode one and live blog episode two, of one of the best reality shows EVAR.

Exactly one week ago, a few of you joined me for the season premier of Top Chef: Las Vegas. Together, we good-foodies watched with breaths abated as Google’s Executive Chef, Preeti Mistry, took on a ginger who blew off MIT for cooking (he’s like the anti-brown!) and Michael Isabella, whom I know by name because I’m devoted to his restaurant, Zaytinya, even if he’s shaping up to be this season’s honorary representative from Massengill. Speaking of that currently-beloved epithet, this amusing blog thinks Preeti is one of three “Contenders for Top Douchebag”. Wow, not only are we a post-racial nation, we’re living in an era where a woman is nominated to be a “top” DB. That’s…something.

Like last week, you are invited to join in the chant by tuning in at 10pm, when you will be able to crash this live-blogging party:

Now about that Mise-en-place relay race from last week, which is ALL people can mention when I bring up Preeti…

Fans of trashy TV and those with erstwhile crushes on General Hospital’s Jagger may be interested to know that former soap opera star and underwear model Antonio Sabato, Jr., 37, is seeking love and the spotlight on My Antonio, VH1’s so-called reality TV show set in Hawaii. Two of the 13 women vying for his heart and screentime are desis — Anju and Tania. I caught the first episode of this series online and noticed that Anju was probably the most outspoken cast member.

Like an alliance between a homely, fair, slender, God-fearing maiden and a Doctor, it’s ON!

TONIGHT, at 9pm EST we’ll start the live-blogging party (like we did for the Slumdog-sweepin’ Oscars) for the newest season of Top Chef.

Like last season, there is a brown girl in the ring— San Francisco’s Preeti Mistry. She’s 33, a graduate of the Cordon Bleu, a locavore and the executive Chef at God’s own empire, I mean, teh Google. More:

In between favorites like WWII documentaries, Modern Marvels, and Gangland, the History channel occasionally dabbles in supernatural themed programming. Normally, shows like Monster Quest make me change the channel about as fast as Designing Women. This time however, History will be taking on one of the more colorful incidents of desi-themed hysteria in recent times - no, not Sanjaya but close, the New Delhi Monkey Man -

Engrained in the history and mythology of India are tales of a ferocious creature, half-man, half-ape. It has been dubbed the monkey-man and headlines across the world have told of the vicious nocturnal attacks that occurred in India's capital, New Delhi. The city's population was gripped with fear of a violent creature described by eyewitnesses as having sharp claws, fangs and dark hair. After three people died and dozens were hospitalized fleeing the creature, 3,000 police officers were tasked with capturing the animal, but came up empty handed... Wednesday, June 10 09:00 PM Thursday, June 11 01:00 AM Sunday, June 14 02:00 PM

Should be interesting... Razib pointed out the wikipedia entry for the Monkey Man including some tragic cases of mistaken identity -

A four foot tall wandering Hindu sadhu was beaten up by an angry mob who mistook him for the Monkey Man.

On May 18, a van driver was set upon and sustained multiple fractures in another case of mistaken identification as Monkey

To prevent future cases of this ilk, Delhi Police have provided this helpful sketch so you can ID the real Monkey Man should you ever run into him -

Aziz Ansari’s show, Parks and Recreation (earlier SM post), may or may not end up surviving very long (who knows?), but with appearances like the following eight minutes on Jimmy Kimmel last week, it may not matter. Ansari is clearly paving the way for a nice career in Hollywood:

In the clip above, I love the way Ansari handles the “where are you from?” question. His audience is completely in on the joke; he doesn’t ever have to break his deadpan assertion that he’s clearly a “good ol’ boy” from South Carolina. He’s not shying away from his “difference” from other comedians and actors, but he’s not making it the center of his shtick either. Notice that, despite his obviously Muslim name, he doesn’t feel a need to bring any of that stuff up, and as a result, for the most part nobody else brings it up either (except perhaps, when he’s accused of starting a “Jihad” against IMAX…).

And it seems to me that he basically connects on every little anecdote or bit he comes up with in this eight minutes. If he’s always this good, he will soon be a fixture on the late night shows.

A tipster notifies us that Miss Indiana, who appears at the Miss USA pageant that is on NBC tonight, is an Indian American woman by the name of Courtni Shabana Hall (more pictures here):

Courtni Hall, a 5’5” brown eyed brunette, is the 22-year-old daughter of Barbara Hall of Crawfordsville. A senior at Indiana State University, Courtni’s career ambition is to obtain her Masters degree in Communications and to work in the entertainment industry as a television personality. Courtni is a spokesperson for Children’s Hope International and serves as an advocate for adoption, as she was adopted from India at just five months old. Her hobbies include singing, traveling, acting and volunteering as a Spanish tutor. [Link]

Her profile at NBC’s website has a bit more concerning her adoption and a few of her interests:

* Born in Calcutta, India weighing only 2 lbs., 2 oz., she was abandoned at birth, and adopted by U.S. parents and brought to Indiana.
* Working towards getting her pilot’s license.
* Has a beaver, 56 tigers and a pet alligator. [Link]

Mad respect to anyone working toward their pilot’s licence because I appreciate the commitment that takes. However, I am a bit concerned about the 56 tigers and the pet alligator (owning a beaver is probably not as dangerous and I think is fairly common in some parts).

In case you want to “friend” Courtni or become a fan, her FB page is here.

I for one will be tuning in and keeping my fingers crossed for the gorgeous Courtni (who speaks so well), and perhaps I shall follow along in the Twittervesre.

Spoiler Alert (DVR users should avert their eyes): All of a sudden our website traffic doubled in the span of a couple of hours. What the hell is going on I wondered. House M.D. was on earlier tonight and I guess a lot of people switched over to watch since the NCAA final sucked so much. The Fox network has put up an obituary of Dr. Lawrence Kutner, played by actor Kal Penn, online:

Dr. Kutner was born in Freemont, California. Tragedy marred his early life as he lost his parents, Karamchand and Niki Baidwan, who were shot during an armed robbery. After a couple of years in foster care, Julia and Richard Kutner adopted Lawrence. He showed great promise in high school, winning a Westinghouse Science award for an experiment involving dark matter. His adoptive parents mused that he showed a freethinking, inventive streak from a young age.

Kutner received a full scholarship to the University of California at Berkeley and graduated magna cum laude with a degree in Physics. He then attended the University of Tel Aviv Medical School and completed an internship and residency in Sports and Rehabilitation Medicine through the University of Colorado. “He wanted to be a doctor since seeing ‘M.A.S.H.’ as a kid”, said his close friend and colleague Dr. Chris Taub. “I think he modeled himself a little bit after Hawkeye Pierce.”

Kutner’s girlfriend Nicole Brewster remembered that Lawrence, being adopted and of Indian ancestry, always felt like an outsider. But she said he didn’t resent it - instead, he felt the experience gained him added insight and perspective. [Link]

There is the possibility that this is all a dream and that House will wake up tomorrow to find Kutner alive (maybe in the hospital’s shower). Hey, at least he wasn’t killed by a black smoke monster. Let’s see what @kal_penn has to say about his future plans tomorrow.

UPDATE: Penn has announced his plans. Click “Read More” to learn what comes next for him

Comedian Aziz Ansari has, seemingly overnight, gone from being another Indian-American hopeful comic (in the same bracket as blog-friend Hari Kondabolu), to the next Desi TV star (potentially the same bracket as Kal Penn and Aasif Mandvi).

There is a great profile of him, which focuses on his unique style of comedy, in the Wall Street Journal today (of all places). Aziz has a starring role alongside Amy Poehler in the upcoming NBC show, Parks and Recreation. He’s also in the current “bromance” comedy, I Love You, Man, an upcoming Seth Rogen starrer called Observe and Report (another movie about a mall cop? really?), as well as in a Judd Apatow film called Funny People coming later this summer (where Aziz will apparently play a comic disposed to extreme profanity). From nearly unknown to three big comedies and a Prime Time TV show with one of Saturday Night Live’s biggest stars… Wow.

As a side note, I have also been following Aziz’s insane Twitter feed, for the past couple of weeks. At first I thought the man is simply out of his mind (he is currently on a “campaign” to save rapper Ludacris from drinking too much Mangosteen juice), but at some point I started to think that the whole thing is an elaborate in-joke. The closing paragraphs of the WSJ profile give a little perspective on what Aziz is up to:

Mr. Ansari moved to Los Angeles a year ago, and his comedy is often fueled by references to pop culture and celebrities. He has launched a Twitter feed, where he sometimes alludes to imaginary plans with famous people he doesn’t know. According to the feed, in recent days he has eaten brunch with the R&B band Boyz II Men, had sushi with “Blood Diamond” actor Djimon Hounsou and beaten World Wrestling Entertainment star John Cena in a push-up competition. None of this is true. He has made a few real celebrity friends. Last year, he got permission from rapper Kanye West to use Mr. West’s “Glow in the Dark Tour” as the tongue-in-cheek name for his own, far smaller stand-up tour. Mr. West came to one of the comedian’s shows, and the two struck up a friendship.(link)

I have my doubts about whether Twitter is just another social networking fad or something bigger, but at least from the Twitterers I follow (a rather limited number), Aziz definitely takes the art of the funny & surreal 140 character message to a whole other level.

You know, I have watched every episode of every season of Top Chef. I love food and I love to cook which keeps me tuned in. I have always thought that Padma Lakshmi was miscast as the host. Don’t get me wrong, Lakshmi is not bad to look at, but she isn’t a very noticeable host, she just lacks a stage presence. She gets overshadowed by all regular judges and even some of the shy guest judges. Perhaps that is why she agreed to have sex with a hamburger on camera. At some point in every TV personality’s life you just got to shake things up a bit so people can imagine you in a different light:

Ok folks, tonight we will try a second attempt at “Cover it Live” which Anna debuted on SM to cover the Oscars on Sunday night. I have had zero practice at this and am totally winging it so I aplogize if it doesn’t work out. If it fails then you can revert to leaving comments in the comments section as usual.

Last summer, I posted about my experiences Desi Spotting in Brazil and observed that “despite my lack of desi human spottings, there was no dearth of Indian influence—mostly of the exotic India variety—to be found in Brazil.”

I’m revisiting this topic today, thanks to Sepia reader Vijay, who shot me an email from Rio a couple of weeks ago. “Omg—have you heard of this Brazilian soap opera about an indian family?” he wrote. “A sepia investigation is in order.”

It certainly was! And, here’s what I dug up, with a little help from Vijay.

Since January 19th, Brazilian TVs (approximately 60,000 households just in Sao Paulo) evenings have been tuned to a new telenovela six nights a week. Camhino das Indias (Path of India) “examines beliefs and values that differentiate the Eastern and Western world” and follows the story of a forbidden love between a Brazilan man (whom I understand to be a yoga instructor) and an Indian woman from a conservative family. The drama was filmed with a budget with a mostly Brazilian cast on a budget of $80 million in Jaipur, Agra, Dubai, and Rio (where two Indian towns were constructed for production purposes!).

Backpacking Ninja, a desi blogger traveling through India describes it thus:

With Portuguese actors all dressed in extremely jatak (gaudy) Indian clothes (looking thoroughly North Indian), speaking Portuguese, it’s a total riot. I laughed so much watching one episode. The episode was a wedding….. the background music that was playing in the wedding as they did the saath phere (sacred walk around the fire symbolizing marriage) was Kajra re (one of the most popular songs to play in dance bars in India). It’s almost like playing Shakiras ‘Hips dont lie’ when someone is walking down the aisle in a church. In another scene, the heroine Maya (Juliana Paes) walked over to the buffet table and made eye contact with the hero Bahuan (Marcio Garcia, and trying to be Indian in all ways possible, they showed a dream sequence of them holding hands… not in person.

The opener features Sukhwinder Singh’s “Beedi” and is intended to show off the “cultural diversity that exists in the country,” according to creative director Roberto Stein. I’ll let you be the judge of that. Whatever your opinion (“this exoticizes India yet again” or “this is great for Indian tourism” or “wtf?”), I think that you’ll agree that your eyes will stay glued to it.

For those who want more (I certainly did!), beneath the fold, I’ve added clips from episode one.

I know I am going to get in trouble for this post. I mean, what kind of a**hole makes fun of a pregnant woman? This is why our headquarters is in a secret North Dakota bunker where I can be safe from shoes hurled at me:

MIA cross-bred a lady bug and a zebra and then skinned the resulting spawn alive to create her outfit. PETA is going to lose its sh*t over this. For real.

I was at a loss for words while watching this last night so I consulted a dictionary in order to find the right words:

Hot Mess: (NOUN) term used to describe somebody that has NO REASON to look the way that they are lookin at the time. [Link]

Also, I can understand why TI, Lil Wayne, and Jay-Z were up there (I guess some consider them better than Lupe Fiasco who was in the audience), but why was Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rapping on stage with them also? What am I missing? The whole thing was just a dissonant mess.

For those of you that didn’t realize it, MIA was a real soldier last night. Her baby was actually due yesterday! Got that? The baby decided to stay inside the womb longer than it was supposed to so that it would not be around the bear witness to that performance. I mean, you got to give MIA props for her dedication but you also got to give that baby boy props for barricading the door.

Move over, Papaya…now there’s someone talented. AND cute. Introducing the latest (and easily greatest) brown singing hopeful— UNC’s adorable Anoop Desai, a.k.a. Noop Dawg (I heard Randy loved that). I may actually have to start watching American Idol again. What am I saying, you will watch American Idol and feverishly send in tips or post stories about it to the news tab. I will watch YouTube, where there is aural gorgeousness like this:

I first saw that vid on VH1 blog, which goes on to say:

Simon Cowell may have been turned off by Anoop Desai’s nerdy appearance at his American Idol audition (”you look like you came from a meeting with Bill Gates“), but we have a feeling this guy’s going to be a contender for the top spot after checking out some of his work with the UNC Clef Hangers, an a capella group at the University of North Carolina, where Desai studies Southern Folklore. Watching this guy croon everything from Brian McKnight’s “The Only One For Me” (above) to T-Pain’s “Buy U A Drank,” it’s clear that this nerd is a heartthrob. They’re already shrieking for him at school, so just wait until he gets to Hollywood. Anoop Dogg is hot! Fire! [VH1]

Dear Simon, kindly STFU. A college kid shows up to audition in shorts and you automatically think, “Microsoft”? That doesn’t even make sense. You’re about as worthless as the dozens of “all-look-same”-fools who type, “omg he luks like kal pen!” under his pictures and video clips. Sure he does.

I love that Anoop was the soloist for this song, mostly because I have always loved “The Only One For Me” but hated Brian McKnight; now I can enjoy this joint without hating myself! McKnight made quite the impression on me in 1998, when he played pool with my friend at a DC club, lost, and then sportingly threw the cue stick at the man who pwned his kundi so publicly (incidentally, the friend who humiliated him was also desi).

So, yeah…Sanjaya who? Anoop’s a cutie who sounds like he could make Stupid Simon eat his words. You know, that might actually be worth watching shit-tay American Idol for…

This post really doesn’t require an introduction after THAT title, but I’ll include one anyway, to answer your question(s) (which I’m already receiving via Facebook* and Twitter), preemptively.

Q: Why didn’t you tell us this craziness was going to be on?? Now it’s too late to record it!

A: I didn’t tell you this fustercluck would be airing because I didn’t know anything about it. I have long considered LIVE With Regis and Kelly to be a rather annoying TV program which rarely features anything I’m interested in— and I love the Today Show, so I’m not exactly difficult to please. Since I never watch the show…I had no way to know.

I’m at home, at my Mom’s house, and while I was getting ready to go out, I thought I’d watch the “third hour” of Today; in DC, we get all four hours of the show, so I assumed that it might be on here, as well. When I turned on the television, I heard unfamiliar theme music and mentions of Regis…and just when I was about to turn the set off, I heard, “Anil Kapoor!” being announced. “Oh. Because of Slumdog,” I thought.

Now I had a choice to make. I could do the responsible thing and finish my breakfast so that I would not be late for my full slate of appointments in the city today…or I could frantically pause the show, twitter a rhetorical question about whether I should blog it for SM and make coffee while pondering all of the above. When I returned to my iBook, I had my answer, as delivered by the pleas of several of you to not let this opportunity go by unblogged. Well, so much for making my appointments!

“Our next guest is one of the most successful and popular actors in Indian film history and has been blowing away audiences with his role as a game show host— a role that is near and dear to me— it’s in the hot movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ which is nominated now for ten Oscars…now please welcome— Aneel Kapore!”

M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” starts playing and the man walks out. I curse the remote for not being as useful as Comcast’s (never, ever did I think I’d type the words “useful as Comcast” btw) is, back home. I miss the “30 seconds back” button something fierce. I’m already having second thoughts about this. ;)

“Kapore” strides out in a suit and light-colored tie like he’s got tickets to the gun show…and by that I mean that he’s doing the “I am victorious!”-arm-thing. He immediately growls something like, “Hey!” and proceeds to grope Regis via a bear hug which lifts Reeg off the ground.

William Dalrymple has a must read book review of Ahmed Rashid’s “Pakistan in Peril Descent into Chaos,” in the New York Review of Books that I should summarize for SM readers. Man Booker Prize winner Aravind Adiga has published a short story in The New Yorker this week titled, “The Elephant” that I should also critique. Finally, Foreign Policy magazine has an article about how India scuttled Richard Holbrooke’s potential involvement in the Kashmir conflict that I know would make for a great debate on our site. But honestly, I am just tired of trying to front like I am smart or something. Instead, I just want to blog this trashy clip from my girl Tyra Bank’s show earlier this week. It features a desi guy that now goes by the porn-king sounding name “Shawn Valentino.”

Part 1

Part 2

The first thing I am going to do is to re-do my SM business card now and put a picture of me blogging shirtless on it. I’ve “traveled the world.” I am “open minded.” I just want to “teach other people to be comfortable with themselves,” too! This guy really is a guru. He has convinced me too stop pretending to be something I am not. From here on out its business time all the time.

I can’t contain myself, I HAVE to live-blog the Golden Globes. That statement itself might be a spoiler, I know. If you’re on PST, have this isht on DVR or otherwise loathe learning something before you’re supposed to, don’t go past the jump.

[And if you are a Wesssssider, then come on. You’re used to this, so no need to complain…I’m from there, I remember the feeling, but there’s nothing to be done. Except move here. Which is what I did. ;)]

If you’re on the right coast and feel like gettin’ your Mutiny on…party over here!

I figure if Gupta takes the Surgeon General post, that has to add at least a year to Mandvi’s contract with the Daily Show …

And yes, I agree entirely with the sentiment expressed by brother Aasif at the end of the segment …

[Note: I’m back in the bunker and re-watching Top Chef via DVR; it’s easier to hear and focus, now. ;) I’ll amend the post accordingly.]

::

We’re back at Chef Spike’s Good Stuff Eatery on the Hill, watching Top Chef with the funnest bunch in D.C.

Top Chef took a break from broadcasting, so did we. However, brown girl Radhika is STILL in the ring, so the Mutiny, which takes reality shows VERY seriously, is back in our booth, diligently ignoring our “black and white” hand-spun milkshake as we feverishly type for you.

No worries, West-siders— all spoilers will come after the jump. I’m from the left coast, I got mad love for y’all like that.

::

A break from politics and world news (and my crazy workday) to share this short, sweet video that I just caught wind of via my daily VSL fix.

It’s called “Rewind City” and is a French TV ad currently airing for Orange’s DVR service in France. Watch as the unexpressed wish of a tearful backpacker comes true when the traffic and people in a Goan village conspire to reverse direction.

Filmed in village of Assonora, 15km east of the town of Mapusa (a hub for bus travel) in North Goa, it’s directed by British director Ringan Ledwidge. The main characters came from Paris, the 250 extras came from Mumbai, and the other backpacker types came from Anjuna, home to the famous Goa hippie flea market.

The ad asks the question, “What if you could rewind a memorable moment in your life?” Not a bad question to ask of oneself every now and then.

I’m back on the right coast and that means that I’m at the hottest possible spot for Top Chef watching— Chef Spike’s Good Stuff Eatery, here on the Hill, in Washington, D.C. By the way, I’m sitting right next to the bad boy himself…ah, being a blogger. It does have its privIleges. ;)

It’s the “palate” test! Spike likes.

I think we can all agree that Padma’s hair looks great. ;)

“Actually, this challenge is kind of stupid.” Can I quote that, Spike? Laughs. “Yeah.”

SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP

The last mini-series T.V. movie that had me this on edge with anticipation was probably back with Stephen King’s ABC movie The Langoliers. Until tonight.

In “Britz” (BBC America, 8 p.m.), writer and director Peter Kominsky (“The Government Inspector”) reacts more to the July 7, 2005, London Tube bombing that killed 52 — known there as 7/7 — than America’s 9/11.

But instead of re-enacting that tragedy, he concocts a fiction about a pair of second-generation Muslims in Northern England, a brother and sister who go starkly different ways in reacting to the anti-terror precautions of their time.[courant]

My dad and I were both on the edge of our seat watching this - and there are not many movies that both of us can sit through together. The first part of the movie looks at brother Sohail’s life (played by hottie Riz Ahmed). Sohail detours from his law school to join the M15, the domestic spying operations. As the token Muslim Urdu speaking spy, he quickly gets involved with investigating Muslim terrorist cells. The story takes us on the complex journey on how he is fighting for justice for Muslims through being on “the inside”.

The concluding part, which shows tonight (Dec 1st) on BBC America at 8pm follows the story of Sohail’s sister, a medical student and political activist, Nasima (played by Manjinder Virk).

Part two follows the story of Nasima … who spends much of her time campaigning against repressive government policies and witnesses at first-hand the relentless targeting of her Muslim neighbors… Nasima is not only forced to question her liberal views but left feeling so angry at, and estranged from, the country of her birth, that she embarks on an extraordinary journey that eventually takes her to a terrorist training camp in north-west Pakistan.[bbcamerica]

Besides being a thriller around hyphenated Muslim characters around the struggle for identity, I was particularly compelled with how the movie addresses the idea that ‘terrorists don’t simply exist, but are created.’

…for as long as the brown girl is in the ring. :) I’m here in DC, on the Hill, at Chef Spike’s (Season 4 badboy) Good Stuff Eatery, where he hosts a Top Chef viewing party. If you are on my home coast, are DVR-ing it or otherwise don’t want spoilers, do not go past the jump!

::

Time for the quick-fire challenge! The contestants have to recreate an iconic NY dish. Before they announce what that dish is, people here are screaming pizza, cheesecake…nope, wrong. They will need to make a HOT DOG, for Chef Donatella Arpaio.

Okay, I’m a life-long vegetarian who finds hot dogs repulsive and even I know that rice paper is probably a bad idea for a casing.

Brown girl’s strategery: Indian-inspired kebab dog w/caramelized onions and other gunk, from RAD-icka.

Poor Padma! There was a bone in her meat! Er…that didn’t come out right, even though it’s practically a quote from the offending chef.

…and zomg, there’s a brown girl among this season’s contestants! Squeee!

Yes, you read right, someone Desi is competing on one of the most addictive reality shows out there. Her name is Radhika Desai and I’m twitching with excitement, because as of last season, I love that show—despite the number of faux-hawks its contestants sport. Ms. Desai, thankfully, does not have a faux-hawk. Yet. (Stay strong, gf!)

Radhika, a 28-year old Execuitve Chef (at the Between Boutique Café & Lounge) from Chicago, loves the show as much as I do:

Known to friends as “Rad”, Desai is the first Indian-American chef to compete on the show. She’s a hardcore fan of “TC”: “I’ve seen every episode at least three times, if not more,” Desai told Chicago Magazine in October. [metromix]

Bravo makes it easy to be that dedicated. They seem to have all of four shows on at a time, so each episode of that meager roster of programs gets trotted out repeatedly. Por ejemplo, if you miss tonight’s season premier, don’t fret, because it’s on again at 11:15pm…and 1:30am…2:45am…9pm on Thursday…etc. But back to why you should DVR one of those offerings:

Radhika currently works as the Executive Chef at Between Boutique Café & Lounge in Chicago. A first generation Indian American, Radhika was born in Ohio and raised in an eclectic Indian-tradition home. Trained in classic French and Indian cuisine, she has worked alongside notable chef Vikas Khanna and has staged at the Burj Al Arab in Dubai. She has traveled the world over learning new techniques and flavor profiles and brings spice and bold flavors to the table combined with grace and restraint. Her favorite dish to prepare is spicy chicken and potato curry with cumin scented rice with clarified butter and mint. She describes her cooking style as globally eclectic with a huge spoonful of love. [BravoTV]

Born in Ohio? I’d call her second-generation, not first, but potato, urulai kizhangu. I’ve often muttered to myself about how a Desi contestant might respond to certain quick-fire challenges or TC assignments, since other chefs have drawn on their respective ethnic backgrounds to create dishes. I cannot WAIT to see if Radhika might get down with some brown. Judging from the menu at tonight’s viewing party at her restaurant, I think we’re in for an interesting season:

Hey Mutineers - Apologies again for the long absence… Biz travel hell has had me on the road pretty much continuously for the past few weeks. However, I did want to post a quick shoutout about an upcoming program you may wanna set your Tivo’s for. This week’s Discovery Channel Fight Quest will be paying a visit to Kerala -

Discovery Channel / Fight Quest Fri 9/26 10PM / Sat 9/27 2AM San Francisco “India” Jimmy and Doug travel to Kerala, India to study one of the most ancient and dangerous martial arts in the world, Kalarippayattu.

Fight Quest is a clone of an earlier program on the rival History Channel called Human Weapon and both follow a very similar formula -

You Will Now Face the Wrath of 8000 Years of Mallu-Brand Whoop Ass

A blend of cultural immersion and good old-fashioned smackdown, the series follows seasoned mixed martial arts fighter Jimmy Smith and 25-year-old rookie Doug Anderson as they travel the globe, adding fight styles from Kali to kickboxing to their repertoire.

In each episode, Jimmy and Doug will explore a new location identified with a style of fighting, such as kung fu in Dengfeng, China, and boxing in Mexico City, Mexico. There, after first immersing themselves in the sounds, smells and tastes of the local scene, the two guys will separate to train with local masters of that method — sometimes an ancient art of combat, and other times a modern form of butt-kicking. After several days of intense instruction, Jimmy and Doug will each face off against a local in a no-holds-barred test of skill.

What a great little Tivo present to welcome me back home to SF next week

…this time, it’s Shazia Kirmani, of Houston/Dallas, Texas (thanks for the tip, Sadaf). She’s an ABD whose parents are from Pakistan, and she’s one of the contestants on Bravo TV’s excruciatingly boring show, Top Design. I ain’t tryin’ to hate, but I couldn’t get through all of the one episode which I had DVR’d in preparation for writing this post.

That’s sad, really, because I asked for and received a subscription to Conde Nasty’s HG as one of my sixth-grade graduation gifts, way back in 1986. I already had this. Keeping all that in mind, you can understand why I was extra let-down at the utter crappiness of this show. But I digress. Let’s meet Shazzers:

Born in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, Shazia was part of the first generation of American born children in her family. From a very young age her father pushed her to become a doctor, but after her first semester at The University of Texas at Austin studying Biochemistry, Shazia realized she was more passionate about redesigning her bedroom than anything that was going on in the classroom.

Upon graduation, she accepted a position at the Gap as a visuals specialist, where she finally found the direction she needed. At the age of 25, familial and societal expectations thrown to the wind, Shazia entered The Art Institute of Dallas studying Interior Design. Three short months after graduation, she was awarded a contract with a multi-billion dollar healthcare services company and from there she started her own company, Egospace Interiors, Inc.

Shazia is inspired by everything - the environment, politics, fashion, etc. She prefers her designs to be functional, with a touch of contemporary edge. In 2006, her apartment was recognized in Dallas’ D Home and Garden Magazine and she was named the ‘It’ gal of interiors.

Now at 30, Shazia is as successful and ambitious as ever. Her company is growing and she is taking on commercial/residential rehabs and clientele such as The Trelivings, whose patriarch, Jim Treliving, is star of CBC’s Dragons’ Den and owner of Boston Pizza International. By staying true to her deepest desires, whether business or personal, Shazia has mastered the ability to take on any challenge without letting fear of the unknown stand in her way. [bravotv]

I love Bravo for Project Runway, Top Chef and my dirty little secret, The Real Housewives of New York City, so I tolerate their shameless cross-promotional crassness (“You only have five minutes to get your models to the TRESemme Hair station. TRESemme hair products provide professional quality hair care at an affordable price. Make it work!”), but just barely.

On the episode I only minimally fast-forwarded through last night, Top Design hopefuls were instructed to create a window design to showcase a dress created by…wait, for it…wait, for it…past contestants of Project Runway. While it was fun to see crunchy Sweet P, the exquisitely sensitive Andrae, and the ferocious Santino again, it was NOT FUN to watch TD teams create some of the most boring installations I’ve ever seen.

It’s been pretty serious around the bunker these past couple of weeks, and since I’m finally allowed to change the television channel from convention coverage, to “anything I want.” I’m changing the channel to The Food Network since I like to eat and because The Food Network has been down with the brown, as of late.

A few months ago, Minnesotan and Indian Cook, Nipa Bhatt was a contender on the Next Food Network Star. Nipa made it to the fourth episode, but was eliminated after a poor showing in the fish challenge. I think her bad attitude and limited knowledge of food had something to do with it, as well. I don’t want to undermine her effort though, she did make it through a few rounds, and was the first desi contestant on the show. On top of that, Nipa represented for cooking not often sampled by mainstream America: Gujarati food. I know it was the first time I had seen someone make Sukhi Bhaji (seasoned potatoes) or Rasa Valu Battaka Nu Shak (potato curry in gravy) on American television, and more importantly further promote regional Indian cooking to mainstream America.

Earlier today Ashwin Madia and his communications director Dan Pollock showed Ravi and I their new commercial on Dan’s laptop. It is titled “Running” (obviously a pun on the fact that he is running in the video and running for Congress). SM readers are among the first to see it:

Ravi and I also interviewed Madia and we will do a post about that later. You can see a picture of all three of us on our Tumblr site.

I get an email from Salon daily; with over 2,690 pieces of unread mail* in my beleaguered GMail account, I’m likely to open these newsletter-y missives approximately twice a week. Those two instances hardly ever coincide with Sunday’s “I like to watch”-edition, but I was feeling peevish while waiting for the laaaast loooooad of laundry to dry at 2:30 am, so I thought, “why not peek…it might mention my beloved ‘Mad Men’, which was the best show ever until season two started and kind of weirded me out, man.”

Right.

So I’m skimming “Critics’ Picks”, and I see no shout-outs to AMC’s finest, but my finely-honed browndar immediately zooms in on the following blurb, about Bravo’s tatti-est reality show:

Jaclyn Smith on “Shear Genius”

“Shear Genius” (Wednesdays at 10 p.m. EDT) may be the weakest of Bravo’s professional reality competitions — the contestants are almost uniformly uninteresting, and the hairstyles they create are almost uniformly ugly. Even so, its host, former “Charlie’s Angels” star Jaclyn Smith, stands out as a kinder, gentler alternative to Bravo spokesmodels Heidi Klum and Padma Lakshmi. For some crazy reason, Smith has great wells of compassion for these bad people with their bad hairstyles. When she informs a hairstylist that it’s his or her “final cut” at the end of each episode, Smith’s eyes invariably well up with tears and her voice wavers as she carefully chooses a few comforting words as a send-off. Forget Klum’s curt “auf Wiedersehen” and Lakshmi’s indifferent “Pack your knives and go” — Smith’s tearful goodbyes seem to remind us, “What could be more human than empathizing with the untalented?” — Heather Havrilesky

Whoaaaa, there HH. I know that all girls are supposed to lose their minds over Charlie’s Angels (the inspiration for a million mediocre facebook pictures) and Grease (I will never understand the obsession with that film or its annoying-as-soulja boy-soundtrack), but are we giving the gorgeous Jaclyn a bit too much credit? Let’s not so soon forget or forgive that unfortunate casual line she released years ago— there’s a reason why so many pairs of elastic-waist pants give “mom jeans” a run for fug and part of that responsibility lies with the otherwise glamorous Jaclyn Smith.

Anyway, there is nothing wrong with Heidi. If anything, far too much is right with that woman. She has squeezed three babies out of that ridiculous body and she has the cutest, most impish smile. As for pulchritudinous Padma, girl, she ain’t indifferent or cold…she’s HIGH. The Mutiny could’ve told you that, last year:

According to a source who worked on the set of Top Chef, the ex-model turned trophy wife turned hostess Padma Lakshmi allegedly enjoys smoking pot on set, giving a whole new meaning to the term “Quickfire Challenge” — see, cause she’s allegedly lighting up a joint instead of a stove! Anyway. Exactly how often this happened is disputed, though we were assured it was allegedly “fairly regularly…” [BWE]

That explains the sloooow, slightly slurred speech and her gracious, always-ready appetite to try potentially smack-nasty food— it also provides an explanation for why she doesn’t share Ms. Smith’s penchant for saltwater…she’s happy!

Hari Kondabolu, who is kind of a friend of the Mutiny’s, is going to be on Comedy Central Friday night at 10pm eastern (“Live at Gotham”). Here is a snippet that I think is from the show:

Pretty clever, no? (It helps if you are a child of the 80s…)

Compare to Papa CJ, who was eliminated tonight from the NBC show Last Comic Standing, after a truly disastrous performance. I wouldn’t ruin your day with a link to that footage even if it were available, but here is Papa CJ doing somewhat similar material in London, albeit much more effectively:

In London he seems much more confident, though I have to admit I’m still not thrilled with his shtick. Is it just me, or is Papa CJ just not that funny?

That said, one does have to give him credit. It’s one thing to be a brown comic with a funny name, but a familiar American accent and a shared set of cultural reference points with one’s audience (i.e., Hari Kondabolu and Back to the Future above). Papa CJ, born and raised in Kolkata, has to work across a yawning cultural divide when he performs in the U.S. It makes comedy quite difficult (the “bollocks”/ “bullocks” joke, only marginally funny in England, would be suicidal in Los Angeles).

Ironically, due to the colonial legacy, England is probably a bit easier going for an Indian comedian.

Mutiny! I haven’t been around so much lately. My chronically bad hands hit a bad spot right before I started traveling for book promotion in April. When I returned, the SAJA Convention was waiting. These things were fun, but I’ll admit that I missed the Mutiny somethin’ turrible. I have quite a backlog of posts I’ve been meaning to write. So I am glad glad glad to be back. (Thanks to all those Mutineers who said hey at various readings! It was nice to meet you.)

I had a first-post-back all ready, and then I started getting e-mails from Sri Lankan pals and journos. They said: Did you know that there is a Sri Lankan-themed episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent? Indeed, I did not. It first aired on Sunday, on USA Network, and I missed it. Fortunately, it will be aired again tonight, at 11 p.m. So a heads-up to all those of you who might be interested. I’ll update this post with my thoughts after I watch it. (It’s Season 7, Episode 14, entitled “Assassin.”) There will be a few repeats this week.

UPDATE: 10:26 p.m. For entertainment value, I’m actually going to try to live-blog this. Incidentally, have just seen “Get Smart,” which has The Great Khali in a key role.

Live blog below.

A month ago, Amardeep blogged about Suleman Mirza and Madhu Singh’s audition for Britain’s got talent (it’s the second video in case you missed it before). The challenge thrown down by Simon Cowell was whether they could repeat their original success or whether they were a one-trick pony. Well, here’s what they did for an encore [HT Manish, skip forward to around 2 minutes in to see the act]:

Two things struck me about their performance. The first is how easily it was accepted by both the audience and the judges, something that would never happen in the US. The audience loved both the Michael Jackson impersonation and the Bhangra. The judges loved it as a dance act, they didn’t condescend to it at all. Heck, they even describe the dancers as typical brits with a day job and a dream. There was no talk about it being exotic or foreign, and no PC admiration for the multicultiness of it all.

The second is that it was weaker than their original performance. I thought the choreography wasn’t as tight, and the integration of the two styles was not done as well. The problem is that neither seems to have great range as a dancer. Suleman is a Michael Jackson impersonator and Madhu is a bhangra dancer. Once the shock of seeing the two together wears off, how far can they go?

A few weeks ago I did a post on The Great Khali, an Indian WWE wrestler, who has recently risen to stardom of a sort on American TV.

Last week he visited India, and generated a fair amount of excitement and interest from Indian fans. No one seemed to be bothered by the way the WWE exploits orientalist mythology to cast The Great Khali as the bad guy. No one seemed to mind the bowdlerization of Hinduism represented by his name, “Khali,” which is a kind of tweak on the feminine “Kali,” or the anomaly of a male wrestler naming himself after a female deity.

No one, as far as I can tell, used the words “anomaly” or “orientalism” at all.

Mostly, they just cheered on the 400 pound behemoth who eats five full chickens a day (how many calories is that?). In Himachal Pradesh, where Dalip Singh Rana is from, they honored him. In Bombay, he met with underprivileged school children. T-shirts with his face on them have been selling wildly. Even the great cricketer Sachin Tendulkar found himself taking his family to pay homage to Khali at the wrestler’s hotel room. Finally, a visit to his former employers, the Punjab police. I was surprised to learn from some of the coverage that Rana, when he left India in 2006 to join the WWE, did not quit his day job. In fact, though he is surely making much, much more money now than he ever did before, he is technically only on “sick leave” from his job as a policeman in India.

Of course, the most intriguing article on The Great Khali’s Return I’ve come across is this one, on CNN-IBN: “Is it sport? Is it fake? What is WWE?” The journalist seems to be under some confusion as to whether the fighting in WWE is real or not:

But every wrestler in the business has to be classified under two categories. He is either a babyface or “good guy” for whom the crowd cheers — like Hulk Hogan — or he’s the bad guy or a heel as per wrestling terminology — someone like our very own Khali — whom the crowd loves to hate.

And just like in the movies when a babyface is pitted against a heel, the fight is on.

But what makes pro-wrestling really interesting is that with time, the characters keep evolving — good guys turn bad and vice versa. Interesting storylines, heated rivalries and unexpected twists in the show keep the viewer hooked.

A character’s popularity is determined by the amount of POP — a wrestling term for the reaction that a wrestler gets on his entrance — he gets.

And no, most of the fighting is not fake. (link)

Not fake, huh. You could have fooled me.

Chickpea has been sending us tips for this video:

This is way better than Sanjaya, or that Pakistani dude who was on “America’s Got Talent” last year. And it has to be the widest exposure that Tigerstyle track (“Nachna Onda Nei”) has ever gotten. (I wonder who, if anyone, is getting royalties — since they’re sampling both Michael Jackson AND Vanilla Ice/David Bowie).

Simon’s question at the end is prescient, though. There’s not many Bhangra/pop/hip hop tracks that work as well as this one. (I seem to remember another Tigerstyle track that channels Bell Biv Devoe — perhaps that’s what these guys should do next…? Any suggestions for Suleman Mirza and Madhu Singh on how to keep up the surprise in round 2?)

As I mentioned last week, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal will be on Leno tonight in a show he taped earlier. If Leno is on past your bedtime then you can read the full transcript here:

Leno: So, tell us Bobby. If John McCain came asking or begging you to be vice president, you’re telling us you will say “no”.

Jindal: Jay, again, I would be honored but I have a job to do and that is to be the governor of all of the people in Louisiana, republicans and democrats, rich and poor, young and old.

Leno: Spoken like a politician Bobby. You are learning fast. But, getting back to the question. Would you say absolutely say I would not serve as Vice President if asked. Remember you would be a heart beat away from the Oval Office and McCain is no “spring chicken”. Are you telling the nation tonight you would not serve no matter what?

Jindal: Jay, I have a job to do. I was voted into office by a large majority. I want to be the best Governor Louisiana has ever had and we have really had some real colorful clowns in the past.

Leno: So, that is the best we will get from you tonight, right.

Jindal: I have spoken repeatedly about this issue explaining my feelings, so let’s talk about how Louisiana is becoming a major force to be reckoned now and in the future.

Leno: Governor, first, I’ve been wondering. Tell me. How did an Indian American become Governor of the same state that almost put David Duke in the mansion a decade or so ago? Did you buy his list or something?

Jindal: (laughs) Well, Louisiana has changed so much in the past decade and will do so even more during my administration. I am pleased that the son of an Indian immigrant could become Governor in the Deep South. I was born in Baton Rouge, am an American and am dedicated to turning Louisiana around after years of neglect and poor leadership. [Link]

I have to say, he is saying all the words a person who’d accept and invitation to be VP should be saying. I don’t think you’d HAVE to resign your Governor’s job to be a Vice Presidential running mate. I guess it is in his advantage to keep his name in the spotlight by not dismissing the idea. I’ll link the video once its up.

Hey Mutineers - 1H’08 biz travel has me on the road so I missed the first airing of a documentary that many of you will be interested in.

The Truth About Cancer is a PBS documentary highlighting the current status of the War on Cancer and conveys the personal stories of several cancer patients including our own Vinay. Some of Vinay’s program segments are viewable on the web here, here and here.

VINAY CHAKRAVARTHY: This is to donor ID 068842004. Don’t know who you are, but you’ve just done something great for myself and for humanity by giving a life back, and I really, really, really am grateful to you and indebted to you forever.

Thankfully, my trusty Tivo has found at least one more airing of the entire program in the Bay Area and the program’s website lists repeat showings in other markets. Set your DVR’s.

I know, I know — there are numerous absurd things happening here. How Boston Bhangra got involved, for one thing, is a puzzle. The “Poonjabi Peace Offering” sounds, to my ear, like it’s been delivered in Hindi. Indeed, The Great Khali is ethnically not Punjabi at all, I don’t think. (His real name is Dalip Singh Rana.)

But if you’re worried about those minor inaccuracies, you’re really REALLY missing the point of the eight glorious minutes of “entertainment” contained herein.

OK, Enid Blyton fans, get your hankies out. The Famous Five are getting a 21st century makeover, courtesy of Disney. Think multicultural meets technology in the new animated series “Famous Five: On the Case” which premieres in the UK next month. The crime busting gang of George, Dick, Julian, Anne, and Timmy the dog that Enid Blyton created in 1942 with the bestselling book Five on a Treasure Island is going to be replaced with characters who are the children of the original Famous Five, including a lead Anglo-Indian character.

That’s right, the team leader is the daughter of George (the tomboy and the original gang’s leader), Jo, short for Jyoti. According to Jeff Norton at Chorion, which owns the rights to Blyton’s books,

“We tried to imagine where the original Famous Five would go in their lives …Because George was such an intrepid explorer in the original novels we thought it would be only natural that she travelled to India, to the Himalayas, where she fell in love with Ravvi. That’s the back story (to Jo). We spoke to Enid Blyton’s daughter and she thought her mother would love what we have done …” [source: BBC News]

Don’t anyone try to tell me that the Disney executives don’t know how wildly popular Enid Blyton’s books are in India. I’m sure that the decision to have the lead protagonist be connected to the subcontinent somehow had a little something to do with this fact.

Other characters in the revamped series are Allie, a Californian shopaholic (and the daughter of Anne) who is sent to the British countryside to live with her cousins; Julian’s son Max, an “adventure junkie”: and Dylan, the 11-year old son of Dick. Only Timmy the dog gets to keep his original name.

The big news on this Sunday is that an Indian character (human not puppet) is finally (after 39 years) moving on to the storied Sesame Street!

Doesn’t Snuffleupagus look like he is eyeing “Leela” as food?

The newest neighbor on Sesame Street just happens to be Indian American, because the role was originally dreamed up with no particular ethnicity in mind.

“It was incidental,” actress Nitya Vidyasagar told India-West by phone last week from New York City, where she is currently taping the 39th season of the award-winning PBS children’s show. “The casting notices said nothing of ethnicity.”

But the New York-based stage actress made such a strong impression on the show’s producers that they found themselves willing to create her role from scratch.

Vidyasagar plays Leela, a young Indian American woman who runs the local laundromat. Unlike many of the other actors on the show, who use their own first names as their character’s names, she felt more comfortable with the name Leela. “My name is hard for some people to say,” she explained. [Link]

Sepia Mutiny went down to Sesame Street and conducted interviews to see what some residents thought of their newest neighbor. Would there be increased tension because a South Asian was moving in to the neighborhood?

First off, we found that the some Koreans were pissed that a desi is running the laundromat instead of one of their own. When pressed further they said, “why not the 7-11 one street over?” The cookie monster was also in a foul mood explaining, “great, one more mouth to feed.” Count von Count was excited that he may soon learn how to count in Hindi. Oscar threw a garbage lid at one of our bloggers and just didn’t want to be bothered. Elmo just kept laughing because he was so happy at the news but then Bert came by and slapped him upside the head for no (good) reason.

The only one that would speak to us in earnest was Grover. He turned out to be far more lucid than he comes across on television (and he wasn’t wearing a cape). He struck me as an old soul actually. He was glad to see “Leela” move into the neighborhood but expressed some remorse when learning that Nitya had chosen to go by “Leela” because she thought “Nitya” might be too hard to pronounce. “We have a mammoth-like dude named Aloysius Snuffleupagus that lives on this street. Would Nitya really have been that hard to pronounce? Even Barack gave up Barry,” said Grover.

The new Leela is quite an international woman, and speaks Hindi and Telugu. Born in Muscat, Oman, she moved to India with her family when she was a year old. She and her family lived in Kolkata, Hyderabad and Bangalore before moving to the United States when she was 12, and she speaks English with a delicate, yet hard-to-place, Indian accent. “They said I could speak with my accent, too,” she laughed. [Link]

Look for the new season to start in August. This post was brought to you by the number 8 and the letter W.

Alert Mutineer Giri hit up my wall on Facebook*, and wrote a scorching screed about something he witnessed while watching last night’s Colbert Report.

Apparently, Hussein Ibish, the Executive Director of The Hala Foundation For Arab-American Leadership was a guest on the show; he was invited on to address the whole “Is Obama actually a Muslim?”-question, or, as Colbear facetiously put it, whether Obama is “a secret Muslim”. Ibish was ostensibly offended enough by Colbear’s jocular query to utter the following stupidity to his host, as if this would clear everything up:

“If someone says…that you…are a secret Hindu or perhaps a child molestor…are we to take that as…”

I beg your pardon? Sorry, Mr. Ibish, perhaps you should beg ours?

To his credit, Colbert forcefully replied, “I’ll take care of this one” to his loudly booing audience. He went on to proclaim:

“I find it offensive, that you are implying that all Hindus are child molestors. Your words, Sir. Your words.”

I find it offensive, too. What kind of “spokesperson” is so utterly reckless, or barring that, terrible at hiding their biases? Ibish went on what is arguably an influential television program and offered a dysphemistic metaphor, when he should have— for his sake, his cause’s sake, hell, everyone’s sake— been far more diplomatic.

It’s Sunday night and I’m getting ready for the week, while not-really-watching the final minutes of Family Guy.

Hark- the faint pinging of my browndar!

It’s some new show on FOX, one which I don’t recognize; apparently, it stars someone from The Office and an actor who played one of Carrie’s love interests on SATC (“Carrie likes a JAZZ man!!”), plus two randoms, one of whom is vaguely brown. Now I’m paying attention.

I’m confused; this actor looks familiar, but I can’t place him…then I remember! He is Shaun Majumder, and he played Kumar’s snotty, perfect older brother! Back to my TV: on the show, the foursome are standing in line, outside a club. All I can think of is Amardeep’s post about Kumar/Kal and the question of accents for actors. I wonder where this guy will draw the line…

“This place looks like it is going off the hook!”

How odd…he barely has an accent, by Hollywood/Apu standards. He’s obviously playing someone desi. Within minutes, I discover that his character is a Doctor (that’s better than convenience store clerk/terrorist, no?). The show is funny, but I’m disappointed, because everything I hurriedly read about it during the commercial break positively references Seinfeld. Way to inspire impossible expectations, critics!

Some of you have no doubt been wondering where comic/actor Shaun Majumder has been for the last year or so, ever since he (fictionally) blew up Valencia, Calif., in the opening episodes of last season’s 24.

Not to worry. The boy’s been working. Working a lot. And now, as those labours begin to bear fruit, he’s popping up all over the tube. Indeed, it’s getting so you won’t be able to turn on your TV without Majumder’s grinning mug staring back out at you.

“Been a little bit busy here in the H-Wood,” Majumder allows, checking in by phone. “Things have been good.” [TheStar]

Unhitched made its mid-season debut this month; FOX has six episodes to try out.

This past Sunday I went down to the University of Pennsylvania for a rare, open Q&A session with Kal Penn. As readers may remember from Anna’s earlier post on the subject, Penn is at Penn this spring, teaching a class on representations of Asian Americans in the Media. He’s also shooting episodes of “House” (go, House), and stumping for Obama in his free time, though with that schedule I’m not sure how he has any.

As I understand it, there was initially some controversy about the class — is this going to be a stunt, or a real asset to a the Asian American Studies curriculum?

If it were just about bringing a little glamor to campus, I would be skeptical too. But I think it’s fair to say Penn is both an actor and a careful observer of the representation of Desis in both Hollywood and the Indie film world. If you listen to him talk, it’s clear that he’s thought carefully and self-critically about his experiences and choices (he’s very aware that his role as a home-grown, Muslim-American terrorist on 24 might be seen as “problematic,” for instance — though he still defends the choice to take the role). He’s self-conscious enough to know what a racist representation of a South Asian character is, and call it by that name. But at the same time, he’s open about the fact that minority actors sometimes need to play ball to get an entree in Hollywood.

In response to one of the questions posed by a student at the Q&A Kal Penn effectively acknowledged that this was the dilemma he faced when he auditioned for his first Hollywood movie, “Van Wilder.” Unfortunately, Penn also suggested, in response to another question, that things aren’t all that much better even now, for actors who are just starting out:

“I think things for me personally as an artist have changed dramatically, but I know that overall, that change has been slow and incremental. There is no shortage of truly talented actors of South Asian descent in places like New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, and London. There are folks who majored in theater, studied film, and are experiencing the same struggles I went through when I was starting out. I think that was my main point: things for me have begun to change, but things for others are perhaps remaining the same.” (Kal Penn, from an email)

We’ve sometimes blogged about the Pakistani TV host, Begum Nawazish Ali, a drag queen who hosts a variety show on Pakistani TV.

Now Tamil TV (thanks, Shalini and Literary Safari) will have something similar, in Rose Venkatesan, who is not merely in drag for the TV show, but actually transgendered (meaning, she identifies as a woman socially):

“The sari is the most flattering garment,” he added, as he touched up her makeup minutes before the cameras started rolling. “It disguises manly shoulders, takes attention away from a masculine neck.”

A complex procedure even for experienced hands, the process of tying a sari is particularly hard for Rose, who was raised as a boy, and used to be known as Ramesh Venkatesan. Her mother never taught her the skill and refuses to see her wear one. Even so, the outcome was flawless.

When it is broadcast on Vijay television to an audience of up to 64 million people in the southern state of Tamil Nadu later this month, “Ippadikku Rose” (“Yours, Rose”) is expected to cause a sensation, introducing India’s first transgender celebrity to television. (link)

I like the bit about the sari as a flattering garment for transgendered women (will have to keep that in mind…).

Rose has, I gather from the rest of the article, always been effeminate (and I mean that non-pejoratively), though she’s only ‘become’ a woman in the past four years. She has a degree in biomedical engineering (!) from Louisiana Tech:

Rose said attitudes were no less hostile in parts of the United States, where she had spent three years studying at Louisiana Tech University. “There, people were aggressively homophobic,” she said. “America is very hypocritical when it comes to its stand on sexual minorities. Historically, India was very progressive about this until the British came and imposed a Victorian sense of morality, which still remains.” (link)

Interesting — a slightly different twist on the narrative we might have expected (i.e., where someone who doesn’t fit in in India finds a measure of liberation and acceptance abroad). In Louisiana, Rose encountered homophobia; in Chennai, she will be a star.

(See Ennis’ post below for video clips of both the Begum and Rose.)

To supplement Amardeep’s post, I thought I would share a video clip of Rose:

I don’t think she’s as funny as Begum Nawazish Ali, although she is just starting out:

And while the USA has plenty of homophobia, don’t forget that RuPaul had a talk show on American TV in 1996, a decade before either of the desi shows. You can see a clip here.

Remember this cringe-worthy Superbowl ad about the stereotypical desi salesman who is about to be fired by his cranky white boss? [Update - changed from the Panda ad to the Ramesh ad, thanks VV]

It was written by the CEO of InfoUSA himself, Vin Gupta. The ad was not just offensive, it was a total waste of money:

The panda ad ranked 45th out of 55 ads shown during the Super Bowl. The other Salesgenie ad, with a salesman who thinks he is going to get fired, ranked 50th. [Link]

Gupta doesn’t seem to mind spending money though, as long as it gets him visibility. Gupta is an FOB, a Friend of Bill that is (although he is also a DBD). Gupta is generous to Bill not just with his own personal money, but also with the company’s resources as well:

Gupta’s Clinton connection came into the spotlight last year, when angry shareholders of InfoUSA filed a lawsuit in a Delaware court; claiming that the CEO had wasted millions of dollars of the publicly-traded company to get into Clinton’s good books.

They seem to have good cause. The plaintiffs have alleged that Gupta misused the company jet to fly the Clintons to vacations. Gupta is believed to have paid Bill Clinton $2 million for vaguely-defined ‘consulting services’. In addition, he is alleged to have spent close to a million dollars to fly Bill Clinton around the world for his Presidential Foundation work; and to fly Hillary to campaign events. [Link]

After the Clintons left the White House, Gupta hired Bill Clinton as a consultant. It’s one of two continuing business relationships he has had since leaving office, and it has been worth $3.3 million, in addition to the options on 100,000 shares of stock. [Link]

But here the story shifts, and becomes stranger.

Star Wars fans were excited to learn today that a new animated film based on the the Star Wars Universe will be released this August:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars makes its theatrical debut as an all-new, computer-generated feature film in August 2008, followed by a television series in the fall.

The new adventures in a galaxy far, far away apparently take place between the second and third Star Wars prequel films, similar to the Clone War series of the same name that ran between 2003 and 2005. Returning characters include Anakin Skywalker - who later becomes Darth Vader - along with Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme Amidala. New heroes also join to battle familiar villains from the Star Wars prequels, such as Darth Sidious, Count Dooku, and General Grievous.

“I felt there were a lot more Star Wars stories left to tell,” said George Lucas, Star Wars creator and executive producer of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. “I was eager to start telling some of them through animation and, at the same time, push the art of animation forward…” [Link]

One of the major points covered in the press release is that a new female Jedi character will be introduced. She will serve as Anakin’s padawan (the way Anakin was Obi-wan’s padawan). The name of this young Jedi (who will of course eventually be hunted down and killed by Vader) is Ahsoka Tano:

… among the familiar characters like Obi-Wan, Anakin and Yoda is a mysterious new Padawan named Ahsoka Tano.

This young Togruta is eager to prove herself as a worthy Padawan to her bold Master, Anakin Skywalker. Able to wield a lightsaber and pilot a spacecraft with great talent, Ahsoka promises to become a worthy Jedi. [Link]

Tano joins a long list of other sci-fi desi characters. Mysterious is right though, because I can’t find much of a backstory on her yet. The name Ahsoka makes it seem like she is Indian (dot not feather) but the name Tano makes it seem like she is Indian (feather not dot). Or maybe, since this all happened a long long time ago, and in a considerably far off galaxy, ethnically ambiguous is ok. For those of you who like bad-ass ambiguously desi chicks, get your tee-shirt here. For those of you who like your animated warriors more traditional, there is always this.

Last year, a wee little show called “Notes From the Underbelly” debuted on ABC and we ignored it, despite tenacious reminders of its existence on our news tab. Our bad.

No, seriously.

The brown angle to that repeatedly neglected news story turned out to be the HOT angle; NftU stars one Sunkrish Bala, i.e. the gorgeousness gazing at you over on the right. Bala plays the part of “Eric” and one of the most interesting things about this program is how there is no mention of his ethnicity; for once someone brown gets to play someone “normal” (for lack of a better word), who isn’t a terrorist or other H-town stereotype.

Eric may not be the manliest of men, but he’s the perfect man for Julie. Even though he almost missed the birth of his son, Eric is an utterly devoted husband and father. He has an incredibly lucrative career, though no one knows exactly what he does. Always cheerful, Eric deftly balances a demanding job with an even more demanding wife. [ABC]

I know what you’re thinking— now there are two FOUR beeyootiful desi guys on network television? YES. It’s not a cruel joke. There is even more male to objectify, my sisters and brothers-who-swing-that-way! I’m making my preference known now; start printing Team Sunkrish tee-shirts because I’m not only the client, I’m about to be the fangirl-president.

What am I trash-talking about? Well, while many of you ruined Victoria’s Secrets over that Sendhil guy on Heroes whom I have no use for, I caught the last few episodes of this cute, quirky show which features the hottest South Indian male I have ever salivated over. Mmmm, Sunkrish. If this book’s cover doesn’t do enough for you, his inner sweetness should; Sunkrish was part of the Help Vinay effort, which is how I was able to speak to him and delightfully discover that he’s down to earth, kind and really funny. For the 2,359 of you from Northern California who will recognize it, he’s an alum of Bellarmine College Prep. :)

Though I rep Kerala shamelessly (and probably inaccurately), I’m totally willing to sell out my coconut-eating counterparts and say that Tamizhhrrrzzl men are teh hawt. Now if only Sunkrish weren’t 16, I could feel less like a filthy pervert and actually daydream of a future where I am Mrs. Bala, not that I’m doodling that on my notebook in meetings these days or anything. ;)

The season premiere of Notes From the Underbelly is TONIGHT at 9:30 on your local ABC affiliate. Tune in and drool for yourself. :)

p.s. I’m not the only one who digs “Notes”. Salon’s TV belle Heather Havrilesky had this to say, yesterday:

I know SM is rightly consumed with a different Musharraf, but all this talk about Mushie reminded me of CW’s Aliens in America, which, for those of you who don’t recall, is a new television sitcom featuring a protagonist named Raja Musharaff. I loved the pilot but many of you, my bunker-mate Amardeep included, were all “eh”.

Well, ahem. Salon’s Heather Havrilesky likes AiA, too. Take that, pooh-pooers. ;)

From yesterday’s Salon’s guide to what to watch:

God is allergic to Jell-O. Most cats show a preference for the color orange. There’s a very funny comedy that you’re not watching, and it’s on the CW. Which one of these statements is true? Amazingly enough, the CW’s “Aliens in America” (8:30 p.m. EST Mondays) is not only consistently funny, it’s also charming and absurd and addictive, setting it miles apart from the CW’s typical herd of superpowered teenage hotties. The story of a Pakistani exchange student named Raja who goes to live with an average family in a small town in Wisconsin could have landed in unreasonably dorky territory. Instead, the show’s writers have churned out a steady stream of seriously clever scripts, dense with absurd jokes and memorable moments, making “Aliens in America” feel more like a modern, snappy update on a John Hughes film. The dorky Midwestern Tolchuck family is pitch perfect, but the big star here is Adhir Kalyan, whose spot-on performance as the hopelessly earnest and morally upright Raja is responsible for the show’s most hilarious moments. (You can watch one of the best recent episodes, “Rocket Club,” here.) [kumquat]

I think Adhir Kalyan is kinda funny:

One writer asked Kalyan if he experienced culture shock, coming to the U.S. from South Africa. His reply: “In truth, the only thing I found difficult to deal with coming to the States is the size of the portions of food. Really — I mean, really, do we need portions that are that big? I mean, Africa doesn’t need Bono. Africa doesn’t need Geldof. Africa needs a Denny’s grand-slam breakfast.” [mangosteen]

From the same link:

You’ll get a bit of a “Freaks and Geeks”/”Wonder Years” vibe from “Aliens,” though it has a way to go to imitate the pure heart of those classics.

See, I totally think it has heart. While I haven’t gone out of my way to catch every episode (I’m usually getting home bang in the middle of the program, and I hate cutting in…and yes, I know, I am the only mutineer sans TiVo), I was able to see last night’s Aliens and I was reminded of how cute it was. I was smiling for thirty minutes. The show is totes sweet.

I stand by my initial positivity towards one of CW’s finest, especially after last night’s special guest star— the hoochie-rific Homecoming dress— almost stole the show. If popular little sister Claire knew what her Mom did while trying it on, I doubt that she would have pitched that tantrum about returning it. ;) Also, it takes a non-trivial amount of talent to keep those multiple, “mandatory” tags crease-free while being so…um…active; every girl here who has purchased a prom dress/formal/bridesmaid outfit knows exactly what I mean.

Have any of you kept up with it or caught something beyond the pilot? Has Raja won you over or are you still not sold?

This week’s episode of NBC’s My Name is Earl (thanks, anonymous tipster) features a neighbor in the trailer park who is supposed to be a Sikh. But he looks more like the usual “turbaned” convenience store clerk/taxi driver stock caricature who shows up in Hollywood movies and TV shows from time to time.

Is it offensive? Going by just the image, I would say yes, and not just to Sikhs. I think it’s offensive to all South Asians, perhaps even to all immigrants. In a sense the “Sikh” neighbor here stands in for all funny-looking/sounding foreigners in the imaginary world of My Name is Earl, just as Apu does in The Simpsons. It’s not just the wrong-looking turban and the glued on beard, it’s the accent — he’s even wearing a Sherwani suit! (While living in a trailer park!)

On the other hand, it could be pointed out that this particular episode is making fun of the anti-terrorist hysteria that swept the U.S. after 9/11 (the conceit is that the show is actually an episode of “Cops” filmed in 2002 — and the claptrap about catching terrorists is of course all the more absurd since the show is set in a small town). It shows law enforcement officers as particularly incompetent and clueless in their attempt to “profile” suspected terrorists, including the character above. But if your goal is to make fun of hysteria using silly caricatures that actually reinforce the ignorance you’re supposedly satirizing, what are you really doing?

It could also be pointed out that a show like My Name is Earl is so generally politically incorrect (and self-conscious about that political incorrectness — “Look, see, we’re being politically incorrect!”) that getting offended about this one thing seems out of place. (Look at how women are represented in the show, for instance.) I’m not sure — but one does think of the recent controversy over the reference to the Philippines in a recent episode of Desperate Housewives, which got a fair amount of media coverage; this, it seems to me, is much more offensive.

You can watch the show on NBC.com here; it’s episode 307. The “Sikh” character (he self-identifies as a Sikh) shows up briefly in the beginning, and then again in the last third of the show.

What do you think? Is it offensive? Are you planning to write NBC?

[UPDATE: One other thing — in case you’re wondering “what self-respecting Desi would take this role?” — the Sikh character is played by an actor named Alex Endeshaw, who is ethnicity isn’t entirely clear to me from Ethiopia originally.]

If you are a regular viewer of the Sunday morning news shows then you will have taken note that Bobby Jindal has now graduated into that honored circle. You are not a real politician in this country until you’ve gone a round or two with the Sunday morning punditocracy. Tim Russert’s Meet The Press is the big leagues with This Week with George Snufalufagus coming in second. Slightly more inviting and easy for a first-timer like Republican Bobby Jindal is Fox News Sunday. Here is Jindal’s full interview from this past Sunday’s episode:

He makes a pretty convincing pitch for why he would be a boring (no corruption or titties) governor which is what he says the people of Louisiana have long been waiting for after decades of corruption and mismanagement. He also talks a little about the “Bubbas for Bobby” that helped him win. This was his first big interview since he won so check it out.

As those of you who are fans of House M.D. know already, Kal Penn will be joining the series as a regular next season. This is positive news all around - more screen time for the Penn brother from another mother, which is great because even though he can headline and sell a movie, young actors need all the exposure and steady acting gigs they can get. And this should be good for audiences, because his character seems like a real pataka, and Mr. Modi has no problems keeping viewers amused when you give him material like this:

Bend over and laugh

… [Penn’s character] caught House’s attention in the episode by resuscitating a patient and suggesting that they get her drunk to better diagnose her rare neurological condition. “… [The character] is a fan of trying random methods of exploration and life saving, and isn’t afraid to break the rules a little bit,” [Link]

Lastly, this should be good for brownz all around because we’re finally getting another desi doctor on TV to match the high number of desi doctors in the real world:

By mid-1997 it is estimated perhaps 4% (22,000) of the entire nation’s medical doctors are South Asian immigrants from India or of South Asian descent. It has been claimed that many inner city public hospitals simply could not function if South Asian medical personnel were unavailable as they can constitute as high as 40% of the staff physicians and 50% of the nurses. In Ohio, one out of six physicians is South Asian and several other states approach that ratio. [Link]

Except that I don’t think his character is desi. I haven’t seen the show, so I don’t know for sure, but his character’s name is Lawrence Kutner which doesn’t sound desi to me. In fact, there were two desi actors in the “try out for House’s team” episode — Kal Penn and Meera Simhan — and their characters were named “Lawrence” and “Jody.” Neither one had a clearly desi name, both were probably cast for a character of unspecified race.

Fox News Channel launched a new Business Network today, creatively named Fox Business Network (FBN), and available in almost 30 million homes. In the ever-competitive cable news market, Fox is trying to fish for viewers in a most unusual way:

Fox News Executive Vice President Kevin Magee, who’s in charge of FBN’s day-to-day operations, says it doesn’t want to trade blows with CNBC, (GE) or even Bloomberg TV, the current channels of choice for financial market watchers…Instead, his new business channel aims to draw viewers “from soap operas, game shows — any place we can.”
FBN executives hope to do that with personality-driven programs heavy on personal finance and with stories offering business insights into general interest news. There is some traditional market news, along with an on-screen crawl showing the latest stock prices.link

But you know what they really have? What they’re using to chum the waters?

Hot chicks, duh.

Almost all of the on-air talent that’s plugged on the site are skinny, youthful beauties like Shibani Joshi (a former model in India), Cheryl Casone (a former flight attendant), Jenna Lee (she played Division One softball in college), and Nicole Petillades (she loves slalom waterskiing!). link

Of course, the foxy ladies are also quite talented. Take Ms. Joshi, for example:

Shibani Joshi, based in New York, joins from her role as a reporter covering breaking news for News 12 Westchester. Before this, Joshi was a producer for Reuters Television and TIMES NOW, the joint venture news channel with The Times of India, where she was responsible for producing news packages and interviews broadcast all over India. Joshi has also served as a contributing writer for ABCNews.com and ABC News Now covering business and technology stories. She began her journalism career as a news production assistant at CNNfn where she contributed to Lou Dobbs Moneyline and CNN Money Morning. link

I think I read about an MBA from Harvard to cap that sweet resume, so, you know, I’m not hating the beautiful. Much. And networks are notorious for playing up the youth and sex appeal of female anchors. But this crew is exceptionally young, and Fox is blatantly plastering their glamor shots everywhere. Is this sort of business plan a harbringer for Naked News (NSFW!!) on network TV? Doesn’t seem so far-fetched, does it?

More on the the FBN at Adweek, USAToday, Forbes, DealBreaker, etc.

You’ve sent the bunker so many tips and emails about it, I obviously had to check it out. CW debuted “Aliens in America” tonight, a sitcom about a Pakistani exchange student named Raja. Upon learning about this…interesting concept, several of you were skeptical, while some of you were uneasy in that vague way we all are familiar with, when we hear about something and imagine the worst.

A few of you couldn’t get over the fact that the protagonist was named “Raja”, since that’s so, like, NOT a Pakistani name. Yes, this offended you more than anything else. :) Let’s leave behind the small fact that there’s no official, international governing body for judging names or anything— I get what you meant, you were worried that this was sloppiness on the part of the creators, in a “Diwali Barbie is not wearing a sari!” sort of way.

Well, the first boy I had a crush on in high school was Pakistani AND named Raja, so I was the perfect choice for this non-assignment, since I’m not bothered by that detail, at all. ;)

Here’s wiki’s first blurb about the program:

Aliens in America is an upcoming American situation comedy created by David Guarascio and Moses Port, who also serve as executive producers alongside Tim Doyle. Luke Greenfield directed the pilot. The show is about a Wisconsin homemaker who arranges to host a foreign exchange student, believing the visitor will help her shy son become more popular. When the student turns out to be a Muslim teenager from Pakistan, her plans go awry. [wiki]

Do you know which Indian dude’s debut is the most hotly anticipated one of this Fall’s television line-up? No, it isn’t Sendhil “I can’t figure out how to speak in an Indian accent even though I’m Indian” Ramamurthy of Heroes. Nor is it Naveen “torture solves everything” Andrews of Lost. The dude that South Asian Americans have their collective eyes on is 12-year-old Anjay Ajodha of Texas. The question is, can he succeed in wresting the reigns of power away from the simpletons within a newly created society known simply as Kid Nation?

40 Kids have 40 days to build a brave new world without adults to help or hinder their efforts. Can they do it? These Kids, ages 8-15, will turn a ghost town into their new home. They will cook their own meals, clean their own outhouses, haul their own water and even run their own businesses including the old town saloon (root beer only). Through it all, they’ll cope with regular childhood emotions and situations: homesickness, peer pressure and the urge to break every rule they’ve ever known.

Will they stick it out? In the end, will these Kids prove to everyone, including their parents, they have the vision to build a better world than the pioneers who came before them? And just as importantly, will they come together as a cohesive unit, or will they abandon all responsibility and succumb to the childhood temptations that lead to round-the-clock chaos? Don’t miss this intriguing series. [Link]

SM readers, let me be blunt. Anjay is the best chance we currently have to demonstrate to the American public how utopian our society might become if super smart desi people were in charge of everything. The governor’s mansion in Louisiana just won’t cut it. More people will tune in to Kid Nation than will pay attention to Louisiana. The question on all our minds is, “will a group of young children between ages 8-15 allow a kid (that reminds us a lot of ourselves at 12) lead the way when left on their own?” Just look at Anjay’s answers to some questions CBS posed. I dare anyone to find more concise and honest answers in any recent Presidential debate:

Who have been some of the best U.S. presidents, and why?
George Washington - he managed to lead a young nation, and headed the conventions to develop the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution. Abraham Lincoln - he abolished slavery, and led the nation through the Civil War. Franklin D. Roosevelt - he established the New Deal which got the economy working during the Great Depression and instilled confidence in citizens during his fireside chats.

Who have been some of the worst U.S. presidents, and why?
The US president that comes to mind, due to recent events, is George W. Bush, because I don’t agree with the way he is handling the Iraq war. [Link]

Also, is Anjay Libertarian? And does he know more about government than Fred Thompson?

If you had the power to change one or two things about our country right now, what would it be?
I would create a law that eliminates all budget earmarks - useless bits of spending. If earmarks are eliminated, approximately 78% of the US budget will be freed up to be utilized in areas where there is a more urgent need, such as the national deficit. I would also eliminate paid lobbying in an effort to give all parties involved in a dispute an equal voice. [Link]

Holy crap. 78%? Draft Anjay (or the parents that helped him write this stuff).

…and he shall redeem us, Amreeka.

As many of you may recall from the “Aviyal” post, I am fascinated by Facebook, and once again, I must insist that it’s not for the usual reasons (though I do enjoy throwing sheep at several of you). No, when I’m not discovering groups which specifically support inter-religious, inter-regional desi relationships, I’m reading this about Giuliani or planning to restock my iPod with these choons. I’m also discovering potential reality TV stars, via my News “feed”:

The show that Sam is auditioning for is called Tontine (Achtung! Pseudo-mystical yodeling awaits you, if you click that link…and you wonder why I went with wiki…wiki is silent AND it lets me copy text…take that official site!):

A combination of Survivor and The Amazing Race, Tontine follows 15 contestants as they travel to all seven continents and contend for the $10 million prize. Contestants each begin with a key, the final contestant who posses all 15 keys unlocks the prize. The show is hosted by “Boston Rob” Mariano, who was a contestant on both Survivor and The Amazing Race before signing on for Tontine. [wiki]

Doesn’t that sound like something our Abhi should have done? :D

Here’s what the show’s casting director wrote in an email to Sam (and perhaps a few others):

From Fuerza Dulce comes this video clip of a contestant trying to get on VH1’s Flavor of Love:

I sputtered. I laughed. I frowned. Honestly - I’m confused. It’s a pretty bizarre mish-mash of orientalist cliches, done in a ham handed way. It’s neither hilarious nor completely unfunny, although she does act like she’s in on the joke.

Here’s the question - is Orientalism OK when we do it? Or does one desi’s 15 minutes of fame in brownface make the rest of our lives harder by not just reinforcing these tired tropes, but making them seem OK?

I’ve been AWOL for a while due to work and personal reasons, but I wanted to very quickly let you know that Manish will be on CNN at 8:25 PM EST tonight, talking about the 7/11 promotion that requires 7/11 workers in 11 stores to dress up as Apu to help promote the Simpsons movie. We should be blogging this shortly, but for now, here are some links to his coverage of the event: Reminder: CNN tonight, Watch CNN Tuesday night, Meanwhile, over at Racialicious…, Racial Caricature Mart , Step’n Dispense It (updated again) , ‘The Simpsons’ go Bollywood (updated)

Okay, not sure how many of you are watching Fox’s kinda awful reality show “The Lot” right now, but I have to say, I’m actually glad I am. One of you let us know that our girl Shalini is up this week. This time, Shalini had to make a comedy, in just five days. Since she’s more of a documentary/serious filmmaker, this quite understandably freaked her out. However, once I saw the montage of her having trouble directing her short and then heard one of her actors disparage her, I knew she must have done a brilliant job, since that’s how transparent these stupid shows are.

Shalini’s film is called “Dr-in-law” and it made me do that “LOL”-thing those whippersnappers are always exclaiming. It really is funny— and extra awesome because the two main characters are both Asian…and neither of them are the doctor. I don’t require it, but if I can see myself in or otherwise relate to a piece of art, it’s that much more precious. Somewhere, a put-upon brown kid dreams of doing what she shot. ;)

Anyway, when the show is over, it will be time to vote— and if I’m not mistaken, there is just a two hour window after “The Lot” airs in your time zone in which to do so. Shalini went first, so her phone number will end in “01” (and isn’t that fortuitous? I always feel like numbers ending in “01” are superior, but I’m fobulous like that)…but who uses a phone these days, if there’s a way to do something online? What, you like your phone? Fine, dial 1-88-The Lot-01.

Some of us may be skeptical about Shalini’s skills, but compare her work to second, third and fourth the rest of the films in the competition (which, except for the last one, were all kinds of lame), and it’s hard to dismiss her talent; I found myself cheering at the TV repeatedly for the brown girl in the ring. It’s also hard to dismiss her glittery make-up, which inspired the title of this post. Feel free to discuss it (or her film, even) below.

Just a little nudge to remind you that Fox’s “The Lot” is on at 8/7c tonight; I wrote about it last week and judging from the 200+ strong comment thread, you might want to tune in for yourself. It’s an otherwise awful reality show, but its one bright spot is contestant Shalini Kantayya, a filmmaker we’ve received many tips about— and for good reason.

Shalini came to India in 2001 when she made her first feature on the Kumbh Mela. The Fulbright scholar wanted to make a movie that connected her to her motherland. Raised in America by a single mother, she was in search of her roots. She has also just made a film with Nandita Das.

“My love for visual storytelling also became integrated with my love for human rights. I always considered myself a humanist and was always inspired by stories of ordinary people who overcome seemingly insurmountable hardships. Filmmaking is not just my profession; it’s my calling,” [link]

Last week, Shalini created a brief, moving film about a gay South Asian comedian named Vidur Kapur, who is based in New York. His take:

“We filmed the entire short in one day. It was exhausting but we had incredible chemistry working together and a lot of fun,” he says. “She’s very organised and hardworking, yet sensitive and compassionate.” [link]

To me supporting Shalini is about more than rooting for the brown girl in the ring. I appreciate the themes she is moved by:

Vidur is very positive about this film that goes beyond being an entry for On The Lot. “It’s important to generate awareness and acceptance as Asians in the USA. A movie like this is so important to get people to question their beliefs and assumptions,” Vidur adds. “Besides, my manager believes Shalini and I should be nominated for a GLAAD media award for this movie.” [link]

Even if you’re on the fence about her, consider this— wouldn’t you rather see her survive another round? If you’re not impressed at all, I’m not telling you that you should VOTE BROWN; I don’t think anyone on this site is about that kind of blind, unexamined loyalty. But if you’re not sure…what’s the harm in seeing more of what she’s got?

This is going to be the sloppiest, most rushed entry I’ve ever posted, but that’s because I’m so excited about what I just saw, I want to get the information to you sooner vs. later. I can edit after I publish, damnit.

There’s a show we have received several tips about— “The Lot”. We keep hearing about it because it has a desi contestant named Shalini Kantayya:

ON THE LOT, executive-produced by Mark Burnett and Steven Spielberg, will give aspiring filmmakers from around the world the chance to earn a $1-million development deal at DreamWorks.

Premiering on May 22 and airing twice a week throughout the summer on FOX, this reality-competition series features a cast of undiscovered filmmakers who will compete to win the support of the show’s viewers, as their fate will be decided by a weekly audience vote…

Every week, the hopeful filmmakers will produce short films from a chosen genre, running the gamut from comedies to thrillers, dramas to romance, action to horror. They’ll have access to the best resources the industry has to offer — professional writers, cast and crew, and maybe even Hollywood celebrities. [link]

I usually don’t get home until about now, so I knew I wouldn’t get to watch it and that’s why I promptly forgot about it— until tonight, when I was channel-surfing because I’m sick and on the couch. Once I heard that of the 15 finalists, five would be featured tonight, I stuck around to see if the brown girl would be in the ring…and she was.

Despite being high on codeine and everything else in my virus-wracked system, I sat up for the first time all day because THIS GIRL IS TALENTED. No wonder they plucked her out of a pool of 12,000 applicants from all over the world.

I’m not typing that because she’s brown— she had the BEST FILM OF THE NIGHT and Michael Bay, the guest judge who directed “Transformers”, agrees with me.

Here’s the thing: there’s but a wee two-hour window in which to vote for true awesomeness (dial 1-88-Thelot-05 or click the next link to show your love online). You can vote as many times as you’d like (handy “Vote” button is highlighted in yellow) AND you can view Shalini’s 3-minute clip yourselves— I think once you do, you’ll be cheering her on as effusively as I am, though you won’t sound like a frog while doing it.

When ER first came on TV, I remember thinking it looked completely unrealistic because it was too damned white. Now I finally have some numbers to back up my instincts:

Plenty more like her

From 1980 to 2004, the fraction of medical school graduates describing themselves as white fell from 85 percent to 64 percent. Over that same period, the percentage of Asians increased from 3 percent to 20 percent, with Indians and Chinese the two biggest ethnic groups. [Link]

S. Balasubramaniam … recently queried 50 medical schools and calculated that 12 percent of the class that entered in 2006 is of Indian heritage. The highest percentages are in California, Texas, New York, New Jersey and New England. [Link]

While the article doesn’t indicate anything about Balasubramaniam’s sampling methodology, the numbers are consistent with my gut feelings about the number of brown faces I’ve seen amongst med students. When asked to explain why she went into medicine, one desi doctor said:

“We were never forced into medicine … But in the Indian community in Chicago, everyone was a professional. Everyone was a doctor or an engineer…” [Link]

Although there have always been many desi doctors, the numbers of current brown medical students represent a sizeable increase over past years since roughly 5% of all doctors are of Indian origin, and many of them studied abroad:

In the US, Indians and Indian-Americans make up the largest non-Caucasian segment of the American medical community, where they account for one in every 20 practicing doctors. [Link]

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been keeping up with Indian Idol fairly religiously. (You can catch up on all the episodes here, if you’re so inclined.) I don’t even understand Hindi all that well, but I love the music, the contestants are entertaining to watch, and the show doesn’t take itself nearly as seriously as American Idol does. Needless to say, I’m hooked.

I’m already placing my bets on one contestant in particular — Meiyang Chang. Unlike the other contestants I’ve seen (even those on American Idol), I actually feel moved by his voice. He’s that impressive. Not to mention that he’s also articulate, he writes well, and he looks good in fitted t-shirts. He’s quickly attracted a steady following.

Yet despite his appeal, the show is fairly obsessed with reminding us brown people that Chang is (gasp!) not quite one of “us.” Although Chang was born and raised in India, the Indian Idol website promotes him as the “contestant from China.” The show’s co-host first introduced him by stating, “His surname is Chinese, but his heart is Indian.” Even more embarrassing is this condescending exchange between the judges and Chang during the duet round, in which Anu Malik tells him, “You’ve just proven that music knows no language.” Thanks, Indian Idol, I had no idea that Chinese people could actually sing.

I can only imagine the sort of outrage that would follow in our community had the producers of American Idol promoted Sanjaya as “The Indian,” “The Contestant from India,” or “The Brown Guy Who’s Really an American at Heart.” But I have to give credit to Chang, though — in spite of the ignorant comments, he only smiles and nods, never protesting or showing frustration. Poor guy. And I thought I had it rough growing up in southern California.

Here’s a clip from the theater rounds:

I’m getting really sick of the unnecessary hate.

Rocker Ozzy Osbourne pulled out of an appearance on “American Idol” because of a former contestant’s hairstyle, according to reports.

As IF. Since when is Ozzy Osbourne fit to judge good hair?

The Black Sabbath star was slated to duet with Sanjaya Malakar on last week’s season finale, but cancelled at the last minute.

A source tells the New York Post’s Page Six column, “When he learned he would have to do a duet with Sanjaya, Ozzie said he didn’t want to be onstage with that idiot.”

Yeah. Insulting Sanjaya Malakar makes you very, very cool. Very edgy.

Aerosmith star Joe Perry was called up as Osbourne’s replacement on the talent-search TV show. [SFGate.com]

Perry, by the way, thought our Papaya was really nice. The video of their performance is here. Unlike some drug-addled has-beens who have the temerity to look down on such fruity goodness, Perry was a gentleman.

I’m not saying Sanjaya is perfect, but the level of criticism he receives is ridiculous and usually racist (though I’m not insinuating that race is at the root of this story). For bat’s sake, Ozzie— you could have said that you didn’t want to do the duet because young Malakar’s voice is awful, in your opinion, but there was no need to call him an idiot. Not when you yourself are guilty of THIS:

Osbourne admitted that, at the height of his drug addiction, he shot 17 cats:

“I was taking drugs so much I was a fucker, The final straw came when I shot all our cats. We had about 17, and I went crazy and shot them all. My wife found me under the piano in a white suit, a shotgun in one hand and a knife in the other”. [wiki]

Sanjaya should have said he didn’t care to be on stage with a cat-killer— oh, wait…he’s too nice and humble to do that.

It has been a while since we’ve received any Badmash in our inboxes. That’s because the Badmash crew has gone on a semi-permanent hiatus (as each of them moves on to other endeavours). Two Sundays ago anyone watching King of the Hill may have noticed that the lead writing credit for the episode went to former Badmash-er Sanjay Shah. The plot involved Hank Hill as the protagonist hooligan in a Grand Theft Auto-style shoot-em-up game called Pro Pain. Only fans of the show (living in Texas this is required viewing) will get why the title of the video game is so funny.

Badmash, however, isn’t the only example of a periodic desi comic strip. Readers of India Currents might also be familiar with a strip titled Small Hands, inked by Bay Area artist Nidhi Chanani. Here is an example of her cute strip:

What, you thought I was a fair-weather cricket pupil? ;)

Mutineer Sandeep sent in this tip after having one of those, “Hey. What the-? Brown??” -moments in front of his television:

Saw this commercial while watching NBC primetime TV, and thought I recognized that typical Dravid earnestness saying “actually, it’s 229 million…”. was kind of surprised when I paused and found desi cricket ishtars Rahul Dravid and Mahendra Singh Dhoni part of reebok’s new ad campaign…

As for other notables in the ad:

Stevie Williams rides his skateboard. Cricket players MS Dhoni and Rahul Dravid run together. Soccer player Thierry Henry and actress Emmanuelle Chriqui are paired. Tennis player Nicole Vaidišová is on the cell phone. Football players DeAngelo Hall and Chad Johnson run together. Track athlete (heptathlon) Carolina Klüft runs in yellow. Basketball player Allen Iverson and football player Vince Young run together. Track athlete Aries Merritt runs across a skywalk. [splendAd]

Finally, something about Reebok to appreciate. :D

Don’t cry, little one.

We heart you, dear Sanjaya.

May your haters rot.

::

Have you a haiku for Sanjaya, too?

In further American Idol Idiocy news, Senator Bharat Obama isn’t the only Democratic Presidential contender being linked to our papaya Sanjaya! I am telling you, I can’t make up shit this good:

During a radio call-in on WOKQ-FM, Sen. Hillary Clinton was asked what the United States can do about Malakar, the Fox television show’s underdog candidate who critics say lacks any shred of talent.

“That’s the best question I’ve been asked in a long time,” Clinton said. “Well, you know, people can vote for whomever they want. That’s true in my election, and it’s true on ‘American Idol.’ “ [linkaya]

That’s right, America.

YOU ARE FREE TO VOTE FOR OUR PAPAYA!

In unrelated idiocy, it seems the utterly uncalled-for, haterade-fueled hunger strike against our cutie-patootie wasn’t pathetic enough; someone has exiled themselves to the roof of a car dealership, to protest Sanjaya’s winning streak:

The producer of “Chio In The Morning” on WRDW-FM in Philadelphia has been living in a little tent on top of the roof of a local Toyota dealership for the last week.

He’s battled rain and wind — but swears he won’t leave while Sanjaya remains on “Idol.” [linkaya]

No matter where you stand on Papaya, can we all just send Sanjaya Malakar a rousing chorus of “THANKS, FOR THE MEMORIES”? You must admit, this is ridiculously entertaining.

More power to you SM. And I’m not just saying that because you have bomb initials. ;)

Last week (or the week before it, perhaps?) when American Idol’s cameras panned across the audience, I saw a “fanjaya” holding a sign which proclaimed: “Sanjaya is my Papaya”. Love it. It’s delightfully absurd, innit?

Last night, our half-brown wonder achieved what I thought impossible— positive reviews from three judges who are now extra cautious about everything they say, lest they offend young master Malakar’s ardent base of 12-year old girls and grandmothers, since doing so would only mobilize a GOTV effort that the Democrats probably have wet dreams about…and if they don’t, they should.

My papaya (what’s hilarious is I HATE PAPAYAS) crooned “Besame Mucho” and he did it rather well [Thanks, Murad], though I for one could’ve done without his attempts at growing facial hair. But Jennifer Lopez kinda predicted his success, didn’t she? She seemed slightly smitten with our kitten. Speaking of, does anyone remember when J. Lo’s hair and lips were distinctly darker and redder than her extremely bronze skin? No? Just me? Damn. Anyroad, I’d love to tell you what happens to the call centers’ choice, but I remember what it was like to live on the left coast and be salty about such things, so I’ll refrain from dropping spoiler bombs on y’all. ;)

Since a few of you mutineers adore the artfully tressed, usually well-dressed, remarkably unstressed SANJAYA, perhaps one of you would like to create an online shrine in his honor? The perfect domain is still available (but act soon!). Via UberDesi and eBay:

Do you love Sanjaya Malakar from American Idol?? In almost every broadcast Ryan say’s “Malakar Mania” and NOW YOU CAN OWN IT on the WEB!

This URL / Domain name is guaranteed to get 1000’s of hits!

This Domain name / URL has been appraised at over $2,500 due to the popularity of Sanjaya, thanks to Howard Stern and the craze called American Idol!

Bidding starts at ONLY $9.95

Have at it— and don’t say we didn’t get you anything for Christmas/Channukah/Diwali/Eid/Nowruz/Onam. ;)

Going on a hunger strike because you didn’t like Sanjaya Malakar was asinine. Way to make America look even lamer with your priorities there. No, don’t fret about the homeless, the environment or I don’t know, THE WAR. Worry your empty head about a child on AMERICAN IDOL. My contempt runneth over.

P.S. Regarding those whom you “thanked” for starving with you on this pathetic crusade: I cannot believe that there were others who were mentally impaired enough to join you in this foolish campaign against a contestant on reality television. I wish a lack of reproductive success upon the lot of you, so that your alleles won’t create defective little humans who would grow up to pull similarly inane stunts, lest they annoy MY descendants, who, if anything, will be even MEANER and less patient than I am.

P.P.S. Shlok, thanks for the tip.

P.P.P.S. Sanjaya Zindabad!!!! For no other reason than to irk everyone I cursed above. As our favorite teens Hetal and Kapila would eloquently say, FEEL R BROWN WRATH, HATERZZZZ.

Sanjaya-kutta,

Why?

You make it so hard to cheer you on, when you do ugly things with your pretty, pretty tresses. It’s just not okay. At all. Don’t you care about the greater desi community? How will THEY be affected by your reckless decision to have bad hair? You represent our hopes and assimilative aspirations— be careful out there. We’re counting on you and if you fail, we will never forgive you. Ever. Unless you go to medical school.

Sanjaya Malakar performed “Bath Water.” Randy Jackson said “Listen, the hairdo is definitely interesting. I like the kind of Mohawk look.” Paula Abdul said “To watch it on stage and not go for it, it’s kind of like we’re going ah, come on.“ Simon Cowell said “I presume there was no mirror in your dressing room tonight.” Sanjaya replied “You’re just jealous that you couldn’t pull it off.” Simon said “I couldn’t I agree. Sanjaya, I don’t think it matters anymore what we say, actually. I genuinely don’t. I think you are in your own universe and if people like you, good luck.” [linkosity]

Still, I wish you only the best— I just do so with my eyes closed, until someone tells me it’s safe to open them again.

Sanjaya zindabad,

A K K A

There is much in my life that the Holy Trilogy has taught me. I refer of course to Star Wars (the original, not the unwatchable prequels). As I make my way through this long and often chaotic journey, I know that I can always refer back to it for understanding and comfort in the face of confusion. Of course, as Joseph Campbell pointed out, Star Wars was really just a vehicle for the re-telling of the story of the Hero With a Thousand Faces:

A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man. [Link]

The original Star Wars Trilogy featured Luke Skywalker as the Hero. The prequels featured Anakin/Darth Vader as an anti-hero. All this introduction brings me to the story of Sanjaya Malakar, the 17-year-old singer on American Idol. He is the one. The chosen one that will bring a balance to the force. The light must be completely extinguished and the darkness he represents must reign over us all, before the world can rise up and purge that which he represents once again.

Now, before I continue with my analysis I must state, again, that I don’t watch American Idol. It comes on at the same time as Pussycat Dolls Presents: The Search for the Next Doll, which I watch instead. I wish American Idol contestants were “hot like” the Dolls, but they just aren’t so it is an easy choice. I’m shallow like that.

Some xenophobic theories on the internet claim that the reason Sanjaya is winning is because all the call center workers from India are calling in and voting for him. As if they have nothing better to do (like ummmm…take incoming customer complaints through the night). Such racist filth masquerading as one man’s “theory” undermines what is really happening here. Likewise, pictures such as the one below, although they do make the proper Star Wars connection, miss the mark by thinking of Sanjaya as merely a Sith and not the Sith Lord:

Sanjaya Maul

While we’re on the subject of television, am I the first person to think of shows like Lost and Heroes as the television equivalent of “magic realism” in the novel? These shows have elements of science fiction and fantasy, but remain grounded in realistic narration, human relationships, and a world that more or less resembles our own (with certain quiet variations). As a result, they can achieve mainstream respectability and broad popularity, while true Sci-Fi remains somewhat of a smaller, niche market — the “outer space” of basic cable, if you will.

This is going to sound blasphemous, but Heroes in particular actually reminds me a little of Midnight’s Children in some ways. Remember this delightful passage from Rushdie’s novel:

From Kerala, a boy who had the ability of stepping into mirrors and re-emerging through any surface in the land—through lakes, and (with greater difficulty), the polished bodies of automobiles … and a Goanese girl with the gift of multiplying fish … and children with powers of transformation: a werewolf from the Nilgiri hills, and from the great watershed of the Vindhvas, a boy who could increase or reduce his size at will, and had already (mischievously) been the cause of wild panic and rumors of the return of Giants … from Kashmir, there was a blue-eyed child of whose sex I was never certain, since by immersing herself in water he (or she) could alter it as she (or he) pleased. Some of us called this child Narada, others Markandaya, depending on which old fairy story of sexual change we had heard … near Jalna in the heart of the parched Deccan I found a water-divining youth, and at Budge-Budge outside of Calcutta a sharp-tongued girl whose words already had the power of inflicting physical wounds, so that after a few adults had found themselves bleeding freely as a result from some barb flung casually from her lips, they decided to lock her up in a bamboo cage and float her off down the Ganges to the Sunderbans jungles (which are the rightful home of monsters and phantasms); but nobody dared approach her, and she moved through the town surrounded by a vacuum of fear; nobody had the courage to deny her food. There was a boy who could eat metal and a girl whose fingers were so green that she could grow prize aubergines in the Thar desert; and more and more…

Ah, Rushdie: the old passages don’t disappoint. Of course, the different magical powers don’t map precisely to the characters in Heroes, but there are certain overlaps:

So is anyone coming down to Texas for SXSW? An anonymous tipster with good taste in music points out that The Big Sleep (see also here), The Cassettes, Voxtrot, Swati Sharma, and Aziz Ansari will all be representing the brown.

Speaking of Aziz, as I am sure many of you heard, MTV (not MTV Desi) just gave him his own show titled:

Here is a little taste. You can check out more on their website.

Two Sundays ago, the PBS program, Religion and Ethics, decided to ask the question: “Why are Hinduism and Buddhism capturing the attention of business and management circles?”

The show profiled Professor Srikumar S. Rao, of the enormously popular Columbia University class Creativity and Personal Mastery, and Gautam Jain, of the Vedanta Cultural Foundation.

So the answer to the PBS question? The usual hodgepodge: happiness is elusive, the material world is illusory, one must not be possessed by one’s possessions… Since the 80s proved to business people that greed is not necessarily good, satisfying, or even lucrative in the long run, people are searching for another peg to hang a slogan upon.

I have a reflexive gag reaction to anything that smells of Deepak Chopra and the “pot of gold at the end of the spiritual rainbow” school of thought. While Prof. Rao and Gautamji came across as sincere, thoughtful and genuine (at least in the 5 mins alloted to each), I wonder if, despite their best efforts to explode the If/Then model of happiness, their students listen selectively. After all, these are people willing to pay $1,000 over the cost of the class to listen to Prof. Rao. His website, Are You Ready to Succeed? opens with this passage:

Life is short. And uncertain. It is like a drop of water skittering around on a lotus leaf. You never know when it will drop off the edge and disappear. So each day is far too precious to waste. And each day that you are not radiantly alive and brimming with cheer is a day wasted.

Which, frankly, leaves me lost (lotus, skittering, radiant cheer -what?) and slightly thirsty.

In the we-watch-so-you-don’t have-to category, I thought it would be nice to provide an update or two on our non-Bollywood desi brethren continuing to make it in the world of reality television. We blogged previously about the Singing Malakars, and unlike Abhi, I have been known to watch American Idol and other reality fare, especially when they feature South Asians. (For the record, I think it is way better than toilet water.) In this weeks installment of American Idol, we saw saw the splitting of the Malakar siblings, as Simon, Paula, and Randy decided to send Shyamali home, but advance Sanjaya all the way through to the final 24 (link). I thought Sanjaya’s rendition of “Some Kind Of Wonderful,” was pretty good, and it was great to see a desi make it through to the actual competition. Even if he doesn’t win, as long as Sanjaya doesn’t give a performance like like this one from the U.K.’s Pop Idol (definitely click on the link—it is hilarious), he will be a winner in my book. You can follow Sanjaya’s progress, here and on American Idol which airs Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s on Fox.

Back in 2005, bloggers at Sepia Mutiny (and me, on my own small blog) announced with some excitement the advent of MTV Desi, a channel geared to NRIs and Second Gen South Asian youth. Now there are news reports that MTV Desi is getting axed, along with its sister diasporic channels MTV Chi and MTV K, as Viacom is undergoing a restructuring. Hollywood Reporter has an MTV executive making the following statement:

“Unfortunately, the premium distribution model for MTV World proved more challenging than we anticipated in this competitive environment,” the company said. “As a result, MTV has decided to shut down its linear MTV World operation. However, we remain steadfast in superserving multicultural youth, and we are continuing to investigate ways to integrate the MTV Desi, Chi and K brands online and on our other screens.” (link)

Well, duh, if it’s only available via Satellite TV, you can bet that “Cheap Ass Desis” (to rip off a former SM commenter’s moniker) aren’t about to shell out a hefty monthly fee for it. I believe I’m the only blogger here who actually subscribes to MTV Desi — and it’s only because my in-laws came to stay with us for a few months, and the channel came packaged with the channels they really wanted — Star One, Star Plus, Star News, and NDTV. Still, I’ve actually spent some hours watching the channel, so maybe I’m the best person to do a little mini-elegy. (By the way, it’s worth noting that the channel is still on the air as of today.)

First, the positive. The best thing I ever saw on MTV Desi was the following inspired rant by Parag Khanna.

There are some statements he makes that miss the mark (India isn’t the poorest country in the world by the indices I’ve seen), but I appreciate the energy. Instead of being the embarrassed, cautious ABCD — do we really know enough about India to comment on corruption? shouldn’t we stay “positive”? — he’s taking a strong stance. (Parag Khanna might make a good blogger.) If MTV Desi is really dead, it’s too bad we’ll get less stuff like this.

So, there was a big article in the New York Times recently (thanks, TechnophobicGeek) about how Indian TV is supposedly entering this golden age of innovative programming. Some of the shows mentioned have actually been talked about before at Sepia Mutiny, including “Galli Galli Sim Sim.” There’s also an interesting segment on a new reality show oriented to teenagers, called “Dhoom Machao Dhoom,” about four girls who want to start a band. One of them is a “returned” ABCD from New York, which makes for interesting drama when she says they should write their own songs instead of just doing Bollywood numbers…

Anyway, it’s a decent read, but it strikes me that Indian TV remains a narrow-minded backwater as long as Pakistan has Begum Nawazish Ali. Via 3 Quarks Daily, I came across a new profile at MSNBC of Pakistan’s famous celebrity drag queen and talk show host. Among other things, the Begum freely admits her “bisexuality,” though I’m not sure she means it the way we might think she means it. (Venial Sin, the former SM guest blogger, wasn’t thrilled about her performance, as you may remember: “I mean, kudos to Begum Nawazish Ali for getting to pull a tranny routine on TV, but how necessary is it to reiterate the stereotypes of a gay man as an effeminate ‘woman stuck in a male body’ or as a hijra?”)

But now comes the news that she plans to run for Pakistani Parliament:

Then Saleem dropped a bombshell. “You are the first person I am announcing this to, but I have decided to file my papers for the upcoming general elections,” he exclaimed. “I am going to run for a parliamentary seat as an independent from all over Pakistan and I am going to campaign as Begum Nawazish Ali!” The note of triumph and excitement in his voice is unmistakable.

“I want to be the voice of the youth and for all of Pakistan,” he continued. “The idea was always to break barriers and preconceived notions, of gender, identity, celebrity and politics and to bring people closer. In any case, I think Begum Nawazish Ali is the strongest woman in Pakistan!”

Whether Pakistanis agree or not, the elections at the end of the year are likely to be one of the most uproarious in recent times. (link)

Interesting — we’ll see if her political career (is she really serious?) is going to be as groundbreaking as her showbiz career has been.

There are many theories about how it is the Begum can get away with it in conservative Pakistan. She’s been careful not to be crude in the Dame Edma vein, but still — there are some serious social taboos being transgressed here. What do you think?

In case you’re wondering what the fuss is about, I might recommend this 10 minute Youtube clip of the Begum doing her thing. The jokes are corny, but the sari and make-up are exquisite.

Although I don’t enjoy reality television in general, I do love that fabulous Bravo show Top Chef. I love to cook. Before I even reached our new bureau offices in Texas I had a vegetable steamer and a set of very nice (and ridiculously sharp) Ginsus pre-deployed to my apartment (via Amazon supersaver shipping). I have also invested in a fust-class set of Calphalon cookware. Meal preparation has never been this much fun! Before I took up blogging, cooking was my one and only creative outlet. It is the only right brain talent I have. Blogging and cooking are very similar when you get right down to it. You have to serve up something delicious in a short time to an an often ungrateful audience who thinks they can do better.

Oh yeah baby. Pour that ink on me.

My favorite part of the show are those “quickfire challenges.” In these fierce battles, contestants are given only like 15 minutes to prepare a scrumptious meal out of some very basic ingredients. Once the hosts sent the contestants into a Kwik-E-Mart and made them use the food available there for a gourmet entree.

Speaking of hosts, Padma Lakshmi, the host of this season’s Top Chef (as Amardeep previously reported), has been getting skewered by the cooks off-camera. Here is a sample of the many ways to cut and prepare a Padma:

According to a source who worked on the set of Top Chef, the ex-model turned trophy wife turned hostess Padma Lakshmi allegedly enjoys smoking pot on set, giving a whole new meaning to the term “Quickfire Challenge” — see, cause she’s allegedly lighting up a joint instead of a stove! Anyway. Exactly how often this happened is disputed, though we were assured it was allegedly “fairly regularly…” [Link]

Asked if he trusted Lakshmi’s culinary taste, Ilan Hall, a line cook at Casa Mono, asked a Bravo flack, “Um, are we allowed to say disparaging things about Padma?” No. “She’s beautiful,” Hall offered. “Mostly, she just explained things, and she did a good job at that.” Cliff Crooks, executive chef at Salute!, said, “Nothing she said really made a difference in my cooking.” Sam Talbot, former executive chef at Punch, said, “Next question.” He also noted that she seemed intent on stepping out of her famous husband’s shadow. “She never wanted to talk about him. I remember a time she got a phone call and she yelled, ‘You can ask me any question you want, but don’t bring up my husband!’” And then there’s the matter of her stomach-baring, kitchen-unfriendly attire. “Some of the things she wore, I wouldn’t suggest anyone wear around a working kitchen,” said Crooks. “Either she’d be a fire hazard or she’d get hurt…” [Link]

See, if I ever had the opportunity to score a trophy wife then I think I could do a lot worse than Padma. On the show she always has a very neutral tone though. She smiles often but never actually laughs. She also gives a lot of really intelligent sounding critiques to the chefs…until the real chefs nicely contradict her seconds later. I do love those outfits though, even if they are fire hazards.

Anyways the season finale of Top Chef is on Wednesday night! It’s down to that obnoxious Marcel and the saffron-happy Ilan. I can’t stand the excitement.

It’s not just “The Apprentice” with the chef Tom Colicchio subbing for the emperor Donald Trump, not just “America’s Next Top Model” with a much higher calorie count. It’s a look at the imagination, desperation, judgment and serendipity that inform any great meal. [Link]

I will close the comments tomorrow night until after the show is over on the West Coast. You East Coasters always ruin these things by blabbing too early.

As predicted by the markets, Shetty today won Celebrity Big Brother in the UK. The whole thing was a very big deal in some ways. It sparked intense debate in the UK and caused an international furore. Tony Blair weighed in, as did the mayor of London Ken Livingston, and at least six cabinet ministers including Gordon Brown, the man who is likely to become the next PM. The media coverage of the whole thing has been intense. It has resurrected Shetty’s career, and buried the careers of Danielle Lloyd and Jade Goody. English celebrities will probably be on their best behavior concerning issues of race for the near future, and broadcasters more careful about racist content.

Still - will this tempest in a teapot matter in a few months? Will it lead to any real changes for British Asians, or will it soon be forgotten?

Over at Pickled Politics Sunny directs our attention to an article earlier this week by Priyamvada Gopal in the Guardian. In it, the author raises a number of important questions. Firstly, how deep is our recently renewed ethnic solidarity:

For British Asians, the public display of familiar battles poked at raw wounds, inspiring large numbers to protest. I would feel a lot more excited about this apparent resurgence of anti-racist awareness if recent years had shown more evidence of a genuine activist spirit among us. Where were these tens of thousands of protesting voices when young Zahid Mubarak died at the hands of a white racist cellmate with whom he should not have been made to share a cell? When a few hundred Sikh women protested alone at discriminatory treatment by British Airways meal supplier Gate Gourmet? [Link]

How much of our response to Shetty’s treatment reflects class anxiety and aspirations?

India … is increasingly obsessed with disseminating the myth of the nation as fundamentally middle-class, professional and successful. The task has partly fallen on the feminine shoulders of India’s flourishing glamour industry.

This anxiety to belong to the global community of the economically successful explains Shilpa’s repeated protests that she is not from the “slums” and did not grow up on the “roadside”… Shilpa understands her task clearly: to show the world that India is really about beauty and entrepreneurial success, not slums and poverty. Losing neither time nor opportunity, India Tourism brought out a full-page ad last week … [Link]

I’ve never seen a movie starring Shilpa Shetty. I’ve never watched Big Brother. I had no idea until this post on SepiaMutiny that Shilpa Shetty would be on Big Brother. Frankly, I didn’t read it because I didn’t care.

So why, in in the name of all that is sacred, have so many of my conversations in the past few days involved the unholy combination of a mediocre Bollywood actress and a revolting reality show?

Sajit recently tackled the growing controversy surrounding the show, so please refer to his post if you need to catch up. That’s were it began for me.

Then Mr. Cicatrix and I randomly channel-surfed our way to a ABC Nightline News segment on the how Shilpa’s quiet dignity was “Uniting India’s Warring Muslims and Hindus.” So sixty years after Partition, THIS is what finally unites?!

The House of Commons has weighed in. Tony Blair. The British Chancellor of the Exchequer. The Indian Parliament has lodged a formal complaint with the British government. All this over remarks variously described as “girly rivalry,” “bullying,” and “racist abuse.” (link) Remarks made by people so stupid, one thought “Winston Churchill was the first black president of America.” (link)

The talking heads pontificated and culture critics scibbled op-eds. Is it jealousy? Class conflict? Bigotry? Ignorance? (link). Insecurity? Stupidity? (link). A set-up by the show’s creators? (link). Shilpa’s own fault? (Yep. Germaine Greer said it).

The semiotics of racism, of “poppadoms,” “can’t even speak English,” “Shilpa Fuckawallah” and “live in a house or a shack,” have been tossed about selectively and dissected to the point that it’s all just meaningless chatter.

So it was a relief and a surprise to read Martin Jacques’ article in the Guardian (thanks ultrabrown). Jacques, a Fellow at the Asia Research Center at the London School of Economics, roots around the muck to find a very solid reason for why this show is more than a tempest in a teapot, why it resonates so violently in Britain and abroad:

The test of our behaviour, of how racist we are, is no longer what the white British think. That started to change with the self-awareness and growing confidence of our own ethnic minorities. But the matter does not end there. The test now, in this instance, is what Indians in India think, how they perceive us.

As Goody raged and railed against Shetty on Wednesday night’s TV broadcast, she was like a cornered animal, lashing out in every direction against something she clearly detested but also feared and felt threatened by. She was confronted not only with the Other, but a hugely self-confident Other. What could be worse? It was a metaphor for the world that is now rapidly taking shape before our very eyes. (link )

I think he nails it.

I want to start by emphatically stating (for the record) that I DO NOT WATCH American Idol. I would rather admit to drinking toilet water. However, I really was flipping channels when I came across the cutest sister (19)/brother (17) from Washington trying out for the show in Seattle. I had to stop and watch. Whatever. I do hate myself. [Pics via Uber Desi from American Idol]

Shyamali sang Summertime. Paula Abdul said she was very nervous, but didn’t need to be. Simon Cowell wasn’t impressed, but both Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul said “yes.” Her brother Sanjaya Malakar sang Stevie Wonder’s “Sign, Sealed, Delivered.” Simon Cowell said he was a lot better than his sister. All three judges agreed on putting Sanjaya through to Hollywood. [Link]

You can tell already that the Idol editors are going to play up the whole sibling rivalry angle which is unfortunate since I’ll bet that these two are as close as a sister and brother can get. Even though the judges thought Sanjaya had a better voice (but his sister better stage presence) he didn’t rub it in on camera. Since I am never watching the show again, I’ll count on some of you readers to let us know what happens with these two. I think they are both too shy but if Clay Aiken could get as far as he got then anything is possible.

There have been a lot of desis on TV this week. Good stuff.

I have never sat through an entire episode of “24” before, but I felt compelled to watch the sixth season premiere after learning that Kal Penn would be playing a supporting role. So I watched all four hours of it on Sunday and Monday. And afterwards I felt pretty queasy. For those of you who missed any of it, I’ll give a you synopsis of what happens to Kal Penn’s character over those four hours. (If you have watched it, you can skip the next two paragraphs.)

Kal plays Ahmed Amar, a teenager living in suburban Los Angeles. A suicide bomber has just blown up a bus downtown. We meet Amar when the FBI arrives in the suburbs to take his father away for reasons unknown to viewers. A drunk neighbor, Stan, watches Amar’s father being taken away and proceeds to attack Amar, calling him a terrorist. The kind liberal Mr. Wallace, who lives across the street, witnesses the attack and intervenes, gently saying, “Stan, he’s no more of a terrorist than you or me.”

The Wallace family takes Amar in. Ironically, Amar then receives a phone call from (gasp) an evil Muzzie terrorist, Fayed, the cartoonish archvillain of the show. Amar proceeds to hold the family hostage, demanding that Mr. Wallace deliver a package to Fayed. (He can’t do it himself, because he’s injured from the hate crime.) When Mr. Wallace’s teenage son asks, “Why are you doing this? We’re friends,” Amar responds, “We’re friends?! You can’t even pronounce my name. It’s not Aw-med. It’s ACCCCCCH-med.” (And it’s not Kal Penn, it’s Kalpen Modi.) Mr. Wallace later proclaims, “Stan was right. You are a terrorist.” Mr. Wallace then leaves to deliver the package. A little while later, counter-terrorist agents enter, killing Amar and saving the Mrs. and younger Wallace. But it’s too late. The delivered package helps set off a “suitcase nuke,” presumably killing hundreds of thousands of people in the process.

“Kind of like the Indian Robert Redford and Brad Pitt, only crank up the handsome and rip off the knob.” That’s how Stephen Colbert described Amitabh Bachchan and Shah Rukh Khan in a segment Tuesday evening making fun of celebrity feuds. (Apparently there’s some ruckus about Big B not turning up at SRK’s New Year’s Eve party.) Trump v. Rosie and Angelina v. Madonna were the other two targets, but with a full half of the segment devoted to Bollywood clips and mangled names of Indian stars (“Let me tell you something: If Pree-etty Zinta is there, you better fucking show up”), the item — which wasn’t all that funny to begin with — came out in a weird space between derision and, ultimately, a kind of respect. Watch for yourself, but to my eyes this was a more sophisticated intro to Bollywood than anyone in the studio audience might have expected. I suspect we have an alternadesi mole somewhere on Colbert’s writing staff.

As you might expect the Indian press is all over it. “The short spoof may also have been aired keeping in mind the fact that the show is extremely popular amongst Indian Americans,” this report speculates.

As SM regular Badmash notes on the news page, the new sitcom “Little Mosque on the Prairie” has its debut this evening on the CBC, Canada’s public broadcasting network. I hope that many of you Canadian mutineers will check it out and report back on what, from the clips available on the show’s site and news reports, looks like a smart comedy that takes on anti-Muslim prejudice without straying from the tried-and-true writing and directing approaches that make situational comedy work. Here’s the synopsis:

LITTLE MOSQUE ON THE PRAIRIE is a new comedy from CBC Television about a small Muslim community in the prairie town of Mercy, many of whose residents are wary of their new, more “exotic” neighbors. The series takes an unabashedly funny look at the congregation of a rural mosque and their attempt to live in harmony with the often skeptical, even down right suspicious, residents of their little prairie town. The sitcom reveals that, although different, we are all surprisingly similar when it comes to family, love, the generation gap and our attempts to balance our secular and religious lives.

You can get a sense of the show from the CNN report linked above. (If you can’t stand Paula Zahn, forward to 00:38 for the start of actual piece.) The airport scene is classic. The humor is pretty direct and there’s lots of room for slapstick but that’s what makes the format work. Also check out this story about the show from the CBC itself. It’s mercifully Zahnless but shows fewer clips.

Both segments introduce us to the show’s creator, Zarqa Nawaz. This sister is no joke! She’s a British-born, Toronto-raised practicing Muslim mother-of-four, who “had a Bachelor of Science degree from U of T in her hands when she realized that medical schools had screening committees to keep people like her out of the health care system.” She went on to broadcast journalism and film, and has lived for the past ten years in cosmopolitan Regina, capital of Saskatchewan:

If anyone in Bollywood needs a big brother to watch over her, one of my first guesses would be item-number girl extraordinaire, Shilpa Shetty. And lucky for her (and for us too), Big Brother will be watching her, and by Big Brother, I am referring to the UK television show’s ongoing celebrity version (thanks Jai).

The BBC reports yesterday that Ms. Shetty (31) was the sixth of eleven stars to enter the Big Brother house, wearing a pink sari. Because Shetty, who has appeared in over 30 Bollywood films, is an unmarried Indian female, attractive, and over the age of 30, it appears that they are going to focus on her love-life (you know, being single, desi, and over 30, the horror, the horror).

The film icon will reportedly have a dinner date with another housemate, in which she will be encouraged to flirt and reports say Ms Shetty - often the subject of marriage speculation - will dine at a later stage in the show with the housemate she finds the most attractive. Inevitably, Indian coverage of the show will focus on romance in Shilpa Shetty’s life.”

But it isn’t likely that any shaadi will result from the show. When responding to a love-life related query from one newspaper in the run-up to the show, Shetty kept it fashionably coy saying, “I shall marry but after three years. There is no-one in my life as of today. And, I am very happy living single, at present.” (link)

Correspondents, like always, are saying that Shetty’s appearance on Big Brother is bound to be hugely controversial in India where many would question its standards of morality. Maybe so, but these correspondents must then have missed some of her more risque-scantily clad-and-in-the-rain dance numbers that Shilpa has participated. Morality, Shmorality, it is Big Brother, and by the look of things already, this season sounds like it is going to be interesting. I know I will be watching, and with Shilpa on, I bet many of the two million plus British Asians will be too. You can see videos of the show here, Shilpa’s page here, and Shilpa big brother news here.

I think we can all agree that there’s enough Fugly to go around. Here’s one I spotted (and indeed, uploaded) myself:

Gotta love them back-up dancers! This clip is from Nach Baliye 2, a popular dance reality TV show on the Star One channel. The contestants aren’t actual amateurs, but professional TV actors who are taking a stab at dancing. Also, they’re all married (and most weeks, the married couples dance only with each other). Finally, every show features gratuitous brown-nosing of the star judges, including especially Saroj Khan. In short, it’s “Dancing With the Stars,” only much more conservative and twice as cheesy.

(Forgive the low quality of the video; a higher quality version can be found here, though you’ll have to sit through some introductory stuff. More recommended dance snips from this week’s show: Tanaaz, as Kali; Bakhtyaar, with kiddies; and Husain, rocking the Hrithik Roshan moves to a Daler Mehndi Sukhbir tune.)

On September 15 BidiSmoker wrote this about the best show on TV:

I know there isn’t much of a desi angle to the story, but I’d love to write a post for SM on the Wire just because it’s such a great show that everyone should watch and no one does.

and Salil replied:

I TiVo and watch it religiously. It is, in my opinion, the best show on TV. I lived in Baltimore for a year, and they’ve captured the feel of that city to perfection. It’s gritty and raw without being forced or unbelievable, and the stories are really powerful. I kind of wish for a desi angle on it, too.

It is written, ask and ye shall receive! For it turns out that only a few days later the desi angle manifested itself. Allow me to take you through the steps:

1) The best show on television is The Wire.

2) The Wire takes place in Baltimore.

3) Baltimore has two major current cultural exports that share a rough, hyperrealistic griminess. One is The Wire, the other is the bass-heavy sound known as Baltimore club.

4) A major recent convert to Baltimore club is DJ Wesley Pentz aka Diplo.

5) Diplo is the music- (and sometimes more-) mate of Mathangi “Maya” Arulpragasam AKA M.I.A.

6) M.I.A.’s first reported appearance in the United States since her reported troubles with U.S. immigration took place on September 25 at Baltimore club Taxidermy Lounge, in a surprise set with Diplo before about 20 late-Monday-night revelers. (There she is to the right; photo from the Tazidermy Lounge MySpace page.)

7) M.I.A.’s new track “XR2,” now spreading virally over the internets (thanks Ismat and Nirali!), and its Diplo remix “XR2 Turbo,” are heavily influenced by Baltimore club.

So there you have it; the connection is drawn. Now you macacas can talk freely here about the show — or about the song, which marks something of a new artistic direction for the sista. I think it’s pretty dope.

Al-Jazeera’s English-language channel launched today. I just watched the inaugural broadcast of Riz Khan’s daily one-hour show. It consisted of two long interviews, one with the Palestinian prime minister, Ibrahim Haniyeh of Hamas, and one with Shimon Peres, Israel’s vice-premier. Riz posed questions that were substantive and reasonably challenging, including a number sent in by viewers. It was interesting enough though the demure pace — you might say sedate — took some getting used to; the long-form interview format is only as good as the interviewees. The Peres segment was the more watchable, while the Haniyeh segment suffered from long, awkward pauses while Riz’s questions were being translated, off air, into Arabic.

As I write this, an hour-long news show is under way with anchors in Doha, London and Washington and correspondents deployed in a number of locations. The global-South aspirations are made clear, with a reporter in Tehran, an interview of Congolese president Joseph Kabila, and a feature story from Brazil. The voices are mainly British, and of these, several are desi; others include former BBC reporter Rageh Omaar and other veterans of established UK and other outlets. The weather announcer is British and blonde.

The news hour pace is slower than CNN but faster than Riz’s show, very much in line with what you get on British and European news channels. It’s quite pleasant, actually. The overall production values are strong. So is the website, which has been totally overhauled from its previous atrocious state; it now looks very nice and has a good clear interface, although it’s still quite thin on content. To watch AJE in the United States, you will need to go through the website as there are no US distribution deals in place yet, and who knows when there will be. The site offers two feeds through RealPlayer: the low bandwidth feed, which I watched, worked fine, although it automatically ends after 15 minutes (you can just press play and it restarts); a high-quality feed is also offered for $5.95 per month.

The jury is out and no doubt will be for quite some time, but once I lowered my metabolism to the right level, I actually started to find the broadcast quite interesting and refreshing in its choices of topics. Nothing politically controversial has happened yet, and the presenters regularly read viewer email, including negative comments. It’s been striking so far how many of the comments, both positive and negative, come from people in the US. Perhaps the producers are emphasizing these on purpose.

My principal criticism so far is the overall global-antiseptic style that makes you feel like you are in a hotel room on some business trip even when you aren’t. But that’s a problem all these international news channels share. Here’s an early, generally positive, assessment from The Times of London; a profession of faith by the English program editor in The Guardian; and a Washington Post feature on Dave Marash, the Washington anchor.

In non-election news, tipsters are blowing up our spot to tell us about The Papdits, a TV pilot being shown online at Innertube, CBS’s broadband outlet. The creator is someone called Ant Hines, who is credited as a co-writer on Da Ali G Show and Borat.

The Papdits are a fictional Indian family (Kashmiri, the website specifies, strangely) who go around the United States in an RV on a mission to purchase and operate quartz mines. (Bear with me here.) We see them in Arkansas interacting with local yokels who are unaware that this is a “reality/scripted hybrid” played by actors who want to make them look ridiculous. I got through the corny music and overdone accents and made it to the point where the daughter wants to “make toilet” in a lake off the side of a boat that the family is trying to rent. You can see it all here.

The show is coming out of what Variety calls “two years of development hell,” being first developed for — and rejected by — Fox, before landing with CBS:

When it came time to make a decision on a series greenlight, however, CBS decided the show was simply too out there for its relatively mainstream aud.

Out there??? Try idiotic, borderline racist, a complete dog!

But [CBS exec] Tellem said Eye execs were hard-pressed to simply dismiss the show, which prompted serious laughter in the net’s screening rooms last May. …

Execs quickly decided it made sense to put the Sony/CBS Par show on the net’s Innertube broadband service. Rather than just throw it on immediately, however, net opted to wait a few months in order to piggyback the online premiere of “The Papdits” with the release of another, similarly themed project: “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.”

Yeah, just like Borat, right? No, for at least one salient reason: while Sacha Baron Cohen is not, in fact, Kazakh, Ant Hines found himself some real-life desis to play the Papdit family. The mother, father and son are played by Priya Ayyar, Nitin Ganatra, and Kunal Sharma. One trusts this will not be the culminating achievement of their careers. CBS, meanwhile, thinks it’s onto something, and Hines ends up a winner either way:

While it’s highly unlikely the Innertube exposure will lead to a CBS berth for “The Papdits,” Tellem doesn’t hesitate when asked whether more episodes of the project could end up on Innertube.

“Absolutely,” she said.

In the meantime, CBS has given Hines a vote of confidence, inking a deal with the scribe to develop a new project for next season.

UPDATE: I think The Papdits is awful, but Priya at Nirali has a different view. What do y’all think?

Who cares if there is no stamp commemorating Diwali when NBC’s Emmy Award winning comedy The Office has an episode commemorating the Hindu holiday. The episode, written by Mindy Kaling, born Vera Chokalingam, (also author of the Diwali song (link via nirali magazine)-, the Hindu answer to Adam Sandler’s Hannukah Song) airs tonight on NBC at 8:30 EST. Tonight’s episode, simply titled “Diwali,” has Michael played by Steve Carell, urging all the staff to support Kelly Kapoor, played by Mindy Kaling, and attend a local celebration of the Hindu Festival of Lights. As Ryan (B.J. Novak) nervously faces Kelly’s family at the event, Michael, his new girlfriend Carol, and the staff sample a range of Indian culture and cuisine. Since the episode hasn’t aired yet, we can’t say too much about the content, but the fact that the show is happening is pretty cool. I hope some YouTube links will pop up in the comments after the show airs. Check out Nirali Magazine’s blog for an exclusive look at the show.

The suspicious-looking individual to the right is a Muslim. Would you feel nervous if you saw her on an airplane?

The reason I ask is that my attention was drawn to the NBC game show “Deal Or No Deal,” which I haven’t actually seen on television, but appears to involve suitcases that may or may not be filled with large amounts of cash, presented to contestants by a bevy of hot models. The show’s website emphasizes the models, and when I checked it out the featured model to appear on my screen was this one, #13, name of Leyla. It struck me from her name and her visage that she might just be, you know, one of them, even though the web bio supplied for her only told me that she came from Toronto. And that she has “the face of an Angel and the drive of a tigress,” and was once a tomboy but is now “no longer a tomboy by any stretch of the imagination,” if you get my drift, phwarrr phwarrr. Fortunately the Persian Mirror was more forthcoming in identifying Leyla Milani and claiming her as one of their co-ethnics, which means in all likelihood she’s Muslim as well.

So, you ask, what does this have to do with the price of chapatis? Well, not much, really, except that the reason I was investigating “Deal or No Deal” in the first place was because of this Craigslist ad that was picked up today by Gawker:

Do you get nervous when you see a Muslim on an airplane? Have your opinions about Muslims changed since September 11? Do you have family or friends that get nervous around Muslims?

A NEW SHOW SEEKS New York families who have traditional family values but are uneasy around Muslims.

The show will profile families in different communities across the country. This one hour documentary-style series from the producers of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” and “Deal or No Deal” will take a look at the people and cultures that make up America.

This series will also explore other issues that families from varied backgrounds face in their day-to-day life and provide opportunities to them that they might not have access to otherwise. This is not a home makeover show.

This is a paid opportunity.

If you are interested or have any questions about this show, please e-mail the following information to AshtonRamsey@Yahoo.com.

I repeat: THIS IS NOT A HOME MAKEOVER SHOW. So even if your closets are jammed full of last year’s hijabs and were decorated in Saddam-era 1980s Arabesque kitsch, do not apply. It’s also not a game show, presumably — or is it? what do the suitcases contain? are there airplanes involved? — although it is a “paid opportunity.” I guess you can email Ashton if you want to know more.

I apologize in advance for the geekery that may ensue on this website but I feel obligated to a certain segment of our readership to point out that tonight (Friday night-when all the cool people will be out) marks the season premiere of Battlestar Galactica, a show that one Newsweek writer recently called “indisputably, hands-down and without question, the best show on television.”

About a year ago, I tried to pitch NEWSWEEK’s arts editor on a “BSG” story. He said something along the lines of “Get out of my office, nerd,” which neatly sums up the challenge of getting other people to watch it. The title unfortunately evokes its predecessor, a 1978 “Star Wars” clone that presented humanity fleeing through space, pursued by robots with the same blinking red LEDs that was later adopted by the talking car in “Knight Rider.”

I was never a big fan of the original, but I became an instant convert to the Sci Fi Channel version…

At the center of the maelstrom is the ethically challenged Colonel Tigh, the show’s biggest hawk and best character. In his portrayal of the squinting Tigh, actor Michael Hogan brilliantly channels Donald Rumsfeld. Tigh despises all things soft, and anything that smells of compromise or weakness. When he’s told in this week’s episode that a suicide bomber will inflict many casualties, both human and Cylon, he barks: “Don’t avoid them. Send a message. There are no boundaries for the Cylons and there are no boundaries for us!”

Beyond the Rumsfeldian Tigh, the show blatantly co-opts the visual imagery of the current conflicts in the Middle East. Prisoners are marched into jails with hoods draped over their heads and sit alone in cement block cells—shades of Abu Ghraib. [Link]

I am sure many of you are still wondering why I am writing about this on SM. Well, for one thing the show’s opening credits are Hindu friendly, set to…the Gayatri Mantra. Also, late last season Indo-Canadian actress Rekha Sharma joined the cast as Tory Foster, an aide to outgoing President Laura Roslin. I am expecting to see her role grow this season. Or she may be killed off like the President’s former aid. This ain’t like Star Trek, even the non-randoms gets whacked.

And for the record, I won’t be home tonight. I have TiVo.

As luck would have it, while at the frigid ND bunker and prancing around in nothing but her tropical New Orleanian wear, your intrepid guest blogger caught a cold and was forcibly isolated from the other monkeys and community computer for a week. Eeek achoo eeek! Hey, the New Orleanian cold front of 75 degrees and 80% humidity just hit yesterday, and this macaca yearns for a mint julep on her sunny porch.

While mired in the hurricane-force sneezes and sea of wadded-up tissue paper, cable TV overcame me and I fell prey to such eye-searers as As The World Turns, Dr. Phil and America’s Next Top Model. Dear Supreme Geek Council, please do not oust me from your favor for this transgression. Your humble servant was merely … ummmm … getting to know the enemy … yeah, that’s it.

Anchal Joseph of Homestead, FL wishes to go beyond model immigrant; she wants to be a supermodel. This 19-year-old sports flawless dark skin, ass-length hair, blue-tinted contacts and a desire to show her people that dark women can walk that catwalk, too. With tears threatening to evict her fake baby blues, Ms. Anchal informed Tyra Banks, Jay Manuel (a planet in the neighboring galaxy is missing its weirdo) and J. Alexander (and I do not quote), “Where I come from, light skin and light eyes are preferable to dark skin and eyes. I want to show them that I am just as beautiful.” Fair enough. So, why the blue contacts? If you want to win on your looks, where is the need for the prop? Then again, Anchal is the only one out of 36 who doesn’t transform into a vavoom covergirl when adorned with that other crutch - lots of makeup. She looks pretty much her beautiful same. (Aside: Check out this definition for anchal)

Conversely, the only personal features I find appealing are my brown skin and black eyes. My hips could use several circumlocutions of the block and 5’4” isn’t anything to write Elle about. This isn’t to say that my extended family has risen above the inanity of Anchal’s experiences; in fact, I’ve been on the receiving end of such remarks for 12 more years than her. My dark skin has never bothered me, even when met with reproachful stares from the kuppai that populates my end of the South. To each her own pathology or just another plea for Reality-TV^TM attention?

Speaking of this past week’s TV, was it the NyQuil crooning or did a segment of Chaiyya Chaiyya open a scene of the Smith premiere?

Who said desi accents weren't sexy? One in particular will keep me glued to the TV every Monday night, starting next Monday on the NBC sci-fi drama Heroes.

Desi-licious

The most heated debate [by critics] centers on "Heroes," NBC's bold new drama about everyday people who discover they have extraordinary powers (one can teleport, another can fly, a third is impervious to bodily injury) and ultimately band together to fight evil. (Think "X-Men" meets "Lost.") Our panelists are deeply divided on this show -- they either love it or seem to be disillusioned with the genre. [link]

Looks like with this show, NBC will be finally be able to tap into the 'sci-fi drama for Gen X' market that had been previously cornered by the soon to be defunct WB. As for my new television crush with the delicious desi accent -- it is Sendhil Ramamurthy, who plays the Indian geneticist turned New York cabbie Mohinder Suresh.

A tenured genetics professor at the the University of Madras. His father Chandra was also a professor until he disappeared from India and the accredited academic world years ago after raving about a "global event' that would change mankind. He thought his answers would be in New York... Chandra was murdered. Mohinder moves to New York to find out why his father was killed. [link]

Boys, you can have your Lakshmi-the-cooking-show-host because us girls will have Ramamurthy-the-geneticist- professor-who-will-solve-the-mystery. The Heroes site has delicious videos online to be sure to get you addicted well in advances of the Sept. 25th premiere. If you are a fan of the intrigue that was behind Lost (first season), or a comic book geek for superhuman abilities, then this show is sure to be your cup of chai. Join me in my new Monday night obsession, as I'm sure other female mutineers across the nation will be sure to do, in a swoon worthy weekly television event.

Tim Russert, the host of NBC’s Meet the Press, has been doing a great job of late on Sunday mornings. My TiVo is always set for 8a.m. Did any of you catch his interview last Sunday with The Prince of Dar… Vice President Dick Cheney? Here are some choice quotes for those who don’t have the time to watch the entire episode which is still linked to NBC’s website (it is a great hour of Must See TV):

MR. RUSSERT: Pakistan has now a peace pact with the terrorists in the area where we think bin Laden is, creating what Richard Clarke, the former White House adviser on terrorism, calls a “sanctuary.” And reports from the RAND Corporation that the Pakistan CIA, the ISI, are in…

VICE PRES. CHENEY: ISID.

MR. RUSSERT: Yeah, are in cahoots with the Taliban. So if the Pakistanis aren’t willing to seek bin Laden, and have a peace pact with the terrorists, where are we?

VICE PRES. CHENEY: I don’t buy the premature question, Tim. I, I think it’s wrong and I think the sources you’ve quoted are wrong. The fact is we’ve captured and killed more al-Qaeda in Pakistan than any place else in the world in the last five years. President Musharraf has been a great ally. There was, prior to 9/11, a close relationship between the Pakistan intelligence services and the Taliban. Pakistan was one of only three nations that recognized, diplomatically recognized the government of Afghanistan at that particular time. But the fact is Musharraf has put his neck on the line in order to be effective in going after the extremist elements including al-Qaeda and including the Taliban in Pakistan. There have been three attempts on his life, two of those by al-Qaeda over the course of the last three years. This is a man who has demonstrated great courage under very difficult political circumstances and has been a great ally for the United States.

So there’s no question in that area along the Afghan/Pakistan border is something of a no man’s land, it has been for centuries. It’s extraordinarily rough territory. People there who move back and forth across the border, they were smuggling goods before there was concern about, about terrorism. But we need to continue to work the problem. Musharraf just visited Karzai in, in Kabul this past week, they’re both going to be here during the course of the U.N. General Assembly meetings over the course of the next few weeks. We worked that area very hard, and the Paks have been great allies in that effort. [Link]

This Sunday Russert will be hosting a live debate between Virginia’s Senate candidates: Senator George “Macaca” Allen (R) vs. former Secretary of the Navy Jim Webb (D). Russert is the master of using damaging quotes in the middle of his grilling and so you better believe that he will go after Allen and his use of the term “Macaca.” He may also ask a question or two about this “Ethnic Rally” that Allen recently held. You have to listen to this introduction:

The Macaca who is speaking on stage explains to the audience that if Allen were a cricket player he would dominate the Indians, and if he were a Bollywood actor he would be cast as a “God.” Rrrrright. Now I don’t mind so much that I don’t watch Bollywood.

There’s now a Hindi-language version of Sesame Street being broadcast on Indian TV, called Galli Galli Sim Sim. It’s filmed in Delhi, and it appears to be the second twenty-seventh adaptation of the Sesame Street idea . And no, I don’t know what the heck Laura Bush is doing there.

After the jump, you’ll find a Youtube link with a clip that I think you’ll enjoy. But first, an introduction to the “muppet” characters on Galli Galli Sim Sim:

*Boombah, a hedonistic lion who believes he is descended from one of India’s historic royal families. Coincidentally, Boombah bares a resemblance to Goleo VI from the 2006 Fifa World Cup, a puppet constructed by The Jim Henson Company.
* Chamki, a schoolgirl dressed in the uniform of an Indian government school
* Googly, Chamki’s best friend, named after the cricket delivery and with a cricket ball-like nose
* Aanchoo, a storyteller who is transported to other places when she sneezes (link)

Any show with a hedonistic lion is all right with me. I also like both “Googly” and “Aanchoo” as character names. Though I don’t think they’ve got anything yet to compete with the name “Snuffleupagus”.

I don’t mean to go all ‘jumping jack’ on you at such an early date with craptastic image quality and poor sourcing to boot but these circumstances cannot be helped.

Take a long look at the ANTM Cycle 7 contestants and tell me you haven’t been this excited since Cycle 3:

Name: Anchal, Occupation: Sales Clerk, Age: 19, Hometown: Homestead, Fla. [Link]

I just wanted to get that off my chest. Blood pressure normalizing.

(Alternate link to the video) Aasif Mandvi is an Indian-American actor and one-time playwright who has had small parts in many movies and larger parts on a number of major TV shows (like CSI). His Daily Show appearance — as a “Middle Eastern Affairs Correspondent” — is pretty clever; he riffs on Condoleezza Rice’s claim that the current wars in the Middle East are merely the “birth pangs” of emergent democracy in a “new Middle East”. Mandvi gets a couple of big laughs, but also possibly loses the audience at the end with an ironic line about 9/11.

The Kumars at No. 42 will be back on BBC America starting this Friday at 9pm ET for its sixth season. Personally, I am looking forward to it because it’s the first time since the show started being broadcast in the U.S. that I actually get the BBC America channel in my cable lineup.

North London’s most famous and eccentric Indian family is back and would like to welcome its U.S. viewers into their home for an all-new season of celebrity chat. Think sitcom meets talk show with a little improv thrown in for good measure!

On the guest list this season are David Hasselhoff, George Hamilton, Elvis Costello, Alice Cooper, Joanna Lumley, Jane Seymour and Zoë Wanamaker. The Kumars have indulged their spoiled son, Sanjeev by installing a state-of-the-art TV studio in their backyard where he attempts to host a talk show. (link)

I’m not sure who some of those people are (brit-celebrities, I presume), but certainly it should be interesting to see what they do with/to David Hasselhoff and Alice Cooper in particular.

Sepia Mutiny (mostly via Manish) has posted on the doings of Sanjeev Bhaskar (OBE), Meera Syal, and company many times, so this is more of a heads-up post than anything new for long-time readers. There are of course innumerable Goodness Gracious Me clips of varying hilarity (GGM was Bhaskar’s earlier gig) available on Youtube. However, despite the ready availability of GGM on the internet, it’s odd that the only sketches from the more recent Kumars at No. 42 one finds online are on the BBC website. (Perhaps the BBC is more vigilant in patrolling its current content than Comedy Central?)

Incidentally, Meera Syal, at age 45, is a new mum, an experience which, she says, leaves her feeling “really knackered.” (She has a 13 year old child from a previous marriage.)

I’ll freely admit it. I enjoy reality TV. The obsession began during summer vacation in 1992 when I would sneak peaks at the first installment of MTV’s The Real World. My mom hated the show (she despised MTV), but I thought the concept of getting to watch Julie, Eric, Kevin, Norm, Becky, Andre, and Heather B, regular people live their daily lives was amazing. To my 13-year old eyes, reality tv was an easily accessible documentary.

Well, the genre has come a long way since then, and has even taken a couple of steps back, but tonight ABC premieres what I like to call network television’s homage to the Real World for people who actually grew up watching The Real World, “One Ocean View.” The show, produced by Real World Producer Jonathan Murray and Joey Carson,

“revolves around a summer share beach house where eleven, attractive, single, career-driven New Yorkers flee Manhattan each Friday to escape the soaring city temperatures for a different kind of heat. One Ocean View is a show about people old enough to have real jobs, issues and baggage, but still young enough to leave all that behind and have a great time. Fun, flings and nights filled with romance heat up as the days grow shorter and the pressure builds to make this a summer to remember”(link.)

More importantly, this show marks the reality tv debut of a couple of semi-professional soccer playing, organic-pizza eating, twin sisters, Radha (l) and Miki (r) Agrawal. From some googling (thanks tvgasm) and their bios, which conveniently read almost the same, we learn that the two were quite popular at Cornell, where they both played soccer and were in the stage version of Cyrano De Bergerac, and quit investment banking to open up an organic pizza parlor in New York’s upper east side. Apparently, the pizza parlor, which has been featured on the food network, grew out of Miki’s lactose intolerance. I can’t say the show is going to be good, in fact everything I have read and seen about it indicates quite the opposite, but hey, it can’t be worse than divya and priya’s sweet sixteen/graduation party. One Ocean View premieres tonight on ABC at 10 pm (EDT).

Via our news tab, mutineer Rupa alerts us to this week’s SECOND sepia fugging on the popular (and brutal) Go Fug Yourself blog. While I don’t necessarily agree with Heather’s review of pretty Parminder, I think the girls at GFY are usually spot-on with their wit and crit.

Rupa’s tip was about Mindy Kaling, someone whom I will admit I don’t know much about because she’s on NBC’s lesser version of The Office, a show I have never been able to sit through for an entire episode. No matter. The genius of GFY is its focus on the outfit. I don’t need to be an Office-fan to grasp THAT. Or not grasp it, as is the case here…what is up with those boots?

From the knees up, she looks adorable, all set for a divine NBC-Universal booze cruise of clenched-teeth joy, where every toast to their wonderful fall schedule comes with paranoia from Jeff Zucker that people will figure out they’ve swapped the costly champagne and top-shelf liquor with well booze and sparkling cider.

But her shoes are pure “local theater revival of Xanadu.” They look like she stapled wallpaper scraps to her ankles.

They actually look like chausses to me, but vatewer. Like expert Fugger Heather, I dig everything else she’s got going on, too. Her skin is glow-y, little black dresses are always money and the coral-red beads look great on her. But the boots…oy.

A few days ago, Brimful sent us the other GFY-related news item about Parminder Nagra getting fugged. In a delightful bit of connectivity, if you search SM for Mindy Kaling, Brimful’s comment about her here is one of two results you’ll find. If you can spin some sort of conspiracy theory out of that and the fact that both fuggees are on NBC shows, bring it. ;)

On to Parminder, specifically what GFY had to say about HER threads, since Fugger Heather and I already agree on the following:

Parminder Nagra is gorgeous.

Word. Where’s the “but”?

Which is why I wish heartily that she hadn’t gone and upholstered herself…Her body looks tense, as if she’s uncomfortable or uneasy in this confusing crosshatched fabric-store nightmare. I suspect it’s because no one expects the Spanish Inquisition — you have to maintain constant vigilence when you’re dressed as something resembling a Comfy Chair, because you risk being dragged unexpectedly into their brand of comfortable torture. From there it’s a short slide down to poking some old woman with the soft cushions and wondering, “How did this become my life?”

Owie. I don’t think she looks UPHOLSTERED, but I might be a little biased; I love green, plaid and wrap-dresses, so put Parminder Nagra in all of the above and I’m rather content. I know, it’s not her best look but if this is what “fugly” means…

fug•ly (adj.)

frightfully ugly; of or pertaining to something beyond the boundaries of normal unattractiveness. Ex: “That ‘Kabbalists Do It Better’ trucker hat is fugly.”

…in that picture, she’s not fugly to me. :) Your thoughts?

Since I don’t watch these television shows, it’s a bit dicey to comment on the spate of shows featuring romances between black men and asian women, so I’ll let Rinku Sen do it for me:

The sugary romance between the excessively noble characters played by Parminder Nagra and Shafiq Atkins on ER follows the much hotter one between Ming Na Wen and Mekhi Phifer that ended two seasons ago. Grey’s Anatomy features Sandra Oh in an up-and-down relationship with Isaiah Washington.

What accounts for such interest? It’s as though these couples have been pouring out of medical schools and producers decided to capture the trend.

The representations tread the line between cultural authenticity, sometimes considered stereotype, and colorblindness. The women exhibit some level of conflict with their cultures and are slightly neurotic: Ming Na dreaded telling her immigrant parents that she was having a baby out of wedlock; Nagra quit her job in a bout of rebellion against family expectation to work as a convenience store clerk. The men are dangerous but tender. Phifer grew up without a father and has a temper; Gallant went off to serve in Iraq. I did laugh at the effort to bridge cultures, though, when Nagra’s character got married wearing a white sari. White is the Hindu color of mourning.(link)

If it’s on TV, is it a reflection of a real sociological trend, or simply a convenient image of happy multiculturalism from television fantasy-land?

[Don’t you expect this post to start: “Man hit by flying pig” ? ]

Earlier this month, Fox News reported on the Toronto terrorism arrests with a story shot in front of the Ontario Khalsa Darbar, “the largest and busiest Sikh gurdwara in Canada”.

The broadcast story showed the front of the Ontario Khalsa Darbar - a Sikh Gurdwara … as the house of worship the terrorists frequented and also showed members of the local Sikh congregation. [Link]

That’s right - a story about suspects from “Somali, Pakistani, Indian, Egyptian, and West Indian backgrounds” and what do they do? They choose to shoot using a Gurdwara and Sikhs as a backdrop, misidentifying them in the process. They all look same, massah, here, use the generic other!

To be absolutely clear, I am not saying “beat them up, not us!” I find that kind of talk completely abhorrent. If I was producing the segment, I would have used one of the targets as a backdrop rather than a mosque, precisely because of the fear of hate crimes and vandalism.

To their credit, Fox News responded and apologized when contacted by SALDEF:

In an email to SALDEF, the Fox News Correspondent noted, “I did pull our entire crew into the satellite truck and explained to them the difference between a Gurdwara and a mosque. I can assure you they realized the gravity of this situation. I’m very, very sorry. “

Additionally… John Stack, a FOX NEWS Vice President, … expressed similar regret in the mistake and vowed to make a personal inquiry into the matter to assure that it would not happen again. [Link]

By the way, if you need further evidence as to why “beat them up, not us” is not just morally bankrupt but also tactically ineffective as a response to hate crimes, it turns out that even in multicultural Canada, bigots are ignorant:

Hindu temples, including those where Guyanese worship, were attacked in Toronto last week. The temples were apparently mistaken for mosques and the Hindu worshippers as Muslims. [Link]

All hate crimes are bad, people, all of them (And that includes terrorism). Don’t make Pastor Niemöller return from the dead to kick your kundi.

Begining on Tuesday night (but staggered depending upon where you live) on PBS, the series P.O.V. will be featuring a must-watch episode titled “No More Tears Sister: Anatomy of Hope and Betrayal.” This one’s a no brainer. You got to Tivo it at least.

If love is the first inspiration of a social revolutionary, as has sometimes been said, no one better exemplified that idea than Dr. Rajani Thiranagama. Love for her people and her newly independent nation, and empathy for the oppressed of Sri Lanka — including women and the poor — led her to risk her middle-class life to join the struggle for equality and justice for all. Love led her to marry across ethnic and class lines. In the face of a brutal government crackdown on her Tamil people, love led her to help the guerrilla Tamil Tigers, the only force seemingly able to defend the people. When she realized the Tigers were more a murderous gang than a revolutionary force, love led her to break with them, publicly and dangerously. Love then led her from a fulfilling professional life in exile back to her hometown of Jaffna and to civil war, during which her human rights advocacy made her a target for everyone with a gun. She was killed on September 21, 1989 at the age of 35. [Link]

You can view a trailer of the episode on the website. I recommend switching it to Quicktime mode as it seems to stream better.

There are a host of interviews on the site including one with the filmmaker, Helene Klodawsky:

I’m very interested in subjects that we don’t hear about often in the normal press. So I was very, very interested in ethnic nationalist war from the point of view of women. We’re always hearing about wars between different factions, different ethnic groups, but rarely do we hear about those wars from the point of view of women. And I was interested in Sri Lanka — it’s one of these wars that have gone on forever and nobody understands it. I knew that Sri Lanka was entering a peace process, so I was curious to see how women would be engaged in that peace process.

Once I started looking at the conflict, someone said, if you really want to understand Sri Lanka and ethnic war, you must look at the work of the University Teachers for Human Rights. [Link]

After you watch this episode come back and leave comments here. I think it could be an interesting discussion. Check your local listings here.

See related posts: All-American girls in Calcutta

There are many sacrifices that I make in order to do my duty as an SM blogger. I can’t always hang out with my friends when I want to, I can’t always stay for dessert because I have to rush home to blog, and sometimes, like today, I have to really sacrifice my mental well-being and take one for the team. It seems that the second episode in season number four of the Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie car-wreck-of-a-show features the ladies living with a Pakistani American family:

Domestic bliss with Nicole

Episode 2: The Ghauri Family
Paris and Nicole trade in their designer dresses for traditional saris when they take over the responsibilities of a traditional Pakistani mom. With the patient help of their “husband” and Americanized fifteen-year-old “son,” the girls manage to dress, speak and dance like conservative Pakistani housewives…or at least their version of it. But things don’t go as well when Paris and Nicole decide to share their experiences, namely how they like to party. [Link]

Yeah, I saw you cringe behind your computer screen just then. Reuters has more:

…here they are with Season 4, on a new network (hullo, E! Bye-bye, Fox), after having struck a unique compromise: They’d do the show, but not at the same time.

The subtitle “‘Til Death Do Us Part” alludes to the celebutantes’ infiltrating families for crash courses in marriage and motherhood. The first episode, which wasn’t supplied for review, finds Paris and Nicole (separately) taking the place of a nine-months-pregnant woman, wearing a suit to duplicate her condition, cleaning house and babysitting a 3-year-old. The second episode, which was provided, has them infiltrating a traditional Pakistani-American family to trivialize their religion, ruin their kitchen and corrupt their very Americanized teenage son. It’s all very contrived but harmless and less offensive than stultifyingly superficial. But then, that pretty much always has been “The Simple Life…” [Link]

Even more painful than this episode is this clip available on the internet where a bunch of women sit around and talk us through it discussing its “finer” points. It’s like The View on crack. This episode will be replaying on E! if you want to watch and get a feel for how painful the life of a dedicated blogger can be. :)

Every four years, the entire world pauses to watch very hot athletes play a game I find irresistible. We could get all armchair (or, more likely, office chair) psychologist on my kundi and consider that Soccer was the only sport my august father ever played, but it’s also the only sport I ever played.

One glorious summer a few years ago, I decided to sack up and work through all the issues I still had with forever being picked last to do anything in elementary school P.E. I played my heart out four nights a week and I had bruises the size of watermelons on my legs (playing indoors can be brutal) and a permanent ankle injury to show for it. Despite being black, blue and purple in addition to my usual brown, I’ve never been prouder of myself or my resolve to do the impossible: front like I’m actually coordinated.

This Friday, if you are so inclined, write exactly 55 words about: FIFA, footie, Footballers’ Wives (whose most memorable star from this past season was half-desi hotness Laila Rouass, pictured left), soccer camp, Adidas gear…whatever floats your World Cup boat. As always, kindly leave your flash fiction in the comments below or provide a link to where we can find some. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to attend to my mobile; Ennis keeps blowing up my spot with text messages which say “Goooooooooooooaaaaaaaal!” :D

P.S. If you haven’t been watching Footballers’ Wives on BBC America, you’re so missing out. Laila Rouass plays “Amber”, erstwhile Bollywood star and sort-of-estranged wife of a Beckham-ish “Conrad Gates”. I won’t spoil the rest for you since they recently commenced re-running the entire season on Sunday nights at 10pm and 1am (at least that’s how Comcast does it here in D.C…YMMV, obviously). Watch. You won’t be disappointed. ;)

Tonight a Spelling Bee champion will be crowned in America. Unlike the Kentucky Derby there is no chance that one of the competitors here will be shot if they come up lame. Most likely. This competition marks the annual pinnacle of Indian American intellectual flexing, and we can almost guarantee a Thomas Friedman op-ed tomorrow.

Tonight we (Indian Americans) make up for all of the incidents where we got picked last in gym class or that one time we didn’t make the high school badminton team because we cut our head open and had to get like a whole bunch of stiches the night before tryouts and were in the emergency room until very late at night and the doctor said that we should stay away from all strenuous physical activity for at least a week but we tried out anyways…and got cut, from the badminton team, which even our other more nerdy friends made it onto.

Throughout the rest of the day please check this post for updates. I might be a little behind some of you during parts of the day but I will hopefully be online for the championship round this evening which will be televised on ABC.

Here are the desi horses in the race starting from Round 4 onwards. This is how it works. If you see a word appear under their picture it means they have been eliminated and should be banished forever from our thoughts. There is an ages old Scottish saying that is quite appropriate here: “There can be only one.”

In March of this year, MTV Canada was relaunched after a failed attempt on digital cable a few years ago. Many rolled their eyes and chose to swear undying allegiance to their beloved Much Music, but I was rather looking forward to the Big Satan taking over Toronto’s Masonic Temple as headquarters. Heck yeah I want to know what those pretty kids on 8th and Ocean are up to. More earth-shattering relationship how to’s on Laguna Beach, s’il vous plait. Most importantly, I wanted to see if they would hire any desi VJs, which they did do in the form of one Aliya-Jasmine Sovani. She doesn’t get much air time while sharing the MTV Live stage with six other VJs and what I have seen has been aptly described as “a woman so perky she makes Kelly Ripa look like Sean Penn in mourning.” Sadly, I don’t gel too well with perk peddlers on TV.

Sovani used to produce for Much Music and switched over to MTV to work in front of the camera. This left me wondering why Much wasn’t adding any brown to the VJ payroll. After all, they hired my supremely cool childhood idol, Monika Deol, in the late 1980s. My mum was never as horrified at my solitary whinin’ to Shabba Ranks videos if Monika announced them. Oh Monika, you were everything and everything was you. A Canadian music channel is nothing without proper Canadian representation.

The following post is brought to you by the good folks over at rubbish TV. Sandwiched between such mullet-tastic gems as Full House (Uncle Jesse = hot, just sayin’) and Roseanne there was born a shiny new talent. A Great Brown Hope, if you will. Ladies and ladas, I present to you Rubi Nicholas, America’s Funniest Mom:

Rubi Nicholas’s mouthful of a life became her comedy routine. She’s a Pakistani Muslim with a Greek Orthodox, stay-at-home husband who converted to Islam. They live in a Denver suburb with their daughters. They fit in just fine. “Except,” she says in her stand-up routine, “every time my daughter leaves her Barbie Jeep in someone else’s driveway they call the bomb squad.”. [Link]

The Nickelodeon show consisted of six weeks of Apprentice-style comedy challenges set in a New York City penthouse. Episodes are available on the Nickelodeon website.

When she was a child she enjoyed calling her school and pretending to be her mother with excuses for absences, she says in her routine. She grew up in Pottsville, Pa., a coal region in the central part of the state. “Calling to let you know that Rubi will not be in school today. For today we celebrate the holy festival of the blind goat,” Ms. Nicholas says in a heavy Pakistani accent. And did somebody mention airports? “So a little bit about me,” Ms. Nicholas said in the final show. “I married a white guy to improve my airport cred. Yeah, and he had to become a Muslim to marry me, and he had to marry me because you know what they say. Once you go Pak … that’s right, you’ll never eat pork again.”

My friend (and fellow Michigan Alum) Sharat Raju will have his short film American Made featured on PBS stations across the nation next week. The film, originally shown beginning in 2003 at various film festivals (including Artwallah while I was serving on the film committee), features a Sikh family on the side of a desert road trying to get their broken down car running again.

American Made began with a trip through the desert by writer/director Sharat Raju. While driving along Highway 14 north of Los Angeles, he noticed a car pulled over on the side of the desert road and began to wonder what would happen if no one stopped to help. What if there was someone who looked suspicious? What if it was a family who looked foreign, not American? What does an “American” look like? This internal debate was the seed for American Made, and Raju easily found real-world examples of the xenophobia that swept through the country in late 2001. His Indian-born parents, although having lived in the United States longer than they lived anywhere else, suddenly felt like outsiders in their own home. Although they were American, being “American” now seemed to mean something different, something less inclusive than it had been. This feeling of alienation was not exclusive to a single race or group. One community in particular felt this change in the social climate perhaps the most — the Sikh religion in America. [Link]

Kal Penn (credited as Kalpen Modi for this film even though he was already going by Kal Penn) has a supporting role in the film where his character spends most of the time trying to get his cell phone to work. PBS has been good at featuring stories about South Asians on its nationwide networks. This film is being shown starting on May 9th as part of Independent Lens program. In addition, you can find a slew of South Asian related films on the PBS Frontline page. Hell, last month a PBS show even had me in it (yes, that was an absolutely shameless plug :) .

In any case, I hope SM readers get a chance to check out this film next week. Sharat is also the director and co-producer of the movie Divided We Fall which we have covered before.

For my 16th birthday, we had a sheet cake from Sam’s Club, and maybe a couple of balloons. It was small with just family, and a few of my school friends. It wasn’t elaborate, but in those days, we didn’t have MTV to show us how ‘the others’ celebrate their Sweet 16. Maybe that’s why I have a sick, sick obsession with watching MTV’s reality TV show Sweet 16, where in the span of a half an hour segment you see thousands and thousands of dollars being thrown down for a measly birthday. From the SM news tab, we’ve now learned desi teen girls haven’t missed the wrath of this reality TV show either.

…Dr. Srinivasa Rao Kothapalli, a prominent cardiologist in Beaumont, Tex., is more than willing to relinquish his checkbook. His daughter Priya turned 16 earlier this month, and she is in the throes of planning a joint birthday-graduation party with her elder sister, Divya, 18. “If you can afford to have a grand celebration, then why not,” said Dr. Kothapalli, who immigrated to the United States from India in the mid-1980’s. “It’s the American way. You work hard and you play hard.”

Their Bollywood-themed party for 500 guests will be held in the family’s backyard — all 4œ acres, behind the 10,000-square-foot house. The Format, their favorite band, will perform. And they will make their grand entrance on litters, during an elaborate procession led by elephants…”We both want to lose three pounds,” said Priya, who received a Mercedes convertible and an assortment of diamond jewelry for her birthday. Her sister’s graduation gift package included a Bentley, diamonds and two homes in India. [link]

Can you believe this ridiculous consumption? Elephants, diamonds, Bentleys and homes? If this is what they got for their Sweet 16/18, can you imagine the weddings? I can’t wait till the show airs, which unfortunately, has no links up yet on MTV-but I’m sure the mutineers will keep us posted. So let’s see, there were first those two desi girls that secretly partied, Kaavya gets half a million to write a ‘plagiarized’ book before turning 17, and now, we have these girls. Sigh. Such a contrast from the girls, girls, girls earlier this month.

Priya added, “It’s pathetic when people suck up.” Still, dealing with sycophantic classmates and a bit of teasing is a small price to pay for the spotlight. “We both love attention—that’s one of our main motives for having the party,” Divya said. “The more attention the better.” [link]

At least I have something in common with the girls from Sweet 16…I’m kidding. KIDDING.

SM’s favorite plus-size man is in the spotlight once again [via Dhoomketu]. Dalip Singh (see previous posts 1,2) made his World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) debut earlier this week (watch him introduced). I will give $5 to anyone who can translate what he says for SM readers :). Here is the ring-side play-by-play:

Daivari made his triumphant return with the giant Dalip Singh! They walked out from backstage, slowly walking to the ring. The announcers didn’t know who this giant man was, but noted that he was being managed by Mark Henry’s manager. Taker bounced Henry’s head off the announce table.

[Under]Taker turned around and saw Singh. Singh stepped over the top rope and got in the ring, staring down Taker. Taker got in the ring. Taker had to look up at Singh. The announcers talked about how massive Singh is. Taker threw a right hand, but Singh basically no sold it. He threw another right hand, but it barely moved him. Singh then hit a karate chop to the head of Taker, knocking him down! Taker sat up, but Singh grabbed him by the throat. He ripped open one of the turnbuckles with one hand, then bounced Taker’s head off the exposed turnbuckle. Singh headbutted Taker in the back of the head twice. Daivari shouted “Do it again! Do it again!” Singh delivered another headbutt to the back of the head. There were tons of boos from the crowd. Singh hit a big kick to Taker’s head. Singh stood over the downed Taker as Daivari celebrated next to him. [Link]

Instead of the above you could just watch the clip and do your own play-by-play. I was never much into “entertainment” wrestling. The only reason I sometimes watched as a kid was because my dad wouldn’t let me. He said watching wrestling made you dumber and so it was forbidden in our house. I’d watch occasionally because I don’t like being told what to do, plus I wanted to see if he was right. The character that Singh plays in the WWE is named “the Great Khali.” He has quite a bio:

Hailing from India, The Great Khali stands at an impressive 7 foot 3 and weighs 420 pounds. The Great Khali has walked the jungles of India unafraid of pythons and wrestled White Bengal tigers. Daivari claims that The Great Khali has “stared into the abyss and the earth trembled at his gaze.” One of the largest athletes the WWE has ever bared witness to, The Great Khali stands to be a powerful force and a threat to every member of the SmackDown locker room. [Link]

But…here is something not in his WWE bio. Singh has wrestled in the States before. According to many wrestling observers he is a nice guy but just not any good at wrestling. Actually, in 2001 he accidentally killed a man in the ring by doing an imperfect “powerbomb.”

“Hell-o!” she trills, happily.

“Ma! What! I’m busy watching ‘Moses’!”

(laughter)

“Sure you are. Listen, I need to ask you something.”

“You’re stopping me from being more Christian! Bad mummy!”

“Oh, please kochu. The church will collapse when you next walk in. Anyway, are you still in touch with your cousin Susan I…….?”

“Yeah, mos def. Why?”

“Her father is trying to reach me at home…”

“We’ve had the same phone number for 22 years—”

“Edi blonde, would you be quiet if you’re not going to think before talking?”

“Moses! I’m missing Moses! It’s a miniseries and you’re interrupting part one, yo.”

A new Cartoon Network series, Minoriteam, aims to be a sendup of racism. But it’s not clear whether it’s mocking stereotypes or just profiting off them. I’m going to assume the humor just doesn’t come across well in print:

‘By chutney, you’re right!’

Created by Adam de la Peña, Todd James and Peter Girardi — all alumni of the ribald Comedy Central puppet series “Crank Yankers” — “Minoriteam” is a provocative animated show that sends up bigotry. It makes its debut tomorrow night on Cartoon Network’s late-night “Adult Swim” block of animated shows…

Non-Stop is the alter ego of Dave Raj, an Indian, former professional skateboarder turned convenience store clerk who is incapable of being killed by firearms. After having been shot 235 times during various attempted robberies, his skin is saturated with lead, which serves as a bulletproof armor of sorts; when necessary, his skateboard morphs into a flying carpet. [Link]

If you’re keeping score at home, we have one half-naked, turbaned Indian convenience store clerk on a flying carpet, one Chinese laundry owner with a thick accent, one Mexican gardener who can’t speak English, one angry, promiscuous black man and one avaricious Jew. How subversive.

The team’s leader, Dr. Wang, is an Asian, wheelchair-bound mathematical genius with a freakishly large brain. He speaks with a heavy Chinese accent and is in the laundry business…

Landon K. Dutton, a black man awkwardly teaching women’s studies at Male University, turns into Fasto, the world’s fastest man. His extreme rage propels him to travel at breakneck speeds. When not fighting crime he spends his time “studying” the opposite sex; during one episode, it takes him only seconds to satisfy a roomful of Thai prostitutes.

Richard Escartin, a Mexican oil baron, trades his tailored suits and silk ties for a giant sombrero and a leaf blower when he becomes El Jefe, Minoriteam’s hardest working member. El Jefe’s blower is no ordinary garden tool. It can suck and blow with deadly force and rip holes through time and space. His kryptonite? Tequila. “I think a lot of people can relate to that,” Mr. de la Peña said.

Neil Horvitz may be a wimpy mail clerk in his early 20’s, but his alter ego, Jewcano, is a muscle-bound 62-year-old who sports an XXXL yarmulke and has all the power of the Jewish faith and a raging volcano. Watch him shoot molten lava from his wrists (move over, Spider-Man)…

Surely someone will be uncomfortable watching a Jewish superhero get aroused while chasing a giant glowing nickel, they said. “But who exactly will it offend?” Mr. de la Peña asked. “I have no idea…” [Link]

Here are excerpts from The Daily Show on Dubya’s South Asia trip:

Sub-Continental Divide: The deal: our scientists will help India build nuclear reactors if their children stop crushing us in spelling bees. We’re trying so hard. I mean, for god’s sake, your names already have, like, 20 letters in them. That’s a huge advantage…

Holy shit, what is that? That’s a potato? India is so kicking our ass!

Obligatory geography lesson for American viewers

Insight on India and Pakistan: Resident Expert John Hodgman takes a look at India and Pakistan… which are two different countries.

New documents show Al Qaeda pays Afghanistan recruits in Pakistani rupees, and they break down the salaries (via Daily Show):

Military officials… read a document known as the “al Qaeda employment contract…” It was seized after 9/11 in the home of an al Qaeda operative in Kandahar, Afghanistan…

Monthly salaries are spelled out, 6,500 Pakistani rupees… if you’re married, 1,000 rupees… for bachelors. An extra 700 rupees per wife if you have more than one…

Married members get seven days of vacation every three weeks. Bachelors get five vacation days every month… they also get 15 days sick leave a year. [Link]

A draft of al-Qaeda “bylaws” stipulates extra pay of 700 rupees a month for each additional wife as well as 20,000 rupees for married members to buy furniture and free health care. [Link]

The Pakistani rupee currently trades at 60 to the dollar, so it’s apparently cheaper to hire a terrorist than a second-tier software developer. Given the relative skill sets, I guess that shouldn’t surprise me. And bachelors get screwed on pay — I wonder why they’re incentivizing men to get married even though they’re likely to die.

Jon Stewart jokes that the vacations are fantastic, but the pension’s non-existent. Personally I’ll never say any software ‘bombed’ again.

As I tried to catch some shut-eye at Chicago O’Hare yesterday, I kept hearing Indian music playing in the background and finally tracked down the source. This very slick ad for Indian tourism is running endlessly on CNN’s airport network. It’s part of the Incredible !ndia campaign, which used to be Incredibly L^me.

I agree with this critique:

Not bad but they need to do a few more urban-themed things… they all seem to focus on rural women spinning around with pots on their heads… There’s nothing wrong with pushing our history (indeed it is a big tourist draw), but by dropping in some stuff from modern India we can really change people’s perceptions. Remember, this is a bit like what Japan did with its Shinkanshens… India must be marketed as a nation where futurism runs alongside tradition. [Link]

The Turkey Welcomes You campaign shows off a modern subway system (watch clip), though it uses a lot of cheesy, Daler Mehndi-esque, gratuitous greenscreen.

The Daily Show just posted some disturbing clips from a new anti-American blockbuster in Turkey, a pretty Westernized country. In Kurtlar Vadisi Irak / Valley of the Wolves Iraq, American soldiers (including Billy Zane) machine-gun children and sell them to a Jewish doctor (Gary Busey) who harvests their organs.

Jon Stewart compares the repugnant Turkish screenplay, redolent of Spielberg’s monkey brains, with the fact that Arabs are the go-to villains in Hollywood. One of the clips he shows is True Lies with Brit Asian actor Art Malik, middle name ‘Complicity,’ playing yet another Middle Eastern bad guy.

Art Malik (born as Athar Ul-Haque Malik on November 13, 1952) is a Pakistani-born British actor… Malik also played the villain Salim Abu Aziz opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies (1994)… He also played the role of Ramzi Ahmed Yousef in Path to Paradise, a 1997 made-for-TV film about the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. [Link]

Watch the clip, it’s at 5:30. There’s also a funny bit immediately preceding about astroturf ‘rioters’ in Pakistan torching a KFC over the Danish cartoons instead of a perfectly delectable CBH next door. ‘CBH,’ of course, would stand for ‘Copenhagen Boiled Herrings’

Related posts: White guys in turbans, Fire licks wood in Pakistan, The Danish cartoon controversy

Those of my friends that have spent enough time with me know that my life is driven by the pursuit of two passions. One is pretty well known, but the other one, although not spoken of often, is my true white whale. I want to be a Jeopardy contestant! My whole life it seems that my dream has remained just beyond my outstretched hands, a broken buzzer-click away:

As many of you now know I failed in my Jeopardy contestant test today. It’s okay though cause I felt quite good about the number I got right. Failure is good. Throughout your life you may need to fail at something several times before you get that internal push you need to succeed. The enemy (The Jeopardy exam) has now drawn first blood on me and I will thrive with such a debilitating condition. I shall stalk my enemy relentlessly now. I shall read Encyclopedias for fun. I shall go to the library and become intimate with 19th century American Novels. I shall formulate “Before and After” phrases such as Linda Blair Witch and Stevie Wonder Bread. I shall post the “Ten Rules of Taking the Jeopardy Test” that the “Jeopardy Clue Crew” gave to us before the exam. I shall overcome (cue Rocky music). [Link]

I’m still bitter from that defeat nearly three years ago. I turned increasingly to alcohol and blogs after my failure, hoping that they could fill the void within my soul. I probably got like 38 out of 50 questions right on the exam…but I will never know for sure. They don’t tell you how many you got wrong, nor do they tell you how many you needed to answer correctly. That cruelest of cabals, euphemistically known as “The Jeopardy Clue Crew,” holds all the power. The path to Trebek is long and difficult. The jerk next to me who passed the test advised me to read an almanac. I wanted to say, “do I look like a farmer?” I didn’t though because I knew he spoke the truth. Once upon a time I did read an almanac for leisure, but adulthood had falsely convinced me that such a thing was uncool. Tonight a young Jedi will try to accomplish what I never could. Papa Chakravarthy has made the Jeopardy Teen Finals:

A true playa

Paul Laurence Dunbar High School [Kentucky] student Papa Chakravarthy, 14, is one of 15 students competing on the Jeopardy Teen Tournament, which runs tonight through Feb. 17.

Papa’s first appearance on the game show will be Thursday, said Jeopardy spokeswoman Sara Kaplan. If he wins that round, he will continue in the tournament.

Each player is guaranteed winnings of at least $5,000, and the overall winner is guaranteed $75,000. [Link]

In the pre-game interview last night (a semi-finals match that he went on to win) the 14 year old spoke of his neurosurgeon aspirations. Jerk. I squealed like a little girl when he missed a Daily Double, the answer to which was “New Delhi.” Even Trebek chided him for letting down his people for that one. So what if I also guessed “Phnom Phen?” This isn’t about me.

I turn 30 in two weeks. I may already be past my prime. I can no longer remember the finer details of the Spanish Civil War, nor all the works of Tennessee Williams. Still, I plan on giving it one more shot, with almanac in hand. Clue Crew, from hell’s dark heart I shall stab at thee.

To watch an interview with Papa click on the picture at the right and then the link under his profile.

Some Black Israelites wear very Sikh-looking turbans and beards (thanks, Ennis):

Remember that Marley song?

African American and African Caribbean Christianity had long developed a comparison of their experience in the New World with that of the Jews held in slavery in Egypt, particularly as regards the Book of Exodus… [Link]

We know where we’re going; we know where we’re from
We’re leaving Babylon, we’re going to our fatherland

Exodus, movement of Jah people…
Send us another Brother Moses gonna cross the Red Sea…

— Bob Marley, ‘Exodus’

A small number took the analogy literally and moved to Israel:

The African Hebrew Israelite Nation of Jerusalem is a small religious group whose members believe they are descended from the Ten Lost Tribes of Israel. With a population of over 2000, most members live in their own community in Dimona, Israel. The Black Hebrews practice polygamy. [Link]

In contrast, the guy on TV was ranting against Israel even while sitting beneath a Star of David:

Some Black Hebrew Israelites, like Israelite Heritage, are anti-Semitic, and focus on Jews, as Edomites and Khazars acting on behalf of Satan and secretly controlling the United States. [Link]

Related posts: Da Star in dastar, Everyone recycles

Growing up in what was initially a one-TV household, I was often forced to watch what my mom and sister were watching. From the 3-4 slot, this usually meant a heavy dose of Luke and Laura, Edward and Lila, Frisco and Felicia, and Tony and Bobby. For those of you that I know what I am talking about, we were General Hospital addicts. I hate to admit it, but I knew I had a problem when I started referring to it as GH, and would have conversations, that to anyone not familiar with the soap, would seem like jibber-jabber. I finally kicked my soap habit my sophomore year after studying abroad and now of course, work thankfully gets in the way. But when tipster Noelle (and all the other SM tipsters) informed us awhile back that television’s newest soap opera Passions was going Bollywood, I thought why couldn’t GH do that? Anyway, we over here at SM headquarters apologize for not mentioning this earlier, but most of the mutineers aren’t usually home to watch the show during the day, and for that reason we also wanted to wait for a video clip of the Bollywood item to be available before posting. So, now that the clip is available, you can find the video here. More information on the shoot, the clothes, the song, the choreography, and the video is available here. (The video only opens up in MS Explorer.) From what I gather from my five minute perusal of the show clips, the Bollywood triangle involves three characters: Ethan, Gwen, and Theresa. Gwen is scared of Theresa’s attempts to lure Ethan away from her, and convinces Ethan to travel with her to India so they could renew their vows. This is where the dance number begins and then turns into full on Bollywood melodrama. Featuring an ensemble cast of desi background dancers, Gwen and Ethan’s impending infinite bliss, and romp around the tree of life (I have no idea what that is about) is interrupted by the appearence of temptress Theresa in a ‘minimalist’ version of a sari and a black veil.

Keep an eye out for Rani Karnik, a NYC lawyer auditioning for the new season of American Idol who saves some money by reusing her Halloween costume:

In law school, she was president of an org which bears the best name ever:

I’m a lawyer by day, actor by night. [Link]

My Extracurricular Activities at Penn Law: President, South Asian Law Students Association (“SALSA”)… Prior Education: 2000, B.A. in English… Columbia University… [Link]

She also does voiceover work, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at the photo, in which she’s apparently advertising an ottoman. She’s a disciple of Vanna White’s Path of the Open Hand, horizontal variation.

Related post: American Idol bhangra remix, South Asian crooners belt it out on ‘Idol’, Devika Mathur — one Righteous sister, Can an American Idol save a Bombay dream

A few weeks back several news sites reported that the Grammy Awards next month will feature a performance by an Indian American pop singer (who I had never heard of) named Reggie Benjamin:

Keep your eyes above the waist please.

Pop singer Reggie Benjamin, the first Indian American to win a Hollywood deal, is all set to perform at the Grammy awards next month.

Benjamin, who has also filmed a music video in Hugh Heffner’s fabulous Playboy Mansion, said his success was a lucky coincidence, coming as it did with an increasing American interest in Bollywood.

“Suddenly, it is cool to be Indian,” Benjamin, who hails from Andhra Pradesh, told IANS.

To become a Hollywood pop singer was an unusual career choice for Benjamin who was studying to be a chemical engineer. His persistence paid off when he was signed on by music industry mogul Kerry Gordy. [Link]

Here is the thing though. I can’t find any mention of an impending Grammy performance by Benjamin, either at the Grammys website, or his own. Diligent readers, am I missing something? Is this some kind of scam? You can check out some of Benjamin’s music here.

What I do know however is that an Indian Buddhist monk named Ngawang Tashi Bapu is nominated for a Grammy in the ‘Best Traditional Music Category,’ and that the Grammy website backs it up:

Devotion his sole purpose, he chants for the ideal he reveres. And now this Buddhist lama’s divine melodies have transcended the walls of his monastery in the remote Dahung township of Arunachal Pradesh to bring peace to audiences far away in the West.

Ngawang Tashi Bapu, who has been nominated for a Grammy in the ‘Best Traditional Music Category’, says he is surprised. “But when it is fate, you cannot avert it,” he told The Indian Express over the telephone from Dahung. ”I consider myself lucky.”…

Popularly known as Lama Tashi, the 38-year-old Tibetan Buddhist monk is based at the Centre for Himalayan Culture and Studies at Dahung, about 350 km from here…

Finding an eager reception in the US, the Lama’s chants are collected in Tibetan Master Chants, a CD produced by US-based author Jonathan Goldman, who has written the book, Healing Sounds. [Link]

I can’t help but wonder what the video would look like if Lama Tashi and not Benjamin had filmed his music video at the Playboy mansion.

Earlier today I saw a commercial for Gibson Guitars on the television. I was speechless. Upon checking the tipline I saw that SM reader “Rafi” had already sent it in. It seems like Gurinder Chadha is pulling out all the stops on this one. Ever since Bend it like Beckham her star has been on the rise. I’ll bet nothing will make you fiend for the touch of a Les Paul…like seeing it stroked in a Mughal court. Watch.

This is the “Director’s cut” of the commercial

This appears to have been a huge production. A 93 person cast and a crew of nearly 70. See for yourself:

On The Set

• 1 Elephant - walked five days to get to the studio and then didn’t make the final cut.
• 1 Large Portrait - a local Indian artist painted it from a photo of the actor playing the Emperor.
• 18 Dancers
• 2 Fire Breathers
• One restored old car
• 2 Thrones
• 1 Fountain
• 2 Large treasure chests
• 10 piece band
• 3 Crystal Chandeliers

MTV has been showcasing the efforts of young Pakistani-Americans involved in Earthquake relief on many of its cable channels. As an example, you can head over to MTV Overdrive. Click on “Play Now” and then go to the “News” menu. One of the links in the menu is titled “Young People Pitch in for Pakistan.” This leads to a series of short news clips with enough music and fast camera work to hold the attention of young desis long enough to inspire them. It’s worth it just to hear aging hipster John Norris say the word “desis.” I’m digging the girl’s “I Love Nerds” shirt. The group featured in the news clips is Developments in Literacy (DIL):

The Developments in Literacy organization (DIL) was launched in February 1997 in Southern California. Its main purpose is to work for the eradication of illiteracy, in the remote and neglected areas of Pakistan, by establishing primary and secondary level non-formal schools for underprivileged children.

DIL, a nonprofit, voluntary organization has succeeded, in a period of five years, at establishing 200 schools in collaboration with various NGO’s…